Early Recovery

Early recovery in Narcotics Anonymous was incredibly easy and difficult at the same time. The unconditional love of the Fellowship gave me a place to heal. I’ve never lost that feeling and even today I find great comfort attending meetings regularly.  The best part of Narcotics Anonymous is simply participating in the healing of others. I know of no greater source of joy.  What was difficult was taking my entire life and dumping it out on the floor to examine like a kitchen junk drawer. My relationships and my behaviors needed to be examined. My emotions were suppressed by the drugs I used. The dishonesty that came so easily no longer felt as comfortable.

Fellowship was easy early on because I surrounded myself with addicts in the same situations. We were all in a life raft, clinging together and hoping we survived. The constant losses of members who left to return to the depths of despair made the life raft even more valuable. Healing is a slow process and during that time I had the opportunity to talk to members about common experiences that we all shared. I found strength because of the Fellowship. I found hope in this new way of living in my own life and seeing the changes in others.  Freedom and gratitude became reality.  I learned that freedom comes with a cost and gratitude requires effort. When I reject one or the other complacency follows.

Navigating these new freedoms and expressing gratitude in Narcotics Anonymous is a source of conflict that grows more difficult with each passing day. There is a great parody that the lives we lived in the beginning created unity and the lives we live in later recovery create differences. We each have our own ideas of freedom and gratitude. Those differences can become divisions. I believe that it is the divisions that weaken our ties. I start to formulate opinions about what works and what healthy recovery looks like.  Opinions take on a life and soon my recovery becomes ridged. I create rules that start to sound like a sermon when I share. I find like-minded addicts who support my opinions. Unity becomes fragmented with divisions of addicts snarling like dogs over a scrap of food.   One definition of cults is a group of individuals whose beliefs and practices seem strange or even sinister to others.

“A cult is an authoritarian organization centred around a belief, that has rules and dogma and encourages its members to isolate themselves from those who would test their faith.”

I recently found this quote in an article called ‘Cult Thinking and How To Avoid It’ by Alex Marwood. She listed eight behaviors of cults and I found all of it is relevant to my ongoing recovery.

Othering or Manicheanism

Cults tend to isolate members from those who question their shared beliefs. There is a wonderful feeling of being included in the exclusive cult of like-minded members. I sought membership in Fellowship cults for more than a decade. The extreme end of the cult-like behavior is believing you are in a battle between good and evil. Cult members gather, socialize together and hold events. Sometimes they borrow the NA name for these exclusive gatherings. The recent World Convention of NA in Washington DC in 2024 was an example of such a cult gathering. Less than twenty thousand gathered, most of whom are fervent supporters of the Narcotics Anonymous World Service Corporation(NAWS). Opposing or voicing opinions that conflict with strong held beliefs can be dangerous because you will find yourself isolated from the support needed to overcome addiction. I was fortunate to attend and participate but I sought out members who think independently of the Cult of NAWS.

 I have found that supporting a Home Group is the healthiest way of remaining in NA. A healthy home group can include members who have little or nothing in common with each other. I invite discussion and welcome conflict.  Newcomers attending my home group regularly help keep my recovery vibrant and alive. I might disagree with every point someone makes but the fact that they are equally passionate about their beliefs keeps my recovery strong and benefits my Home Group. When members disagree and the Home Group arrives at solutions, newcomers get to see a Higher Power at work.

Evasiveness

Core beliefs of cult members can conflict with reality but are required to maintain status within the cult. Explanations about Narcotics Anonymous are shaped to maintain the core beliefs. Some core beliefs are lies propagated by the cult. For example, the phrase ‘global group conscience’ is a fictitious concept. This behavior is particularly evident in many of the service structures surrounding Narcotics Anonymous. Service bodies are rarely supported by Home Group conscience anymore.   Less than fifteen percent of World Service Conference motions are voted on by Home Groups. Some members’ behaviors would never be acceptable anywhere except in these service structures. Lying and presenting false evidence is common. The perception of power by aligning service structures to Narcotics Anonymous creates unhealthy relationships that are open to abuse. The original Basic Text approved by Home Groups included language that helped prevent this evasiveness and is growing in popularity. The approved Tradition Four specified that Narcotics Anonymous service structures were not part of the NA Fellowship. I am careful today to include volunteer work and relationships outside of NA in my recovery. This helps me to stay connected to reality. 

Marching, Chanting, Singing, Dancing

Clean Time countdowns highlight the importance of some members. This helps create power structures within the Fellowship that promote abuse. Clean time has little bearing in Narcotics Anonymous, but cult members overvalue the importance of years clean and past service commitments in assigning responsibilities.

Announcing upcoming recovery birthdays allows cult members to applaud loudly the upcoming event of another cult member. Big celebrations make rising stars in the cult feel important. Some members clap and chant NA slogans at recovery events. Hypnotists refer to these behaviors as Hypoxia. The behavior creates feelings of love and joy that renders the addict open to suggestion. Eventually your brain is programmed to reject reality and accept cult ideas as true. I do not participate in many events, and I remain silent until all the birthdays’ celebrations are read. I would not want anyone to feel less than. I try to avoid discussing my clean time, particularly when I share. I find that newcomers have a better connection when my sharing is current and relevant to my ongoing recovery.

Binary Thinking

Binary thinking is the illusion that there are two sides and you have to pick one. Cults reject individual thinking and tend towards group thinking. One example is Consensus Based Decision Making that has become increasingly popular in service structures by cult members. Intellectual papers on CBDM point out that group thinking is one of the flaws of CBDM because the solutions do not reflect the will of the individuals involved. It is not a surprise that cult members embrace it. Service Structures are growing increasingly independent from the Group Conscience of NA Groups by employing CBDM. Narcotics Anonymous has an entire Tradition devoted to the importance of Group Conscience that is often ignored. Each individual member shares equal responsibility in NA and I find that is best expressed at a Home Group.

“It’s Quite Simple”

Life is not simple. Simple solutions often involve long discussions and compromise. Individual groups and members can differ in opinions and ideas. Cult members hold on to cult ideas and rely on dogma. Cult members like to say ‘it’s quite simple’ when, in fact, it is not. Discussions about historical literature, DRT/MAT, verification papers, fund flow and Public Relations have all been discussed and decided by cult members. Cults already have the answers. Life is simple when I abdicate my responsibilities to the cult of popular opinion. I try and maintain separation from members who believe they have all the answers. I embrace honesty, open-mindedness and willingness in myself and others. Healthy discussions within a home group promote unity and create an atmosphere of love.

Projection

Projection is when I see my negative characteristics in others. These projections say more about me than others. Cults do not want individuals to seek answers within themselves, because those beliefs might conflict with core beliefs of cult members. When I understand my beliefs then I can discuss our differences. Learning to compromise or allowing others to learn their own lessons by making mistakes is valuable. When I understand my own beliefs and allow others to have their beliefs then we can find compromise. This practice is a valuable part of being in a Home Group. The tools learned are valuable to me and help me survive outside of my Home Group.

Firing Your Friends

Firing friends who go against the cult is important if you want status within the cult. It is uncomfortable to have relationships with friends who do not support the cult. Learning to experience uncomfortable feelings is an important part of recovery. I have a lot of friends today. I have never been so supported and loved.  Anyone I encounter is going to behave or believe in something that can make me feel uncomfortable. How I resolve those feelings is important if I am;

‘enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society’

Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter 7, ‘Recovery and Relapse’, preamble.

Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive dissonance is a feeling that jolts me when evidence does not support something I believe to be true. Critical examination of the facts is not easy, and I try repeatedly to return to complacency; a smug satisfaction with my life and my beliefs. Cult members take this to the extreme by only interacting with other cult members and this allows them to avoid cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance occurs often in healthy people. I believe that the ability to question your beliefs is healthy. I find that cognitive dissonance jolts me into being open-minded and I try to follow that up with a willingness to explore new ideas. A great source of strength is newcomers who challenge my long-held beliefs. Step Ten encourages me to inventory myself with the help of others.

Finally…

I find the best place to share about my ongoing practice of spiritual principles is my Home Group, and the opportunity to connect with someone new is the greatest joy I know. A newcomer to my Home Group presents an opportunity to grow spiritually. I try to share my experiences and not my gratitude. Gratitude is best expressed in my actions. I love Narcotics Anonymous, and I love my recovery today. I don’t talk about gratitude, I show it daily by working on a program of recovery, the NA way. I have a Home Group and a sponsor. I attend meetings regularly and I actively participate in giving back what was freely given to me.