The early years of Narcotics Anonymous were full of efforts to document what worked. Those involved believed literature was important and could ease the journey of those who still suffered. Addicts who had experienced recovery found a sense of responsibility in carrying the message to the still suffering addicts. Tremendous efforts went into writing the Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text. There is an interesting sentence in the Basic Text originally published in 1981.
Yet there are others, completely abstinent, whose dishonesties and self-deceits still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.
Narcotics Anonymous, Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Seven, ‘Recovery and Relapse’, preamble, First paragraph.
Complete Recovery
Complete recovery is magical. When I can add to that ‘acceptance within society’ I feel what can only be described as an amazing state of grace. The only obstacles I have found to this grace are my dishonesty and self-deception. Clean time is not a factor as I talk to other members and visit various groups. It feels good to just accept the best from each day. My character defects do not affect my ability to enjoy complete recovery. My history no longer weighs me down. The future holds no surprises I need to fear. I am free to be the person worthy of unconditional love that I experienced at those first Narcotics Anonymous meetings I attended. Critical to my complete recovery is the idea that I am a sick person. Surrender and acceptance of the disease is my most important goal each day. I need to be mindful of the disease that surrounds me in Narcotics Anonymous. I was confused for a long time about how sick people can help me. I was confused about how the sickness affected me. I have come to an understanding of the process of recovery that works for me today.
After coming to N.A. we realized we were sick people…who suffered from a disease like Alcoholism, Diabetes or Tuberculosis. There is no known “cure” for these—all, however, can be arrested at some point and “recovery” is then possible.
Chapter Three, ‘Why are we here’, preamble, Third paragraph.
The Twelve Steps
I was taught that the disease can be arrested at some point and only then is recovery possible. Understanding how the disease affected me was a process I learned in the Twelve Steps. I learned about my assets and defects. I made peace with the past in my amends. The most important discovery was the concept of a higher Power. The spiritual nature of the program of Narcotics Anonymous gave me purpose. Purpose directs my efforts today. If self-obsession is the core of the disease, then meeting regularly to help each other seems like a logical solution. My efforts to be of service help to arrest the disease. I found that attending a meeting clean was the only service had to offer some days.
The progression of recovery is a continuous uphill journey. Without effort we start the downhill run again. The progression of the disease is an ongoing process, even during abstinence.
Narcotics Anonymous, Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Seven, ‘Recovery and Relapse’, preamble, Fourteenth paragraph.
Effort
The literature says that effort is required for recovery to become possible. I also learned that the disease progresses regardless of my efforts to recover. Narcotics Anonymous gave me the love I needed to overcome defects. My disease often manifests in my defects. I learned how to become entirely ready to have God remove the defects as obstacles to my efforts. The disease of addiction is insidious and some days I am reluctant to make any effort. Some days are better but I risk becoming complacent. Complacency is not laziness but a smug sense of satisfaction that I accomplished enough. Either way it is easy to return to using. The opportunity to use is on both sides of the pendulum of highs and lows.
The longer I am clean, the stronger my urge to use. I have experienced the progression of the disease despite remaining clean. I often find myself returning to using when acting on my defects. Using tells me things that I want to hear. I sometimes find it difficult to silence the addict in my head.
The quality of my life has improved in recovery. My addiction tells me to see that as an accomplishment. That proves to me that I am doing the right things or that I know something. I stop seeing recovery as a blessing or gift that should be shared. My good fortune gives me the idea I can use successfully. My sense of entitlement grows. I need to remind myself that the longer I am here, the less I know. I have been here long enough to experience difficulties as well. The highs and lows are not evidence of anything other than life unfolding on life’s terms. I am powerless over each moment. Each passing moment writes the future as past.
I learned that my reluctance to apply effort to all areas of my life affects all aspects of my life. The greatest teacher I have found is participation in a home group and the application of the Twelve Traditions.
The Twelve Traditions
My addict is using when he tells me things I want to hear.
- I do not need to attend my home group business meetings.
- What I have to say is not important.
- I simply do not care about my home group enough to attend.
- I just want to avoid the struggles of working with other addicts.
- I find am too busy to participate in service with others.
The only alternative is to stop using and start learning how to live. When we are willing to follow this course and take advantage of the help available to us, a whole new life opens up. In this way, we do recover.
Today, secure in the love of the Fellowship, we can finally look another human being in the eye and be grateful for who we are.
Chapter Eight, ‘We Do Recover’, last two paragraphs.
I learned that we meet regularly to help each other. Narcotics Anonymous is not a self-help program. Fellowship is the members of my Home Group.
The Twelve Steps taught me about effort but the Twelve Traditions taught me about recovery. Today my efforts have a purpose. Addicts who arrive from the treatment industry often lack knowledge of the Twelve Traditions. It seems that many addicts meet regularly to only to help themselves. I found myself using NA as a social club. I tried to socialize and I attended conventions.
Today we experience a full range of feelings. Before coming into the Fellowship, we either felt elated or depressed with very little in between. Our negative sense of self has been replaced by a positive concern for others. Answers are provided and problems are solved. It is a great gift to feel human again.
What a change from the way we used to be! That’s how we know that the N.A. program works. It is the first thing that ever convinced us that we needed to change ourselves, instead of trying to change the people and situations around us. We discover new opportunities. We find a sense of self-worth. We learn self-respect. This is a program for doing just those things. By working the steps, we come to accept a Higher Power’s will; this acceptance leads us to recovery. We lose our fear of the unknown. We are set free.
Chapter Three, ‘Why Are We Here’, last two paragraphs.
‘We needed to change ourselves’ does not always mean I become a different person. For me it means that my efforts are sometimes uncomfortable. I cannot have my way all the time. By committing to carrying the message of NA I learned to put aside my personal preferences. This ability benefits me in other areas of my life. I learn to work with others regardless of my personal feelings. Today, I always feel connected to those around me. Narcotics Anonymous is full of sick people. I no longer socialize with others in NA but on occasion I find people who are kind, compassionate and generous. Life is like that as well. When two members put aside their personalities to carry a message to the newcomer, we experience our greatest strength as a Fellowship. We do recover and that recovery carries over to our lives in society.