Month: April 2024

The forgotten experience of our members

“With the help of our sponsor or spiritual advisor, gradually we learn to trust and depend on our Higher Power.”

Basic Text, Sixth Edition, Chapter Seven – Recovery and Relapse, page 86

Such is the last sentence in our Seventh Chapter, Recovery and Relapse. I read this sentence a few times, I think, before I started to question it. As someone who subscribes to being spiritual but not religious I was met with a bit of surprise, and as I compared it with the Grey Book I found that last sentence wasn’t there.

Of course there have been many changes to the text since then. I figured it was a priest or a guru, and although I found the sentence stood out, to me, I understood it. If we need spiritual guidance from outside sources to better trust my Higher Power, as I myself have sought, then why discourage it?

The idea of this blog post came to me again when a close friend raised the idea of a spiritual advisor, mentioning to me that’s he’s both had some and been one in the program. I hadn’t considered that the sentence could also apply to other members; members who help us live spiritually, help teach us how to connect to our Higher Power, and help us learn what our spiritual life means to us.

With that said, I don’t have a specific member I go to outside of my sponsor to help me live a spiritual life. I feel like I really learn a lot from all of my friends, and I surround myself with members whose guidance and spiritual programs I trust. Don’t take advice from someone if you don’t want their life, you know? (Not to discount how God speaks through all members in the true spirit of anonymity; often new members too, both at meetings and outside of them).

“Our sponsors and friends can advise us on how to work the steps.”

Basic Text, Sixth Edition, Chapter Five – What Can I Do?, page 57

This was the second line in our Basic Text that immediately sprang to mind when I thought of other lines with forgotten experience I don’t really apply, or that isn’t endorsed the same way anymore. I haven’t had a friend advise me on how to work a step… or have I? My sponsor was one of my friends before I asked her to be my sponsor, and I consciously asked a friend to be my next sponsor because I wanted someone I trusted and felt safe with, whose program I had a good understanding of, and whose life I also gladly was involved in. I’m able to share my experience with my sponsor today, too, which I didn’t with my previous sponsor, making it more of the equal dynamic a group of people would create. Because the word sponsors stands out, too.

I’ve understood that before the traditional one-on-one we’ve got going on today, sponsorship, at least for many, was more based off of learning from a group of people. I know many people who are clean today who worked early sets of steps in groups, which adds to the understanding of why this line highlights both friends and sponsors. Those are roots we’ve evolved further and further away from today.  I haven’t tried it the other way and don’t think I ever will, because having one person I know I can rely on, and having my support network separate from the vulnerable, bloody insides of my step work, works for me and makes me feel safe.

But I have learned a lot about the steps from my friends or in meetings. Some of the most valuable discussions I’ve ever had have been with friends sharing their experience of whatever step I’m working on, or have been on. It’s really led me to incredible insights and helped me feel so supported in whatever I’m growing through in that moment, and I couldn’t encourage it more.

The closest I’ve come to doing step work in any kind of group is sharing my Tenth Step. I do a daily Tenth Step and gratitude list, still, which I’ve recently tailored more towards God consciousness, but a couple years ago I was asked to join a Tenth Step circle with a group of women. We ended up sharing our Tenth Steps with each other for about a month and were able to draw from what was working for others, and allowed us to build a form of daily intimacy with each other that I found to be really valuable. I couldn’t compare my insides with other people’s outsides when I was seeing all of our insides.

Nowadays I still share it, but only with my sponsor, which still has offered me a lot of support and insight into my character.

“Sponsorship for newcomers is also the responsibility of the group.”

Basic Text, Sixth Edition, Chapter Five – What Can I Do?, page 57

Lastly, this.

I’ve seen this sentence interpreted in two ways: the first being that it is our responsibility as a group to direct newcomers to available sponsors, for example by asking available sponsors to raise their hands during our meetings so that newcomers know who to approach, and the second being that the same way a group used to help and sponsor each other we should sponsor and help the newcomer by freely sharing our experience. I don’t believe either interpretation to be wrong, necessarily; the most important thing is that a newcomer is learning about our message of recovery, however that may be. But I do think it’s easy to forget, sometimes, that we should be available to newcomers in this way, or that we potentially are sponsoring newcomers every time we share.

The Smoking Addict

I was glad when I came to NA that I could stand outside a meeting and smoke cigarettes. It was fun to be a part of and connect with other addicts. I first started attending meetings in 2002, in British Columbia, Canada. Sometimes we would joke with each other about ‘using’ cigarettes and have a conversation about nicotine addiction. There was always a person who would point out that Narcotics Anonymous has no opinion on smoking and it was not considered a drug. We would laugh and tease each other. I felt a sense of connection with smokers. Some members were clearly not ready to stop smoking. Some members were clear that smoking was something they were not willing to even consider as an addiction. I loved to smoke so I could understand. I was a happy smoker for many years.

Quitting Smoking

I continued to smoke for about 10 years after I found Narcotics Anonymous. I saw it as an addiction. I would stop using, but I did not lose the desire to stop right away, and I returned to the habit time and time again. Sometimes, my first cigarette was after a meeting. I was finally able to stop using cigarettes, lose the desire to use and I learned a new way to live. One tool that was valuable was walking past the smokers after leaving the meeting. I found it difficult to maintain my recovery while hanging with people who used. It was lonely at first, and sometimes it still is. Sometimes I watch the smokers and wonder how nice it would be to be a part of again. Once I made the commitment to being a non-smoker, my life got easier and I found new friends.

Quitting Other Addictions

In 2018 I went to my last convention. Quitting conventions was not as difficult. I just tired of using NA meetings and events as a social club. Using NA was a symptom of my disease. A using addict attracts addicts who are using. The literature talks about using people, places, and things. I stopped getting involved in Fellowship service structures as well. Manipulation and control are powerful drugs. I’m not surprised by the small turnout of members for service in some places.  Some service committees are quite healthy. I watch for well attended committees as one symptom of health. Once I expanded the concept of using from drugs to all aspects of living, it became increasingly difficult to hang with people who are using. I see members who ‘need’ a meeting, like it’s a fix. Some members return again and again to service positions never seeing the destruction they cause. Making the transition to enjoying complete recovery and acceptance in society was the most difficult process of recovery. I need to completely abandon dishonesty and self-deception each day. Today my new life feels not only possible but enjoyable. I maintain boundaries today. I love helping and giving back in and out of the Fellowship. NA has taught me a new way to live.

Virtual NA

The COVID pandemic was an amazing opportunity to be of service and help others. I feel like I have learned so much these last few years. I love attending NA meetings and I participate in two home groups. I find myself attending more meetings than ever. It is very important to continue my online life and I also support the local recovery community. The number of people who support me has grown and connecting with healthy addicts has been beneficial to my recovery. I seek out those members who still have a desire to stop using. Clean time is inconsequential and almost seems detrimental. The longer I am clean I find I am prone to putting my opinion ahead of the experience of others.  I learn valuable lessons about the practice of spiritual principles with the support of others who are also trying to stop using. Spiritual principles are not exclusive to NA members. My support group grows constantly.

A Good Home Group

I love a good home group.  I know that we meet regularly to help each other. It is a unique part of NA where addicts can carry a message to newcomers and support each other. I show up with a good attitude and I’m open to new ideas where I can help. I also ask for help quicker than ever before. What I avoid are the members who are using or have no desire to help. I must accept that is where some people are at. I try not to be judgmental, but a good dose of judgement keeps me in recovery and not influenced by other people’s behaviors.   Someone reminded me that ‘we are sick people’ and I remind myself that includes me. I needed to lower my expectations of members. The safest place for me to be is in my home group and if it is not safe, I can find another group. I’m loved and accepted for who I am regardless of how the disease affects my life today.  

A Divided Fellowship Emerges

My Writing

My writing sometimes reflected the confusion I felt.  At the time, I was not really clear in my mind about the truths and I was still in the grip of the Cult of NAWS. I attracted new contacts and found support to continue writing with each article. Each conversation, and each person who took time to help me became a cherished member of my support group. I was fortunate to develop a new support group of compassionate, generous, and loving individuals.  I have found it difficult to separate myself from my resentments sometimes. I tried communicating my viewpoints in articles without making them come across like I was the voice of Narcotics Anonymous. I was not always pleased with the results of my writing. Effective communications skills have been one of the benefits of this writing experience these last few years and my personal recovery has benefited from being connected to a global Fellowship. I have found it so odd to be denied the opportunity to distribute meeting lists and worse, criticized for printing them at my own cost.  Now I see the cult mentality of some members.  The transition from a cult mentality to a Fellowship mentality was difficult for me but I persisted in attending meetings regularly. I feel very grateful to have experienced the cult mentality of some members. The Merriam/Webster Dictionary online offers one definition of cult.

“a system for the cure of disease based on dogma set forth by its promulgator”

[https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cult]

I had to look up promulgator as well.

“(law) one who promulgates laws (announces a law as a way of putting it into execution)”

“law, jurisprudence – the collection of rules imposed by authority; ‘civilization presupposes respect for the law’; ‘the great problem for jurisprudence to allow freedom while enforcing order’”

“lawgiver, lawmaker – a maker of laws; someone who gives a code of laws”

[https://www.thefreedictionary.com/promulgator]

I cringed when I read this because of my own behaviors.  Some days I feel terrible about myself because I was caught up in ego and no longer sharing my experience, strength, and hope. I often become a promulgator. My humility opened the door to empathy to others who suffered in a similar way.

Having an opinion is different than sharing your experience.  I can try to communicate ‘my experience is that attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings regularly has helped me a great deal’. Unfortunately, my experiences often come out as opinions. I still say that you should attend ninety meetings in ninety days before you have an idea of what NA is about. That’s an opinion and other members might share that same opinion. We start to chant this dogma as if it is a law. Narcotics Anonymous literature suggests we attend a meeting daily for ninety days. Anyone who shares different ideas about this or tries different ways than this can become open to criticism, contempt, and exclusion from the cult.  

I immersed myself in Narcotics Anonymous for more than a decade in the beginning. I was fully engulfed in the cult of NAWS. Many cult members are promulgators. I attended a lot of meetings both online and in person the first year. Online or virtual meetings existed early on but have never been recognized by the NAWS corporation. This added to my confusion about what is and is not Narcotics Anonymous. A virtual group has never been able to register and be recognized by the NAWS corporation. I did become involved in service, attended events, and looked to the Fellowship for friendships and support with mixed results in my first decade.

Facts and Opinions

Separation of opinions, facts and experiences is very difficult when anyone is communicating. I can see early in the development of the service structures how members would weave their ideas using all three of these mechanisms for communication.  In the 1980 World Service Conference minutes, Jimmy Kinnon, a respected member of NA and one of the founders from that first meeting in 1953, was responding to a question from those in attendance by stating that;

“page 22 of the Service Manual states what WSO is – a non-profit corporation. Most questions are answered in this section of Service Manual. Stated that WSO is more of a business than it is part of the Fellowship. WSO is separate from N.A. but works with N.A. WSO, Inc. functions as a non-profit corporation with Managers, administrators, Departments, paid employees (not at present but hopefully in the future), subsidiaries ·and the like.”

[NA History Tree website, World Service Conference Minutes, 1980, page 11] [https://nahistorytree.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/1980-wsc-minutes.pdf]

He was expressing facts and opinions. He quoted guidelines from the current service manual. Likely he was referencing the 1979 3rd Edition of the Service Manual. See – [http://www.nauca.us/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/1979-3rd-Edition-Service-Manual.pdf]

In the same minutes, Chuck Skinner, Chairman of the Board of Trustees was asked a question.

“what course of action on groups not following suggested 12 Step of N A. and more importantly, the 12 Traditions of N.A. ( ie . ,dissention ,non-participation at Area Service, inter-relations with outside interest groups ). “

Chuck stated that.

“any area where there is a violation of the Traditions, the 1st step would be for the Region that is dealing with that organization that is violating the Traditions be informed that they are to cease and desist. If they refuse, notify WSO who will in turn send the cease and desist information. If that fails, notification to the Board of Trustees who, with the WSO , will take any necessary legal action. Question from the floor re : this issue in which an issue such as this was brought to a Region’s attention and that things would be left as is until the Conference . Chuck stated that if a Tradition is being violated, it should be taken care of immediately . Question was what does the Region do in terms of meeting directories. Chuck stated that no assistance should be offered to any breakings of the Traditions. Remove these meetings from the directories forthwith. That would be the first action. Notifying the people as such in front. “

[WSC Minutes, 1980, page 15]

[WSC Minutes, 1980, page 15]

Leadership is highly valued but often abused

Chuck’s comments are purely opinion and had no basis in fact. None of his recommendations were backed by any policies or procedures.  His opinions had some weight given his position and time in Narcotics Anonymous. As a ‘trusted servant’ his duty is to serve the groups and not his own personal agenda or falsely represent ideas as fact.  Unfortunately, it is a common problem and one I experience daily in attending meetings. The ability to include or exclude any Group simply did not exist and has never existed. This idea of exclusion has become a strong dividing point in the development of the cult of NAWS service structures. Shunning and excluding is normal practice within the cult of NAWS Inc. It is of little surprise how few groups now support area, region and world services when this is put into practice.

The internal problems with defining service structures got worse over the next ten years. By 1990, the Fifth edition of the Basic Text was in print and had been altered by the WSO and the Board of Trustees to reflect the opinions of a select few rather than the original Basic Text that was approved by groups in 1981. Many early supporters of the WSC had fled in disgust. What was left was a minority who embraced this imposing service structure and sought to increase the power and control of this fledgling cult. This article highlighted my early ideas about the Cult of NAWS.