My wife and I discussed cults when I first started attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings. One of her coworkers had attended the NA Fellowship and assured my wife that NA was not a cult and the people I was connecting with were good people. I used to live with a lot of social anxiety and fear dominated my world. I tentatively started to explore Narcotics Anonymous and all that was available. I noticed that suggestions seemed to be presented as facts. ‘Do the Steps or Die!!’ sounded like a rule when I was new. I have found that expressing opinions has become a natural progression of both the disease and my recovery. Sometimes I share ideas about ‘how things are done’, and sometimes I simply like the sound of my own voice. A promulgator is someone who announces a code of law. It gets easier as the years go by to have opinions and express them. I no longer find it helpful. One of my favorite definitions of a cult and source of the word promulgator;
‘Cult – a system for the cure of disease based on dogma set forth by its promulgator’
I have ideas about what works and what does not. Sometimes my ideas are helpful and accurate, but I have learned that I cannot deny other people the same lessons I learned. Doing the wrong thing for the wrong reasons has opened my eyes to new solutions and a better understanding of honesty, open mindedness, and willingness. Our literature talks about this subject.
Sharing with fellow addicts is a basic tool in our Program. This help can only come from another addict. It is help that says, “I have had something like that happen to me, and I did this….” For anyone who wants our way of life, we share experience, strength and hope instead of preaching and judging. If sharing the experience of our pain helps just one person, it will have been worth the suffering. We strengthen our own recovery when we share it with others who ask for help. If we keep what we have to share, we lose it. Words mean nothing until we put them into action.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter Five, ‘What Can I Do’
The critical ideas that I take from this paragraph are that we avoid ‘preaching and judging’. I also need to understand when someone is asking for help. The most important part of recovery for me today is humility and that requires that I share experiences rather than opinions. My opinions are based on complacency, the enemy of members with clean time. My actions are critical to my success.
Narcotics Anonymous is a spiritual, not religious program. Any clean addict is a miracle, and keeping the miracle alive is an ongoing process of awareness, surrender and growth. For an addict, not using is an abnormal state. We learn to live clean. We learn to be honest with ourselves and think of both sides of things. Decision-making is rough at first. Before we got clean, most of our actions were guided by impulse. Today, we are not locked into this type of thinking. We are free.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter Eight, ‘We Do Recover’
Living in an Abnormal State
It is uncomfortable being in an abnormal state of not using but today I have adjusted. I am approaching twenty-two years in the program. I do have experiences to share but I also have a lot of unnecessary dogma. Separating the two is challenging. I ‘use’ my clean time to try to enforce rules rather than explaining the experiences that brought me to my understanding. Listening to both sides of the same argument over and over can be boring and frustrating. I cannot be the whole program to any individual. Doing the work means I participate in service and talk with members. I cannot take responsibility for your recovery. The things that I find attractive about recovery you might find repulsive. I find recovery is about helping others but for some, it is simply helping themselves.
I am free today and I want you to be free as well. Narcotics Anonymous is a spiritual program. Sometimes I behave like NA is a religion or a cult. I believe in the dogma and surround myself with like-minded members. Little cliques of experienced members were scary in the beginning but now I understand that many are self-seekers with little concern for others. Some days I pretend I am in recovery and create my own little cliques to protect myself from reality. I feel safe when I am a part of even if it’s for the wrong reasons. I am always seeking a balance between taking responsibility and participating for my recovery.
Events and Conventions
I feel the urge to go to events and conventions and pretend I am carrying the message rather than participate in carrying the message. The reality is that the world is full of people I neither like nor agree with. The best place for me to find recovery is in the diversity of my Home Group. I have friends and enemies in a healthy home group. This is the best representation of Fellowship that I can experience and a source of strength. The strength of those relationships is what I take into the world that exists outside of NA. I learn to take responsibility for my actions. I also participate in group consciousness at every business meeting for my home group. I participate in the atmosphere of recovery when I attend meetings regularly at my home group. What I learn I can carry to other groups I attend and in all my relationships.
Home Group
I will make sure that my Home Group is available to any addict seeking recovery. I distribute meeting lists and monitor how many newcomers attend each meeting. A count of the number of newcomers and people coming back are the only attendance records my group keeps. Actions form the basis of my recovery and are the actions I take with me in my relationships outside of NA. Today, I enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society, exactly as our literature promises.
I was glad when I came to NA that I could stand outside a meeting and smoke cigarettes. It was fun to be a part of and connect with other addicts. I first started attending meetings in 2002, in British Columbia, Canada. Sometimes we would joke with each other about ‘using’ cigarettes and have a conversation about nicotine addiction. There was always a person who would point out that Narcotics Anonymous has no opinion on smoking and it was not considered a drug. We would laugh and tease each other. I felt a sense of connection with smokers. Some members were clearly not ready to stop smoking. Some members were clear that smoking was something they were not willing to even consider as an addiction. I loved to smoke so I could understand. I was a happy smoker for many years.
Quitting Smoking
I continued to smoke for about 10 years after I found Narcotics Anonymous. I saw it as an addiction. I would stop using, but I did not lose the desire to stop right away, and I returned to the habit time and time again. Sometimes, my first cigarette was after a meeting. I was finally able to stop using cigarettes, lose the desire to use and I learned a new way to live. One tool that was valuable was walking past the smokers after leaving the meeting. I found it difficult to maintain my recovery while hanging with people who used. It was lonely at first, and sometimes it still is. Sometimes I watch the smokers and wonder how nice it would be to be a part of again. Once I made the commitment to being a non-smoker, my life got easier and I found new friends.
Quitting Other Addictions
In 2018 I went to my last convention. Quitting conventions was not as difficult. I just tired of using NA meetings and events as a social club. Using NA was a symptom of my disease. A using addict attracts addicts who are using. The literature talks about using people, places, and things. I stopped getting involved in Fellowship service structures as well. Manipulation and control are powerful drugs. I’m not surprised by the small turnout of members for service in some places. Some service committees are quite healthy. I watch for well attended committees as one symptom of health. Once I expanded the concept of using from drugs to all aspects of living, it became increasingly difficult to hang with people who are using. I see members who ‘need’ a meeting, like it’s a fix. Some members return again and again to service positions never seeing the destruction they cause. Making the transition to enjoying complete recovery and acceptance in society was the most difficult process of recovery. I need to completely abandon dishonesty and self-deception each day. Today my new life feels not only possible but enjoyable. I maintain boundaries today. I love helping and giving back in and out of the Fellowship. NA has taught me a new way to live.
Virtual NA
The COVID pandemic was an amazing opportunity to be of service and help others. I feel like I have learned so much these last few years. I love attending NA meetings and I participate in two home groups. I find myself attending more meetings than ever. It is very important to continue my online life and I also support the local recovery community. The number of people who support me has grown and connecting with healthy addicts has been beneficial to my recovery. I seek out those members who still have a desire to stop using. Clean time is inconsequential and almost seems detrimental. The longer I am clean I find I am prone to putting my opinion ahead of the experience of others. I learn valuable lessons about the practice of spiritual principles with the support of others who are also trying to stop using. Spiritual principles are not exclusive to NA members. My support group grows constantly.
A Good Home Group
I love a good home group. I know that we meet regularly to help each other. It is a unique part of NA where addicts can carry a message to newcomers and support each other. I show up with a good attitude and I’m open to new ideas where I can help. I also ask for help quicker than ever before. What I avoid are the members who are using or have no desire to help. I must accept that is where some people are at. I try not to be judgmental, but a good dose of judgement keeps me in recovery and not influenced by other people’s behaviors. Someone reminded me that ‘we are sick people’ and I remind myself that includes me. I needed to lower my expectations of members. The safest place for me to be is in my home group and if it is not safe, I can find another group. I’m loved and accepted for who I am regardless of how the disease affects my life today.
The disease concept of addiction treatment was quite new in the 1950’s. Many alcoholics had achieved sobriety by attending Alcoholics Anonymous since the 1930’s. The version of Narcotics Anonymous many of us know today started in 1953. A small number of addicts also achieved success in AA. A few addicts believed that the Twelve Step program could be adapted for addicts. It was rare that addicts found recovery in AA and many addicts were discouraged from attending AA meetings. For alcoholics who had found sobriety, the answer was quite simple.
Alcoholics Anonymous – How It Works
Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.
I briefly attended AA meetings early in my recovery. I believed that success in AA was achieved by becoming honest and sobriety was measured in time free from actively using alcohol. I was also attending NA meetings. This formula for success did not seem to work well for addicts. I felt comfortable in NA. I gave up on AA and dedicated myself to NA. The formula for success in NA was much harder to define.
After coming to N.A. we realized we were sick people who suffered from a disease like Alcoholism, Diabetes or Tuberculosis. There is no known “Cure” for these-all however, can be arrested at some point and “Recovery” is then possible.
Narcotics Anonymous, Little White Book, published in 1966, ‘Why Are We Here?’
NA was quite new when this was written but already enjoying success. I was told that an addict who did not use today was a miracle. There were a lot of suggestions. Avoid people, places and things that I associated with using. Attend meetings regularly. Try and find a sponsor to guide me through the steps. Find a home group and participate in the group actively. Try and help; be of service to others. I did stop using drugs, I did what was suggested and it felt like recovery had become possible. I also knew that the disease did not always feel like it was arrested, and recovery seemed unfathomable some days.
Dying To Help
There is a scene many addicts have seen over and over at meetings. One member struggles to do one of the readings. They might be new and unfamiliar with the language, have limited reading skills, or maybe some ailment that makes reading difficult. At the same time, another addict might leave in frustration. Addicts attending the meeting might empathize with one side or the other. Some listen to support the member doing the reading and others want a clear message of recovery. There are other dramas that unfold. Emotional attachments to ideas or beliefs seem to force many of us to take a stand on what we see as right or wrong. Sometimes my addiction is so powerful that I cannot accept new ideas or behaviors. I have learned that many addicts are simply trying to help in the best way that they can. Others are here to simply help themselves with little regard for fellow addicts. The reasons we behave the way we do are as varied as the addicts who attend. The Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text offers this warning.
Yet there are others, completely abstinent, whose dishonesties and self-deceits still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter 7 – ‘Recovery and Relapse’.
Those who willingly or unwillingly choose to help themselves can become role models. Obsessive and compulsive behaviors can be attractive. Unity suffers as a result. Using becomes a choice but it is not always about drugs. Addiction takes many forms.
This Sixth Tradition goes on to warn us what may happen: “lest problems of money, property or prestige divert us from our primary purpose.” These often-become obsessions and shut us off from our spiritual aim. For the individual, this type of abuse can be devastating; for the group, it can be disastrous. When we as a group waiver from our primary purpose, addicts die who might have found recovery.
Most of us eventually learn to say ‘anonymity’ and ‘autonomous’ but few understand the meaning of either. Member shares about either and this can be a convoluted mess of self-deception. As addicts, we seem to be quick to form opinions. We become twisted with emotions even over something simple like doing a reading and the meanings of our phrases. I understand today that our literature is accurate. We are sick people, but the disease can be arrested at some point and recovery is then possible. The arrest of the disease is as mysterious as the addicts who live with it. Some walk in clean to their first meeting and never look back. Others struggle for days, months or even years. I have spent time in judgement of those who struggled. I would form opinions about what was lacking in their program. Members will exchange looks when someone is ‘coming back’ again and again. The judgements and opinions of others I formed were disastrous to myself and my group.
I believe in the Grace of God and the miracle of a life free from drugs. I also believe that anyone attending NA can achieve that miracle. Even before I found NA, I had experienced moments of Grace. I did not always recognize these moments as Grace. I never knew what to do with that Grace.
The second part says that ‘recovery is then possible’. My interest in ‘Fellowship’ is knowing if you have a desire to stop using. After that initial surrender I see many addicts who are happy to continue using. Narcotics Anonymous can be a big dysfunctional smorgasbord of distractions. You can see hundreds attending a convention and two attending a service commitment within the same geographical area. Addiction knows no boundaries.
There are too many sides in too many battles. We fight about the meaning of literature. We battle with people who are ‘clean and sober’. We argue about Medically Assisted Treatment (Suboxone/Methadone). We battle about who decides what is right and wrong. We battle with those who try to govern. The drama of it all keeps me from engaging in ‘Fellowship’. I avoid gatherings. For many years I tried to be a part of, but I came to see how toxic a culture exists in the many cliques and gatherings. I might be the sickest member in the room, but I keep to myself and try to help when I can. My recovery is service to others. You have to tell me what you want to do about your problem and how I can help.
Originally Published in 2019 on a website called ‘The Fix’
Narcotics Anonymous grew from the ashes of many failed attempts to find a solution to those who suffered from drug addictions. The first seeds were planted for some members who had experienced relief in Alcoholics Anonymous but most continued to perish. Early NA members adapted the 12 steps and 12 traditions from AA to suit the needs of addicts seeking recovery and started this new Fellowship in 1953. By 1980 after 27 years, there were 1,000 groups, mostly in the United States and many members who believed they had found a solution. Those experiences were gathered in the publication of the Basic Text in the early 80’s which became the primary book of Narcotics Anonymous. By 1987 there were 7,000 groups and an expanding service structure. There was tremendous power struggles and turbulence in a rapidly expanding fellowship. Nowhere was that more evident than with the handling of the literature. the Fellowship approved first edition of the Basic Text was printed in 1983. There were numerous revisions as a result of power struggles and this resulted in a poorly received, heavily edited 4th edition in 1987. Narcotics Anonymous had a rift within the fellowship as a result and that would grow to become a chasm. The majority of those in control of the World Service Office had disagreed with the direction the groups wanted to go with regards to the service structures. Those early groups wanted the service structures to operate as outside enterprises from the Fellowship and groups should not be governed in any way. Some addicts believed it was important to maintain the autonomy of the groups who were responsible for carrying the message of NA. Others saw the service structures as an extension of the Fellowship they were serving and believed that groups would require governance in order to maintain the purity of the message. When the 5th edition of the Basic Text was finally produced in 1988 it ushered in an era of stability as those who had supported governance took control. Early profits allowed the WSO (which would evolve into the Narcotics Anonymous World Service corporation (NAWS) in the 1990’s) to function and grow. Some of those profits were coming from sales of literature to outside organizations like Hazelden. Many members were happy with the results and were excited to move forward with this new entity. There were also those who held onto the past and expressed concerns about this new corporate image. The results are visible in the worldwide Fellowship that exists today. International efforts of individual members and groups continue to grow the fellowship, but North American growth has stagnated. A significant portion of those who attend Narcotics Anonymous meetings in North America today fail to understand the nature of the program because of misinformation.
Narcotics Anonymous, Today
Narcotics Anonymous is estimated to have at least 30,000 groups worldwide today that hold over 60,000 support meetings regularly (daily, weekly or other). The existing service structure of Narcotics Anonymous has each group assigning a group service representative or GSR. GSR’s often choose to come together to form an Area Service Committee (ASC) that assists those groups by providing services like meeting list distribution and help lines. ASC’s often elect a representative to attend a Regional Service Body, and each of the Regions can send a representative to a World Service Conference (WSC). The WSC was responsible for directing the actions of the World Service Office (WSO/NAWS). It is unclear how much support NAWS or the WSC has today from members and groups. Of the approximately 130+ regions that attend the WSC, only 37 claim to be 85% (or more) supported financially by the groups they serve but those regions account for half the groups in the world, and 60% of the meetings. This strong minority has little influence over the majority which will skew results of decisions. NAWS itself have been promoting Consensus Based Decision Making (CBDM) as a mechanism for making decisions. CBDM has a major flaw in what experts call ‘group think’ where dissension is lost as members always seek solutions. Service bodies only reflect the will of those who participate when CBDM is utilized. Groups have always sought direction by forming a conscience at the local level which is lost in CBDM. The original Basic Text written and approved by the groups in 1983 referred to service bodies as outside issues because those bodies could not create a group conscience and make decisions. The accountability to groups has been lost and members abdicate their responsibilities away to service structures.
Estimated Groups and Meetings from WSC Regional ReportsRegions That do not rely on literature profits or Conventions and the number of Groups reported
Only 27% of Regions report they are self supporting from Group/Area contributions but they account for 60% of meetings.
Literature Wars and the FIPT
In the 1980’s the demands from the growing fellowship created enormous opportunity for literature sales and governance. Certain members who remain true to NAWS have become highlighted speakers at events and actively promote NAWS. The WSO/NAWS who were reliant on literature sales to this expanding fellowship fueled the production of new literature. One annual report produced by the WSO/NAWS in the early 1990’s credits two major writing projects, the ‘Just For Today’, and ‘It Works, How and Why’ for saving the corporation financially. Both publications were never approved by groups and substantially written and approved by professionals and a select group of special workers. Another professional written publication was the 12 Concepts of Service. NAWS introduced the 12 Concepts of Service to help govern the efforts of the service bodies. Today, the Guide to World Services implicitly states that the 12 Concepts can only be modified by a tally vote of all the known groups in the world even though the groups never adopted the 12 Concepts. Clearly this is an act of governance which groups wanted to avoid in the original literature. The WSO/NAWS also created the Fellowship Intellectual Property Trust (FIPT) in 1991 to secure control of the copywrites on all current and future literature. Many believe this prompted the publication of the 6th edition of the Basic Text.
Growth is another interesting source of misinformation. Taking figures from WSO/NAWS reports, we find that in 1986 we showed a total of 8380 meetings with all but 452 located in North America. In 1995, the total number of meetings registered with WSO/NAWS had climbed to about 18,500 in North America, and another 3,000 internationally. The number of meetings in North America has remained unchanged since then but it is difficult to get accurate numbers as some groups and areas no longer participate in North American regional and world services. Growth internationally has been nothing short of phenomenal and entirely developed by locals. No where is this more evident than in Iran. NAWS became aware of the Iranian fellowship in early 2000. NAWS representatives travelled to Iran in 2003 and found almost 4,000 groups with 18,000 meetings. Iran had translated literature, setup production and distribution without any direction from NAWS. NAWS touts the success story of Iran for Narcotics Anonymous but the irrelevance of NAWS in that success is not advertised. This story is repeated in many geographical areas of the world where local efforts to grow the fellowship and translate literature are often curtailed at some point by NAWS demands to control the intellectual property rights, the profits of sales and governance of the corporate image. By insisting that the service structures are a part of NA and not an outside enterprise, NAWS can include itself in the successes of a Fellowship that they had no part in creating. This promotes the NAWS corporate image but does little to promote unity and fellowship.
Baby Blues
Control of the copywrites has been a primary concern for NAWS for decades now. With so much controversy over the literature during the 1980’s and early 90’s, many individuals, groups and areas ignored NAWS and concerned themselves with local matters and started producing literature independently, including a Basic Text. Big Lou and Grateful Dave were two well-known trusted servants who were assigned by service structures to assist with printing and distributing a version of the Basic Text that became known as the ‘baby blue’. Baby blues are still printed and distributed all over the world. NAWS believed the literature was illegal and tried to put a stop to it by suing Dave. Dave won his case but was not able to enforce the settlement with NAWS before he passed away. NAWS failed to follow thru on the agreement reached with Dave in court. The main speaker at a world convention expressed gratitude that members had vandalized Big Lou’s car, he hurled insults at Lou from the podium, and falsely accused him of profiting from sales of the Baby Blue. Lou relapsed and died of an overdose shortly afterwards because Narcotics Anonymous was no longer a safe place for him to attend. These behaviors of misleading and targeting members who are outspoken against NAWS continue to this day. The Lower Desert Area in Palm Desert California created a video explaining the new Service System (called the SSP) proposed by NAWS. The system was designed by a professional firm and was intended to replace the existing service structure. By many accounts the area committee did an excellent job explaining the new system. Some NA members expressed concerns after viewing the video that the new system was overly complicated and violated the 12 traditions. NAWS heard of those concerns and responded by discrediting the individual who voiced the video. The chairman of the World Board issued a response that mislead the fellowship about the origins of the project by indicating it was a solo effort and not a service body’s creation.
NAWS Delinquency
In researching this article, I discovered that the California Registration of Charities requires that tax forms be filed regularly. You can extend the deadline by only a few months. the year end of the NAWS corporation is June 30th so the latest the tax forms can be filed is May 15th of the following year with the state of California. The 2003, 2005 and 2008 tax returns for NAWS were not filed in a timely manner. On Sept 24th, 2009 a delinquency letter was issued that was ignored. A 2nd delinquency letter was issued in June of 2010. The correct paperwork was finally filed at the end of June of 2010. I contacted NAWS who insisted that an extension was granted but the Department of Justice for California indicated that an extension was neither requested nor granted. Failing to file the paperwork correctly jeopardizes an organization’s charitable status and could have resulted in serious consequences such as a loss of charitable status for a corporation that controls the copywrites to the literature.
More than 80% of NAWS revenue continues to come from sales of literature. The bulk of the profits come from North America where prices have risen dramatically. Information Pamphlets (IP’s), Basic Texts and a small book originally created in the 1960’s called the Little White book are examples of Literature sold by NAWS;
1989
1995
2016
# Items sold;
IP’s (millions)
5.8
4.2
5.2
Basic Texts
363,089
275,000
272,124
White Books
447,610
400,000
450,000
$Dollars
Cost of Goods
$1,676,900
$1,533,478
$1,701,988
salaries
1,050,809
1,668,117
2,959,260
travel
176,880
141,000
26,957
Revenue
$4,033,759
$4,284,802
$10,835,519
#Staff
43
44
75
Sales have been relatively flat for 30 years despite the Fellowship doubling in size. NAWS reliance on literature profits has caused a dramatic increase in markups as the years have gone by and a stagnant North American Fellowship bears the burden as wages, staffing and travel has increased. Today, there are far more trips both domestically and internationally but travel costs are now buried in other headings like ‘Fellowship Development’, ‘Conferences’ and ‘Workshops’ so the true total is likely over a million dollars but only 26,957 is reported on tax forms and annual reports. The increased staffing and travel allow NAWS, special workers and world board members to promote the brand that they took control of when they secured the intellectual property rights. There is little support financial from the international community of Narcotics Anonymous in sales or donations. Travel costs are largely concerned with maintaining and selling the brand at fellowship events and to the literature buying community. The South Florida Region recently requested an audit of NAWS and was granted a limited view of the books. The misinformation, the lack of accountability and lack of transparency will continue to affect NAWS. More and more, the groups that make up Narcotics Anonymous have turned away to alternative service structures or operate independently. Rumors persist that NAWS will seek to close that audit loophole and tighten control of the FIPT at the next WSC while never addressing the declining unity in North America.
Help Others
Narcotics Anonymous formed from a desire by early members to help others who struggled with drug addictions. The spiritual nature of the program relies on the generosity of members who attend regularly. The program says the core of the disease of addiction is self-obsession so the solution must be in altruism. The ‘weak majority’ of regions often complain of a lack of support from the Fellowship in regional summaries produced for the WSC. The Fellowship who understand and are the source of the strength of the program are growing increasingly disillusioned and misinformed. This will continue to weaken the North American fellowship and forces NAWS to seek profits elsewhere by expanding the brand internationally. Literature profits will continue to drive the growth of NAWS, where as the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous will grow based on those members who work to create unity, regardless of personal interests.
The Narcotics Anonymous known globally was started in 1953. In 1972 the World Service Office was formed and a 1976 World Service Conference was organized. The World Service Office was started to distribute literature. The World Service Conferences were organized to try and provide some structure to the growing Fellowships scattered around the United State, Canada and abroad. The World Service Office would eventually become Narcotics Anonymous World Services Inc. (NAWS Inc. for short) that took control of literature production and rights in the 1990’s.
By the early 1980’s, Narcotics Anonymous was starting to become a recognized solution for people who suffered from the disease of addiction. There were over one thousand Home Groups worldwide predominately in the United States but spreading to other parts of the world. A man known to many as ‘Bo S.’ rose to prominence within the Fellowship and with the support of the World Service Conference, became the World Literature Chair. Bo worked tirelessly and with great personal sacrifice to help the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous distill the combined knowledge of the time into what is known as the “Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text”. The effect was dramatic; nothing would ever be the same again in Narcotics Anonymous. By the end of the 1980’s Narcotics Anonymous had grown to over ten thousand Home Groups, and there were many different versions of the Basic Text in circulation. Several of the original paragraphs that were reviewed and approved by the groups for printing became contentious with some of the founding members.
One might ask: Is this really true, are we truly autonomous, what about our service committees, our offices, our activities, our hotlines, and all the other things that go on in N.A.? The answer, of course, is that these things are not N.A. They are services that we can utilize to help us in our recovery and to further the primary purpose of our groups. Narcotics Anonymous is a Fellowship of men and women, addicts, meeting together in groups, and using a given set of spiritual principles to find freedom from addiction and a new way .to live. All else is not N.A. Those other things we mentioned are the result of members caring enough to reach out and offer their help and experience so that our road may be easier. Whether or not we choose to utilize these services for the benefit of a group is up to us, they are not thrust down our throats.
Basic Text, Tradition Four – Approval Draft, distributed 1981
A Rift forms and Members are Forced to Choose Sides.
This caused bitter infighting. Members were pitted against other members. In March of 1983, the chair of the World Service Board issued a response.
…fact that the book as approved by the 1982 World Service Conference contain the following inaccuracies: In tradition four the book states that SERVICE COMMITTEES ARE NOT NA and later in the same paragraph states “All ELSE IS NOT NA” clearly indicating that they are not a part of Narcotics Anonymous. The book further states “whether to utilize these services is up to the group”. This would allow any group to do whatever the group chose to do and continue to call themselves an NA Group, leaving the fellowship no recourse but to allow them to do so. Any group could use any literature they choose to use in meetings. The use of literature other than NA literature in meetings has been a problem in the past. This is but one of many problems that could surface in the future should the book be printed as approved.
Sally Evans, chair of the World Service Board – Link to the entire letter
World Literature Committee revoked publishing rights.
The World literature Committee were shocked at the unauthorized changes and revoked the rights of the World Service Office to print the Basic Text. What happened after is open to speculation and conjecture. There are a lot of opinions on what transpired over the next several years. Many experienced members simply walked away and returned to the roots of their recovery by supporting groups and local service efforts. Manipulation and control seem to always defeat kindness and generosity. This is evident in the fact that under NAWS Inc, The North American Groups have seen zero growth in over 30 years beyond the ever-increasing price of the literature. Members today are confused by the trusted servants who manipulate the truth and exert control. The significant international growth of the fellowship has come about because of the kindness and generosity of thousands of members like Bo S and not a result of service committees.
Collective will of the many and the few
The question that never seems to get asked is why the groups approved the literature with the phrase “all else is not N.A.” This was no random mistake or inaccuracies in transcription. Thousands of addicts wrote, reviewed and approved the original literature. A small group of individuals modified the literature. Perhaps one answer is to go back further to the Little White Book.
“This is a simple spiritual -not religious-program, known as Narcotics Anonymous.”
Narcotics Anonymous, Little White Book, “We Do Recover”, originally published 1966. See here on The Narcotics Anonymous Upper Cumberland Area website, History section.
a Google search offered this interesting explanation of religion.
“Religion is a set of texts, practices and beliefs about the transcendent shared by a community and involves a relationship with God. Spirituality on the other hand is about a person’s relationship with the transcendent questions that confront one as a human being. This may or may not involve relationships with God.” [Transcendent – beyond or above the range of normal or merely physical human experience.]
Tradition One
Tradition One tells us that “Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on N.A. unity.” I have always believed the Fellowship’s welfare is ahead of my personal welfare; personal recovery involves sacrifices. Those sacrifices I make are not about loss or suffering but about generosity and kindness. These are some of the spiritual principles I practice in all my affairs. If self-obsession is the core of the disease of addiction, then it would make sense that I adopt spiritual principles that oppose that behavior. My desire is to stop using not just drugs but anything that can be addictive including money, manipulation and control. The relationship I maintain with a power greater than myself is my source of strength. No service body can define what sacrifices I choose to make at any moment. The responsibility for my recovery lies within myself. The choices I make do not exclude me from membership. The sacrifices I make can become the help I offer. “We meet regularly to help each other stay clean”. NA is not a self-help program but a help others program. Narcotics Anonymous is a Fellowship and not a religion. I would say that my Fellowship is my Home Group and beyond that are other groups who may or may not choose to work in unity, but our common goal is to support members and attract newcomers and all else is not NA.
Addiction often focuses on drug use but using can take on lots of forms. When does using become a problem? There are obvious examples of the disease including addiction to sex, gambling, and food. There are obvious symptoms of those forms of addiction. I believe that sometimes the problems are less obvious and even open to opinion. Can Olympic athletes be addicted to performance? Perhaps they are and some might look back with regrets as they get older. An Olympic athlete might suffer from isolation and loneliness. They can have intense focus that only an addict would understand. They can seek the solstice of other athletes as they lose touch with family and friends. A Using addict attracts addicts who are using. Some of the symptoms of the disease of addiction can be associated with any lifestyle but not everyone will agree with who is an addict. I recently struggled with some feelings I associate with using, at the most unusual of places. It was a Narcotics Anonymous meeting near where I live. The feelings I struggled with were isolation and loneliness.
Early in my recovery, I was madly attending NA meetings at every opportunity. I felt a sense of connection and welcomed the opportunity to be a part of everything that was happening. I attended conventions and took service positions. Almost every relationship I had was in NA. I remember my sponsor saying to me that ‘Narcotics Anonymous isn’t a social club” but I ignored the warning. I understood what he meant; NA is here for the purpose of supporting the addict and attracting newcomers, but I saw an opportunity to feel good. I did not see that I had become addicted to a lifestyle. I thought if I surrounded myself with addicts, I would find some acceptance and maybe some self-worth. Self-obsession is the core of the disease and in the Narcotics Anonymous literature there is a line that describes my problem.
One of the problems is that we found it easier to change our perception of reality.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Five, ‘What Can I do?’
Using drugs alters our perception of reality, and when I stopped things did get better. That does not mean I was cured or that my life was amazing right away. I was faced with an increased awareness of reality. I was also subjected to an increased ability to explore other ways of using. I became more tolerant of others and that was something I needed. I became more accepting of others. I explored my ideas about who I was while doing the Twelve Steps. I also explored ideas about what or who I could be by listening to other addicts. The world seemed to offer endless possibilities.
I heard the term ‘attraction rather than promotion’ in Tradition Eleven. I also heard that ‘personal recovery depends on unity’ in Tradition One. I associated the phrases with the lifestyles of the members. I was eager to explore the possibilities. My view was through a narrow window of a local Fellowship. Every addict is capable of using and some have a desire to stop. Unity is easily found and fluid, changing from day to day. I did not always find healthy relationships. A member might trade cocaine for weights and crack house for a gym. They believe that everything has changed and feel good about their recovery. I could suggest that nothing has changed. It is easier for me to judge than understand the actions of another. My perception is that they are the same self-obsessed addict that they were when they were on drugs. People seem to pick and choose terms from the Twelve Steps and Traditions which become weapons in the defense of their using and in judging others. I have something to say about everything and bring fuel to a fire of disunity. I am learning to keep my mouth shut and distance myself from some members. I have developed healthy relationships as a result. I still wonder if the worst aspect of the disease is manipulation and control but maybe that is just my problem. It has become clear to me that some of the worst examples of active using are in those who serve the Fellowship of NA, as well as promote their ‘clean time’. The literature says that complacency is the enemy. I focus on gratitude that I did not use drugs today. I try and have awareness of my behaviors. Narcotics Anonymous continues to grow and addicts are staying clean and carrying a message to others.
Narcotics Anonymous encourages members to meet regularly to help each other but often members are here to simply help themselves. I believe a daily inventory helps me identify a pattern of using where it affects my life or the lives of people around me. I accept Tradition Three, where I am required to have a desire to stop using. The treatment industry often promotes the Twelve Steps but nothing on the Twelve Traditions. Some members are products of a treatment industry that promotes self-care. ‘Feelings of unity’ have become a commodity. That is not the unity referenced in literature.
To maintain unity within Narcotics Anonymous it is imperative that the group remain stable, or else the entire Fellowship perishes and the individual dies.
And near the end…
Our Traditions are the guidelines that protect us from ourselves. They are our unity.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Six, Tradition One
I have narrowed my focus to joining and participating in a home group. It is all the Fellowship I need. My life is stable and drama free. I have a life of abundance. Rather than acting on using, I try and focus on the spiritual principles.
By staying clean we begin to practice spiritual principles such as hope, surrender, acceptance, honesty, open-mindedness, willingness, faith, tolerance, patience, humility, unconditional love, sharing and caring.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Four, Step Twelve
I read the new ‘Group Booklet’ produced by the NAWS Corporation and was offended by the addition of a footnote;
Virtual NA meetings that meet regularly can choose to be an NA group if they meet the criteria described in this booklet.
NAWS Corporation, ‘The Group Booklet’, Page 5, Footnote 3.
My first thought was that only NA Groups host meetings and the NAWS Corporation was trying to circumvent our traditions. Their approval of meetings without the responsibility of following the Twelve Traditions was in my opinion deceptive. The Traditions govern our Groups who host meetings to support members and for the purpose of carrying a message to the still suffering addict. It would not be the first time that NAWS had violated the Traditions. In this case I was wrong, and it was the members of NA who took me to school. Turns out that I am a charlatan.
A study of historical literature brought me to the original information pamphlet, published in 1976.
The gathering together of two or more member addicts for the purpose of learning how to live a drug-free life by practicing the principles of N.A. constitutes an N.A. Meeting. When these meetings are held regularly, they can become a Group.
Narcotics Anonymous, published by C.A.R.E.N.A. in 1976, IP #2, ‘The Group’ – Structure, The Member.
The Member
This 1976 information pamphlet makes the reader familiar with the structure of Narcotics Anonymous and points out that the member is the first and most important part of our service structure. The Upper Cumberland Area of Narcotics Anonymous lists a version here. When members meet for the purpose of living a drug free lifestyle, it is considered a meeting. Even if they meet regularly, they are not necessarily a group. The Group IP was revised in 1988 and dropped the definition of a member and their importance to our service efforts. I believe it was the first time Narcotics Anonymous Fellowship approved literature was replaced with Conference approved literature, but I could be wrong. I wish it had been left as it was and I would encourage everyone to read historical literature. The revised IP included this.
Definition and purpose [of a group]
A Narcotics Anonymous group is any meeting of two or more recovering addicts who meet regularly at a specific time and place for the purpose of recovery from the disease of addiction. All Narcotics Anonymous groups are bound by the principles of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of NA. Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry the message of recovery to the addict who still suffers.
NA IP#2 – ‘The Group’, Revised 1988.
Conference Approved and Fellowship Approved Literature
By 1988, Narcotics Anonymous had become fragmented over the changes brought about by the service structures to the Basic Text (See my post – Paper Empires). Rapid growth and declining participation in service structures created chaos for Narcotics Anonymous. Disunity allowed strong personalities to dominate over principles. The first line in the revised text (above) merges the definition of meeting and group into a confusing statement of opinion. At this point, IP#2, ‘The Group’ became Conference Approved literature and was no longer Fellowship Approved literature. You can read the 1988 World Service Conference discussion at https://www.nahistorytree.com or this link here.
There are other points of confusion as the literature was revised. The use of ‘recovered’ and ‘recovering’ addict. This is a quote from the Fellowship approved version of the Basic Text.
N.A. is a non-profit fellowship or society of men and women for whom drugs hadbecome a major problem.We are recovered addicts who meet regularly to help each other stay clean.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter 7, “What is the N.A. Program?“
Opinions and Facts
My friend Jed in a discussion once defined ‘Charlatan’ as someone who wears a cloak of spirituality which obscures their true motives. I like this definition from Wikipedia.
A charlatan (also called a swindler or mountebank) is a person practicing quackery or a similar confidence trick in order to obtain money, power, fame, or other advantages through pretense or deception.
Are all addicts in Narcotics Anonymous charlatans? Narcotics Anonymous literature says that we do enjoy complete recovery and acceptance within society.
Yet there are others, completely abstinent, whose dishonesties and self-deceits still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.
Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter 7, Recovery and Relapse, preamble.
Recovered Addict
Today, I enjoy being a recovered addict. I continue to experience the full force of the charlatans where I live. I hear from no one; I am not allowed to serve and today I am ok with that but at one point it caused me to consider suicide. I believe the purest form of recovery is the newcomer as they are free of all pretenses. I no longer hang out with the many toxic cliques that infest our Fellowship. I am only interested in our primary purpose and being part of a home group. I have healthy boundaries and enjoy the wide base of personalities within a home group. I focus on recognizing the Grace of God that allowed me to not use today. My actions are from gratitude for that gift. Fortunately, my home group offers unconditional love to me even when I start to trip over my opinions presented as facts. I am grateful today to recognize the disease within me with the help of others. Each day begins with the opportunity to enjoy complete recovery and the opportunity to continue to communicate with newer members. Each day I can act like a charlatan, presenting opinions as facts and distancing myself from reality. I have choice today. I am free!
Everything we know is subject to revision, especially what we know about the truth.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, All versions, Chapter 9, ‘Just For Today, Living The Program’
This is an interesting quote from the Basic Text. I wondered at first what else could there be but truth but realized that I can have opinions. I know some truths and I have opinions. I easily confuse the two, and voice opinions as truth. Sometimes I do not know the truth at all, but loudly proclaim an opinion to anyone who will listen. I believe this highlights the need for continuous involvement in a home group. I think of my home group as a complete Fellowship. A home group protects me from myself. The Twelve Traditions make sense when I consider my Home Group as a complete Fellowship. I am aware that I have a disease called addiction and I have accepted Narcotics Anonymous as a solution. My personal recovery depends on the unity of the Fellowship.
Narcotics Anonymous is a spiritual, not religious program. Any clean addict is a miracle, and keeping the miracle alive is an ongoing process of awareness, surrender and growth. For an addict, not using is an abnormal state. We learn to live clean. We learn to be honest with ourselves and think of both sides of things. Decision-making is rough at first. Before we got clean, most of our actions were guided by impulse. Today, we are not locked into this type of thinking. We are free.
Basic Text, Chapter 8, ‘We Do Recover’
Dark Times
I understand now that Narcotics Anonymous is full of sick people. Someone pointed that out to me at a very low point in my recovery. Chapter Three of the Basic Text talks about the fact we are all sick people. NA is not a cure, but the disease can be arrested at some point, and recovery becomes possible. That tells me that recovery is not guaranteed and not everyone participates in recovery. I found dark times. The arrest of the disease is the miracle I had experienced. Recovery had become possible but elusive. I did not have the skills required to deal with the many personalities. I found sickness because I was fully immersed in Narcotics Anonymous without the skills to separate myself. I ended up in pretend friendships, fake service positions, and an unquenchable thirst to be accepted. Being accepted was just like a drug, and I was full engulfed with using despite not having picked up drugs. A using addict attracts addicts who are using. Recovery is a shared experience and is limited by the size and involvement of the Fellowship. I believe that is why our literature says, ‘the wider the base, the higher the point of freedom’. I needed a strong, diverse home group with growth. In fact, growth needed to be the primary purpose for me to experience full recovery.
I left the sickness of others and found recovery. I found a home group and made a commitment to developing relationships with everyone regardless of my personal feelings or their commitment to recovery. I healed by participating in a healthy Fellowship. I developed healthy boundaries. I learned spiritual principles by observation and practiced them in my life. I see now that members come in all kinds of packages. There are self-seekers (opportunists, who do not care about right or wrong). There are members whose dishonesty and self-deception prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society. I no longer hang out with people in the program. It is difficult to watch people completely consumed with self-obsession. I find the benefits of living without ‘dishonesty and self-deception’ is that I can associate with anyone in society. I am free today. I am no longer tied to the unhealthy cliques so common in Narcotics Anonymous. I have a purpose today.
Anxiety Free
I avoid self-seeking by participating in giving back and volunteering. The greatest joy for me is being of service but I also accept others where they are at. Narcotics Anonymous has given me many skills that I did not have previously. I can participate in any situation. Healthy people answer the phone and return calls which is a rare thing to experience in the Fellowship where I live. Healthy people show up for their volunteer shifts and do the work willingly and completely. Healthy people are inclusive. I have intelligent and adult conversations about different approaches to problems. I get to participate in some unique solutions proposed by others. I learn different aspects about the truth from the perspective of another person by communicating in a healthy manner. All these unique experiences benefit my recovery. I now can be a part of anything, and as a result I have been anxiety free for almost a year. The death of a dear friend caused me to consider my relationship with the local fellowship of NA.
Living without anxiety has opened new doors. I feel less pressure of the ‘disease of clean time’ and a need to manipulate or control others. Clean time does not seem to have any merit at all. Life unfolds as it was meant to be. Having been around for some time means I am prone to suffer from complacency. I try and stay involved and active in local meetings. I do love to deliver meeting lists and work on websites but accept that surrendering control is difficult for some. I wait patiently now for the opportunity to serve Narcotics Anonymous. There are many places to be of service and the COVID pandemic has opened so many doors to serve. I have less answers and more open-mindedness because of listening to newcomers. I have found writing a blog a good platform for my own ideas on truth and opinion. I connect with like minded individuals who want to work together.
I’ve been spending a lot of time recently (it feels like months…) looking at a feeling I have. Maybe ‘feeling’ is not the best word, it might be a puzzle, or maybe a bit of self-deception, I am not sure exactly what it is. I have a feeling of having enough. I am content. I want to clarify a few things first. I did not win the lottery and I have not moved to a tropical island to retire. You probably have your own ideas on what ‘enough’ is. I have felt like this for quite a few years now. As an addict, it was a feeling that I thought would be a lot more elusive. Life is full of ups and downs, with all the raw emotions of change and I’m not immune to those. My life today rests on a foundation of happiness. I found this section of the Narcotics Anonymous literature quite relevant.
Obsessive behavior is a common denominator for addictive people. We have times when we try to fill ourselves up until we are satisfied, only to discover that there is no way to satisfy us. Part of our addictive pattern is that we can never get enough of whatever we think we want. Sometimes we forget and we think that if we can just get enough food or enough sex, or enough money we’ll be satisfied and everything will be all right. Self-will still leads us to make decisions based on manipulation, ego, lust, or false pride. We don’t like to be wrong. Our egos tell us that we can do it on our own, but loneliness and paranoia quickly return. We find that we cannot really do it alone, and when we try things get worse. We need to be reminded of where we came from and that it will get progressively worse if we use. This is when we need the Fellowship the most.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Seven, Recovery and Relapse.
A Wide Range of Addicts
Later versions of the Basic Text removed the phrase ‘of whatever we think we want’ but for me the original wording is best. What I want can be a dangerous place given the right set of circumstances. Being immersed in Narcotics Anonymous does not offer much protection from want. In fact, surrounding yourself with addicts can make things worse. Years ago, someone pointed out to me that Narcotics Anonymous is full of sick people. I had rose coloured glasses that told me a different story, but I see things clearly today. There are a wide range of addicts described in the Basic Text.
Self-seekers, opportunists with little concern for right and wrong.
members who remain abstinent, but whose dishonesty and self-deception prevent them from complete recovery and finding acceptance within society.
Addicts struggling back from relapse.
Others who are caught up in complacency, with a vague sense of having done the right things and an inability to see the larger picture.
Members enjoying complete recovery.
Newcomers who arrive in desperation for a new way to live.
I have tried to maintain relationships with all of them. Some I have chased like an addict looking for a fix because I thought they had something I wanted. Some of them I thought I could fix, which at its core, is another of my wants. Some used me for their own selfish desires because I allowed myself to be blind. I have also gone through dark periods where I thought Narcotics Anonymous would be better without some of them. Each pursuit of some ‘want’ brings about a reminder about powerlessness, surrender, and acceptance in my recovery.
There are some constants in my recovery. I have always had a sponsor and I have always supported a home group. A sponsor acts as a guide, and a home group meets regularly to help each other stay clean. The primary purpose of a home group is to carry a message to the still suffering addict. Narcotics Anonymous is not a self-help program, but a help others program. I am currently a member of two home groups. I like this arrangement and it suits my lifestyle well. Being part of a home group has been a foundation for my recovery. I believe being part of a home group has been instrumental in my current feelings of contentment. A healthy balance of addicts aids my recovery. There is a curious line within the Basic Text.
Death of a Fellowship
To maintain unity within Narcotics Anonymous, it is imperative that the group remain stable, or the entire Fellowship perishes and the individual dies.
I used to think the wording was a mistake because the phrase seemed to connect the stability of a single group to the fate of the entire Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous. I have a different appreciation of the language today. I confine my thoughts on Fellowship to my home group. This helps me to keep things simple and I can have a conversation with any home group member about the Traditions as they apply to our group. I do not have to like or have a personal relationship with anyone in my home group. I like the idea of Narcotics Anonymous being made up of tens of thousands of Fellowships, each with a unique personality and perspective. I still have a desire to stop using today. That desire today is more on my defects than the use of drugs. I feel connected to other members when I maintain awareness of my desire to stop. It levels the playing field and helps me to see each of us as equals. If I find the Group behaving in a way that I cannot accept, I simply find a new Fellowship of addicts following the Twelve Steps and Traditions of NA or I start a group. Sometimes I must let things go and follow the Group Conscience. As the Fellowship grows, the shared experiences increase, and I have more freedom from self-obsession.
False Fellowships
There are lots of false fellowships within Narcotics Anonymous. Many members attending a convention feel good and think ‘This is an amazing Fellowship’ or talk of ‘Unity’ but I see no evidence to support that at our service committee meetings. Members enjoy the thrill of a convention but abandoned their efforts to carry the message afterwards. Newcomers rarely show up to a convention for their first meeting. Some newcomers arrive at a actual meeting holding a wrinkled meeting list they have looked at for days before finally making the effort to attend a meeting. False unity becomes a drug and many addicts end up using over and over. That is not the only example.
Addicts make up false Fellowships all the time. Calling all your addict friends to go on a trip or to a beach party is not a Fellowship. Gatherings are simply a bunch of friends getting together but the illusion of ‘Fellowship’ detracts from the primary purpose. I avoid personal relationships in NA now and seek to serve. I’m tired of being used, and witnessing others using NA. It is a painful reminder of my own experience with using NA as a social club. I am as powerless over others as I am of my disease. Personal recovery depends on unity which is defined as;
a condition of harmony
continuity without deviation or change (as in purpose or action)
I have found that what I have learned in the last few years about Fellowship and unity benefits me in my personal life. Working with co-workers, or being part of a volunteer group, is much more rewarding now. I am focused on the purpose ahead of the personalities in all my affairs. I now have more friends than I have ever had, and many are outside the Fellowship. What I have learned outside the Fellowship has helped me form intimate relationships with healthy people inside the Fellowship. I am a complete person and content with who I am. I also recognize that I have abundance in my life I can share. I have time and resources to benefit others. I am enough and I have enough.
I argued with members a lot about what the word ‘addict’ meant when I started attending Narcotics Anonymous in 2002. I remember one member saying to me, “if you took half an aspirin this morning, and now all you think about is taking aspirin, you might be an addict”. The simple logic of his statement made a big difference for me in my first year. After a year of attending meeting regularly, I finally sorted out that I was not always going to have the answer to ‘who is an addict’ but I could clearly see that I was one. Being wrong was a big problem in the beginning but now I have learned to appreciate it. There are a lot of benefits to seeing how I am wrong. I also see now that there are always reasons to return to using. For me life seems to be a pendulum that swings between a desire to stop using and using.
Our disease isolated us from people except for the getting, using, and finding ways and means to get more. Hostile, resentful, self-centered and self-seeking, we cut ourselves off from the outside world. Anything not completely familiar became alien and dangerous. Our world shrank and isolation became our life. We used in order to survive. It was the only way of life we knew.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, 2nd (and all editions), Chapter 1, ‘Who is an Addict’
For about 10 years I continued to smoke cigarettes in recovery. It did feel like using but I was not willing to go to the same lengths to get more. I became more uncomfortable with the behaviour as I progressed in my recovery. You will often see a group of smokers standing outside before and after the meetings. Meeting spaces have been lost from the actions of a few smokers because of the litter of smoking. I found that smoking and the litter became more and more uncomfortable. I did try to take on the responsibility of cleaning up but it was often a solitary task because many of the smokers are ‘hostile, resentful, self-centered and self-seeking’. I developed resentments about other smokers. Walking the solitary path is lonely and frightening and it was easy to succumb to peer pressure. The core of the problem was ultimately me. I am an addict and using comes naturally. I would repeatedly fail in my attempts to quit and I littered the ground with butts. I was glad when I was rid of the addiction of smoking. As I grow spiritually, I find myself often walking a lonely and frightening path. It takes a while to get centered and develop a new support group. Other addictions emerged as I continued to take personal inventory or when I listened to other addicts share their experiences. Sometimes I am completely unaware of a problem until I hear another addict share.
We are each others’ eyes and ears;…when we do something wrong our fellow addicts help us to help ourselves by showing us what we cannot see. We sometimes find ourselves caught up in old ideas. We need to constantly review our feelings and thinking, if we are to stay enthusiastic and grow spiritually. This enthusiasm will aid our ongoing recovery.
Basic Text, 2nd Edition, Chapter 10, ‘More Will Be Revealed’
I have found that more is revealed but it rarely seems to come easily. I’m not always aware of what is ‘wrong’ but when someone shares and I can listen, new ideas present themselves. ‘Help us to help ourselves by showing us what we cannot see’ means that I do not need your inventory of my behaviors but if you share your struggles, it could be something that I need to look at too. As our Fellowship grows, so does my awareness of the world around me. ‘The wider the base, the higher the point of freedom’ is from ‘Our Symbol’ section of the Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text. I wondered what ‘freedom’ they were speaking of in the beginning but I believe today that it is freedom from self-obsession.
Today I keep my world small, and the only Fellowship I need is a good home group. I focus my attention on those relationships. I see how I fall short as well as contribute to the health of the group and the atmosphere of recovery. I avoid the hard sell of events and prefer the quiet unity found in service. Some of these things ‘outside’ of the Fellowship can become a big smorgasbord of poor behaviours. We tend to ‘isolate ourselves from the outside world.’ Gossip and cliques weaken our efforts to carry a message. Members become addicted to lifestyle and surround themselves with others who support this or that addiction. I am passionate about Public Information and getting out meeting information. I love to deliver meeting lists and work on websites. Sometimes I wonder if I am caught up in obsession but I just need to listen to newcomers. I wonder how did they find us and listen to their stories so that it might benefit me in my recovery. Ultimately my benchmark has been from our literature.
Yet there are others, completely abstinent, whose dishonesties and self-deceits still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.
Basic Text, 2nd Edition, Chapter 7, ‘Recovery and Relapse’.
I have found complete recovery and acceptance within society. Dishonesty and self-deceptions work against me daily but the solution is to work a program of recovery daily.
