Author: Rebelsmed

A Divided Fellowship Emerges

My Writing

My writing sometimes reflected the confusion I felt.  At the time, I was not really clear in my mind about the truths and I was still in the grip of the Cult of NAWS. I attracted new contacts and found support to continue writing with each article. Each conversation, and each person who took time to help me became a cherished member of my support group. I was fortunate to develop a new support group of compassionate, generous, and loving individuals.  I have found it difficult to separate myself from my resentments sometimes. I tried communicating my viewpoints in articles without making them come across like I was the voice of Narcotics Anonymous. I was not always pleased with the results of my writing. Effective communications skills have been one of the benefits of this writing experience these last few years and my personal recovery has benefited from being connected to a global Fellowship. I have found it so odd to be denied the opportunity to distribute meeting lists and worse, criticized for printing them at my own cost.  Now I see the cult mentality of some members.  The transition from a cult mentality to a Fellowship mentality was difficult for me but I persisted in attending meetings regularly. I feel very grateful to have experienced the cult mentality of some members. The Merriam/Webster Dictionary online offers one definition of cult.

“a system for the cure of disease based on dogma set forth by its promulgator”

[https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cult]

I had to look up promulgator as well.

“(law) one who promulgates laws (announces a law as a way of putting it into execution)”

“law, jurisprudence – the collection of rules imposed by authority; ‘civilization presupposes respect for the law’; ‘the great problem for jurisprudence to allow freedom while enforcing order’”

“lawgiver, lawmaker – a maker of laws; someone who gives a code of laws”

[https://www.thefreedictionary.com/promulgator]

I cringed when I read this because of my own behaviors.  Some days I feel terrible about myself because I was caught up in ego and no longer sharing my experience, strength, and hope. I often become a promulgator. My humility opened the door to empathy to others who suffered in a similar way.

Having an opinion is different than sharing your experience.  I can try to communicate ‘my experience is that attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings regularly has helped me a great deal’. Unfortunately, my experiences often come out as opinions. I still say that you should attend ninety meetings in ninety days before you have an idea of what NA is about. That’s an opinion and other members might share that same opinion. We start to chant this dogma as if it is a law. Narcotics Anonymous literature suggests we attend a meeting daily for ninety days. Anyone who shares different ideas about this or tries different ways than this can become open to criticism, contempt, and exclusion from the cult.  

I immersed myself in Narcotics Anonymous for more than a decade in the beginning. I was fully engulfed in the cult of NAWS. Many cult members are promulgators. I attended a lot of meetings both online and in person the first year. Online or virtual meetings existed early on but have never been recognized by the NAWS corporation. This added to my confusion about what is and is not Narcotics Anonymous. A virtual group has never been able to register and be recognized by the NAWS corporation. I did become involved in service, attended events, and looked to the Fellowship for friendships and support with mixed results in my first decade.

Facts and Opinions

Separation of opinions, facts and experiences is very difficult when anyone is communicating. I can see early in the development of the service structures how members would weave their ideas using all three of these mechanisms for communication.  In the 1980 World Service Conference minutes, Jimmy Kinnon, a respected member of NA and one of the founders from that first meeting in 1953, was responding to a question from those in attendance by stating that;

“page 22 of the Service Manual states what WSO is – a non-profit corporation. Most questions are answered in this section of Service Manual. Stated that WSO is more of a business than it is part of the Fellowship. WSO is separate from N.A. but works with N.A. WSO, Inc. functions as a non-profit corporation with Managers, administrators, Departments, paid employees (not at present but hopefully in the future), subsidiaries ·and the like.”

[NA History Tree website, World Service Conference Minutes, 1980, page 11] [https://nahistorytree.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/1980-wsc-minutes.pdf]

He was expressing facts and opinions. He quoted guidelines from the current service manual. Likely he was referencing the 1979 3rd Edition of the Service Manual. See – [http://www.nauca.us/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/1979-3rd-Edition-Service-Manual.pdf]

In the same minutes, Chuck Skinner, Chairman of the Board of Trustees was asked a question.

“what course of action on groups not following suggested 12 Step of N A. and more importantly, the 12 Traditions of N.A. ( ie . ,dissention ,non-participation at Area Service, inter-relations with outside interest groups ). “

Chuck stated that.

“any area where there is a violation of the Traditions, the 1st step would be for the Region that is dealing with that organization that is violating the Traditions be informed that they are to cease and desist. If they refuse, notify WSO who will in turn send the cease and desist information. If that fails, notification to the Board of Trustees who, with the WSO , will take any necessary legal action. Question from the floor re : this issue in which an issue such as this was brought to a Region’s attention and that things would be left as is until the Conference . Chuck stated that if a Tradition is being violated, it should be taken care of immediately . Question was what does the Region do in terms of meeting directories. Chuck stated that no assistance should be offered to any breakings of the Traditions. Remove these meetings from the directories forthwith. That would be the first action. Notifying the people as such in front. “

[WSC Minutes, 1980, page 15]

[WSC Minutes, 1980, page 15]

Leadership is highly valued but often abused

Chuck’s comments are purely opinion and had no basis in fact. None of his recommendations were backed by any policies or procedures.  His opinions had some weight given his position and time in Narcotics Anonymous. As a ‘trusted servant’ his duty is to serve the groups and not his own personal agenda or falsely represent ideas as fact.  Unfortunately, it is a common problem and one I experience daily in attending meetings. The ability to include or exclude any Group simply did not exist and has never existed. This idea of exclusion has become a strong dividing point in the development of the cult of NAWS service structures. Shunning and excluding is normal practice within the cult of NAWS Inc. It is of little surprise how few groups now support area, region and world services when this is put into practice.

The internal problems with defining service structures got worse over the next ten years. By 1990, the Fifth edition of the Basic Text was in print and had been altered by the WSO and the Board of Trustees to reflect the opinions of a select few rather than the original Basic Text that was approved by groups in 1981. Many early supporters of the WSC had fled in disgust. What was left was a minority who embraced this imposing service structure and sought to increase the power and control of this fledgling cult. This article highlighted my early ideas about the Cult of NAWS.

Actions of My Obsessions

I find that the most difficult aspect of the disease of addiction is obsessive thoughts. The obsessions combined with compulsive behaviors fueled many strange and unusual situations in my life. I believe that attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings finally broke the cycle of acting on compulsive behaviors. I found freedom by listening to others and sharing my experiences. Today I can identify my thoughts and choose to act differently.  I still suffer from the disease of addiction but I did not have to act on every impulsive behavior. I see that the actions of my obsessions is using. I have heard many addicts share that first we stop using, then we lose the desire to use, and finally achieve a new way to live.  I realized the extent of the disease when I was over fourteen years clean. I found myself alone, caught in lies and self-deception and nowhere to turn to. Alone, I ended up spiraling out of control. I found a solution in my desperation. The solution was found in the Primary Purpose of Narcotics Anonymous.

Primary Purpose

Our primary purpose is to stay clean and to carry the message to the addict who still suffers.

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter two, ‘What is the Narcotics Anonymous Program?’

Staying clean by attending meetings was and remains primary to my recovery. I must look at my life with fresh eyes each day. Complacency is the enemy of members with two days or two decades clean. It is simply not enough to attend a meeting. I need to actively engage in recovery and that means helping others. Helping others can be a challenge. I am still prone to delusional thoughts that trap me in cyclical thinking. That is why I maintain a relationship with a Home Group. I surround myself with members who have a desire to stop using. Using drugs brought me to NA but now I am aware that using involves lots of different behaviors. I have fallen into the trap of surrounding myself with addicts who are using; people, places and things will distract any of us from recovery. The literature says ‘Tell us about your problem and how we can help’; If you are unwilling or blind to the problems in your life or the lives of those around you, how am I able to help? Not every home group member has a desire to stop using. Some members are self-seekers. Narcotics Anonymous literature talks about the Self-Seeker.

Self-Seeker; a person who primarily pursues their own interest or selfish ends.

From https://www.dictionary.com

It is not that surprising to find self-seekers in NA. Narcotics Anonymous states that ‘self-obsession’ as the core of the disease. I am careful with who is in my life today. It is easy to end up within a group of self-seekers. You need look no further than the social cliques that form in everyday life. Addicts pretend they are in recovery by surrounding themselves with people who enjoy similar pursuits. The result is hundreds attending a convention and only a few attending a service committee. It is easy to convince myself that I’m not using if my friends are doing the same things.

However, many will become the role models for newcomers to follow while…the self-seekers soon find they are on the outside, causing dissension and eventually disaster to themselves. Many of them change; they learn we can only be governed by a loving God as expressed in our group conscience.

Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Six, ‘Tradition Two’

Home Group

The Home Group relationships I have are the most important ones in my life today. I cannot control who joins a group but I can control who is in my social circles. I find myself turning away from the conflicts within the Home Group and seeking solstice within my social cliques. A subtle change in my attention is all the distraction my disease needs. My personal recovery depends on unity and that is best found in my home group. I can manipulate the people in my social circle. A home group is the best representation of a higher power in my life, and the greatest source of spiritual growth. There is strength in diversity. My disease will reject this and using people, places and things become my obsession. Eventually the cliques fail to feed my addiction and my isolation grows.

This is our road to spiritual growth. We change every day…to gradually, carefully and simply pull ourselves out of the isolation and loneliness of  addiction into the mainstream of life. This comes not from wishing, but from action and prayer. The main objective of Step Seven is to get out of ourselves and strive for achieving the will of our Higher Power.

Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Four, ‘Step Seven’

I enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society when I can strip myself of dishonesty and self-deception. I have found freedom from the disease. I have become peaceful. The best vehicle for expressing love is in my relationships with society.   

Arrested

The disease concept of addiction treatment was quite new in the 1950’s.  Many alcoholics had achieved sobriety by attending Alcoholics Anonymous since the 1930’s.  The version of Narcotics Anonymous many of us know today started in 1953. A small number of addicts also achieved success in AA. A few addicts believed that the Twelve Step program could be adapted for addicts. It was rare that addicts found recovery in AA and many addicts were discouraged from attending AA meetings. For alcoholics who had found sobriety, the answer was quite simple.

Alcoholics Anonymous – How It Works

Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. 

Reprinted from the book Alcoholics Anonymous ® Copyright © 1939, 1955, 1976, 2001 by A.A. World Services, Inc.

I briefly attended AA meetings early in my recovery. I believed that success in AA was achieved by becoming honest and sobriety was measured in time free from actively using alcohol. I was also attending NA meetings. This formula for success did not seem to work well for addicts. I felt comfortable in NA. I gave up on AA and dedicated myself to NA. The formula for success in NA was much harder to define.

After coming to N.A. we realized we were sick people who suffered from a disease like Alcoholism, Diabetes or Tuberculosis. There is no known “Cure” for these-all however, can be arrested at some point and “Recovery” is then possible.

Narcotics Anonymous, Little White Book, published in 1966, ‘Why Are We Here?’

NA was quite new when this was written but already enjoying success. I was told that an addict who did not use today was a miracle. There were a lot of suggestions. Avoid people, places and things that I associated with using. Attend meetings regularly. Try and find a sponsor to guide me through the steps. Find a home group and participate in the group actively. Try and help; be of service to others. I did stop using drugs, I did what was suggested and it felt like recovery had become possible. I also knew that the disease did not always feel like it was arrested, and recovery seemed unfathomable some days.

Dying To Help

There is a scene many addicts have seen over and over at meetings. One member struggles to do one of the readings. They might be new and unfamiliar with the language, have limited reading skills, or maybe some ailment that makes reading difficult. At the same time, another addict might leave in frustration. Addicts attending the meeting might empathize with one side or the other. Some listen to support the member doing the reading and others want a clear message of recovery.  There are other dramas that unfold.   Emotional attachments to ideas or beliefs seem to force many of us to take a stand on what we see as right or wrong. Sometimes my addiction is so powerful that I cannot accept new ideas or behaviors. I have learned that many addicts are simply trying to help in the best way that they can. Others are here to simply help themselves with little regard for fellow addicts.  The reasons we behave the way we do are as varied as the addicts who attend. The Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text offers this warning.

Yet there are others, completely abstinent, whose dishonesties and self-deceits still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter 7 – ‘Recovery and Relapse’.

Those who willingly or unwillingly choose to help themselves can become role models. Obsessive and compulsive behaviors can be attractive. Unity suffers as a result. Using becomes a choice but it is not always about drugs.  Addiction takes many forms.

This Sixth Tradition goes on to warn us what may happen: “lest problems of money, property or prestige divert us from our primary purpose.” These often-become obsessions and shut us off from our spiritual aim. For the individual, this type of abuse can be devastating; for the group, it can be disastrous. When we as a group waiver from our primary purpose, addicts die who might have found recovery.

Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter 6 – ‘The Twelve Traditions, Tradition Six’.

Anonymity and Anonymous

Most of us eventually learn to say  ‘anonymity’ and ‘autonomous’ but few understand the meaning of either. Member shares about either and this can be a convoluted mess of self-deception.  As addicts, we seem to be quick to form opinions. We become twisted with emotions even over something simple like doing a reading and the meanings of our phrases.  I understand today that our literature is accurate. We are sick people, but the disease can be arrested at some point and recovery is then possible. The arrest of the disease is as mysterious as the addicts who live with it. Some walk in clean to their first meeting and never look back. Others struggle for days, months or even years. I have spent time in judgement of those who struggled. I would form opinions about what was lacking in their program. Members will exchange looks when someone is ‘coming back’ again and again. The judgements and opinions of others I formed were disastrous to myself and my group.  

I believe in the Grace of God and the miracle of a life free from drugs. I also believe that anyone attending NA can achieve that miracle. Even before I found NA, I had experienced moments of Grace. I did not always recognize these moments as Grace. I never knew what to do with that Grace.

The second part says  that  ‘recovery is then possible’.  My interest in ‘Fellowship’ is knowing if you have a desire to stop using. After that initial surrender I see many addicts who are happy to continue using. Narcotics Anonymous can be a big dysfunctional smorgasbord of distractions. You can see hundreds attending a convention and two attending a service commitment within the same geographical area. Addiction knows no boundaries.

There are too many sides in too many battles. We fight about the meaning of literature. We battle with people who are ‘clean and sober’. We argue about Medically Assisted Treatment (Suboxone/Methadone). We battle about who decides what is right and wrong. We battle with those who try to govern. The drama of it all keeps me from engaging in ‘Fellowship’. I avoid gatherings. For many years I tried to be a part of, but I came to see how toxic a culture exists in the many cliques and gatherings. I might be the sickest member in the room, but I keep to myself and try to help when I can. My recovery is service to others. You have to tell me what you want to do about your problem and how I can help.

The Grace of God

God

The concept of God is a difficult hurdle for many people who come to twelve step programs.  Narcotics Anonymous is a spiritual organization and the literature refers to the word God.  In AA, they expanded the concept by offering a ‘God of your understanding’ and most twelve step programs have adopted that concept for themselves. Narcotics Anonymous literature refers to a ‘Higher Power’. I believe that regardless of what beliefs you arrive with, you will need to come to terms with the idea of some power greater than yourself.  My personal beliefs when I arrived at my first twelve step meeting was that God, spiritual beliefs, mysticism, and the whole concept of a spiritual existence was for weak minded people who needed a crutch.  I did have some beliefs that I accepted as possible once I qualified my answers. I needed to have a lengthy explanation to justify my beliefs. I was willing to admit that some people might be psychic, and ghosts sounded plausible.  When I was sarcastic, I would say that prayer was an excellent way to spend time until your plane impacts the side of a mountain. At the time, I wouldn’t say I was cynical but looking back I believed that God had never done anything for me, hadn’t been a factor in my life and wasn’t likely to appear any time soon. When I hit bottom, I did have an awakening to the idea that my life was wildly out of control, and I was a mess. I went to my first meeting, expecting nothing, with little hope, and perhaps open to the possibility of some relief. I didn’t expect to find help for someone like me.  Even if God existed, there were many people who were more deserving of help.  I had heard the words, “God’s Grace” but never really given it much thought.

 Compassion

The ‘Grace of God’ is hard to define without the heavy religious overtones of our Christian based society.  For this article, I will use the definition of Grace as unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification. Both the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and the original manuscript for the Basic Text used in Narcotics Anonymous referenced the Grace of God. The latest version of the Basic Text published by the NAWS Corporation still mentions God’s Grace in the ‘How It Works’ section; Step Eleven.  It’s a touchy subject with many people but the concept of Grace from a higher power isn’t exclusive to Christianity.  In Buddhism, they have the idea of a bodhisattva. This is a person who has achieved the capacity to obtain enlightenment and become a buddha, but in an act of great compassion chooses to remain in this realm and work to end the suffering of the masses – the act itself is Grace. Hinduism refers to Kripa and Hellenism (Greek mysticism) refers to Kharis.  Grace is what I was offered when I arrived at the rooms, what I learned in doing the steps, and what I try and extend to all. IF you are uncomfortable with the idea of a God then think of Grace as nothing more than compassion offered regardless of the situation.  Think of how the world would be if compassion was at the front of each passing moment.

Eighty-Four Days

The most powerful story I have ever read in recovery was titled Eighty-Four Days. It was published in the Iranian Narcotics Anonymous journal called Payam Behboodi. It’s a letter from a prisoner in jail about his gratitude for eighty-four days clean and how we as recovering addicts should work together and help each other. His gratitude is also for the will of God. His death was by hanging the next morning as punishment for the crimes he had committed. I found a connection with the powerful message. I often feel as if I am in a self-imposed prison. My character defects and shortcomings have always prevented me from being a part of things. I am difficult to get to know, difficult to be around and have little interest in the world around me.  My struggles are with Self, as is the case for many in recovery. Having done a set of steps I also know I have assets and have provided for my family for many years. I also contribute in many ways to society.  I might never be rich or successful but I have always managed to provide for my family.  I have much in my life to be grateful for. I go to meetings and listen to one speaker after another share about their gratitude for what recovery has given them. They talk about their support group, or their vacations and possessions as if those are important.  My belief is that gratitude we share in recovery is reserved for our higher power, however you want to define that.  The vacations, new cars or luxuries might be nothing more than self-obsession and ultimately, that is  the core of the disease of addiction. My gratitude speaks with Grace that I extend to the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous and society at large.  Ultimately, the gratitude that carries the strongest message is selfless service. I like to promote unity by working with anyone and including everyone. The Twelve Traditions we study in twelve step programs gave us the tools to ensure our focus is not on our personal relationships with our friends but with all of society. I believe that gratitude grows as our Grace grows. The Grace of God isn’t easy, it is a desperate hand extended to another off a ledge that they find themselves hanging from. The key to Grace is the ‘unmerited’ aspect, the courtesy I extend beyond what I feel is warranted or deserved. It is a part of what makes my service so valuable. Grace is the action of gratitude.

A Bigger Picture

How well your twelve step support group functions, and the service structures they create to support the groups comes from the Grace of God in my belief. It’s very easy to fall into cliques and form micro groups of support around common interests or beliefs, and exclude those we disapprove of.  The twelve-step group is the core of my recovery. The relationships I form within my group, and how I treat others IS the basis of my recovery. It’s from these relationships that I can provide Grace to others. The gratitude that comes from that connection with my higher power is the only gratitude that matters in recovery. We are selling a new way of life that costs everything and nothing. Gratitude for what I have achieved in my recovery is not a magical elixir I can bottle and transfer to another.  Friendships, lifestyle and a dizzying array of choices await many of us as we get clean but it’s all meaningless to someone who’s new or someone who is on the verge of dying.  When my journey started, I was attracted to the message and the feeling of be a part of something.  What I keep for myself when I share my recovery is true gratitude and a belief in the process. 

There is a gratitude that arises from my relationship with the God of my understanding, who guides me and gives me strength. It might be the only gratitude some members will ever achieve. My support group do a daily group text by cellphone of 5 things we are grateful for and it has been a difficult process for me. I really want to focus on all the things that I am grateful for like relationships, sunny days and the smell of rain.  I have come to accept that in turning my life and my will over to God in Step Three, I need to focus on my gratitude for my higher power’s will for me, and the strength that comes to me. Compassion for another is a gift for myself and does more to restore my own worth than anything I could acquire on my own.

The Benevolent Dictatorship of NAWS

Originally Published in 2019 on a website called ‘The Fix’

Narcotics Anonymous grew from the ashes of many failed attempts to find a solution to those who suffered from drug addictions. The first seeds were planted for some members who had experienced relief in Alcoholics Anonymous but most continued to perish.  Early NA members adapted the 12 steps and 12 traditions from AA to suit the needs of addicts seeking recovery and started this new Fellowship in 1953.  By 1980 after 27 years, there were 1,000 groups, mostly in the United States and many members who believed they had found a solution. Those experiences were gathered in the publication of the Basic Text in the early 80’s which became the primary book of Narcotics Anonymous. By 1987 there were 7,000 groups and an expanding service structure. There was tremendous power struggles and turbulence in a rapidly expanding fellowship. Nowhere was that more evident than with the handling of the literature.  the Fellowship approved first edition of the Basic Text was printed in 1983. There were numerous revisions as a result of power struggles and this resulted in a poorly received, heavily edited 4th edition in 1987. Narcotics Anonymous had a rift within the fellowship as a result and that would grow to become a chasm. The majority of those in control of the World Service Office had disagreed with the direction the groups wanted to go with regards to the service structures. Those early groups wanted the service structures to operate as outside enterprises from the Fellowship and groups should not be governed in any way.  Some addicts believed it was important to maintain the autonomy of the groups who were responsible for carrying the message of NA. Others saw the service structures as an extension of the Fellowship they were serving and believed that groups would require governance in order to maintain the purity of the message. When the 5th edition of the Basic Text was finally produced in 1988 it ushered in an era of stability as those who had supported governance took control.  Early profits allowed the WSO (which would evolve into the Narcotics Anonymous World Service corporation (NAWS) in the 1990’s) to function and grow. Some of those profits were coming from sales of literature to outside organizations like Hazelden.  Many members were happy with the results and were excited to move forward with this new entity. There were also those who held onto the past and expressed concerns about this new corporate image. The results are visible in the worldwide Fellowship that exists today. International efforts of individual members and groups continue to grow the fellowship, but North American growth has stagnated.  A significant portion of those who attend Narcotics Anonymous meetings in North America today fail to understand the nature of the program because of misinformation.

Narcotics Anonymous, Today

Narcotics Anonymous is estimated to have at least 30,000 groups worldwide today that hold over 60,000 support meetings regularly (daily, weekly or other).  The existing service structure of Narcotics Anonymous has each group assigning a group service representative or GSR.  GSR’s often choose to come together to form an Area Service Committee (ASC) that assists those groups by providing services like meeting list distribution and help lines.  ASC’s often elect a representative to attend a Regional Service Body, and each of the Regions can send a representative to a World Service Conference (WSC).  The WSC was responsible for directing the actions of the World Service Office (WSO/NAWS). It is unclear how much support NAWS or the WSC has today from members and groups.  Of the approximately 130+ regions that attend the WSC, only 37 claim to be 85% (or more) supported financially by the groups they serve but those regions account for half the groups in the world, and 60% of the meetings. This strong minority has little influence over the majority which will skew results of decisions.  NAWS itself have been promoting Consensus Based Decision Making (CBDM) as a mechanism for making decisions. CBDM has a major flaw in what experts call ‘group think’ where dissension is lost as members always seek solutions. Service bodies only reflect the will of those who participate when CBDM is utilized. Groups have always sought direction by forming a conscience at the local level which is lost in CBDM. The original Basic Text written and approved by the groups in 1983 referred to service bodies as outside issues because those bodies could not create a group conscience and make decisions. The accountability to groups has been lost and members abdicate their responsibilities away to service structures.

Estimated Groups and Meetings from WSC Regional Reports
Regions That do not rely on literature profits or Conventions and the number of Groups reported

Only 27% of Regions report they are self supporting from Group/Area contributions but they account for 60% of meetings.

Literature Wars and the FIPT

In the 1980’s the demands from the growing fellowship created enormous opportunity for literature sales and governance.  Certain members who remain true to NAWS have become highlighted speakers at events and actively promote NAWS. The WSO/NAWS who were reliant on literature sales to this expanding fellowship fueled the production of new literature.  One annual report produced by the WSO/NAWS in the early 1990’s credits two major writing projects, the ‘Just For Today’, and ‘It Works, How and Why’ for saving the corporation financially.  Both publications were never approved by groups and substantially written and approved by professionals and a select group of special workers. Another professional written publication was the 12 Concepts of Service. NAWS introduced the 12 Concepts of Service to help govern the efforts of the service bodies. Today, the Guide to World Services implicitly states that the 12 Concepts can only be modified by a tally vote of all the known groups in the world even though the groups never adopted the 12 Concepts. Clearly this is an act of governance which groups wanted to avoid in the original literature. The WSO/NAWS also created the Fellowship Intellectual Property Trust (FIPT) in 1991 to secure control of the copywrites on all current and future literature.  Many believe this prompted the publication of the 6th edition of the Basic Text.

Growth is another interesting source of misinformation. Taking figures from WSO/NAWS reports, we find that in 1986 we showed a total of 8380 meetings with all but 452 located in North America. In 1995, the total number of meetings registered with WSO/NAWS had climbed to about 18,500 in North America, and another 3,000 internationally.  The number of meetings in North America has remained unchanged since then but it is difficult to get accurate numbers as some groups and areas no longer participate in North American regional and world services.  Growth internationally has been nothing short of phenomenal and entirely developed by locals. No where is this more evident than in Iran.  NAWS became aware of the Iranian fellowship in early 2000. NAWS representatives travelled to Iran in 2003 and found almost 4,000 groups with 18,000 meetings. Iran had translated literature, setup production and distribution without any direction from NAWS. NAWS touts the success story of Iran for Narcotics Anonymous but the irrelevance of NAWS in that success is not advertised. This story is repeated in many geographical areas of the world where local efforts to grow the fellowship and translate literature are often curtailed at some point by NAWS demands to control the intellectual property rights, the profits of sales and governance of the corporate image. By insisting that the service structures are a part of NA and not an outside enterprise, NAWS can include itself in the successes of a Fellowship that they had no part in creating. This promotes the NAWS corporate image but does little to promote unity and fellowship.

Baby Blues

Control of the copywrites has been a primary concern for NAWS for decades now.  With so much controversy over the literature during the 1980’s and early 90’s, many individuals, groups and areas ignored NAWS and concerned themselves with local matters and started producing literature independently, including a Basic Text.  Big Lou and Grateful Dave were two well-known trusted servants who were assigned by service structures to assist with printing and distributing a version of the Basic Text that became known as the ‘baby blue’.  Baby blues are still printed and distributed all over the world. NAWS believed the literature was illegal and tried to put a stop to it by suing Dave. Dave won his case but was not able to enforce the settlement with NAWS before he passed away.  NAWS failed to follow thru on the agreement reached with Dave in court. The main speaker at a world convention expressed gratitude that members had vandalized Big Lou’s car, he hurled insults at Lou from the podium, and falsely accused him of profiting from sales of the Baby Blue.  Lou relapsed and died of an overdose shortly afterwards because Narcotics Anonymous was no longer a safe place for him to attend. These behaviors of misleading and targeting members who are outspoken against NAWS continue to this day. The Lower Desert Area in Palm Desert California created a video explaining the new Service System (called the SSP) proposed by NAWS. The system was designed by a professional firm and was intended to replace the existing service structure. By many accounts the area committee did an excellent job explaining the new system. Some NA members expressed concerns after viewing the video that the new system was overly complicated and violated the 12 traditions. NAWS heard of those concerns and responded by discrediting the individual who voiced the video. The chairman of the World Board issued a response that mislead the fellowship about the origins of the project by indicating it was a solo effort and not a service body’s creation.  

NAWS Delinquency

In researching this article, I discovered that the California Registration of Charities requires that tax forms be filed regularly. You can extend the deadline by only a few months. the year end of the NAWS corporation is June 30th so the latest the tax forms can be filed is May 15th of the following year with the state of California. The 2003, 2005 and 2008 tax returns for NAWS were not filed in a timely manner. On Sept 24th, 2009 a delinquency letter was issued that was ignored. A 2nd delinquency letter was issued in June of 2010. The correct paperwork was finally filed at the end of June of 2010. I contacted NAWS who insisted that an extension was granted but the Department of Justice for California indicated that an extension was neither requested nor granted. Failing to file the paperwork correctly jeopardizes an organization’s charitable status and could have resulted in serious consequences such as a loss of charitable status for a corporation that controls the copywrites to the literature.

More than 80% of NAWS revenue continues to come from sales of literature. The bulk of the profits come from North America where prices have risen dramatically. Information Pamphlets (IP’s), Basic Texts and a small book originally created in the 1960’s called the Little White book are examples of Literature sold by NAWS;

198919952016
# Items sold;  
IP’s (millions)5.84.25.2
Basic Texts363,089275,000272,124
White Books447,610400,000450,000
$Dollars
Cost of Goods$1,676,900$1,533,478$1,701,988
salaries1,050,8091,668,1172,959,260
travel176,880141,00026,957
Revenue$4,033,759$4,284,802$10,835,519
#Staff434475

Sales have been relatively flat for 30 years despite the Fellowship doubling in size. NAWS reliance on literature profits has caused a dramatic increase in markups as the years have gone by and a stagnant North American Fellowship bears the burden as wages, staffing and travel has increased. Today, there are far more trips both domestically and internationally but travel costs are now buried in other headings like ‘Fellowship Development’, ‘Conferences’ and ‘Workshops’ so the true total is likely over a million dollars but only 26,957 is reported on tax forms and annual reports.  The increased staffing and travel allow NAWS, special workers and world board members to promote the brand that they took control of when they secured the intellectual property rights. There is little support financial from the international community of Narcotics Anonymous in sales or donations. Travel costs are largely concerned with maintaining and selling the brand at fellowship events and to the literature buying community.  The South Florida Region recently requested an audit of NAWS and was granted a limited view of the books. The misinformation, the lack of accountability and lack of transparency will continue to affect NAWS. More and more, the groups that make up Narcotics Anonymous have turned away to alternative service structures or operate independently. Rumors persist that NAWS will seek to close that audit loophole and tighten control of the FIPT at the next WSC while never addressing the declining unity in North America.

Help Others

Narcotics Anonymous formed from a desire by early members to help others who struggled with drug addictions. The spiritual nature of the program relies on the generosity of members who attend regularly. The program says the core of the disease of addiction is self-obsession so the solution must be in altruism. The ‘weak majority’ of regions often complain of a lack of support from the Fellowship in regional summaries produced for the WSC.  The Fellowship who understand and are the source of the strength of the program are growing increasingly disillusioned and misinformed. This will continue to weaken the North American fellowship and forces NAWS to seek profits elsewhere by expanding the brand internationally. Literature profits will continue to drive the growth of NAWS, where as the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous will grow based on those members who work to create unity, regardless of personal interests.

Sick People

In about 2016 I had hit a low point in my recovery. I realized I had replaced drugs with lifestyle. A using addict attracts addicts who are using. It was a very subtle transition over years of trying to ‘be a part of’ and ‘fit in’ with the Fellowship. I found myself alone, shunned from service and abandoned by fake friends. I was suicidal and it felt like I was hitting bottom again. The difference was I knew that Narcotics Anonymous works. I had seen it happen to me and to many people around me. I understood that I had earned a seat, even if the entire room felt like it was against me. I have often found myself in uncomfortable places, so this was not a new feeling. I suppose some people would have walked away, but I really believed in NA and wanted to understand what had happened.

I used to travel a short distance for work and participated in a local Fellowship, but the loss of my job forced me to start fresh in a nearby Fellowship. I was unemployed and had nothing but free time. At that time the local Fellowship was experiencing a flood of activity and interest in NA. Our service committees were full, newcomers arrived regularly, and meetings were magical experiences. I sometimes felt like God had provided a special place for me to heal. This lasted for more than two years before it died out. I felt a renewed sense of purpose during that time.

I started writing and started to rebuild my life on a foundation of surrender. I had a few addicts who still talked to me and found refuge with newcomers who made me feel welcome. Many newcomers went out of their way to make me feel a part of. One resource was members and former members I would run into who had similar experiences. I was starting to understand why so few were of service.  Many addicts grow disillusioned and drift away. I started to understand the lack of support for services and the stagnation that exists in North American NA Fellowships. I wrote about my opinions and feelings. I became a voice for other addicts.

Complete Recovery and Acceptance with Society

I joined a local non-profit board involved in mental health and addictions. I found a new place to practice these principles and experienced what it was like to be a part of society. I found relationships that had never existed for me in the NA Fellowship. People liked me and welcomed my company. I received phone calls, visitors, and friendship. There is a line in Chapter 7 of the Basic Text that kept coming back to me; “Yet there are others, completely abstinent, whose dishonesties and self-deceits still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.” Narcotics Anonymous is a Fellowship of sick people. I am surprised today that I expected to be treated well.

Non-profit boards consist of volunteer board members, a paid Executive Director and sometimes a paid administrative assistant. The board is responsible to the members of the non-profit society they serve. Sometimes board members are elected at an annual general meeting. Often board members are voted in by the other board members.  The ED reports to the board and follows the direction of the board. The administrative assistant, and all the other staff of the society report to the ED. My boss was the society. I was an unpaid volunteer. The whole board discussed and voted to guide the actions of the ED. It seemed like a simple formula and not much different than what I had learned being of service in Narcotics Anonymous.

I went to my first board meeting. I was nervous and sweating but the other people made me feel welcome. I had read the reports. I was eager to participate. After the ED reviewed their report, I asked a question but the ED’s assistant shut me down. This person questioned my right to ask the question I was raising. I was shocked. It felt like the familiar sting of trauma I had left behind in service to NA months ago. I remember thinking ‘here we go again.’ Was I  the problem? To my surprise, the others jumped to my defense and the question was allowed. The rest of the board meeting went well.

The second board meeting was uneventful but the third was a repeat of the first. I was shocked be shut down again by the same assistant. Again, the other board members came to my defense and this time a formal apology was written addressed to me. I met with the person, and we talked about our conflict. I let them know I appreciated the apology. This was not Narcotics Anonymous service, and these people were healthy. We resolved our differences and eventually became friends.  I felt like I had found a home outside of NA and a place to serve. Being of service is critical to my recovery but it does not mean that I must be of service in NA. There are lots of places where I find addicts in service.

Being of Service

I noticed that healthy non-profit societies had fewer problems with membership and volunteers. Conversations with people are easy today. I grew in my ability to be a part of. I found friends. I joined other boards and found new places to volunteer. I lost all feeling of anxiety that had plagued me my whole life.

I still attend NA meetings regularly. I try to be honest and open in my dealings with the people in my life today. I enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society. I know it is important that I am vigilant. The phrase ‘being in recovery’ means something different for me today. I have developed a good sense of who I am. I continue to develop the skills required to apply spiritual principles in my life. There is a third factor that could be the most critical aspect of being in recovery and that is the people I surround myself with. We meet regularly to help each other. NA is not a self-help program.

I no longer rely on sick people. I do not believe you can surround yourself with sick people and stay healthy. Part of the solution was coming to the realization that all addicts are sick people. I’m a sick person too.  I thought about the solution for a long time. I have an answer that works for me today and I found it by hiking.

Hiking groups are like the Groups you find in Narcotics Anonymous. Some are full of sick people. I hike with people who have a desire to hike. I try not to make people hike but encourage anyone to try hiking. I like hiking groups, but I do not have to like all hiking groups. I try and hike with people as part of a group. I like to make sure that everyone makes it to the top and back out. It is important to me to be inclusive. If a hike is advertised as a ‘no dogs allowed’, and someone shows up with a dog, I have no problem speaking up. A hiking group might have sick people, but a strong, diverse group has lots of voices. I feel comfortable having a voice then. All the spiritual principles I have learned can be applied to a hiking group. The same holds true for Narcotics Anonymous. I support two NA home groups. I don’t even know some home group members by name. Hopefully we all have a voice. I show up with an attitude of gratitude and a willingness to be of service. I avoid the self-seekers and the sick members full of dishonesty and self-deception.  

 Unity and Autonomy

Autonomy is the right to govern oneself and one’s actions. I spent a lot of time in early recover learning about my behaviors and accepting the consequences of those behaviors. I learned to take responsibility for my life.  I grew in my autonomy by accepting responsibility. The more responsibility I took on, the stronger my autonomy became.  I also learned that being a part of a group improved the quality of my life. The character defects that I live with sometimes present themselves when I work with others. I have accepted that I have a lot of contempt for myself and others. The consequences of that defect are self-loathing and isolation. The Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous helped me develop new tools to deal with life and The Twelve Traditions gave me the ability to work well with others. As I practiced the spiritual principles, my defects became less of an issue.  Both my personal and my group’s autonomy are improved when I can put aside my ego. The knowledge of a Higher Power’s Will provides the guidance I need when considering my actions in personal and group decisions. Faith also becomes critical to my acceptance of life on life’s terms. I no longer need to try to control every outcome. I can make decisions that go against my will by allowing my Higher Power to guide me. My personal recovery depends on NA Unity. Our literature reminds me that dishonesty and self-deception prevent me from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance in society. Honesty, open mindedness, and willingness are the foundations of my recovery today.

Autonomy

The word ‘Autonomy’ is mentioned five times in the Second Edition of the Basic Text of Narcotics Anonymous.  All five references are a part of the Fourth Tradition:

“Each Group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting other Groups, or N.A. as a whole.”

Narcotics Anonymous, Fourth Tradition

 The first paragraph of the Fourth Tradition defines ‘Autonomy’ for the group as:

“The autonomy of our groups is necessary for our survival. A dictionary defines autonomous as “having the right or power of self-government…undertaken or carried on without outside control.” This means our groups are self-governing and are not subject to outside control. Every group has had to stand and grow on its own.”

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Six, Fourth Tradition.

This paragraph has remained unchanged in many versions of the Basic Text. Tradition Two defines the “ultimate authority of a group is a loving God as he may express himself in our Group Conscience.” What other authorities exist?

Other Authorities

It has been difficult for me to accept other authorities in my life. The longer I am clean, the stronger my sense of entitlement to having an opinion. Complacency is a smug sense of satisfaction with oneself and the enemy of every addict with clean time. I have learned to rely on the God of my understanding. I am open to different viewpoints. I need to look at my relationships when I find myself alone in service.

  • Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Six, Second Tradition.

“Those of us who have been involved in service or in founding an NA group sometimes have a hard time letting go. Egos and unfounded pride and self-will would destroy a group if given authority. We must remember that offices have been placed in trust, that we are trusted servants and that at no time do any of us govern. Narcotics Anonymous is a God-given Program, and we can maintain our group in dignity only through our group conscience and God’s love.”

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Six, Second Tradition.

‘At no time do any of us govern’ is a good reminder for those of us with strong opinions and big personalities. I know I need to keep my mouth shut more often than I do.

Services

Services are mentioned in the Fourth Tradition. Services are “the result of members who care enough to offer help and experience so that our road may be easier.”  Members outside the Group might offer help and their experience to guide the decisions of the Group, but that does not mean that they govern. The Fourth Tradition tells us that Leaders are trusted servants and do not govern. Services have no authority over the actions of the Group.

Members

Each Home Group member can be guided by their personal commitment to Step Three. A member may decide that the actions of the Group go against their personal beliefs or the will of their Higher Power. The reasons for leaving a Group are as varied as the addicts who attend. I have struggled with the decisions of every Home Group I have participated in. I am free to come and go from any group. My participation in NA does not require that I agree with every decision a group makes, or with popular opinion. Tradition Three offers that I only need to have a desire to stop using. Sometimes I find myself using my clean time, my experiences or my opinions to separate myself from other members of Narcotics Anonymous. I always have the choice to be a “part of”. I understand that my personal recovery depends on NA unity, regardless of popular opinion and how I feel about those opinions. Ultimately the group decisions come back to the Group Conscience.

Exceptions to Group Autonomy

Tradition Four does mention exceptions. Groups are free to do as they like except as it affects ‘other groups or NA as a whole’. I have not found any exceptions to the authority of a Higher Power in my life. I have found myself faced with conflicting choices. I made decisions and accepted the consequences. I regret some choices when I later reflect on them. Did I choose poorly or did my Higher Power have a lesson for me to learn? God’s Will is not always clear even after the decision is made. The same could be said for a Group.

Some groups choose to sign verification papers for court ordered attendance. Other groups see this as a clear violation of several traditions. Who decides which groups are right and which are wrong?

Bob Stone was an early executive director of the World Service Office and an early organizer of the World Service Conferences for Narcotics Anonymous. Bob did not identify as an addict. He wrote a book entitled ‘My Years in NA.’ In this book he detailed that several groups maintained urine screening policies for speakers and members in the 1970’s.

“It would seem that we, in our groups, can do whatever we decide regardless of what anyone says. This is partly true. Each group does have complete freedom, except when their actions affect other groups or N.A. as a whole. Like group conscience, autonomy can be a two-edged sword. Group autonomy has been used to justify the violation of the Traditions. If a contradiction exists, we have slipped away from our principles. If we check to make sure that our actions are clearly within the bounds of our Traditions; If we do not dictate to other groups, or force anything upon them; and if we consider the consequences of our action ahead of time, then all will be well.”

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Six, Fourth Tradition, Last Paragraph.

All will be well is a good indication of where Narcotics Anonymous is today. Contradiction does exist but individual Groups are thriving on a global scale.  Both Unity and Autonomy can exist in Narcotics Anonymous. Look at some of the organizations that fall under the category of services.

The NAWS Corporation

The NAWS Corporation claims to control the Intellectual Property Rights for all Groups, despite limited endorsement by the Groups themselves. Very few Groups participate in the World Service Conference. WSC Motions on policy presented by the NAWS corporation see little support from Groups. Sales of Corporate-produced literature remain stagnant after thirty years.  Supporters of the NAWS Corporation have been trying to promote the false claim of a ‘Collective Group Conscience.’ Some service bodies that support the NAWS Corporation provide free access to copywrite literature in violation of Corporate policies.

BMLT

The BMLT (Basic Meeting List Toolbox) is an independent organization of members who generously volunteer their time and efforts to produce accurate meeting lists for websites and hardcopy PDF files. They are very responsive to the groups they serve and are a shining example of what is possible.  Support by Groups for the BMLT could be as high as one third of the known Groups and surpass said support for by the NAWS Corporation.

Virtual-NA.org

Virtual-NA.org saved the lives of hundreds of thousands of addicts during the recent Global Pandemic. This online resource provided dependable, 24-hour access to thousands of NA meetings weekly, despite a lack of recognition by most service bodies and the NAWS Corporation. Virtual-NA has grown to over three thousand Groups and there is little indication of a decline with the Pandemic coming to an end.

Anonymous Free Press

Anonymous Free Press is a member-driven initiative to produce an electronic magazine. They operate independently of any service structures, utilizing the NA name without the approval of the NAWS Corporation, but with full support of a growing list of members. Membership has surged to over five hundred after only three editions.

All Else is not NA

The Narcotics Anonymous known globally was started in 1953. In 1972 the World Service Office was formed and a 1976  World Service Conference was organized.  The World Service Office was started to distribute literature. The World Service Conferences were organized to try and provide some structure to the growing Fellowships scattered around the United State, Canada and abroad. The World Service Office would eventually become Narcotics Anonymous World Services Inc. (NAWS Inc. for short) that took control of literature production and rights in the 1990’s.

By the early 1980’s, Narcotics Anonymous was starting to become a recognized solution for people who suffered from the disease of addiction. There were over one thousand Home Groups worldwide predominately in the United States but spreading to other parts of the world. A man known to many as ‘Bo S.’ rose to prominence within the Fellowship and with the support of the World Service Conference, became the World Literature Chair. Bo worked tirelessly and with great personal sacrifice to help the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous distill the combined knowledge of the time into what is known as the “Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text”.  The effect was dramatic; nothing would ever be the same again in Narcotics Anonymous. By the end of the 1980’s Narcotics Anonymous had grown to over ten thousand Home Groups, and there were many different versions of the Basic Text in circulation. Several of the original paragraphs that were reviewed and approved by the groups for printing became contentious with some of the founding members.

One might ask: Is this really true, are we truly autonomous, what about our service committees, our offices, our activities, our hotlines, and all the other things that go on in N.A.? The answer, of course, is that these things are not N.A. They are services that we can utilize to help us in our recovery and to further the primary purpose of our groups. Narcotics Anonymous is a Fellowship of men and women, addicts, meeting together in groups, and using a given set of spiritual principles to find freedom from addiction and a new way .to live. All else is not N.A. Those other things we mentioned are the result of members caring enough to reach out and offer their help and experience so that our road may be easier. Whether or not we choose to utilize these services for the benefit of a group is up to us, they are not thrust down our throats.

Basic Text, Tradition Four – Approval Draft, distributed 1981

A Rift forms and Members are Forced to Choose Sides.

This caused bitter infighting. Members were pitted against other members. In March of 1983, the chair of the World Service Board issued a response.

…fact that the book as approved by the 1982 World Service Conference contain the following inaccuracies: In tradition four the book states that SERVICE COMMITTEES ARE NOT NA and later in the same paragraph states “All ELSE IS NOT NA” clearly indicating that they are not a part of Narcotics Anonymous. The book further states “whether to utilize these services is up to the group”. This would allow any group to do whatever the group chose to do and continue to call themselves an NA Group, leaving the fellowship no recourse but to allow them to do so. Any group could use any literature they choose to use in meetings. The use of literature other than NA literature in meetings has been a problem in the past. This is but one of many problems that could surface in the future should the book be printed as approved.

Sally Evans, chair of the World Service Board – Link to the entire letter

World Literature Committee revoked publishing rights.

The World literature Committee were shocked at the unauthorized changes and revoked the rights of the World Service Office to print the Basic Text. What happened after is open to speculation and conjecture. There are a lot of opinions on what transpired over the next several years. Many experienced members simply walked away and returned to the roots of their recovery by supporting groups and local service efforts. Manipulation and control seem to always defeat kindness and generosity. This is evident in the fact that under NAWS Inc, The North American Groups have seen zero growth in over 30 years beyond the ever-increasing price of the literature. Members today are confused by the trusted servants who manipulate the truth and exert control. The significant international growth of the fellowship has come about because of the kindness and generosity of thousands of members like Bo S and not a result of service committees.

Collective will of the many and the few

The question that never seems to get asked is why the groups approved the literature with the phrase “all else is not N.A.” This was no random mistake or inaccuracies in transcription.   Thousands of addicts wrote, reviewed and approved the original literature. A small group of individuals modified the literature. Perhaps one answer is to go back further to the Little White Book.

“This is a simple spiritual -not religious-program, known as Narcotics Anonymous.”

Narcotics Anonymous, Little White Book,  “We Do Recover”, originally published 1966. See here on The Narcotics Anonymous Upper Cumberland Area website, History section.

a Google search offered this interesting explanation of religion.

“Religion is a set of texts, practices and beliefs about the transcendent shared by a community and involves a relationship with God. Spirituality on the other hand is about a person’s relationship with the transcendent questions that confront one as a human being. This may or may not involve relationships with God.” [Transcendent – beyond or above the range of normal or merely physical human experience.]

Tradition One

Tradition One tells us that “Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on N.A. unity.” I have always believed the Fellowship’s welfare is ahead of my personal welfare; personal recovery involves sacrifices.  Those sacrifices I make are not about loss or suffering but about generosity and kindness. These are some of the spiritual principles I practice in all my affairs.  If self-obsession is the core of the disease of addiction, then it would make sense that I adopt spiritual principles that oppose that behavior. My desire is to stop using not just drugs but anything that can be addictive including money, manipulation and control. The relationship I maintain with a power greater than myself is my source of strength. No service body can define what sacrifices I choose to make at any moment. The responsibility for my recovery lies within myself. The choices I make do not exclude me from membership.  The sacrifices I make can become the help I offer. “We meet regularly to help each other stay clean”.  NA is not a self-help program but a help others program. Narcotics Anonymous is a Fellowship and not a religion. I would say that my Fellowship is my Home Group and beyond that are other groups who may or may not choose to work in unity, but our common goal is to support members and attract newcomers and all else is not NA.

The Recovery Process

The early years of Narcotics Anonymous were full of efforts to document what worked. Those involved believed literature was important and could ease the journey of those who still suffered. Addicts who had experienced recovery found a sense of responsibility in carrying the message to the still suffering addicts. Tremendous efforts went into writing the Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text. There is an interesting sentence in the Basic Text originally published in 1981.

Yet there are others, completely abstinent, whose dishonesties and self-deceits still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.

Narcotics Anonymous, Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Seven, ‘Recovery and Relapse’, preamble, First paragraph.

Complete Recovery

Complete recovery is magical. When I can add to that ‘acceptance within society’ I feel what can only be described as an amazing state of grace. The only obstacles I have found to this grace are my dishonesty and self-deception. Clean time is not a factor as I talk to other members and visit various groups. It feels good to just accept the best from each day. My character defects do not affect my ability to enjoy complete recovery. My history no longer weighs me down. The future holds no surprises I need to fear. I am free to be the person worthy of unconditional love that I experienced at those first Narcotics Anonymous meetings I attended. Critical to my complete recovery is the idea that I am a sick person. Surrender and acceptance of the disease is my most important goal each day. I need to be mindful of the disease that surrounds me in Narcotics Anonymous. I was confused for a long time about how sick people can help me. I was confused about how the sickness affected me. I have come to an understanding of the process of recovery that works for me today.

After coming to N.A. we realized we were sick people…who suffered from a disease like Alcoholism, Diabetes or Tuberculosis. There is no known “cure” for these—all, however, can be arrested at some point and “recovery” is then possible.

Chapter Three, ‘Why are we here’, preamble, Third paragraph.

The Twelve Steps

I was taught that the disease can be arrested at some point and only then is recovery possible. Understanding how the disease affected me was a process I learned in the Twelve Steps. I learned about my assets and defects. I made peace with the past in my amends. The most important discovery was the concept of a higher Power. The spiritual nature of the program of Narcotics Anonymous gave me purpose. Purpose directs my efforts today. If self-obsession is the core of the disease, then meeting regularly to help each other seems like a logical solution. My efforts to be of service help to arrest the disease. I found that attending a meeting clean was the only service had to offer some days.

The progression of recovery is a continuous uphill journey. Without effort we start the downhill run again. The progression of the disease is an ongoing process, even during abstinence.

Narcotics Anonymous, Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Seven, ‘Recovery and Relapse’, preamble, Fourteenth paragraph.

Effort

The literature says that effort is required for recovery to become possible. I also learned that the disease progresses regardless of my efforts to recover. Narcotics Anonymous gave me the love I needed to overcome defects. My disease often manifests in my defects. I learned how to become entirely ready to have God remove the defects as obstacles to my efforts. The disease of addiction is insidious and some days I am reluctant to make any effort. Some days are better but I risk becoming complacent. Complacency is not laziness but a smug sense of satisfaction that I accomplished enough. Either way it is easy to return to using. The opportunity to use is on both sides of the pendulum of highs and lows.

The longer I am clean, the stronger my urge to use. I have experienced the progression of the disease despite remaining clean. I often find myself returning to using when acting on my defects.  Using tells me things that I want to hear. I sometimes find it difficult to silence the addict in my head.

The quality of my life has improved in recovery. My addiction tells me to see that as an accomplishment. That proves to me that I am doing the right things or that I know something. I stop seeing recovery as a blessing or gift that should be shared. My good fortune gives me the idea I can use successfully. My sense of entitlement grows. I need to remind myself that the longer I am here, the less I know. I have been here long enough to experience difficulties as well. The highs and lows are not evidence of anything other than life unfolding on life’s terms. I am powerless over each moment.  Each passing moment writes the future as past.  

I learned that my reluctance to apply effort to all areas of my life affects all aspects of my life.  The greatest teacher I have found is participation in a home group and the application of the Twelve Traditions.

The Twelve Traditions

My addict is using when he tells me things I want to hear.

  • I do not need to attend my home group business meetings. 
  • What I have to say is not important.
  • I simply do not care about my home group enough to attend.
  • I just want to avoid the struggles of working with other addicts.
  • I find am too busy to participate in service with others.  

The only alternative is to stop using and start learning how to live. When we are willing to follow this course and take advantage of the help available to us, a whole new life opens up. In this way, we do recover.

Today, secure in the love of the Fellowship, we can finally look another human being in the eye and be grateful for who we are.

Chapter Eight, ‘We Do Recover’, last two paragraphs.

I learned that we meet regularly to help each other. Narcotics Anonymous is not a self-help program. Fellowship is the members of my Home Group.

The Twelve Steps taught me about effort but the Twelve Traditions taught me about recovery. Today my efforts have a purpose. Addicts who arrive from the treatment industry often lack knowledge of the Twelve Traditions. It seems that many addicts meet regularly to only to help themselves. I found myself using NA as a social club. I tried to socialize and I attended conventions.

Today we experience a full range of feelings. Before coming into the Fellowship, we either felt elated or depressed with very little in between. Our negative sense of self has been replaced by a positive concern for others. Answers are provided and problems are solved. It is a great gift to feel human again.

What a change from the way we used to be! That’s how we know that the N.A. program works. It is the first thing that ever convinced us that we needed to change ourselves, instead of trying to change the people and situations around us. We discover new opportunities. We find a sense of self-worth. We learn self-respect. This is a program for doing just those things. By working the steps, we come to accept a Higher Power’s will; this acceptance leads us to recovery. We lose our fear of the unknown. We are set free.

Chapter Three, ‘Why Are We Here’, last two paragraphs.

‘We needed to change ourselves’ does not always mean I become a different person. For me it means that my efforts are sometimes uncomfortable. I cannot have my way all the time. By committing to carrying the message of NA I learned to put aside my personal preferences. This ability benefits me in other areas of my life. I learn to work with others regardless of my personal feelings. Today, I always feel connected to those around me.  Narcotics Anonymous is full of sick people. I no longer socialize with others in NA but on occasion I find people who are kind, compassionate and generous. Life is like that as well. When two members put aside their personalities to carry a message to the newcomer, we experience our greatest strength as a Fellowship. We do recover and that recovery carries over to our lives in society.

For All Intents and Purposes

My purpose in coming to Narcotics Anonymous was to explore a solution to a problem that had presented itself in my life. My purpose in using drugs had been lost for many years. Using drugs was a solution that no longer had a problem.  I came to realize that using created some of the problems in my life and likely played a role in all the problems. I can tell you how I got high to fit in, or sometimes it was to escape reality. There were a lot of reasons, but I could not figure out why I wanted to get high anymore. Using had become a compulsion. While my purpose in coming to NA was clear, my intent was not. Purpose is a direction and Intention is the idea and action I want carry out. I had no idea or plan. For all intents and purposes, I was lost.

Our primary purpose is to stay clean and to carry the message to the addict who still suffers.

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter two, ‘What is the N.A. Program?’, third paragraph.  

Purpose

I committed to the Narcotics Anonymous program of recovery. My intent was that I would fully embrace all that the program offered. I went to meetings, got involved in service, worked the Twelve Steps into my life and studied the Twelve Traditions. I got a sponsor and a home group. The actions I took formed my intent, but I would lose sight of the purpose. I struggled with purpose, finding a balance between staying clean and carrying the message. I found I could return to using by acting on my desires but remain clean. I also found that too much carrying the message brought me to resentment of others who lacked the level of commitment that I had. During all these episodes of my recovery, I could embrace my intentions and find purpose in the lessons. No matter how bad things felt, I could draw on the experiences of other addicts. I had found a new way to live. Each day I learned more about who I was and who I was intended to be.  For all intents and purposes, I was no longer lost.

When we first come to the Program, we usually express a lot of things which seem to be important wants and needs. As we grow spiritually and find out about a Power greater than ourselves, we begin to realize that as long as our spiritual needs are truly met, our living problems are reduced to a point of comfort. When we forget where our real strength lies, we quickly become subject to the same patterns of thinking and action that got us to the Program in the first place. We eventually redefine our beliefs and understanding to the point where we see that our greatest need is for knowledge of God’s will for us and the strength to carry that out. We are able to set aside some of our personal preference, if necessary, to do this because we learn that God’s will consists of the very things we care most about. God’s will for us becomes our own true will for ourselves. This happens in an intuitive manner which cannot be adequately explained in words.

Basic Text, Chapter Four, Step Eleven, Sixteenth Paragraph

Intent

There is this idea of putting aside my personal preferences for the sake of my Higher Power’s will. In doing that, I come to learn that my Higher Power is concerned with the ‘very things we care most about.’ Sometimes I choose poorly but I only discover in hindsight. I know that if I continue to ignore business meetings for my home group, the group suffers and addicts perish. Narcotics Anonymous is not a convenience store, staffed, everything lined up in neat rows, waiting for me to choose what I want. I understand the purpose of NA and I can align my actions with that purpose. Intent becomes as critical as purpose.

Membership in Narcotics Anonymous is not automatic when someone walks in the door or when the newcomer decides to stop using. The decision to become a part of our Fellowship rests with the individual. Any addict who has a desire to stop using can become a member of N.A. We are addicts and our problem is addiction.

Basic Text, Chapter Six, Tradition Two, Second Paragraph

The Recovered Addict

I am learning to be a good friend today. I support those I love and develop the skills to have intimate relationships in and out of the Fellowship. I recognize the blessings in my life today. It is not enough to have gratitude for being clean but also express the actions of the recovered addict.  I guard myself against dishonesty and self-deception. I no longer accept using or being used. For all intents and purposes, I choose to enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society.