Rebelsmed

The Benevolent Dictatorship of NAWS

Originally Published in 2019 on a website called ‘The Fix’

Narcotics Anonymous grew from the ashes of many failed attempts to find a solution to those who suffered from drug addictions. The first seeds were planted for some members who had experienced relief in Alcoholics Anonymous but most continued to perish. Early NA members adapted the 12 steps and 12 traditions from AA to suit the needs of addicts seeking recovery and started this new Fellowship in 1953. By 1980 after 27 years, there were 1,000 groups, mostly in the United States and many members who believed they had found a solution. Those experiences were gathered in the publication of the Basic Text in the early 80’s which became the primary book of Narcotics Anonymous. By 1987 there were 7,000 groups and an expanding service structure. There was tremendous power struggles and turbulence in a rapidly expanding fellowship. Nowhere was that more evident than with the handling of the literature. the Fellowship approved first edition of the Basic Text was printed in 1983. There were numerous revisions as a result of power struggles and this resulted in a poorly received, heavily edited 4^th edition in 1987. Narcotics Anonymous had a rift within the fellowship as a result and that would grow to become a chasm. The majority of those in control of the World Service Office had disagreed with the direction the groups wanted to go with regards to the service structures. Those early groups wanted the service structures to operate as outside enterprises from the Fellowship and groups should not be governed in any way. Some addicts believed it was important to maintain the autonomy of the groups who were responsible for carrying the message of NA. Others saw the service structures as an extension of the Fellowship they were serving and believed that groups would require governance in order to maintain the purity of the message. When the 5^th edition of the Basic Text was finally produced in 1988 it ushered in an era of stability as those who had supported governance took control. Early profits allowed the WSO (which would evolve into the Narcotics Anonymous World Service corporation (NAWS) in the 1990’s) to function and grow. Some of those profits were coming from sales of literature to outside organizations like Hazelden. Many members were happy with the results and were excited to move forward with this new entity. There were also those who held onto the past and expressed concerns about this new corporate image. The results are visible in the worldwide Fellowship that exists today. International efforts of individual members and groups continue to grow the fellowship, but North American growth has stagnated. A significant portion of those who attend Narcotics Anonymous meetings in North America today fail to understand the nature of the program because of misinformation.

Narcotics Anonymous, Today

Narcotics Anonymous is estimated to have at least 30,000 groups worldwide today that hold over 60,000 support meetings regularly (daily, weekly or other). The existing service structure of Narcotics Anonymous has each group assigning a group service representative or GSR. GSR’s often choose to come together to form an Area Service Committee (ASC) that assists those groups by providing services like meeting list distribution and help lines. ASC’s often elect a representative to attend a Regional Service Body, and each of the Regions can send a representative to a World Service Conference (WSC). The WSC was responsible for directing the actions of the World Service Office (WSO/NAWS). It is unclear how much support NAWS or the WSC has today from members and groups. Of the approximately 130+ regions that attend the WSC, only 37 claim to be 85% (or more) supported financially by the groups they serve but those regions account for half the groups in the world, and 60% of the meetings. This strong minority has little influence over the majority which will skew results of decisions. NAWS itself have been promoting Consensus Based Decision Making (CBDM) as a mechanism for making decisions. CBDM has a major flaw in what experts call ‘group think’ where dissension is lost as members always seek solutions. Service bodies only reflect the will of those who participate when CBDM is utilized. Groups have always sought direction by forming a conscience at the local level which is lost in CBDM. The original Basic Text written and approved by the groups in 1983 referred to service bodies as outside issues because those bodies could not create a group conscience and make decisions. The accountability to groups has been lost and members abdicate their responsibilities away to service structures.

Estimated Groups and Meetings from WSC Regional Reports

Regions That do not rely on literature profits or Conventions and the number of Groups reported

Only 27% of Regions report they are self supporting from Group/Area contributions but they account for 60% of meetings.

Literature Wars and the FIPT

In the 1980’s the demands from the growing fellowship created enormous opportunity for literature sales and governance. Certain members who remain true to NAWS have become highlighted speakers at events and actively promote NAWS. The WSO/NAWS who were reliant on literature sales to this expanding fellowship fueled the production of new literature. One annual report produced by the WSO/NAWS in the early 1990’s credits two major writing projects, the ‘Just For Today’, and ‘It Works, How and Why’ for saving the corporation financially. Both publications were never approved by groups and substantially written and approved by professionals and a select group of special workers. Another professional written publication was the 12 Concepts of Service. NAWS introduced the 12 Concepts of Service to help govern the efforts of the service bodies. Today, the Guide to World Services implicitly states that the 12 Concepts can only be modified by a tally vote of all the known groups in the world even though the groups never adopted the 12 Concepts. Clearly this is an act of governance which groups wanted to avoid in the original literature. The WSO/NAWS also created the Fellowship Intellectual Property Trust (FIPT) in 1991 to secure control of the copywrites on all current and future literature. Many believe this prompted the publication of the 6^th edition of the Basic Text.

Growth is another interesting source of misinformation. Taking figures from WSO/NAWS reports, we find that in 1986 we showed a total of 8380 meetings with all but 452 located in North America. In 1995, the total number of meetings registered with WSO/NAWS had climbed to about 18,500 in North America, and another 3,000 internationally. The number of meetings in North America has remained unchanged since then but it is difficult to get accurate numbers as some groups and areas no longer participate in North American regional and world services. Growth internationally has been nothing short of phenomenal and entirely developed by locals. No where is this more evident than in Iran. NAWS became aware of the Iranian fellowship in early 2000. NAWS representatives travelled to Iran in 2003 and found almost 4,000 groups with 18,000 meetings. Iran had translated literature, setup production and distribution without any direction from NAWS. NAWS touts the success story of Iran for Narcotics Anonymous but the irrelevance of NAWS in that success is not advertised. This story is repeated in many geographical areas of the world where local efforts to grow the fellowship and translate literature are often curtailed at some point by NAWS demands to control the intellectual property rights, the profits of sales and governance of the corporate image. By insisting that the service structures are a part of NA and not an outside enterprise, NAWS can include itself in the successes of a Fellowship that they had no part in creating. This promotes the NAWS corporate image but does little to promote unity and fellowship.

Baby Blues

Control of the copywrites has been a primary concern for NAWS for decades now. With so much controversy over the literature during the 1980’s and early 90’s, many individuals, groups and areas ignored NAWS and concerned themselves with local matters and started producing literature independently, including a Basic Text. Big Lou and Grateful Dave were two well-known trusted servants who were assigned by service structures to assist with printing and distributing a version of the Basic Text that became known as the ‘baby blue’. Baby blues are still printed and distributed all over the world. NAWS believed the literature was illegal and tried to put a stop to it by suing Dave. Dave won his case but was not able to enforce the settlement with NAWS before he passed away. NAWS failed to follow thru on the agreement reached with Dave in court. The main speaker at a world convention expressed gratitude that members had vandalized Big Lou’s car, he hurled insults at Lou from the podium, and falsely accused him of profiting from sales of the Baby Blue. Lou relapsed and died of an overdose shortly afterwards because Narcotics Anonymous was no longer a safe place for him to attend. These behaviors of misleading and targeting members who are outspoken against NAWS continue to this day. The Lower Desert Area in Palm Desert California created a video explaining the new Service System (called the SSP) proposed by NAWS. The system was designed by a professional firm and was intended to replace the existing service structure. By many accounts the area committee did an excellent job explaining the new system. Some NA members expressed concerns after viewing the video that the new system was overly complicated and violated the 12 traditions. NAWS heard of those concerns and responded by discrediting the individual who voiced the video. The chairman of the World Board issued a response that mislead the fellowship about the origins of the project by indicating it was a solo effort and not a service body’s creation.

NAWS Delinquency

In researching this article, I discovered that the California Registration of Charities requires that tax forms be filed regularly. You can extend the deadline by only a few months. the year end of the NAWS corporation is June 30th so the latest the tax forms can be filed is May 15^th of the following year with the state of California. The 2003, 2005 and 2008 tax returns for NAWS were not filed in a timely manner. On Sept 24^th, 2009 a delinquency letter was issued that was ignored. A 2^nd delinquency letter was issued in June of 2010. The correct paperwork was finally filed at the end of June of 2010. I contacted NAWS who insisted that an extension was granted but the Department of Justice for California indicated that an extension was neither requested nor granted. Failing to file the paperwork correctly jeopardizes an organization’s charitable status and could have resulted in serious consequences such as a loss of charitable status for a corporation that controls the copywrites to the literature.

More than 80% of NAWS revenue continues to come from sales of literature. The bulk of the profits come from North America where prices have risen dramatically. Information Pamphlets (IP’s), Basic Texts and a small book originally created in the 1960’s called the Little White book are examples of Literature sold by NAWS;

	1989	1995	2016
# Items sold;
IP’s (millions)	5.8	4.2	5.2
Basic Texts	363,089	275,000	272,124
White Books	447,610	400,000	450,000
$Dollars
Cost of Goods	$1,676,900	$1,533,478	$1,701,988
salaries	1,050,809	1,668,117	2,959,260
travel	176,880	141,000	26,957
Revenue	$4,033,759	$4,284,802	$10,835,519
#Staff	43	44	75

Sales have been relatively flat for 30 years despite the Fellowship doubling in size. NAWS reliance on literature profits has caused a dramatic increase in markups as the years have gone by and a stagnant North American Fellowship bears the burden as wages, staffing and travel has increased. Today, there are far more trips both domestically and internationally but travel costs are now buried in other headings like ‘Fellowship Development’, ‘Conferences’ and ‘Workshops’ so the true total is likely over a million dollars but only 26,957 is reported on tax forms and annual reports. The increased staffing and travel allow NAWS, special workers and world board members to promote the brand that they took control of when they secured the intellectual property rights. There is little support financial from the international community of Narcotics Anonymous in sales or donations. Travel costs are largely concerned with maintaining and selling the brand at fellowship events and to the literature buying community. The South Florida Region recently requested an audit of NAWS and was granted a limited view of the books. The misinformation, the lack of accountability and lack of transparency will continue to affect NAWS. More and more, the groups that make up Narcotics Anonymous have turned away to alternative service structures or operate independently. Rumors persist that NAWS will seek to close that audit loophole and tighten control of the FIPT at the next WSC while never addressing the declining unity in North America.

Help Others

Narcotics Anonymous formed from a desire by early members to help others who struggled with drug addictions. The spiritual nature of the program relies on the generosity of members who attend regularly. The program says the core of the disease of addiction is self-obsession so the solution must be in altruism. The ‘weak majority’ of regions often complain of a lack of support from the Fellowship in regional summaries produced for the WSC. The Fellowship who understand and are the source of the strength of the program are growing increasingly disillusioned and misinformed. This will continue to weaken the North American fellowship and forces NAWS to seek profits elsewhere by expanding the brand internationally. Literature profits will continue to drive the growth of NAWS, where as the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous will grow based on those members who work to create unity, regardless of personal interests.

Sick People

In about 2016 I had hit a low point in my recovery. I realized I had replaced drugs with lifestyle. A using addict attracts addicts who are using. It was a very subtle transition over years of trying to ‘be a part of’ and ‘fit in’ with the Fellowship. I found myself alone, shunned from service and abandoned by fake friends. I was suicidal and it felt like I was hitting bottom again. The difference was I knew that Narcotics Anonymous works. I had seen it happen to me and to many people around me. I understood that I had earned a seat, even if the entire room felt like it was against me. I have often found myself in uncomfortable places, so this was not a new feeling. I suppose some people would have walked away, but I really believed in NA and wanted to understand what had happened.

I used to travel a short distance for work and participated in a local Fellowship, but the loss of my job forced me to start fresh in a nearby Fellowship. I was unemployed and had nothing but free time. At that time the local Fellowship was experiencing a flood of activity and interest in NA. Our service committees were full, newcomers arrived regularly, and meetings were magical experiences. I sometimes felt like God had provided a special place for me to heal. This lasted for more than two years before it died out. I felt a renewed sense of purpose during that time.

I started writing and started to rebuild my life on a foundation of surrender. I had a few addicts who still talked to me and found refuge with newcomers who made me feel welcome. Many newcomers went out of their way to make me feel a part of. One resource was members and former members I would run into who had similar experiences. I was starting to understand why so few were of service. Many addicts grow disillusioned and drift away. I started to understand the lack of support for services and the stagnation that exists in North American NA Fellowships. I wrote about my opinions and feelings. I became a voice for other addicts.

Complete Recovery and Acceptance with Society

I joined a local non-profit board involved in mental health and addictions. I found a new place to practice these principles and experienced what it was like to be a part of society. I found relationships that had never existed for me in the NA Fellowship. People liked me and welcomed my company. I received phone calls, visitors, and friendship. There is a line in Chapter 7 of the Basic Text that kept coming back to me; “Yet there are others, completely abstinent, whose dishonesties and self-deceits still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.” Narcotics Anonymous is a Fellowship of sick people. I am surprised today that I expected to be treated well.

Non-profit boards consist of volunteer board members, a paid Executive Director and sometimes a paid administrative assistant. The board is responsible to the members of the non-profit society they serve. Sometimes board members are elected at an annual general meeting. Often board members are voted in by the other board members. The ED reports to the board and follows the direction of the board. The administrative assistant, and all the other staff of the society report to the ED. My boss was the society. I was an unpaid volunteer. The whole board discussed and voted to guide the actions of the ED. It seemed like a simple formula and not much different than what I had learned being of service in Narcotics Anonymous.

I went to my first board meeting. I was nervous and sweating but the other people made me feel welcome. I had read the reports. I was eager to participate. After the ED reviewed their report, I asked a question but the ED’s assistant shut me down. This person questioned my right to ask the question I was raising. I was shocked. It felt like the familiar sting of trauma I had left behind in service to NA months ago. I remember thinking ‘here we go again.’ Was I the problem? To my surprise, the others jumped to my defense and the question was allowed. The rest of the board meeting went well.

The second board meeting was uneventful but the third was a repeat of the first. I was shocked be shut down again by the same assistant. Again, the other board members came to my defense and this time a formal apology was written addressed to me. I met with the person, and we talked about our conflict. I let them know I appreciated the apology. This was not Narcotics Anonymous service, and these people were healthy. We resolved our differences and eventually became friends. I felt like I had found a home outside of NA and a place to serve. Being of service is critical to my recovery but it does not mean that I must be of service in NA. There are lots of places where I find addicts in service.

Being of Service

I noticed that healthy non-profit societies had fewer problems with membership and volunteers. Conversations with people are easy today. I grew in my ability to be a part of. I found friends. I joined other boards and found new places to volunteer. I lost all feeling of anxiety that had plagued me my whole life.

I still attend NA meetings regularly. I try to be honest and open in my dealings with the people in my life today. I enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society. I know it is important that I am vigilant. The phrase ‘being in recovery’ means something different for me today. I have developed a good sense of who I am. I continue to develop the skills required to apply spiritual principles in my life. There is a third factor that could be the most critical aspect of being in recovery and that is the people I surround myself with. We meet regularly to help each other. NA is not a self-help program.

I no longer rely on sick people. I do not believe you can surround yourself with sick people and stay healthy. Part of the solution was coming to the realization that all addicts are sick people. I’m a sick person too. I thought about the solution for a long time. I have an answer that works for me today and I found it by hiking.

Hiking groups are like the Groups you find in Narcotics Anonymous. Some are full of sick people. I hike with people who have a desire to hike. I try not to make people hike but encourage anyone to try hiking. I like hiking groups, but I do not have to like all hiking groups. I try and hike with people as part of a group. I like to make sure that everyone makes it to the top and back out. It is important to me to be inclusive. If a hike is advertised as a ‘no dogs allowed’, and someone shows up with a dog, I have no problem speaking up. A hiking group might have sick people, but a strong, diverse group has lots of voices. I feel comfortable having a voice then. All the spiritual principles I have learned can be applied to a hiking group. The same holds true for Narcotics Anonymous. I support two NA home groups. I don’t even know some home group members by name. Hopefully we all have a voice. I show up with an attitude of gratitude and a willingness to be of service. I avoid the self-seekers and the sick members full of dishonesty and self-deception.

Unity and Autonomy

Autonomy is the right to govern oneself and one’s actions. I spent a lot of time in early recover learning about my behaviors and accepting the consequences of those behaviors. I learned to take responsibility for my life. I grew in my autonomy by accepting responsibility. The more responsibility I took on, the stronger my autonomy became. I also learned that being a part of a group improved the quality of my life. The character defects that I live with sometimes present themselves when I work with others. I have accepted that I have a lot of contempt for myself and others. The consequences of that defect are self-loathing and isolation. The Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous helped me develop new tools to deal with life and The Twelve Traditions gave me the ability to work well with others. As I practiced the spiritual principles, my defects became less of an issue. Both my personal and my group’s autonomy are improved when I can put aside my ego. The knowledge of a Higher Power’s Will provides the guidance I need when considering my actions in personal and group decisions. Faith also becomes critical to my acceptance of life on life’s terms. I no longer need to try to control every outcome. I can make decisions that go against my will by allowing my Higher Power to guide me. My personal recovery depends on NA Unity. Our literature reminds me that dishonesty and self-deception prevent me from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance in society. Honesty, open mindedness, and willingness are the foundations of my recovery today.

Autonomy

The word ‘Autonomy’ is mentioned five times in the Second Edition of the Basic Text of Narcotics Anonymous. All five references are a part of the Fourth Tradition:

“Each Group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting other Groups, or N.A. as a whole.”
Narcotics Anonymous, Fourth Tradition

The first paragraph of the Fourth Tradition defines ‘Autonomy’ for the group as:

“The autonomy of our groups is necessary for our survival. A dictionary defines autonomous as “having the right or power of self-government…undertaken or carried on without outside control.” This means our groups are self-governing and are not subject to outside control. Every group has had to stand and grow on its own.”
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Six, Fourth Tradition.

This paragraph has remained unchanged in many versions of the Basic Text. Tradition Two defines the “ultimate authority of a group is a loving God as he may express himself in our Group Conscience.” What other authorities exist?

Other Authorities

It has been difficult for me to accept other authorities in my life. The longer I am clean, the stronger my sense of entitlement to having an opinion. Complacency is a smug sense of satisfaction with oneself and the enemy of every addict with clean time. I have learned to rely on the God of my understanding. I am open to different viewpoints. I need to look at my relationships when I find myself alone in service.

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Six, Second Tradition.

“Those of us who have been involved in service or in founding an NA group sometimes have a hard time letting go. Egos and unfounded pride and self-will would destroy a group if given authority. We must remember that offices have been placed in trust, that we are trusted servants and that at no time do any of us govern. Narcotics Anonymous is a God-given Program, and we can maintain our group in dignity only through our group conscience and God’s love.”
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Six, Second Tradition.

‘At no time do any of us govern’ is a good reminder for those of us with strong opinions and big personalities. I know I need to keep my mouth shut more often than I do.

Services

Services are mentioned in the Fourth Tradition. Services are “the result of members who care enough to offer help and experience so that our road may be easier.” Members outside the Group might offer help and their experience to guide the decisions of the Group, but that does not mean that they govern. The Fourth Tradition tells us that Leaders are trusted servants and do not govern. Services have no authority over the actions of the Group.

Members

Each Home Group member can be guided by their personal commitment to Step Three. A member may decide that the actions of the Group go against their personal beliefs or the will of their Higher Power. The reasons for leaving a Group are as varied as the addicts who attend. I have struggled with the decisions of every Home Group I have participated in. I am free to come and go from any group. My participation in NA does not require that I agree with every decision a group makes, or with popular opinion. Tradition Three offers that I only need to have a desire to stop using. Sometimes I find myself using my clean time, my experiences or my opinions to separate myself from other members of Narcotics Anonymous. I always have the choice to be a “part of”. I understand that my personal recovery depends on NA unity, regardless of popular opinion and how I feel about those opinions. Ultimately the group decisions come back to the Group Conscience.

Exceptions to Group Autonomy

Tradition Four does mention exceptions. Groups are free to do as they like except as it affects ‘other groups or NA as a whole’. I have not found any exceptions to the authority of a Higher Power in my life. I have found myself faced with conflicting choices. I made decisions and accepted the consequences. I regret some choices when I later reflect on them. Did I choose poorly or did my Higher Power have a lesson for me to learn? God’s Will is not always clear even after the decision is made. The same could be said for a Group.

Some groups choose to sign verification papers for court ordered attendance. Other groups see this as a clear violation of several traditions. Who decides which groups are right and which are wrong?

Bob Stone was an early executive director of the World Service Office and an early organizer of the World Service Conferences for Narcotics Anonymous. Bob did not identify as an addict. He wrote a book entitled ‘My Years in NA.’ In this book he detailed that several groups maintained urine screening policies for speakers and members in the 1970’s.

“It would seem that we, in our groups, can do whatever we decide regardless of what anyone says. This is partly true. Each group does have complete freedom, except when their actions affect other groups or N.A. as a whole. Like group conscience, autonomy can be a two-edged sword. Group autonomy has been used to justify the violation of the Traditions. If a contradiction exists, we have slipped away from our principles. If we check to make sure that our actions are clearly within the bounds of our Traditions; If we do not dictate to other groups, or force anything upon them; and if we consider the consequences of our action ahead of time, then all will be well.”
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Six, Fourth Tradition, Last Paragraph.

All will be well is a good indication of where Narcotics Anonymous is today. Contradiction does exist but individual Groups are thriving on a global scale. Both Unity and Autonomy can exist in Narcotics Anonymous. Look at some of the organizations that fall under the category of services.

The NAWS Corporation

The NAWS Corporation claims to control the Intellectual Property Rights for all Groups, despite limited endorsement by the Groups themselves. Very few Groups participate in the World Service Conference. WSC Motions on policy presented by the NAWS corporation see little support from Groups. Sales of Corporate-produced literature remain stagnant after thirty years. Supporters of the NAWS Corporation have been trying to promote the false claim of a ‘Collective Group Conscience.’ Some service bodies that support the NAWS Corporation provide free access to copywrite literature in violation of Corporate policies.

BMLT

The BMLT (Basic Meeting List Toolbox) is an independent organization of members who generously volunteer their time and efforts to produce accurate meeting lists for websites and hardcopy PDF files. They are very responsive to the groups they serve and are a shining example of what is possible. Support by Groups for the BMLT could be as high as one third of the known Groups and surpass said support for by the NAWS Corporation.

Virtual-NA.org

Virtual-NA.org saved the lives of hundreds of thousands of addicts during the recent Global Pandemic. This online resource provided dependable, 24-hour access to thousands of NA meetings weekly, despite a lack of recognition by most service bodies and the NAWS Corporation. Virtual-NA has grown to over three thousand Groups and there is little indication of a decline with the Pandemic coming to an end.

Anonymous Free Press

Anonymous Free Press is a member-driven initiative to produce an electronic magazine. They operate independently of any service structures, utilizing the NA name without the approval of the NAWS Corporation, but with full support of a growing list of members. Membership has surged to over five hundred after only three editions.

All Else is not NA

The Narcotics Anonymous known globally was started in 1953. In 1972 the World Service Office was formed and a 1976 World Service Conference was organized. The World Service Office was started to distribute literature. The World Service Conferences were organized to try and provide some structure to the growing Fellowships scattered around the United State, Canada and abroad. The World Service Office would eventually become Narcotics Anonymous World Services Inc. (NAWS Inc. for short) that took control of literature production and rights in the 1990’s.

By the early 1980’s, Narcotics Anonymous was starting to become a recognized solution for people who suffered from the disease of addiction. There were over one thousand Home Groups worldwide predominately in the United States but spreading to other parts of the world. A man known to many as ‘Bo S.’ rose to prominence within the Fellowship and with the support of the World Service Conference, became the World Literature Chair. Bo worked tirelessly and with great personal sacrifice to help the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous distill the combined knowledge of the time into what is known as the “Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text”. The effect was dramatic; nothing would ever be the same again in Narcotics Anonymous. By the end of the 1980’s Narcotics Anonymous had grown to over ten thousand Home Groups, and there were many different versions of the Basic Text in circulation. Several of the original paragraphs that were reviewed and approved by the groups for printing became contentious with some of the founding members.

One might ask: Is this really true, are we truly autonomous, what about our service committees, our offices, our activities, our hotlines, and all the other things that go on in N.A.? The answer, of course, is that these things are not N.A. They are services that we can utilize to help us in our recovery and to further the primary purpose of our groups. Narcotics Anonymous is a Fellowship of men and women, addicts, meeting together in groups, and using a given set of spiritual principles to find freedom from addiction and a new way .to live. All else is not N.A. Those other things we mentioned are the result of members caring enough to reach out and offer their help and experience so that our road may be easier. Whether or not we choose to utilize these services for the benefit of a group is up to us, they are not thrust down our throats.
Basic Text, Tradition Four – Approval Draft, distributed 1981

A Rift forms and Members are Forced to Choose Sides.

This caused bitter infighting. Members were pitted against other members. In March of 1983, the chair of the World Service Board issued a response.

…fact that the book as approved by the 1982 World Service Conference contain the following inaccuracies: In tradition four the book states that SERVICE COMMITTEES ARE NOT NA and later in the same paragraph states “All ELSE IS NOT NA” clearly indicating that they are not a part of Narcotics Anonymous. The book further states “whether to utilize these services is up to the group”. This would allow any group to do whatever the group chose to do and continue to call themselves an NA Group, leaving the fellowship no recourse but to allow them to do so. Any group could use any literature they choose to use in meetings. The use of literature other than NA literature in meetings has been a problem in the past. This is but one of many problems that could surface in the future should the book be printed as approved.
Sally Evans, chair of the World Service Board – Link to the entire letter

World Literature Committee revoked publishing rights.

The World literature Committee were shocked at the unauthorized changes and revoked the rights of the World Service Office to print the Basic Text. What happened after is open to speculation and conjecture. There are a lot of opinions on what transpired over the next several years. Many experienced members simply walked away and returned to the roots of their recovery by supporting groups and local service efforts. Manipulation and control seem to always defeat kindness and generosity. This is evident in the fact that under NAWS Inc, The North American Groups have seen zero growth in over 30 years beyond the ever-increasing price of the literature. Members today are confused by the trusted servants who manipulate the truth and exert control. The significant international growth of the fellowship has come about because of the kindness and generosity of thousands of members like Bo S and not a result of service committees.

Collective will of the many and the few

The question that never seems to get asked is why the groups approved the literature with the phrase “all else is not N.A.” This was no random mistake or inaccuracies in transcription. Thousands of addicts wrote, reviewed and approved the original literature. A small group of individuals modified the literature. Perhaps one answer is to go back further to the Little White Book.

“This is a simple spiritual -not religious-program, known as Narcotics Anonymous.”
Narcotics Anonymous, Little White Book, “We Do Recover”, originally published 1966. See here on The Narcotics Anonymous Upper Cumberland Area website, History section.

a Google search offered this interesting explanation of religion.

“Religion is a set of texts, practices and beliefs about the transcendent shared by a community and involves a relationship with God. Spirituality on the other hand is about a person’s relationship with the transcendent questions that confront one as a human being. This may or may not involve relationships with God.” [Transcendent – beyond or above the range of normal or merely physical human experience.]

Tradition One

Tradition One tells us that “Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on N.A. unity.” I have always believed the Fellowship’s welfare is ahead of my personal welfare; personal recovery involves sacrifices. Those sacrifices I make are not about loss or suffering but about generosity and kindness. These are some of the spiritual principles I practice in all my affairs. If self-obsession is the core of the disease of addiction, then it would make sense that I adopt spiritual principles that oppose that behavior. My desire is to stop using not just drugs but anything that can be addictive including money, manipulation and control. The relationship I maintain with a power greater than myself is my source of strength. No service body can define what sacrifices I choose to make at any moment. The responsibility for my recovery lies within myself. The choices I make do not exclude me from membership. The sacrifices I make can become the help I offer. “We meet regularly to help each other stay clean”. NA is not a self-help program but a help others program. Narcotics Anonymous is a Fellowship and not a religion. I would say that my Fellowship is my Home Group and beyond that are other groups who may or may not choose to work in unity, but our common goal is to support members and attract newcomers and all else is not NA.

The Recovery Process

The early years of Narcotics Anonymous were full of efforts to document what worked. Those involved believed literature was important and could ease the journey of those who still suffered. Addicts who had experienced recovery found a sense of responsibility in carrying the message to the still suffering addicts. Tremendous efforts went into writing the Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text. There is an interesting sentence in the Basic Text originally published in 1981.

Yet there are others, completely abstinent, whose dishonesties and self-deceits still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.
Narcotics Anonymous, Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Seven, ‘Recovery and Relapse’, preamble, First paragraph.

Complete Recovery

Complete recovery is magical. When I can add to that ‘acceptance within society’ I feel what can only be described as an amazing state of grace. The only obstacles I have found to this grace are my dishonesty and self-deception. Clean time is not a factor as I talk to other members and visit various groups. It feels good to just accept the best from each day. My character defects do not affect my ability to enjoy complete recovery. My history no longer weighs me down. The future holds no surprises I need to fear. I am free to be the person worthy of unconditional love that I experienced at those first Narcotics Anonymous meetings I attended. Critical to my complete recovery is the idea that I am a sick person. Surrender and acceptance of the disease is my most important goal each day. I need to be mindful of the disease that surrounds me in Narcotics Anonymous. I was confused for a long time about how sick people can help me. I was confused about how the sickness affected me. I have come to an understanding of the process of recovery that works for me today.

After coming to N.A. we realized we were sick people…who suffered from a disease like Alcoholism, Diabetes or Tuberculosis. There is no known “cure” for these—all, however, can be arrested at some point and “recovery” is then possible.
Chapter Three, ‘Why are we here’, preamble, Third paragraph.

The Twelve Steps

I was taught that the disease can be arrested at some point and only then is recovery possible. Understanding how the disease affected me was a process I learned in the Twelve Steps. I learned about my assets and defects. I made peace with the past in my amends. The most important discovery was the concept of a higher Power. The spiritual nature of the program of Narcotics Anonymous gave me purpose. Purpose directs my efforts today. If self-obsession is the core of the disease, then meeting regularly to help each other seems like a logical solution. My efforts to be of service help to arrest the disease. I found that attending a meeting clean was the only service had to offer some days.

The progression of recovery is a continuous uphill journey. Without effort we start the downhill run again. The progression of the disease is an ongoing process, even during abstinence.
Narcotics Anonymous, Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Seven, ‘Recovery and Relapse’, preamble, Fourteenth paragraph.

Effort

The literature says that effort is required for recovery to become possible. I also learned that the disease progresses regardless of my efforts to recover. Narcotics Anonymous gave me the love I needed to overcome defects. My disease often manifests in my defects. I learned how to become entirely ready to have God remove the defects as obstacles to my efforts. The disease of addiction is insidious and some days I am reluctant to make any effort. Some days are better but I risk becoming complacent. Complacency is not laziness but a smug sense of satisfaction that I accomplished enough. Either way it is easy to return to using. The opportunity to use is on both sides of the pendulum of highs and lows.

The longer I am clean, the stronger my urge to use. I have experienced the progression of the disease despite remaining clean. I often find myself returning to using when acting on my defects. Using tells me things that I want to hear. I sometimes find it difficult to silence the addict in my head.

The quality of my life has improved in recovery. My addiction tells me to see that as an accomplishment. That proves to me that I am doing the right things or that I know something. I stop seeing recovery as a blessing or gift that should be shared. My good fortune gives me the idea I can use successfully. My sense of entitlement grows. I need to remind myself that the longer I am here, the less I know. I have been here long enough to experience difficulties as well. The highs and lows are not evidence of anything other than life unfolding on life’s terms. I am powerless over each moment. Each passing moment writes the future as past.

I learned that my reluctance to apply effort to all areas of my life affects all aspects of my life. The greatest teacher I have found is participation in a home group and the application of the Twelve Traditions.

The Twelve Traditions

My addict is using when he tells me things I want to hear.

I do not need to attend my home group business meetings.
What I have to say is not important.
I simply do not care about my home group enough to attend.
I just want to avoid the struggles of working with other addicts.
I find am too busy to participate in service with others.

The only alternative is to stop using and start learning how to live. When we are willing to follow this course and take advantage of the help available to us, a whole new life opens up. In this way, we do recover.

Today, secure in the love of the Fellowship, we can finally look another human being in the eye and be grateful for who we are.
Chapter Eight, ‘We Do Recover’, last two paragraphs.

I learned that we meet regularly to help each other. Narcotics Anonymous is not a self-help program. Fellowship is the members of my Home Group.

The Twelve Steps taught me about effort but the Twelve Traditions taught me about recovery. Today my efforts have a purpose. Addicts who arrive from the treatment industry often lack knowledge of the Twelve Traditions. It seems that many addicts meet regularly to only to help themselves. I found myself using NA as a social club. I tried to socialize and I attended conventions.

Today we experience a full range of feelings. Before coming into the Fellowship, we either felt elated or depressed with very little in between. Our negative sense of self has been replaced by a positive concern for others. Answers are provided and problems are solved. It is a great gift to feel human again.

What a change from the way we used to be! That’s how we know that the N.A. program works. It is the first thing that ever convinced us that we needed to change ourselves, instead of trying to change the people and situations around us. We discover new opportunities. We find a sense of self-worth. We learn self-respect. This is a program for doing just those things. By working the steps, we come to accept a Higher Power’s will; this acceptance leads us to recovery. We lose our fear of the unknown. We are set free.
Chapter Three, ‘Why Are We Here’, last two paragraphs.

‘We needed to change ourselves’ does not always mean I become a different person. For me it means that my efforts are sometimes uncomfortable. I cannot have my way all the time. By committing to carrying the message of NA I learned to put aside my personal preferences. This ability benefits me in other areas of my life. I learn to work with others regardless of my personal feelings. Today, I always feel connected to those around me. Narcotics Anonymous is full of sick people. I no longer socialize with others in NA but on occasion I find people who are kind, compassionate and generous. Life is like that as well. When two members put aside their personalities to carry a message to the newcomer, we experience our greatest strength as a Fellowship. We do recover and that recovery carries over to our lives in society.

For All Intents and Purposes

My purpose in coming to Narcotics Anonymous was to explore a solution to a problem that had presented itself in my life. My purpose in using drugs had been lost for many years. Using drugs was a solution that no longer had a problem. I came to realize that using created some of the problems in my life and likely played a role in all the problems. I can tell you how I got high to fit in, or sometimes it was to escape reality. There were a lot of reasons, but I could not figure out why I wanted to get high anymore. Using had become a compulsion. While my purpose in coming to NA was clear, my intent was not. Purpose is a direction and Intention is the idea and action I want carry out. I had no idea or plan. For all intents and purposes, I was lost.

Our primary purpose is to stay clean and to carry the message to the addict who still suffers.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter two, ‘What is the N.A. Program?’, third paragraph.

Purpose

I committed to the Narcotics Anonymous program of recovery. My intent was that I would fully embrace all that the program offered. I went to meetings, got involved in service, worked the Twelve Steps into my life and studied the Twelve Traditions. I got a sponsor and a home group. The actions I took formed my intent, but I would lose sight of the purpose. I struggled with purpose, finding a balance between staying clean and carrying the message. I found I could return to using by acting on my desires but remain clean. I also found that too much carrying the message brought me to resentment of others who lacked the level of commitment that I had. During all these episodes of my recovery, I could embrace my intentions and find purpose in the lessons. No matter how bad things felt, I could draw on the experiences of other addicts. I had found a new way to live. Each day I learned more about who I was and who I was intended to be. For all intents and purposes, I was no longer lost.

When we first come to the Program, we usually express a lot of things which seem to be important wants and needs. As we grow spiritually and find out about a Power greater than ourselves, we begin to realize that as long as our spiritual needs are truly met, our living problems are reduced to a point of comfort. When we forget where our real strength lies, we quickly become subject to the same patterns of thinking and action that got us to the Program in the first place. We eventually redefine our beliefs and understanding to the point where we see that our greatest need is for knowledge of God’s will for us and the strength to carry that out. We are able to set aside some of our personal preference, if necessary, to do this because we learn that God’s will consists of the very things we care most about. God’s will for us becomes our own true will for ourselves. This happens in an intuitive manner which cannot be adequately explained in words.
Basic Text, Chapter Four, Step Eleven, Sixteenth Paragraph

Intent

There is this idea of putting aside my personal preferences for the sake of my Higher Power’s will. In doing that, I come to learn that my Higher Power is concerned with the ‘very things we care most about.’ Sometimes I choose poorly but I only discover in hindsight. I know that if I continue to ignore business meetings for my home group, the group suffers and addicts perish. Narcotics Anonymous is not a convenience store, staffed, everything lined up in neat rows, waiting for me to choose what I want. I understand the purpose of NA and I can align my actions with that purpose. Intent becomes as critical as purpose.

Membership in Narcotics Anonymous is not automatic when someone walks in the door or when the newcomer decides to stop using. The decision to become a part of our Fellowship rests with the individual. Any addict who has a desire to stop using can become a member of N.A. We are addicts and our problem is addiction.
Basic Text, Chapter Six, Tradition Two, Second Paragraph

The Recovered Addict

I am learning to be a good friend today. I support those I love and develop the skills to have intimate relationships in and out of the Fellowship. I recognize the blessings in my life today. It is not enough to have gratitude for being clean but also express the actions of the recovered addict. I guard myself against dishonesty and self-deception. I no longer accept using or being used. For all intents and purposes, I choose to enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society.

Primary Purpose

The last year has been quite interesting because I have been living without anxiety. I still suffer from anxiety during certain instances like public speaking or if I make a fool of myself by saying or doing something awkward. The general, underlying anxiety that I have experienced most of my life has gone. I remember the circumstances that lead to the feelings of anxiety passing through rather than lingering. I spent time in meditation on the source of this miracle and believe it comes from the concept of a primary purpose.

Our primary purpose is to stay clean and to carry the message to the addict who still suffers.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Two ‘What is the N.A. Program?”, Third paragraph.

I often repeated or listened to others talk about the ‘Primary Purpose’. I see now that sometimes I was trying to sway others into seeing my point of view on a given subject. I believe that is true for many of our members. All the tools I learn in NA are subject to being used to manipulate people to maintain my using as much as it is to maintain my recovery. Recovery can be difficult at times, and we are all capable of complacency. Step Twelve says that our service in Narcotics Anonymous is to further the primary purpose of our groups.

We attend meetings and make ourselves visible and available to serve the Fellowship. We give freely and gratefully of our time, service, and what we have found here. The service we speak of in Narcotics Anonymous is the primary purpose of our groups. Service work is carrying the message to the addict who still suffers. The more eagerly we wade in and work, the richer our spiritual awakening will be.
Chapter Four ‘How It Works’, Step Twelve, Paragraph Twelve.

Individual and Group Purpose

My ideas of purpose might differ from another person’s. Within the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous individuals can have different goals. Someone with a background in prisons might focus their efforts on carrying the message into prisons. We also know from the literature that there are ‘Self-Seekers’ and members who’s dishonesty and self-deception prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society. An NA Group is governed by an ultimate authority; A loving Higher Power as expressed in a Group Conscience. I believe that the expression of the Primary Purpose comes from that Group Conscience. Groups can flourish and grow by attracting new members. I have found for myself that the primary purpose of the group is the most attractive part of the group.

One might ask, “Are we truly autonomous? What about our service committees, our offices, activities, and all the other things that go on in N.A.?” The answer is that these things are not N.A. They are services we utilize to help us in our recovery and to further the primary purpose of our groups. Narcotics Anonymous is a Fellowship of men and women; addicts meeting in groups and using a given set of spiritual principles to find freedom from addiction and a new way to live. All else is not N.A. Those things we mentioned are the result of members caring enough to reach out and offer their help and experience so that our road might be easier. Whether we choose to utilize these services is up to the group.
Basic Text, Chapter Six “The Twelve Traditions of Narcotics Anonymous’, Tradition Four, preamble

Unity of Purpose

Groups can struggle with unity. There are a lot of forces at work that make unity difficult. I have found that having a primary purpose helps to direct the efforts of the group. I have experienced a great deal in the last four years because of being part of a virtual home group. I have been free of the strong personalities that often dominate local fellowships. I have come to see that having a clear idea of primary purpose helps in all aspects of my life.

This Sixth Tradition goes on to warn us what may happen: “lest problems of money, property or prestige divert us from our primary purpose.” These often become obsessions and shut us off from our spiritual aim. For the individual, this type of abuse can be devastating; for the group, it can be disastrous. When we as a group waiver from our primary purpose, addicts die who might have found recovery.
Basic Text, Chapter Six The Twelve Traditions of Narcotics Anonymous’, Tradition Six, last paragraph

I practice principles in all my affairs. When I volunteer or when I’m at work. I practice them with my family and my friends. Regardless of the group I’m involved with, it helps me to think about a primary purpose. The primary purpose of a meeting at work might be to resolve some issue related to work flow. I put aside my personality and focus on principles. I might not feel like I always ‘win’ but the group benefits from my involvement and participation. I have a voice, but I strive to give others a voice too. By focusing on a primary purpose, I find my anxiety is decreased or eliminated. I am less focused on the outcome. I put God’s will ahead of my own. I have more faith and less fear about the future. I am free…of anxiety!

Thursday Night

The Thursday night meeting I attended last week was such a powerful experience. I’m still processing the feelings. The feelings are becoming familiar as I attend regularly. I chair my home group’s night meeting. I usually show up early for some fellowship because we have a lot of regulars. As people are arriving, some of us are joking around and laughing. I welcomed some new people that I did not recognize. We all continued to chat about our day and our struggles. I started the meeting with the readings and regulars continued to arrive. Everyone at my home group helps by doing readings. It’s nice to see the participation and one less thing I stress about when I chair. I asked if anyone was new, and it turns out that two of the eighteen people were at their first NA meeting ever. We had a couple visitors and a dozen regulars. It’s always exciting to see newcomers. My group responds well with amazing unity. We collectively work together to ensure that newcomers have a positive experience and encourage them to return. The unconditional love expressed is often the high point of my day. Some do return and some find other home groups but return occasionally. Some you never hear from again.

During the height of the pandemic, these feelings seemed to occur at every meeting. We were doing nineteen meetings per week at one point. It seemed like every meeting had a newcomer or two. It really shaped who I have become. It shapes my thoughts and how I process my day. No matter what is happening in my personal life, I always seem to find a moment to reflect on these powerful expressions of love that have become commonplace in my home group. I might pray for a newcomer who was struggling or reach out to a home group member in text or conversation. When I struggle, my phone rings with sponsees or other home group members checking in. I have a sense of peace and belonging that I have never experienced before. It is breathtaking to experience the full force of recovery. There is a problem and I have slowly come to realize that it is me.

Sometimes I can just observe, and I try not to participate in every meeting. I do have this feeling that I need to share, or something might be missed. I understand that is the nature of my disease. This happens in other areas of my life. I have a feeling of frustration that meeting chairs do not fill out our ‘Chairing schedule’ so I can update www.virtual-na.org. I look for rules and policies. I try to enforce some authority over the group. I am drawn to power and control. It can become a drug.

While researching a book called the ‘Cult of NAWS’, I came across this definition of a cult;

Cult – “a system for the cure of disease based on dogma set forth by its promulgator”
[https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cult]

I had to look up promulgator.

Promulgator – “(law) one who promulgates laws (announces a law as a way of putting it into execution)”

“law, jurisprudence – the collection of rules imposed by authority; ‘civilization presupposes respect for the law’; ‘the great problem for jurisprudence to allow freedom while enforcing order’”

“lawgiver, lawmaker – a maker of laws; someone who gives a code of laws”
[https://www.thefreedictionary.com/promulgator]

Narcotics Anonymous experienced tremendous growth during the 1980’s. Many members were looking for direction with perceived problems. Some members were willing to take on authority roles. Groups formed Areas Service Committees. Area Service Committees formed Regions. Regions sent a member to participate in World Service Conferences. The first ‘global’ service structure was called the WSO or World Service Office. This morphed into the NAWS Corporation in the 1990’s. Members could easily avoid responsibility for solving their problems by drawing on experienced members outside the Group for direction. In my experience, I often go outside the group for directions when I want to manipulate other home group members.

Chuck Skinner, Chairman of the Board of Trustees was asked a question at the World Service Conference in 1980.

“what course of action on groups not following suggested 12 Step of N A. and more importantly, the 12 Traditions of N.A. ( ie . ,dissention ,non-participation at Area Service, inter-relations with outside interest groups ). “

Chuck stated that.

“any area where there is a violation of the Traditions, the 1st step would be for the Region that is dealing with that organization that is violating the Traditions be informed that they are to cease and desist. If they refuse, notify WSO who will in turn send the cease and desist information. If that fails, notification to the Board of Trustees who, with the WSO , will take any necessary legal action. Question from the floor re : this issue in which an issue such as this was brought to a Region’s attention and that things would be left as is until the Conference . Chuck stated that if a Tradition is being violated, it should be taken care of immediately . Question was what does the Region do in terms of meeting directories. Chuck stated that no assistance should be offered to any breakings of the Traditions. Remove these meetings from the directories forthwith. That would be the first action. Notifying the people as such in front. “
[https://nahistorytree.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/1980-wsc-minutes.pdf, 1980, page 15]

Tradition Two is very clear on how a Group seeks direction.

For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority— a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
Narcotics Anonymous, Tradition Two

Dissention (disagreement), Failure to support an area and inter-relations with outside interest groups were listed as causes to not only remove Groups from meeting lists but a ‘Cease and Desist’ be issued which would close the Group down. If these rules were enforced, more than half the Groups that exist today would likely be shut down. I suspect that more than seventy-five percent of groups would fail to measure up to Chuck’s standards. Thankfully Chuck’s opinions were never adopted by the WSC. You can read a full interview with Chuck Skinner here.

There is something appealing about rules and procedures. They certainly benefit organizations that deliver goods and services. The service structures that support Narcotics Anonymous Groups would not function without rules and procedures. These rules serve little or no purpose in NA where we learn to trust the God of our understanding. I believe that is why the original versions of the Basic Text made it clear that service structures do not govern, and that they are not part of NA. A prime example is the incredibly narrowminded attempt by the NAWS corporation to establish ‘geotagging’. Geotags would be used to identify where service bodies are located geographically in the world.

Instead of trying to maintain information for individual meetings in more than 140 countries, our meeting search page and app will point people to local websites and phonelines. Meeting information maintained by local service bodies is more likely to be accurate and current. To make this change, World Services needs help geotagging local service bodies so that we can map search results and making sure our data for areas, regions, and phonelines is current.
https://www.na.org/admin/include/spaw2/uploads/pdf/eblasts/NAWS%20Update%2010-5.pdf

The NAWS Corporation and the World Service Conference do not garner much support from Groups anymore. Fewer than twenty-five percent of Groups globally vote on WSC motions. After a twenty-year battle, virtual Groups were finally recognized by the NAWS Corporation. Groups do not require Geotags, (particularly virtual ones) and Groups are not required to participate in service structures.

The most successful attempt to provide accurate meeting information is on the Basic Meeting List Toolbox (https://bmlt.app) The BMLT is not a service body. Supporters of the BMLT are not part of the existing service structures recognized by the NAWS Corporation. Volunteers are simply the loving, kind, and compassionate members that NA literature encourages us to be. These volunteers are glowing examples of what is possible. The BMLT website estimate that forty-seven percent of groups are listed on the BMLT (33,976 of 72,215 – see https://tally.bmlt.app). This could be ‘inter-relations with outside interest groups’ that Chuck Skinner thought were a danger to NA. I believe nothing is further from the truth. Somehow my home group manages to host fourteen meetings per week without much concern for my ‘schedule’. One of the things I have learned about myself is that when I am able to form an opinion, develop policies and rules or simply believe something to be true, I no longer need to trust God to the outcome. When all the planning fails, I can blame God too. When I lose trust or blame God (and others) I start the relapse process. I act on my defects which seems to be a form of using. While ‘structure’ has become important to me in my recovery, I cannot impose structure on my higher power’s will. That’s the beauty of the Serenity Prayer. I wonder if Chuck Skinner ever saw that.

Practicing With Intent

Many people arrive at Narcotics Anonymous with the desire to stop using. Some see drugs as the problem and others are aware that addiction has shaped all aspects of their lives. I remember becoming aware of how people felt about my drug use, particularly those close to me. I started to see how I behaved. My actions suited my own needs with little concern of the needs of others. The longer I attended NA, the more aware I became of my actions and how I was using in other aspects of my life. I saw how often I was unwilling to even sacrifice a moment of my time to call someone. I prefer to talk to people I like and stand with people I know than concern myself with making newcomers feel welcome. I would use anything to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Narcotics Anonymous gave me the tools I needed to deal with uncomfortable feelings. There is only one requirement for membership in NA; A desire to stop using. Is there a price for freedom from active addiction? The Twelfth Step might hold the answer I seek.

Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of those steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Narcotics Anonymous, Step Twelve.

By completing the Twelve Steps, I take on a commitment to carrying a message to other addicts and the ongoing practice of principles in all my affairs. Intention and effort are the cost of membership. Sometimes I fall short. There are Three parts to Step Twelve and the first is having had a spiritual awakening because of the Twelve Steps. What that awakening looks like is unique for each member. I believe that a spiritual awakening might be nothing more than the ability to pause and consider a new way of living. This happened a lot in the early years of attending NA.

The second part is defining what is ‘this message’. I learned early on to carry my own personal message shared as Experience, Strength and Hope. It was important to me to realize that by focusing on my own journey, I had something of value to share with others. I know from researching a blog post on ‘complacency’ that it is easy to fall into a habit of sharing past experiences or clichés. Some days I am completely unaware of the difficulties of others because I am so self-absorbed in the amazing life I have. A ‘we’ program becomes a ‘me’ program easily. I tend to share feelings that I am comfortable with. I avoid sharing the pain of day to day struggles.

The final part of Step Twelve talks of practicing principles in all my affairs. I love the twelve spiritual principles listed in Step Twelve; hope, surrender, acceptance, honesty, open-mindedness, willingness, faith, tolerance, patience, humility, unconditional love, sharing and caring. It’s all the principles I need today. What constitutes ‘my affairs’ referenced in Step Twelve is something that I need awareness of. Recovery has opened the door, and everything is possible it would seem. Getting distracted from recovery is easy today with all the choices I have. I need to carefully consider what I am involved with and seek guidance from my Higher Power in my choices. My choices come with a price as well and I learned those are called consequences.

Some things we must accept, and others we can change. The wisdom to know the difference comes with growth in our spiritual program. If we maintain our spiritual condition daily, we find the pain and confusion easier to deal with. This is the emotional stability that we so badly need. With the help of our Higher Power, we never have to use again.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter nine ‘Just for Today, Living the Program’

It is interesting that by maintaining a spiritual condition, I’m also experiencing pain and confusion. Pain and confusion has become a choice now. Using numbs the pain and eases the confusion for me. Even in recovery I find I can end up getting and using, and finding the ways and means to get more. I remember reaching a point where I was addicted to being a part of the unhealthy cliques that are so common in NA. I thought that if someone in the program would just call or stop by for coffee, I would be happy. I was lonely and reliant on the attention of other addicts. Today, I’m much more careful with my relationships and I focus on giving back. I’m no longer interested in using NA as a social club. I was far from the path of recovery. Today, I showed up to do the work.

That only the desire to stop using is needed insures that no caste system will develop making one addict superior to another.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter six, Tradition Three

Narcotics Anonymous is full of sick people. That is why we are here. Unfortunately, some members lose the desire to stop using, and some meet regularly to help themselves. It seems to be the nature of the addict. I focus on members with a desire to stop using and those who meet regularly to help each other. I find the solution for me is in focusing on the practice of principles and in the application of the Twelve Traditions. I cannot do it alone; I must work with other members who also have a desire to stop using. My intent is to carry a message to the still suffering addict and sometimes that addict is me. I practice because I have faith that the program works, even when I feel pain and confusion.

Using

Addiction often focuses on drug use but using can take on lots of forms. When does using become a problem? There are obvious examples of the disease including addiction to sex, gambling, and food. There are obvious symptoms of those forms of addiction. I believe that sometimes the problems are less obvious and even open to opinion. Can Olympic athletes be addicted to performance? Perhaps they are and some might look back with regrets as they get older. An Olympic athlete might suffer from isolation and loneliness. They can have intense focus that only an addict would understand. They can seek the solstice of other athletes as they lose touch with family and friends. A Using addict attracts addicts who are using. Some of the symptoms of the disease of addiction can be associated with any lifestyle but not everyone will agree with who is an addict. I recently struggled with some feelings I associate with using, at the most unusual of places. It was a Narcotics Anonymous meeting near where I live. The feelings I struggled with were isolation and loneliness.

Early in my recovery, I was madly attending NA meetings at every opportunity. I felt a sense of connection and welcomed the opportunity to be a part of everything that was happening. I attended conventions and took service positions. Almost every relationship I had was in NA. I remember my sponsor saying to me that ‘Narcotics Anonymous isn’t a social club” but I ignored the warning. I understood what he meant; NA is here for the purpose of supporting the addict and attracting newcomers, but I saw an opportunity to feel good. I did not see that I had become addicted to a lifestyle. I thought if I surrounded myself with addicts, I would find some acceptance and maybe some self-worth. Self-obsession is the core of the disease and in the Narcotics Anonymous literature there is a line that describes my problem.

One of the problems is that we found it easier to change our perception of reality.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Five, ‘What Can I do?’

Using drugs alters our perception of reality, and when I stopped things did get better. That does not mean I was cured or that my life was amazing right away. I was faced with an increased awareness of reality. I was also subjected to an increased ability to explore other ways of using. I became more tolerant of others and that was something I needed. I became more accepting of others. I explored my ideas about who I was while doing the Twelve Steps. I also explored ideas about what or who I could be by listening to other addicts. The world seemed to offer endless possibilities.

I heard the term ‘attraction rather than promotion’ in Tradition Eleven. I also heard that ‘personal recovery depends on unity’ in Tradition One. I associated the phrases with the lifestyles of the members. I was eager to explore the possibilities. My view was through a narrow window of a local Fellowship. Every addict is capable of using and some have a desire to stop. Unity is easily found and fluid, changing from day to day. I did not always find healthy relationships. A member might trade cocaine for weights and crack house for a gym. They believe that everything has changed and feel good about their recovery. I could suggest that nothing has changed. It is easier for me to judge than understand the actions of another. My perception is that they are the same self-obsessed addict that they were when they were on drugs. People seem to pick and choose terms from the Twelve Steps and Traditions which become weapons in the defense of their using and in judging others. I have something to say about everything and bring fuel to a fire of disunity. I am learning to keep my mouth shut and distance myself from some members. I have developed healthy relationships as a result. I still wonder if the worst aspect of the disease is manipulation and control but maybe that is just my problem. It has become clear to me that some of the worst examples of active using are in those who serve the Fellowship of NA, as well as promote their ‘clean time’. The literature says that complacency is the enemy. I focus on gratitude that I did not use drugs today. I try and have awareness of my behaviors. Narcotics Anonymous continues to grow and addicts are staying clean and carrying a message to others.

Narcotics Anonymous encourages members to meet regularly to help each other but often members are here to simply help themselves. I believe a daily inventory helps me identify a pattern of using where it affects my life or the lives of people around me. I accept Tradition Three, where I am required to have a desire to stop using. The treatment industry often promotes the Twelve Steps but nothing on the Twelve Traditions. Some members are products of a treatment industry that promotes self-care. ‘Feelings of unity’ have become a commodity. That is not the unity referenced in literature.

To maintain unity within Narcotics Anonymous it is imperative that the group remain stable, or else the entire Fellowship perishes and the individual dies.

And near the end…

Our Traditions are the guidelines that protect us from ourselves. They are our unity.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Six, Tradition One

I have narrowed my focus to joining and participating in a home group. It is all the Fellowship I need. My life is stable and drama free. I have a life of abundance. Rather than acting on using, I try and focus on the spiritual principles.

By staying clean we begin to practice spiritual principles such as hope, surrender, acceptance, honesty, open-mindedness, willingness, faith, tolerance, patience, humility, unconditional love, sharing and caring.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Four, Step Twelve