Traditions – Page 2 – One Addicts Experience

Practicing With Intent

Many people arrive at Narcotics Anonymous with the desire to stop using. Some see drugs as the problem and others are aware that addiction has shaped all aspects of their lives. I remember becoming aware of how people felt about my drug use, particularly those close to me. I started to see how I behaved. My actions suited my own needs with little concern of the needs of others. The longer I attended NA, the more aware I became of my actions and how I was using in other aspects of my life. I saw how often I was unwilling to even sacrifice a moment of my time to call someone. I prefer to talk to people I like and stand with people I know than concern myself with making newcomers feel welcome. I would use anything to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Narcotics Anonymous gave me the tools I needed to deal with uncomfortable feelings. There is only one requirement for membership in NA; A desire to stop using. Is there a price for freedom from active addiction? The Twelfth Step might hold the answer I seek.

Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of those steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Narcotics Anonymous, Step Twelve.

By completing the Twelve Steps, I take on a commitment to carrying a message to other addicts and the ongoing practice of principles in all my affairs. Intention and effort are the cost of membership. Sometimes I fall short. There are Three parts to Step Twelve and the first is having had a spiritual awakening because of the Twelve Steps. What that awakening looks like is unique for each member. I believe that a spiritual awakening might be nothing more than the ability to pause and consider a new way of living. This happened a lot in the early years of attending NA.

The second part is defining what is ‘this message’. I learned early on to carry my own personal message shared as Experience, Strength and Hope. It was important to me to realize that by focusing on my own journey, I had something of value to share with others. I know from researching a blog post on ‘complacency’ that it is easy to fall into a habit of sharing past experiences or clichés. Some days I am completely unaware of the difficulties of others because I am so self-absorbed in the amazing life I have. A ‘we’ program becomes a ‘me’ program easily. I tend to share feelings that I am comfortable with. I avoid sharing the pain of day to day struggles.

The final part of Step Twelve talks of practicing principles in all my affairs. I love the twelve spiritual principles listed in Step Twelve; hope, surrender, acceptance, honesty, open-mindedness, willingness, faith, tolerance, patience, humility, unconditional love, sharing and caring. It’s all the principles I need today. What constitutes ‘my affairs’ referenced in Step Twelve is something that I need awareness of. Recovery has opened the door, and everything is possible it would seem. Getting distracted from recovery is easy today with all the choices I have. I need to carefully consider what I am involved with and seek guidance from my Higher Power in my choices. My choices come with a price as well and I learned those are called consequences.

Some things we must accept, and others we can change. The wisdom to know the difference comes with growth in our spiritual program. If we maintain our spiritual condition daily, we find the pain and confusion easier to deal with. This is the emotional stability that we so badly need. With the help of our Higher Power, we never have to use again.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter nine ‘Just for Today, Living the Program’

It is interesting that by maintaining a spiritual condition, I’m also experiencing pain and confusion. Pain and confusion has become a choice now. Using numbs the pain and eases the confusion for me. Even in recovery I find I can end up getting and using, and finding the ways and means to get more. I remember reaching a point where I was addicted to being a part of the unhealthy cliques that are so common in NA. I thought that if someone in the program would just call or stop by for coffee, I would be happy. I was lonely and reliant on the attention of other addicts. Today, I’m much more careful with my relationships and I focus on giving back. I’m no longer interested in using NA as a social club. I was far from the path of recovery. Today, I showed up to do the work.

That only the desire to stop using is needed insures that no caste system will develop making one addict superior to another.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter six, Tradition Three

Narcotics Anonymous is full of sick people. That is why we are here. Unfortunately, some members lose the desire to stop using, and some meet regularly to help themselves. It seems to be the nature of the addict. I focus on members with a desire to stop using and those who meet regularly to help each other. I find the solution for me is in focusing on the practice of principles and in the application of the Twelve Traditions. I cannot do it alone; I must work with other members who also have a desire to stop using. My intent is to carry a message to the still suffering addict and sometimes that addict is me. I practice because I have faith that the program works, even when I feel pain and confusion.

Using

Addiction often focuses on drug use but using can take on lots of forms. When does using become a problem? There are obvious examples of the disease including addiction to sex, gambling, and food. There are obvious symptoms of those forms of addiction. I believe that sometimes the problems are less obvious and even open to opinion. Can Olympic athletes be addicted to performance? Perhaps they are and some might look back with regrets as they get older. An Olympic athlete might suffer from isolation and loneliness. They can have intense focus that only an addict would understand. They can seek the solstice of other athletes as they lose touch with family and friends. A Using addict attracts addicts who are using. Some of the symptoms of the disease of addiction can be associated with any lifestyle but not everyone will agree with who is an addict. I recently struggled with some feelings I associate with using, at the most unusual of places. It was a Narcotics Anonymous meeting near where I live. The feelings I struggled with were isolation and loneliness.

Early in my recovery, I was madly attending NA meetings at every opportunity. I felt a sense of connection and welcomed the opportunity to be a part of everything that was happening. I attended conventions and took service positions. Almost every relationship I had was in NA. I remember my sponsor saying to me that ‘Narcotics Anonymous isn’t a social club” but I ignored the warning. I understood what he meant; NA is here for the purpose of supporting the addict and attracting newcomers, but I saw an opportunity to feel good. I did not see that I had become addicted to a lifestyle. I thought if I surrounded myself with addicts, I would find some acceptance and maybe some self-worth. Self-obsession is the core of the disease and in the Narcotics Anonymous literature there is a line that describes my problem.

One of the problems is that we found it easier to change our perception of reality.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Five, ‘What Can I do?’

Using drugs alters our perception of reality, and when I stopped things did get better. That does not mean I was cured or that my life was amazing right away. I was faced with an increased awareness of reality. I was also subjected to an increased ability to explore other ways of using. I became more tolerant of others and that was something I needed. I became more accepting of others. I explored my ideas about who I was while doing the Twelve Steps. I also explored ideas about what or who I could be by listening to other addicts. The world seemed to offer endless possibilities.

I heard the term ‘attraction rather than promotion’ in Tradition Eleven. I also heard that ‘personal recovery depends on unity’ in Tradition One. I associated the phrases with the lifestyles of the members. I was eager to explore the possibilities. My view was through a narrow window of a local Fellowship. Every addict is capable of using and some have a desire to stop. Unity is easily found and fluid, changing from day to day. I did not always find healthy relationships. A member might trade cocaine for weights and crack house for a gym. They believe that everything has changed and feel good about their recovery. I could suggest that nothing has changed. It is easier for me to judge than understand the actions of another. My perception is that they are the same self-obsessed addict that they were when they were on drugs. People seem to pick and choose terms from the Twelve Steps and Traditions which become weapons in the defense of their using and in judging others. I have something to say about everything and bring fuel to a fire of disunity. I am learning to keep my mouth shut and distance myself from some members. I have developed healthy relationships as a result. I still wonder if the worst aspect of the disease is manipulation and control but maybe that is just my problem. It has become clear to me that some of the worst examples of active using are in those who serve the Fellowship of NA, as well as promote their ‘clean time’. The literature says that complacency is the enemy. I focus on gratitude that I did not use drugs today. I try and have awareness of my behaviors. Narcotics Anonymous continues to grow and addicts are staying clean and carrying a message to others.

Narcotics Anonymous encourages members to meet regularly to help each other but often members are here to simply help themselves. I believe a daily inventory helps me identify a pattern of using where it affects my life or the lives of people around me. I accept Tradition Three, where I am required to have a desire to stop using. The treatment industry often promotes the Twelve Steps but nothing on the Twelve Traditions. Some members are products of a treatment industry that promotes self-care. ‘Feelings of unity’ have become a commodity. That is not the unity referenced in literature.

To maintain unity within Narcotics Anonymous it is imperative that the group remain stable, or else the entire Fellowship perishes and the individual dies.

And near the end…

Our Traditions are the guidelines that protect us from ourselves. They are our unity.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Six, Tradition One

I have narrowed my focus to joining and participating in a home group. It is all the Fellowship I need. My life is stable and drama free. I have a life of abundance. Rather than acting on using, I try and focus on the spiritual principles.

By staying clean we begin to practice spiritual principles such as hope, surrender, acceptance, honesty, open-mindedness, willingness, faith, tolerance, patience, humility, unconditional love, sharing and caring.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Four, Step Twelve

Enough

I’ve been spending a lot of time recently (it feels like months…) looking at a feeling I have. Maybe ‘feeling’ is not the best word, it might be a puzzle, or maybe a bit of self-deception, I am not sure exactly what it is. I have a feeling of having enough. I am content. I want to clarify a few things first. I did not win the lottery and I have not moved to a tropical island to retire. You probably have your own ideas on what ‘enough’ is. I have felt like this for quite a few years now. As an addict, it was a feeling that I thought would be a lot more elusive. Life is full of ups and downs, with all the raw emotions of change and I’m not immune to those. My life today rests on a foundation of happiness. I found this section of the Narcotics Anonymous literature quite relevant.

Obsessive behavior is a common denominator for addictive people. We have times when we try to fill ourselves up until we are satisfied, only to discover that there is no way to satisfy us. Part of our addictive pattern is that we can never get enough of whatever we think we want. Sometimes we forget and we think that if we can just get enough food or enough sex, or enough money we’ll be satisfied and everything will be all right. Self-will still leads us to make decisions based on manipulation, ego, lust, or false pride. We don’t like to be wrong. Our egos tell us that we can do it on our own, but loneliness and paranoia quickly return. We find that we cannot really do it alone, and when we try things get worse. We need to be reminded of where we came from and that it will get progressively worse if we use. This is when we need the Fellowship the most.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Seven, Recovery and Relapse.

A Wide Range of Addicts

Later versions of the Basic Text removed the phrase ‘of whatever we think we want’ but for me the original wording is best. What I want can be a dangerous place given the right set of circumstances. Being immersed in Narcotics Anonymous does not offer much protection from want. In fact, surrounding yourself with addicts can make things worse. Years ago, someone pointed out to me that Narcotics Anonymous is full of sick people. I had rose coloured glasses that told me a different story, but I see things clearly today. There are a wide range of addicts described in the Basic Text.

Self-seekers, opportunists with little concern for right and wrong.
members who remain abstinent, but whose dishonesty and self-deception prevent them from complete recovery and finding acceptance within society.
Addicts struggling back from relapse.
Others who are caught up in complacency, with a vague sense of having done the right things and an inability to see the larger picture.
Members enjoying complete recovery.
Newcomers who arrive in desperation for a new way to live.

I have tried to maintain relationships with all of them. Some I have chased like an addict looking for a fix because I thought they had something I wanted. Some of them I thought I could fix, which at its core, is another of my wants. Some used me for their own selfish desires because I allowed myself to be blind. I have also gone through dark periods where I thought Narcotics Anonymous would be better without some of them. Each pursuit of some ‘want’ brings about a reminder about powerlessness, surrender, and acceptance in my recovery.

There are some constants in my recovery. I have always had a sponsor and I have always supported a home group. A sponsor acts as a guide, and a home group meets regularly to help each other stay clean. The primary purpose of a home group is to carry a message to the still suffering addict. Narcotics Anonymous is not a self-help program, but a help others program. I am currently a member of two home groups. I like this arrangement and it suits my lifestyle well. Being part of a home group has been a foundation for my recovery. I believe being part of a home group has been instrumental in my current feelings of contentment. A healthy balance of addicts aids my recovery. There is a curious line within the Basic Text.

Death of a Fellowship

To maintain unity within Narcotics Anonymous, it is imperative that the group remain stable, or the entire Fellowship perishes and the individual dies.
Basic Text, Chapter Six, Tradition One, fourth line.

I used to think the wording was a mistake because the phrase seemed to connect the stability of a single group to the fate of the entire Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous. I have a different appreciation of the language today. I confine my thoughts on Fellowship to my home group. This helps me to keep things simple and I can have a conversation with any home group member about the Traditions as they apply to our group. I do not have to like or have a personal relationship with anyone in my home group. I like the idea of Narcotics Anonymous being made up of tens of thousands of Fellowships, each with a unique personality and perspective. I still have a desire to stop using today. That desire today is more on my defects than the use of drugs. I feel connected to other members when I maintain awareness of my desire to stop. It levels the playing field and helps me to see each of us as equals. If I find the Group behaving in a way that I cannot accept, I simply find a new Fellowship of addicts following the Twelve Steps and Traditions of NA or I start a group. Sometimes I must let things go and follow the Group Conscience. As the Fellowship grows, the shared experiences increase, and I have more freedom from self-obsession.

False Fellowships

There are lots of false fellowships within Narcotics Anonymous. Many members attending a convention feel good and think ‘This is an amazing Fellowship’ or talk of ‘Unity’ but I see no evidence to support that at our service committee meetings. Members enjoy the thrill of a convention but abandoned their efforts to carry the message afterwards. Newcomers rarely show up to a convention for their first meeting. Some newcomers arrive at a actual meeting holding a wrinkled meeting list they have looked at for days before finally making the effort to attend a meeting. False unity becomes a drug and many addicts end up using over and over. That is not the only example.

Addicts make up false Fellowships all the time. Calling all your addict friends to go on a trip or to a beach party is not a Fellowship. Gatherings are simply a bunch of friends getting together but the illusion of ‘Fellowship’ detracts from the primary purpose. I avoid personal relationships in NA now and seek to serve. I’m tired of being used, and witnessing others using NA. It is a painful reminder of my own experience with using NA as a social club. I am as powerless over others as I am of my disease. Personal recovery depends on unity which is defined as;

a condition of harmony

continuity without deviation or change (as in purpose or action)
“Unity.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/unity. Accessed 29 Aug. 2023.

I have found that what I have learned in the last few years about Fellowship and unity benefits me in my personal life. Working with co-workers, or being part of a volunteer group, is much more rewarding now. I am focused on the purpose ahead of the personalities in all my affairs. I now have more friends than I have ever had, and many are outside the Fellowship. What I have learned outside the Fellowship has helped me form intimate relationships with healthy people inside the Fellowship. I am a complete person and content with who I am. I also recognize that I have abundance in my life I can share. I have time and resources to benefit others. I am enough and I have enough.

The Sponsor

The Experience of Others

There was a lot to absorb when I first started attending Narcotics Anonymous. It was like being on the receiving end of a firehose of feelings, thoughts, perceptions, and ideas. I marvel today at the newcomers who stick with the program, adapt what works and discard what does not. The diversity of the addicts who make up the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous amazes me. I heard early on that I should get a home group, work the steps, get involved in service, talk to members, and visit various groups. I also heard that I should get a sponsor. When I asked, I was told that a sponsor ‘takes you through the steps’ but I saw a lot more than that going on. I thought it was important to lay a good foundation of the basics and I went through a tremendous number of sponsors in two years. Every one of those early sponsors was a ‘loser’ when I pulled out my recovery measuring stick. I compared what I was told ‘worked’ with what my sponsor was doing and discarded them like I was changing socks. They failed to measure up. I tried to learn from the experiences of others who seemed to find sponsors they could work with. It was hard to let go of my own ideas and embrace these vague ideas about what worked.

When The Student is Ready, The Teachers Arrive.

Some sponsors gather their sponsees around them like a hen with chicks. Other sponsors were completely indifferent. One sponsor I found was a dream come true. He was the big man at meetings, riding his motorcycle, blue collar worker and quite involved with being of service. His wife was equally involved in NA. They were the NA power couple we so often see. I was shocked when he ripped me off for sixty dollars and left town. I was hurt and thought of giving up. He stopped answering his phone, left town and avoided me like I had the plague at conventions and events over the years. I knew I must have done something wrong, and it re-enforced the idea that I was less than. It laid the foundation for a long history of abusive relationships within the fellowship. I did eventually find a good sponsor and completed a set of steps but my trust was damaged. I am still trying to figure out what makes a good sponsor, and I’m fortunate to have several sponsees who are helping me today. Sponsorship feels more like being a student today than the teacher I thought I was supposed to be. Sponsees tell me what is working for them and what is not. We talk about struggles and how best to serve the God of their understanding.

We have found it helpful to have a sponsor and to use this sponsor. Sponsorship is merely a way of describing the special interest of an experienced member that can mean so much to newcomers after they turn to N.A. for help. Sponsorship is also a two-way street,…helping both the newcomer and the sponsor. The sponsor’s clean time and experience may well depend on the availability of sponsors in a locality. Sponsorship is also the responsibility of the group for helping the newcomer. It is implied and informal in its approach, but it is the heart of the N.A. way of recovery from addiction—one addict helping another.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter 5, “What Can I do?”, line numbered, pg 52.

Bad Ideas

I have had a lot of bad ideas about sponsorship over the years. The fellowship is diverse so I try and let go of any ideas I have about what recovery should look like for someone else. I have found a lot of benefit in taking a special interest in newcomers. Sometimes those relationships turn into sponsorship. Many of my best ideas became bad ideas once I was able to share them with a sponsor. It is nice to be that person for someone else. I try not to guide sponsees or offer directions. Each addict has a unique perspective on Fellowship. I love these three lines from Information Pamphlet #6, published by Narcotics Anonymous in 1976.

…We in the recovery program of Narcotics Anonymous have noted with some satisfaction that many of the relapsers, when again active in their prime or substitute addiction have dropped many of the parallel behaviors that characterized them in the past…

…Yet there are others completely abstinent, whose dishonesties and self-deceits still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society…

…An addict, who by any means, can lose even for a time the need or desire to use, and has free choice over impulsive thinking and compulsive action, has reached a turning point that may be the decisive factor in his recovery…
IP #6, Narcotics Anonymous, 1976, available at this link from the Autonomous Region for Narcotics Anonymous

The Fourth Edition of the Basic Text introduced the idea that ‘Self-Seekers’ were part of Narcotic Anonymous but that was never approved by the Groups. I wrote an article about the evolution of self-seeking as a behavior to self-seekers as a classification of member. Sponsoring a self-seeker comes with some challenges but the same is likely true for other types of addicts. I do believe that I cannot measure someone’s desire to stop using. Self-seekers seem to make up a significant portion of the Fellowship and have become role models for newcomers. Sponsoring can be particularly challenging when there are so few examples of what recovery can look like.

Help Others Program

In the end, what the literature says is when we meet regularly to help each other. Narcotics Anonymous is not a self-help program but a help others program. Helping others comes with a unique set of challenges. I have learned I cannot fix another person, even if I sponsor them. Helping others involves the sponsee arriving at a problem and talking about solutions. Navigating the relationships required for unity is less challenging when I have a sponsor. Unity brings a unique set of problems.

Self-help is best left to the professionals. Self-seeking has the potential to become another manifestation of addiction. This is evident by the rapid rise in therapists, self-help books, gurus, and healers. Self-help is a billion-dollar industry fueled by the self-seekers. The carrot of potential hanging in front of the self-seeker is more powerful than any drug.

Having Had a Spiritual Awakening

The full range of human experiences becomes evident as you start to sponsor people. There are great dangers in exposing trauma and providing even the basics of therapy. Narcotics Anonymous is a ‘we’ program, and sponsors can help with unity but not in providing discount therapy, in my opinion. When a addict completes the steps, they are encouraged to practice spiritual principles, carry a message to other addicts as a result of an awakening of the spirit. My role as a sponsor has been facilitating the change of an individual into a member. That change involves the application of the Twelve Traditions. My experience is that each of us is already a perfect example of what a human can be. Our true value shines when we work together.

The journey from self-obsession to God expression

Originally published on a website thefix.com in February 2020

Recently I was watching a TEDtalk titled “Fighting injustice with art and empathy” by Yana Buhrer Tavanier. She made a statement that profoundly altered my idea of unity. Her claim was that the opposite of unity is not uniformity but oppression. I wrestled with this idea often over the next few weeks and discussed it with my friends and support group. How did this concept fit into my behaviors as a member of Narcotics Anonymous and what were my experiences with others? I remember when I was first in the program I would get upset every time a member would identify themselves as ‘clean and sober.’ Early on I had been encouraged to identify myself as an ‘addict’, I was ‘clean’ and this simple idea would best carry a message to other addicts. I came to realize that there was a lot more to be gained by the application of spiritual principles in these matters than an angry finger poke to the chest of said members. My behaviors were about oppressing others even if my motives were pure.

When we first come to the Program, we usually express a lot of things which seem to be important wants and needs. As we grow spiritually and find out about a Power greater than ourselves, we begin to realize that as long as our spiritual needs are truly met, our living problems are reduced to a point of comfort. When we forget where our real strength lies, we quickly become subject to the same patterns of thinking and action that got us to the Program in the first place.
The Grey Book of Narcotics Anonymous (Step 11, Page 43)

In Narcotics Anonymous I’ve heard the saying ‘doing the right thing for the right reason is never wrong’. I wonder if that includes this idea of enforcing the fundamental spiritual principles of the program. Do I have the right to impose my will on others?

Oppression

A few years ago, my job had ended in a wrongful termination and my support group had eroded. I was sitting in my addiction counsellor’s office rebuilding my fragile ego. We were talking about how I was being ordered to stop printing and distributing meeting lists for Narcotics Anonymous. I showed him the text from another member of NA and we both sat in silent reflection for a moment. He seemed puzzled by my confusion and I guess so was I. I was on the receiving end of oppression and I had no tools to deal with it. He suggested that his office had four full time addiction counsellors and he had never had anyone ask if they could put meeting lists out. I asked if he was willing and he looked even more puzzled then answered “of course”. I handed him a stack of a hundred that I printed and paid for myself. It would seem to me that if addiction is self-obsession, then the natural path out is in thinking more of others than yourself. I was not working alone in this when I talked to other members worldwide. The application of the principles learned in the 12 traditions allowed me to work with other members in a home group, but they must be willing. As a member of NA, I have embraced the primary purpose of carrying a message to the still suffering addict and I personally see no better method than the distribution of accurate meeting lists to as many places as possible but that seemed to put me in opposition to others. I was taught that my efforts to carry the message of hope to the still suffering addict was aligned with the primary purpose of Narcotics Anonymous groups.

Each group does have complete freedom, except when their actions affect other groups or N.A. as a whole. Like group conscience, autonomy can be a two-edged sword. Group autonomy has been used to justify the violation of the Traditions. If a contradiction exists, we have slipped away from our principles. If we check to make sure that our actions are clearly within the bounds of our Traditions; if we do not dictate to other groups, or force anything upon them; and if we consider the consequences of our action ahead of time, then all will be well.
(Grey book, tradition 4, page 100)

Groups vary in how they deliver the message of hope to the suffering addict. Some sign court attendance papers, and others refuse. One group might allow people on drug replacement therapies, like Suboxone to share, others ask them to sit quietly and listen. When my spiritual needs are not met, and I am not comfortable with the group, I can leave, start my own group or join another. My experience has shown me that groups dominated by oppressive members tend to stagnate or die out and close. Being inclusive is much more powerful in my experience. When our intentions as a group are pure, the group seems to flourish and grow. I believe this is the idea of autonomy. In the same way that my spiritual needs are primary to my survival, then so is the spiritual needs of my group. What happens when my group works with other groups and a conflict arises?

N.A. as such ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.”

Without this Tradition, our Fellowship would be in opposition to spiritual principles. A loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience is our ultimate authority.
(Grey book, tradition 9, page 110)

The Group

I have struggled many times in my journey. I have a new way to live thru the practical application of the spiritual principles learned in the 12 steps and 12 traditions of Narcotics Anonymous. Sometimes there seemed to be dead ends when I practice spiritual principles in all my affairs. What I found is that the world unfolds with little concern for my desires. My wants can be just another layer of self-obsession I hold on to. Perhaps the same can hold true for groups. That may be why Narcotics Anonymous is a Fellowship of members who meet regularly in groups. No individual is less than another. The same holds true for groups it would seem. Organization of any sort may interfere with the expression of God. Service bodies clearly need to be organized to be effective and are not accountable to God, but to the groups they serve and therefore not part of NA.

Groups may choose to participate or not with any service structures according to tradition 4 and 9. Some groups have operated independently and may form local service bodies that service the needs of the groups. In the 1990’s, The Narcotics Anonymous World Service corporation created the Fellowship Intellectual Property Trust on behalf of some groups with the intention of protecting the copywrites of Narcotics Anonymous. Other groups ignored the trust, the governance of the NAWS Corporation and continued to operate independently. The ability and right of the NAWS Corporation to manage the trust has been called into question by the Autonomous Region of Narcotics Anonymous who have launched a petition in the state of California where the trust is held. You can read more about the nature of the petition here. The oppression of others really does affect unity and this petition to the court will offer real hope to those groups who see service bodies in a different way.

Attraction and Promotion

I remember when I was young, and I would party a lot. We would laugh about how intoxicated we got and how intoxicated we were going to get next time. Getting ‘messed up’, ‘baked’ or a dozen other euphemisms was what I thought was an attractive lifestyle. I had friends who dropped acid and called it ‘cutting tracks’ because it apparently scarred your brain and we thought that was cool. I was too scared to try acid but I tried other things. Some people would talk about what a magical experience hard drugs were and try and convince me to try everything. Things changed when I decided to get clean and joined Narcotics Anonymous. I still think about what activities or lifestyles I consider attractive, and some people still promote their ideas about what they think is attractive. Narcotics Anonymous Tradition Eleven says that ‘Our public relations policy is attraction rather than promotion, we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and film’. There are a couple things to consider when looking at the first part of this Tradition. My public relations policy might not be the same as Narcotics Anonymous. I might be fine with promoting something that NA would not. I like wearing blue jeans, and I love gardening. You might find that an excellent experience too and seeing me in my jeans, working in the garden might be attractive. I could try and convince you that both are excellent choices by promoting them. Narcotics Anonymous would probably not have an opinion on either blue jeans or gardening but I can’t speak for what Narcotics Anonymous would say about either. As a member, when I do speak for NA, it would be as a servant, and my personal opinions should not influence what message I carry on behalf of NA and that can be difficult sometimes.

The greater the base, as we grow in unity in numbers and in Fellowship, the broader the sides and the higher the point of freedom. Probably the last to be lost to freedom will be the stigma of being an addict. Goodwill is best exemplified in service and proper service is “Doing the right thing for the right reason.” When this supports and motivates both the individual and the Fellowship, we are fully whole and wholly free.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, 2^nd Edition, ‘Our Symbol’, page vii

Stacey Ruth, CPC wrote an excellent article about ‘Attraction vs Promotion’. Her article references a common misconception in 12 step programs about Tradition Eleven. I liked this quote from her article and found it really sorted out the difference between attraction and promotion.

Attraction leaves the opportunity for action in the hands of the audience, while promotion leads them into submission.
Stacey Ruth, CPC, Linkedin “The Big Lie About Marketing: Attraction vs. Promotion”

Fellowships, Cliques, and Passersby.

Attraction and promotion covers a wide range on the part of both the audience and the presenters. At one point I thought I was part of one of the many cliques that form in local recovery circles. I believe that cliques are formed to protect members from accountability for their actions. United we stand and divided we fall. Cliques can ignore the traditions, or manipulate them to suit the needs of the clique. We would all sit together at meetings, and a privileged few would be invited to events. Phone calls from clique members were a sought-after reward for good behavior and formed part of the hierarchy. Being part of a clique can be precarious and the politics are well beyond my grasp to understand. I never function well in cliques even before I got clean and have given up on learning the etiquette of cliques. Cliques are dangerous because they detract from unity by promoting oppression. One danger is that the activities or events can truly be attractive, but promote disunity by oppressing other ideas.

I have found within myself repeatedly, a strong desire to promote my own ideas. I want to talk about who my sponsor is, how many sponsees I have, or my clean time. I will seek like-minded people who can appreciate me and help promote my ideas about what I think is attractive. I am not the only one. People with clean time congregate with other people who have clean time. Wildly crazy thoughts seem to make so much sense in the moment and even more sense when you have the support of a clique. Stupid loves company.

I have experienced how complacency is the enemy of members with clean time. It is very easy to develop uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one’s achievements. I hear addicts sharing about their lavish lifestyles and new connections with other cliques. Looking good and feeling good become a mantra. Members talk about The Grace of God’, and how they are miracles in a meeting, but spend the rest of the day completely self-consumed with activities that enhance their own experiences. Hubris is a lack of gratitude. In the cliques, we used gaslighting to oppress others. Simply present a viewpoint as truth, and act like the victim is crazy when they question it. People say “I don’t know why you don’t want to be apart of”, assuming what they are doing is particularly attractive. I keep my world small and my Fellowship small today. I’m interested in delivering meeting lists and working on websites for NA. I love Public Information.

I avoid members who promote treatment centres in meetings. Some members are confused about what recovery means in NA by trying to blend the two worlds. Other members are only interested in lifestyle but not work. Even after decades clean, member will continue to act like a passersby, doing the minimal effort to maintain what they see as their status in NA. A small percentage are invested in having a good time at retreats, conventions and holidays with members of the cliques that have appointed themselves the governing body of NA. All these behaviors are very much like using and require promotion.

Help Others, not Self Help

“Meet regularly to help each other” (Basic text, 2^nd Edition, ‘What is the Narcotics Anonymous Program’, Pg 7), has become the Program of Narcotics Anonymous for me. I believe the purist form of recovery is only found in a home group. I learned recovery skills by attraction, not promotion. The difficulty today is understanding the other person’s perspective and I can only do that by connecting with home group members in service, working with newcomers and continuing to attend meetings regularly. I love my life today and have found myself “enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.” (Basic text, 2^nd Edition, ‘Recovery and Relapse’, Pg 71) I am not the judge of what is attractive to others, but my life is amazing and by enjoying my recovery and being a part of society, I have a greater impact on the future of Narcotics Anonymous.

The Spiritual Foundation

Anonymity might be one of the most misunderstood words used regularly at meetings in Narcotics Anonymous. Two of the Twelve Traditions in NA specifically reference the word. At meeting after meeting, members recite the Twelve Traditions. People who are new sometimes struggle to pronounce the word and many members are patient as newcomers learn not only the pronunciation but the meaning. I liked this definition I found on the internet.

Anonymity, the basic definition of this term is “being without a name.” Simply understood someone is anonymous if his/her identity is not known. Psychologically speaking, being anonymous may be perceived as a reduction in the accountability for the actions performed by the person.
“Online Anonymity”, Sudhanshu Chauhan, Nutan Kumar Panda, in Hacking Web Intelligence, 2015

Tradition Eleven

Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films.

I believe when some addicts hear the term ‘personal anonymity’ they think it relates to themselves. Self-obsession is the core of the disease, so that would be a natural conclusion but that is not a correct interpretation, in my opinion. Traditions are the basis of our Fellowship and Tradition Eleven clearly says ‘we need always maintain personal anonymity’, not ‘I’. My personal anonymity is my responsibility. I can choose to behave or act in any way I like, even if that might offend other members. I am proud of the person I am today and happy with my actions. Dictating beliefs or behaviors to other members is not a part of our Fellowship. The opposite of unity is oppression, so any attempts to enforce my personal beliefs on others affect the unity of the group. I was encouraged to join a Home Group and work out my differences with other members. Newcomers get to see regular members working through their differences. The road to understanding anonymity in Tradition Eleven starts with joining a Group or as many call it, a Home Group. Home Groups take on the responsibility of carrying the message by holding regular meetings that addicts can attend. Some are closed meetings for addicts only and others are open to the public. Everyone can carry a message to the public at an open meeting.

We, The Home Group

In my Home Group we learned about Tradition One, which asks us to put unity ahead of our personal recovery. We learn the value of ‘personal anonymity’ so that we protect other members which benefits Narcotics Anonymous. My actions on behalf of the Group reflect the desire to maintain anonymity. I try and put the needs of the Group ahead of my own. This is the nature of service. Rather than make assumptions about what the Group wants, I will seek direction by communicating with other members of the Group. Tradition Two says we arrive at a Group Conscience in our decision-making processes. These were hard lessons for me to learn but have become valuable in working with others.

I learned to appreciate it when members started identifying themselves as addicts rather than alcoholic addicts. Anonymity says we are all the same. Other addicts’ efforts to change and fit in were equally welcome. I never went to a treatment centre and I grow weary of hearing about what someone learned in a group workshop today. These simple steps towards anonymity by others helped me with the changes I needed to make. No amount of shaming, persecution or abuse seems to have much effect on my behaviors or the behavior of others. Anonymity ensures that a newcomer can identify with other group members. I strive to blend in, rather than stand out.

Conflict Resolution

When there are problems, we discuss them without making the discussion personal. How I speak reflects my desire to respect the anonymity of others. My questions can easily become a distraction if I put personalities ahead of the issues I raise. I learned about anonymity with the support of a Home Group. These lessons help me outside of NA in my personal life. It is particularly important when I carry the NA message to those outside our group.

Public Anonymity

This need for anonymity is important when dealing with the public. I learned the Traditions by having discussions with members and other groups. The wider the base of recovery, the higher the freedom from self-obsession. Growing our Fellowship is our primary purpose, which is achieved by attraction of the group, and not the individual. Any aspect of my life, regardless of how beneficial I find it, might not be attractive to others. Our diversity is our strength and that becomes evident at our meetings. Strong personalities can be a distraction for newcomers. I carry my experience, strength, and hope to members but not to the public. The adversity faced and overcome by some members is beneficial to other members but can be a distraction from the goal of attracting new members in the public. Governments, treatment centres, and organizations that promote recovery love to portrait individual success stories. A good story generates much needed attention and financial donations. Narcotics Anonymous recommends the opposite by simply attracting anyone who has a desire to stop using, regardless of their present circumstances or understanding of their disease. We offer a simple solution to those seeking help. Showcasing members or portraying a lifestyle might detract from the message. I dislike the Fellowship’s fascination with ‘Narcotics Anonymous’ conventions and would prefer we did not lend our name to these events. Conventions have become a distraction from being of service and our primary purpose. Those who promote them often talk about the unity created but there is little evidence of that in our service structures who continue to flounder with low attendance and little support.

Tradition Twelve

Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

It was an interesting thought when I read ‘Psychologically speaking, being anonymous may be perceived as a reduction in the accountability for the actions performed by the person.’ I wondered how this applied in my life and the definition fits for me today. I have tried very hard to reduce my will and replace it with my Higher Power’s will. When I take the Twelve Traditions into consideration in my life, then my actions as part of a Home Group become less about my personal desires and more about the Group. Someone who does not drink coffee might still make coffee for the group. It is these small acts of service that bring about unity and fellowship. With more than fifty or sixty thousand Narcotics Anonymous Groups worldwide, acting in unison, carrying a message to newcomers and supporting current members, the Fellowship continues to grow. A small number of groups support service structures but most Groups are predominately independent in carrying the message.

Tradition Four

Each Group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting other Groups, or N.A., as a whole.

The Narcotics Anonymous Fellowship becomes stronger as we put aside our personalities and adopt the principles contained within the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. Everyone learns the benefit of working together within a Group. When I struggle, I have learned the value of honest communication and listening with the intent to hear. As the years go by, my complacency increases, and I find I have to work hard to be a part of. Within a Group, we are completely autonomous, but part of our Traditions asks us to take on the responsibility of considering how our decisions will affect other groups or the whole of NA. Anonymity means I try not to offer judgement on what other groups do. Just like diversity benefits our membership in Groups, so does diversity benefit our various Home Groups. Some Groups sign verification papers and others oppose the practice. Anonymity means I can have opinions, express those opinions within my group but I am not the voice of the whole of NA. Anonymity helps direct service bodies as Tradition Nine says they should never govern, and Tradition Four ensures that service bodies are not part of NA.

Help Others, not Self Help

Service is the basis of my recovery in Narcotics Anonymous. ‘We meet regularly to help each other’ in our readings taught me that NA is not a self-help program but a help others program. My choices about lifestyle can detract from the message I carry. If I was to share about cancelling a much-needed vacation to Mexico because my sports car needs expensive repairs that might be upsetting to me but could detract from the unity. The same is true for the many blessings we find in recovery. When I share my experience, strength and hope, I need to be mindful of anonymity. How I deal with the day to day living better serves the Fellowship when I remember to put principles ahead of my personality.

The Price of Complacency

What is Complacency?

Complacency is used seven times in the Gray Book of Narcotics Anonymous. In the Fifth Edition of the Basic Text (Published by the NAWS Corporation), the word is used five times, and ‘complacent’ is used twice. The literature in Narcotics Anonymous alludes to the dangers of complacency but never clearly defines the meaning. I associated complacency with being lazy until I researched this article. A sponsor of mine pointed out the importance of a good dictionary and how I should not make assumptions about the meaning of words.

Complacency – noun. a feeling of smug or uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one’s achievements.

Complacent – adjective. pleased, especially with oneself or one’s merits, advantages, situation, etc., often without awareness of some potential danger or defect; self-satisfied.
Oxford Languages. Oxford University Press.

As I approach my twenty-first-year celebration of recovery in Narcotics Anonymous and I cannot help but notice how complacent I can become. ‘Complacency is the enemy of members with substantial clean time’ is a quote from the Narcotics Anonymous literature. The following quote was even more significant for me.

Complacency does not go with recovery. The deadly and insidious nature of our disease can disguise itself as boredom or superiority and generate the old “apart from” feelings. Separation from the atmosphere of recovery and the spirit of service to others slows our spiritual growth and can threaten relapse. This book is not the final answer to addiction. The Spirit of our Fellowship is constantly leading us into new awareness. Recovery is a journey, not a goal.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, 2nd Edition, Chapter 10, “More Will Be Revealed”

Clean Time Complacency

My disease is the disease of isolation. Addiction has wide, deep roots and vigilance is required. Nothing seems to isolate me more than a feeling of superiority. Today I can find myself seeking relationships that mimic unity but really are a cloak that can obscure my vision and blind me to reality. I surround myself with like-minded people and avoid the conflict that true unity provides. People with clean time greet others with time and sit together at meetings. We admire each other’s lifestyles and I see my recovery as attractive to newcomers.

Hubris and Oppression

Hubris is when I develop a sense of excessive pride, and self-importance. Oppression is a burden I place on others to conform. My disease tells me I have accomplished something by staying clean and I begin to deny the miracle. The literature says we meet regularly to ‘help each other’ but addiction offers ‘helping myself’. A little recovery has been good for me, so a lot of recovery becomes a drug. Tradition three says the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using. The desire to stop using ends for some members when they are clean. I find it very easy to return to using. My defects and shortcomings become a distraction. Gatherings of members become a smorgasbord of distractions. You can spend weekends traveling to conventions, listening to powerful speakers. Members gather and dine together, plan outings or vacations, talking about how fortunate they are. A select few newcomers are invited into the cliques if they pair well or contribute to the complacent atmosphere in some meaningful way. The disease of addiction will always find a way to create isolation. We stop acknowledging the miracle and I start promoting my new way of life. Gratitude becomes hubris and unity becomes oppression.

Common Welfare ahead of Personal Recovery

Tradition One of Narcotics Anonymous says that ‘Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on unity’. My complacency comes with a price. I sell my responsibilities and always spend the proceeds selfishly. Complacency offers judgement rather than inventory when my needs are ahead of the common welfare of the group. Other members step up and attend business meetings for the home group so I do not. I accept the lies that my voice is not needed, or that those members who do attend are doing a fine job. Addiction might suggest that Home Group business meetings are so toxic that I have no voice or I simply lose interest out of bordom.

Our Primary Purpose

The Twelfth Step of our personal program also says that we should carry the message to the addict who still suffers. This is no coincidence. Working with others is one of our most powerful tools. “The therapeutic value of one addict helping another is unparalleled.” For the newcomer this is how they find out about N.A. and how they stay clean; and for the members this reaffirms and clarifies what they have learned. The group is the most perfect vehicle we have for carrying the message to the addict who still suffers. When a member carries the message, he is somewhat bound by his interpretation and personality. The problem with literature is language; the feelings, the intensity, and the strengths are sometimes lost. In our groups, with all personalities, the message is a recurring theme; an underlying reality.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, 2nd Edition, Tradition Five “Our primary purpose is to carry the message to the addict who still suffers.”

Service structures were once thought to be outside the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous, but complacency changed that. These outside entities can become dominated by members so entrenched in complacency that healthy members cannot breathe. The same addicts return month after month, and year after year never considering that they are the source of the problem. A pitiful minority of members support the World Service Conference, and the NAWS Corporation. Literature prices have become so inflated and support the complacency of those members addicted to manipulation, control, and prestige. Addicts who are actively using have no choice but to continue to use until they have a desire to stop. Such is the nature of the disease. Ultimately the anonymity of the individual and the Group is what carries the message when the primary purpose is put ahead of personal recovery.

The Grace of God

God

The concept of God is a difficult hurdle for many people who come to twelve step programs. Narcotics Anonymous is a spiritual organization and the literature refers to the word God. In AA, they expanded the concept by offering a ‘God of your understanding’ and most twelve step programs have adopted that concept for themselves. Narcotics Anonymous literature refers to a ‘Higher Power’. I believe that regardless of what beliefs you arrive with, you will need to come to terms with the idea of some power greater than yourself. My personal beliefs when I arrived at my first twelve step meeting was that God, spiritual beliefs, mysticism, and the whole concept of a spiritual existence was for weak minded people who needed a crutch. I did have some beliefs that I accepted as possible once I qualified my answers. I needed to have a lengthy explanation to justify my beliefs. I was willing to admit that some people might be psychic, and ghosts sounded plausible. When I was sarcastic, I would say that prayer was an excellent way to spend time until your plane impacts the side of a mountain. At the time, I wouldn’t say I was cynical but looking back I believed that God had never done anything for me, hadn’t been a factor in my life and wasn’t likely to appear any time soon. When I hit bottom, I did have an awakening to the idea that my life was wildly out of control, and I was a mess. I went to my first meeting, expecting nothing, with little hope, and perhaps open to the possibility of some relief. I didn’t expect to find help for someone like me. Even if God existed, there were many people who were more deserving of help. I had heard the words, “God’s Grace” but never really given it much thought.

Compassion

The ‘Grace of God’ is hard to define without the heavy religious overtones of our Christian based society. For this article, I will use the definition of Grace as unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification. Both the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and the original manuscript for the Basic Text used in Narcotics Anonymous referenced the Grace of God. The latest version of the Basic Text published by the NAWS Corporation still mentions God’s Grace in the ‘How It Works’ section; Step Eleven. It’s a touchy subject with many people but the concept of Grace from a higher power isn’t exclusive to Christianity. In Buddhism, they have the idea of a bodhisattva. This is a person who has achieved the capacity to obtain enlightenment and become a buddha, but in an act of great compassion chooses to remain in this realm and work to end the suffering of the masses – the act itself is Grace. Hinduism refers to Kripa and Hellenism (Greek mysticism) refers to Kharis. Grace is what I was offered when I arrived at the rooms, what I learned in doing the steps, and what I try and extend to all. IF you are uncomfortable with the idea of a God then think of Grace as nothing more than compassion offered regardless of the situation. Think of how the world would be if compassion was at the front of each passing moment.

Eighty-Four Days

The most powerful story I have ever read in recovery was titled Eighty-Four Days. It was published in the Iranian Narcotics Anonymous journal called Payam Behboodi. It’s a letter from a prisoner in jail about his gratitude for eighty-four days clean and how we as recovering addicts should work together and help each other. His gratitude is also for the will of God. His death was by hanging the next morning as punishment for the crimes he had committed. I found a connection with the powerful message. I often feel as if I am in a self-imposed prison. My character defects and shortcomings have always prevented me from being a part of things. I am difficult to get to know, difficult to be around and have little interest in the world around me. My struggles are with Self, as is the case for many in recovery. Having done a set of steps I also know I have assets and have provided for my family for many years. I also contribute in many ways to society. I might never be rich or successful but I have always managed to provide for my family. I have much in my life to be grateful for. I go to meetings and listen to one speaker after another share about their gratitude for what recovery has given them. They talk about their support group, or their vacations and possessions as if those are important. My belief is that gratitude we share in recovery is reserved for our higher power, however you want to define that. The vacations, new cars or luxuries might be nothing more than self-obsession and ultimately, that is the core of the disease of addiction. My gratitude speaks with Grace that I extend to the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous and society at large. Ultimately, the gratitude that carries the strongest message is selfless service. I like to promote unity by working with anyone and including everyone. The Twelve Traditions we study in twelve step programs gave us the tools to ensure our focus is not on our personal relationships with our friends but with all of society. I believe that gratitude grows as our Grace grows. The Grace of God isn’t easy, it is a desperate hand extended to another off a ledge that they find themselves hanging from. The key to Grace is the ‘unmerited’ aspect, the courtesy I extend beyond what I feel is warranted or deserved. It is a part of what makes my service so valuable. Grace is the action of gratitude.

A Bigger Picture

How well your twelve step support group functions, and the service structures they create to support the groups comes from the Grace of God in my belief. It’s very easy to fall into cliques and form micro groups of support around common interests or beliefs, and exclude those we disapprove of. The twelve-step group is the core of my recovery. The relationships I form within my group, and how I treat others IS the basis of my recovery. It’s from these relationships that I can provide Grace to others. The gratitude that comes from that connection with my higher power is the only gratitude that matters in recovery. We are selling a new way of life that costs everything and nothing. Gratitude for what I have achieved in my recovery is not a magical elixir I can bottle and transfer to another. Friendships, lifestyle and a dizzying array of choices await many of us as we get clean but it’s all meaningless to someone who’s new or someone who is on the verge of dying. When my journey started, I was attracted to the message and the feeling of be a part of something. What I keep for myself when I share my recovery is true gratitude and a belief in the process.

There is a gratitude that arises from my relationship with the God of my understanding, who guides me and gives me strength. It might be the only gratitude some members will ever achieve. My support group do a daily group text by cellphone of 5 things we are grateful for and it has been a difficult process for me. I really want to focus on all the things that I am grateful for like relationships, sunny days and the smell of rain. I have come to accept that in turning my life and my will over to God in Step Three, I need to focus on my gratitude for my higher power’s will for me, and the strength that comes to me. Compassion for another is a gift for myself and does more to restore my own worth than anything I could acquire on my own.

Disunity

Defects and Shortcomings.

I lacked a lot of self-awareness when I came to Narcotics Anonymous in 2002. I had a general sense of being less than, and I had behaved in ways that lowered my self-esteem. I felt some sort of deep sense of resentment for what I thought I was owed. Some of the dark moments of my life played over and over in my mind. Despite all this evidence that I was less than, I tried to focus on what I deserved, and that was a long list. My list of entitlements was enormous. Every time I failed to get what I deserved; it was evidence that I was less than others. Life was a series of disappointments and drugs dulled the pain of living. Once I joined the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous, things started to change. Feelings were no longer hidden under the cloud of drug use. I grappled with understanding feelings and learned new ways of processing them. What I learned came from other members who were going through similar experiences. A burden shared is a burden halved became my new reality, which encouraged me to connect with others. A joy shared is doubled, which has always struck me as odd but true. This confirmed to me the idea of sharing our experiences, strengths and hopes. By connecting with other members, our burdens are halved, and our joys are doubled. There were other aspects of recovery that I struggled with. Sometimes I found getting myself caught up in the endless arguments about how the program works. One example was the use of the terms, defects and shortcomings from Step Six and Step Seven of the Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous. This has been a constant source of disunity. I thought we had to agree on all these things to be a fellowship.

The Foundation of My Recovery

Connecting with other members became a foundation for my recovery. There are so many different personalities that connections were challenging. It was suggested to look at the similarities and that helped. Unfortunately, the differences are so glaring obvious and in my face that it was difficult to ignore. I did try and build relationships based on the similarities. I was passionate about helping and being of service. I like to meet for coffee and talk nonsense about nothing. I did not have a sense of who I was so what other people were doing was sometimes interesting and being included was powerful. The longer I remain in the Fellowship the less willing I am to take part in some discussions or activities. That discomfort is a rich source of information about my personality and I inventory my reservations, defects and shortcomings regularly.

Reservations

I was taught that reservations about my recovery are the things I put between myself and my higher power’s will. Reservations are about the choices I make. It was uncomfortable crying in front of people at first. I avoided crying because I was taught that crying was weakness. I did find acceptance and I gladly weep today. My life is deeply satisfying today, and I avoid the endless drama and cliques that form. I have a lot of reservations about the benefits of cliques and toxic relationships, so I tend to isolate myself. This causes me to not be apart and isolation is like a drug. The reservations I want to hold on to today feel a lot like using drugs. I want to continue in this program I need to stop using. I work on not isolating myself.

Defects of Character

My defects of character I live with are about my personality. Patience and understanding allow me to start to see my defects clearly. Today I have a sense of those defects and with the help of my Higher Power, I can put aside those defects and work with others. My anger, shame, control, and other aspects of my personality no longer govern my behaviors but the feelings sometimes persist. I have contempt for other people and maintain healthy boundaries. My contempt is the source of my self-loathing. With the help of a higher power, I can put aside my contempt and work with others. I have begun to lose the desire to use my contempt.

Shortcomings

I was taught that shortcomings are where I come up short and they are the actions of my defects. Recovery for me today is about learning a new way to live. It takes practice to apply the principles in my life and I make mistakes. I wrestle with my reservations still, and I do not always see my defects clearly. The actions I take to express my gratitude for the life I live today are critical to my success. My actions can also cause me to treat others poorly or react to situations that cause more harm than good. The actions of my shortcomings is the source of my amends.

Unity

I take responsibility for my recovery today. I stay in the Fellowship and strive to be a part of. I believe that the wider the base, the higher the point of freedom for myself and others. I seek out other addicts who want to practice principles and carry a message to the suffering addicts. I appreciate that some addicts see reservations, defects and shortcomings differently and that is ok with me. I have no need to try and promote my ideas about the program. I respect other peoples’ right to have an opinion and arrive at their own solutions. In a program of attraction rather than promotion, different opinions contribute to our growth. Adversity is healthy and learning to disagree promotes healthy relationships.

The Four Absolutes

Before Narcotics Anonymous was Alcoholics Anonymous. And before that was the Oxford Group who developed the ideas that became the foundation of the Twelve Step Program. The Oxford Group used ‘The Four Absolutes’ to define the spiritual direction of the Fellowship.

What are the Absolutes?

Purity

This asks the question. Is it right or is it wrong? I think we know….But practising the right decision is not as straightforward. Our fears can play a part in our decision making….even more so with the alcoholic.

Honesty

During our active addiction honesty can become a foreign concept and the ramifications of that dishonesty contributed to our sickness. We were unable to accept the dishonesty and the shame that accompanied it.

Unselfishness

We had become accustomed to putting ourselves (and our addiction) first. The final tenet of the Oxford group was ‘ continued work with others in need’ and this became the 12th step and the backbone of long term sobriety.

Love

This was a foreign concept to many of us in our addiction. Love had always been a trade-off. What do I get out of loving someone? Love is not a decision.

The Absolutes provide a decision-making formula that keeps my spirituality in check.
https://www.caminorecovery.com/blog/the-four-absolutes-a-beginners-guide-to-spirituality/#:~:text=The%20Four%20Absolutes%20can%20be,the%20early%2020th%20century.

The opposite of unity is oppression. When I promote my ideas about how things work or why we do certain things, I become a weapon of disease. Tradition One says our common welfare should come first and personal recovery depends on unity. I believe that disunity is the ultimate weapon of the disease of addiction. Some of our literature refers to the Grace of God as the reason I am clean. Others arrive at their own understanding of the miracle of recovery. Regardless of our path to this day clean, working together is our strength. Nothing is gained from promoting a certain idea or belief. I do find myself at odds with the Fellowship sometimes. I love to print and distribute meeting lists. I have been shunned and isolated for the practices I maintain for my recovery. It has taken a lot of work to get comfortable with the loneliness.

The Basic Text says, “Our spiritual condition is the basis for a successful recovery that offers unlimited growth.” There is nothing about ‘me’ in that statement. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions. I believe that anonymity is about personal sacrifice. I uphold spiritual principles as I understand them today. I am comfortable with adversity and draw strength from my higher power. I accept you as you are, not as I wish you would be.