Month: April 2023

Disunity

Defects and Shortcomings.

I lacked a lot of self-awareness when I came to Narcotics Anonymous in 2002. I had a general sense of being less than, and I had behaved in ways that lowered my self-esteem. I felt some sort of deep sense of resentment for what I thought I was owed.  Some of the dark moments of my life played over and over in my mind. Despite all this evidence that I was less than, I tried to focus on what I deserved, and that was a long list. My list of entitlements was enormous.  Every time I failed to get what I deserved; it was evidence that I was less than others. Life was a series of disappointments and drugs dulled the pain of living. Once I joined the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous, things started to change. Feelings were no longer hidden under the cloud of drug use. I grappled with understanding feelings and learned new ways of processing them. What I learned came from other members who were going through similar experiences. A burden shared is a burden halved became my new reality, which encouraged me to connect with others. A joy shared is doubled, which has always struck me as odd but true. This confirmed to me the idea of sharing our experiences, strengths and hopes. By connecting with other members, our burdens are halved, and our joys are doubled.  There were other aspects of recovery that I struggled with.  Sometimes I found getting myself caught up in the endless arguments about how the program works. One example was the use of the terms, defects and shortcomings from Step Six and Step Seven of the Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous. This has been a constant source of disunity. I thought we had to agree on all these things to be a fellowship.

The Foundation of My Recovery

Connecting with other members became a foundation for my recovery. There are so many different personalities that connections were challenging. It was suggested to look at the similarities and that helped. Unfortunately, the differences are so glaring obvious and in my face that it was difficult to ignore. I did try and build relationships based on the similarities. I was passionate about helping and being of service. I like to meet for coffee and talk nonsense about nothing. I did not have a sense of who I was so what other people were doing was sometimes interesting and being included was powerful. The longer I remain in the Fellowship the less willing I am to take part in some discussions or activities. That discomfort is a rich source of information about my personality and I inventory my reservations, defects and shortcomings regularly.

Reservations

I was taught that reservations about my recovery are the things I put between myself and my higher power’s will. Reservations are about the choices I make. It was uncomfortable crying in front of people at first. I avoided crying because I was taught that crying was weakness. I did find acceptance and I gladly weep today. My life is deeply satisfying today, and I avoid the endless drama and cliques that form. I have a lot of reservations about the benefits of cliques and toxic relationships, so I tend to isolate myself. This causes me to not be apart and isolation is like a drug.   The reservations I want to hold on to today feel a lot like using drugs. I want to continue in this program I need to stop using. I work on not isolating myself.

Defects of Character

My defects of character I live with are about my personality. Patience and understanding allow me to start to see my defects clearly. Today I have a sense of those defects and with the help of my Higher Power, I can put aside those defects and work with others. My anger, shame, control, and other aspects of my personality no longer govern my behaviors but the feelings sometimes persist. I have contempt for other people and maintain healthy boundaries. My contempt is the source of my self-loathing. With the help of a higher power, I can put aside my contempt and work with others. I have begun to lose the desire to use my contempt.

Shortcomings

I was taught that shortcomings are where I come up short and they are the actions of my defects. Recovery for me today is about learning a new way to live. It takes practice to apply the principles in my life and I make mistakes.  I wrestle with my reservations still, and I do not always see my defects clearly. The actions I take to express my gratitude for the life I live today are critical to my success. My actions can also cause me to treat others poorly or react to situations that cause more harm than good.  The actions of my shortcomings is the source of my amends.

Unity

I take responsibility for my recovery today. I stay in the Fellowship and strive to be a part of. I believe that the wider the base, the higher the point of freedom for myself and others.  I seek out other addicts who want to practice principles and carry a message to the suffering addicts. I appreciate that some addicts see reservations, defects and shortcomings differently and that is ok with me. I have no need to try and promote my ideas about the program. I respect other peoples’ right to have an opinion and arrive at their own solutions. In a program of attraction rather than promotion, different opinions contribute to our growth. Adversity is healthy and learning to disagree promotes healthy relationships.

The Four Absolutes

Before Narcotics Anonymous was Alcoholics Anonymous. And before that was the Oxford Group who developed the ideas that became the foundation of the Twelve Step Program. The Oxford Group used ‘The Four Absolutes’ to define the spiritual direction of the Fellowship.

What are the Absolutes?

Purity

This asks the question. Is it right or is it wrong? I think we know….But practising the right decision is not as straightforward. Our fears can play a part in our decision making….even more so with the alcoholic.

Honesty

During our active addiction honesty can become a foreign concept and the ramifications of that dishonesty contributed to our sickness. We were unable to accept the dishonesty and the shame that accompanied it.

Unselfishness

We had become accustomed to putting ourselves (and our addiction) first. The final tenet of the Oxford group was ‘ continued work with others in need’ and this became the 12th step and the backbone of long term sobriety.

Love

This was a foreign concept to many of us in our addiction. Love had always been a trade-off. What do I get out of loving someone? Love is not a decision.

The Absolutes provide a decision-making formula that keeps my spirituality in check.

https://www.caminorecovery.com/blog/the-four-absolutes-a-beginners-guide-to-spirituality/#:~:text=The%20Four%20Absolutes%20can%20be,the%20early%2020th%20century.

The opposite of unity is oppression. When I promote my ideas about how things work or why we do certain things, I become a weapon of disease. Tradition One says our common welfare should come first and personal recovery depends on unity. I believe that disunity is the ultimate weapon of the disease of addiction. Some of our literature refers to the Grace of God as the reason I am clean. Others arrive at their own understanding of the miracle of recovery. Regardless of our path to this day clean, working together is our strength. Nothing is gained from promoting a certain idea or belief. I do find myself at odds with the Fellowship sometimes. I love to print and distribute meeting lists. I have been shunned and isolated for the practices I maintain for my recovery. It has taken a lot of work to get comfortable with the loneliness.

The Basic Text says, “Our spiritual condition is the basis for a successful recovery that offers unlimited growth.” There is nothing about ‘me’ in that statement. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions. I believe that anonymity is about personal sacrifice. I uphold spiritual principles as I understand them today. I am comfortable with adversity and draw strength from my higher power. I accept you as you are, not as I wish you would be.

Paper or Plastic, Narcotics Anonymous?

The Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous

Many using addicts find themselves in a state of hopelessness, having consumed more than a lifetime of resources from society, treatment centers, family and friends. The Fellowship meets regularly to help each other stay clean and carry a message to the still suffering addict. Narcotics Anonymous is not a self-help program, but a help others program. Giving back can start at any point in an addict’s recovery. A using addict with a desire to stop should continue to attend as this is giving back to other members. The way I learned to be self-supporting and give back to society was from joining a Narcotics Anonymous Group. Members of a Group will adopt the Twelve Traditions as a basis of their Fellowship. Addicts will call the group they regularly attend a ‘Home Group’.  The practical application of the spiritual principles learned in the Twelve Steps and the application of the Twelve Traditions benefited my recovery immensely. Some recovered addicts choose to give back in other ways once they are clean. There are many service opportunities that society has to offer. For example, you can volunteer with organizations that feed the homeless. Some members continue to support Narcotics Anonymous by giving back in service by becoming a trusted servant.

Growing Pains and Division

In the mid-1980’s, a split emerged within the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous.  The division was within the Fellowship over the contents of the Basic Text that were adopted by members but were altered by the trustees of the Fellowship. A few Trustees disagreed with the Groups. The Groups had reviewed and approved the Basic Text but the text was altered.

  • Tradition 4 (Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or N.A. as a whole.) was altered.

 “All else is not N.A.” was removed which was a reference that only Groups make up the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous.

(Narcotics Anonymous, 2ND Edition, published 1983, Tradition 4, page 61, Copyright 1982 by C.A.R.E.N.A. Publishing Co.)

The idea that service bodies were nothing more than trusted servants, and outside the Fellowship was suppressed by the Trustees. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all the traditions, so having any form of structure was considered counter to the Twelve Traditions by many members.

  • Tradition 9 (N.A., as such, ought never be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.) was altered.  “…The Ninth Tradition goes on to define the nature of the things that we can do to help N.A. It says that we may create service boards or committees to serve the needs of the Fellowship.”

“None of them has the power to rule, censor, decide, or dictate.” was removed and refers to the function of a service body.

(Basic Text, 2nd Edition, Tradition 9, page 68)

The above lines removed had specifically detailed that not only were the service bodies not part of N.A. but that the service body holds no power over groups.  By removing these details, the trustees had effectively given themselves the authority to govern. This has caused problems for decades in N.A. and has influenced the decision-making process to this day. Many addicts today do not question the authority of those who are supposed to be servants. Since this change the support of Narcotics Anonymous Groups for the World Service Conference (WSC) has eroded. The NAWS Corporation, who allegedly holds the copywrites in trust and the WSC no longer represent more than a small minority of Groups.  

Problem solving

Critical to the success of any service body is the ability to make decisions. Making decisions can be difficult without structure. Procedures that aid in decision making existed before Narcotics Anonymous.  

  • Robert’s Rules of Order (RRO).

Robert’s Rules is based on motions that are raised by participants, is considered adversarial, and is rigid in adapting to new ideas and information in the decision-making process since it requires considerable understanding of the rules and procedures. 

  • Consensus Based Decision Making (CBDM).

There are major differences between the two methods, far beyond what I could cover in this article.  CBDM is orientated to problem solving, easily adapts to changes but is prone to groupthink, whereby participants avoid conflict by putting aside their personal opinions and can result in dysfunctional decisions. 

RRO was quickly adopted by most service bodies within Narcotics Anonymous. Bob Stone (an executive, and non-addict) was hired to act as chair in some of the first World Service Conferences for NA and used RRO to make decisions. It was popular for many business people to adopt RRO. Bob Stone eventually became the first Executive Director of the Word Service Office (WSO) corporation that served the fellowship as the primary publisher of literature. The WSO morphed into the NAWS Corporation as it is known to addicts today.

Groups make decisions by applying the spiritual principles learned from members working the Twelve Steps and arriving at a decision by careful consideration of the Twelve Traditions.  They refer to this as a ‘group conscience’ and it governs all the decisions of a group. 

The World Service Conference.

The World Service Conference (WSC) is held every two years for Narcotics Anonymous and is the mechanism where decisions that affect Narcotics Anonymous globally are discussed and voted on. Many Groups have organized service bodies called an ‘Area’ and send a representative from the Groups to the Area. In turn, each Area elects a representative to attend a larger service body called a ‘Regional’, who then sends a representative to the WSC. In 2000, the WSC informed the Fellowship.

…the World Service Conference is moving toward a “consensus-based” and “issues oriented” conference meeting. While this change is not fully realized yet, the need is evident for a Conference Agenda Report (CAR) that contains issues highly relevant to members and groups. … This frees up our members and groups to devote their attention to holding meetings and carrying the message of recovery, without having to ratify every decision made on their behalf at every level of service.

(Narcotics Anonymous, Conference Agenda Report, published in 2000)

An example of a decision made by CBDM in the United Kingdom;

To be included on the UKNA meeting list, a group must only use conference approved NA literature. When a new edition of NA literature is approved, the previous edition loses its approval status. The UKNA RSC policy, dated May 2017, states that any meeting found to be using non-conference approved NA literature, will be removed from the meetings list.

(from an unpublished policy guide but confirmed from sources)

These types of decisions and the use of CBDM have caused further division within the Fellowship. CBDM and RRO are mechanisms that service structures use to function outside of the Groups that make up the Fellowship of NA and have no bearing on a group conscience.  Groups use group conscience to arrive at all the decisions that they feel best carries a message to the suffering addict, by whatever means they believe is best. Groups are taught that this conscience reflects our collective higher power’s will and at its core, Narcotics Anonymous is a spiritual organization.

One Solution

If the service structures were to reconsider their relationship with the Fellowship by seeing themselves as trusted servants, outside of the Groups, without the ability to govern, then other effective solutions could be sought.  There are good ideas being adopted by many organizations worldwide.  Spokes councils are becoming very popular. The following is excerpts about spokes councils drawn from the internet.

A spokes council is the larger organizing structure used in the affinity group model to coordinate a mass action. Each affinity group (or cluster) empowers a spoke (representative) to go to a spokes council meeting to decide on important issues for the action. For instance, affinity groups need to decide on a legal/jail strategy, possible tactical issues, meeting places, and many other logistics. A spokes council does not take away an individual affinity group’s autonomy within an action; affinity groups make their own decisions about what they want to do on the streets (as long as it fits in with any action guidelines.) All decisions in spokes councils are made by consensus, so that all affinity groups have agreed and are committed to the mass direct action.

Each group sends a delegate (or ‘spoke’) to the spokes council meeting, where all delegates present the breadth of ideas and concerns of their groups…..The remit [task] of the spoke needs to be clearly defined for a spokes council to work effectively. The task of the spoke is primarily to feedback information between the small group and the council. The spoke needs to act as a voice for everyone within the small group, communicating the breadth of collective thought rather than their own personal point of view.

See these two websites; https://organizingforpower.org/clusters-spokes-councils/and https://seedsforchange.org.uk/spokescouncil

Some Truths about Narcotics Anonymous

N.A. Groups worldwide can choose to participate in service structures, or simply function independently. They make decisions about the format of the meetings, what literature to present and/or sell, regardless of the opinion of the service structures who should only be accountable to the groups they serve.  Some groups use literature produced independently. New groups can and do translate, print, and distribute literature long before it’s approved. This was the case in Iran’s N.A. Fellowship with almost five thousand groups hosting more than twenty thousand meetings (Numbers are estimated based on reports prior to the COVID Pandemic). Iran had a catalog of translated literature available as early as 1998 long before the WSC and The NAWS corporation knew of the extent of NA in Iran.

The effectiveness and success of the Group seems to be based on two factors; The unity of those who are members (committed) and the ability to attract the suffering addicts who are new to the Group.  Groups are faced with the governance of from the service structures, which seem to come down to two choices, CBDM or RRO, like grocery stores asking if you want paper or plastic bags. Some groups might prefer to bring their own cloth bags.

I believe this is why so many Groups choose to do what they believe works best; Members with various experiences, strengths and hopes come together. They may prefer older literature, alternative literature and a multitude of other choices that allows them to effectively carry a message without outside influence. Spokes Councils would give direction without governance and improve the unity of the entire Fellowship.

A Successful Program of Recovery.

The success or failure of a group is in the hands of the members who are committed to the primary purpose and does not require outside influence from service bodies. Service structures need to understand that they have a responsibility to be directly accountable to the groups because they are outside enterprises, and the success of the service structure is in attracting groups, not dictating to them. Attraction rather than promotion has a proven success within the Fellowship.

We recover in an atmosphere of acceptance and respect for one another’s beliefs. We try to avoid the self-deception of arrogance and self-righteousness.

Basic Text, 2nd Edition, Chapter 9, “Living the Program” page 88.

Each person takes complete responsibility for their recovery. Each Group takes responsibility for carrying the message. The danger is that in my arrogance or self-righteousness I can endanger myself and other group members. Giving anyone authority over my recovery means I can blame them for what I see as a failure. Giving structures authority amplifies the worst of the defects of individual members who serve. This guarantees the failure of being either trusted or a servant.

Carrying the Message

Rebirth

I returned to the roots of my recovery at 14 years clean in British Columbia. My home group had a noon meeting that met daily, Monday to Friday. This was around 2016-17 after losing my job, and not being allowed to be of service in my old area to the north. I had very few friends and struggled to maintain a connection. The town where I attended the noon meeting is a city of about fifty thousand people. Our noon meeting had swollen to about forty people daily, with three newcomers a week. I was also a meeting list coordinator for the local area. I was amazed at how many meetings lists we used. We would require four hundred meeting lists distributed monthly to keep inventories up at all ninety locations where we stocked them. Some months I had nine people who helped. The Public Information Committee had a lot of members and were doing some presentations to various organizations.

I am an IT technician by trade. I have learned enough about websites to create simple designs. I did a website for the area and learned how to incorporate the BMLT (Basic Meeting List Toolbox – https:\\bmlt.app). I monitored our website traffic and we added our website to the meeting lists. Everything and everyone worked together. I was the ‘meeting list guy’ and the ‘website guy’ and with a strong fellowship I felt both trusted and a servant to the Fellowship. It was the most magical time in my recovery. I was surrounded with the love and enthusiasm of members. I was able to heal from several abusive relationships.

Public Information

I have always been fascinated by carrying the message. I was the briefly the website coordinator for the British Columbia Region over a decade ago. I talked to members and worked really hard on the website. We made a lot of improvements. Our website traffic went from fourteen hundred to fourteen thousand visitors every month. I was sad and angry when I was removed from the position. I understand now that the disease of addiction is always present. Some members lose the desire to stop using and return to old behaviors. There is lots of support for poor behaviors in any service structure where members come together. This results in disunity and a lack of support from the Fellowship.  I wish I had learned that lesson then, but I have often repeated behaviors before the lesson was learned.

By 2019, The area I attended had lost the momentum and the enthusiasm was gone. My experiences in service have taught me that support for the services to the Fellowship is like an ocean tide. The tides go in and out, sometimes washing addicts ashore and sometimes carrying them back out into addiction. When the tide is high, I am excited and when the tide is out, I am dejected.  I am powerless over everything that happens but I have choices about where I spend my energy and time. I try and stay involved but sometimes I find myself working alone.

Pandemic Unity

There was little service happening locally in 2019, and I was starting to participate in virtual Fellowship. I learned a lot about virtual meeting platforms and the application of the Twelve Traditions online. When the COVID Pandemic hit I felt well prepared, and it was as if my Higher Power had been preparing me for this. I started an online meeting and worked with anyone who joined our virtual home group. We had regular business meetings. Our group voted to create a website and do Facebook Boosts to carry the message to the public.  We peaked at nineteen meetings per week but today do about ten or twelve. Our website traffic has risen to seventy-five visitors per day, and over three hundred during a boost. We have members from isolated communities where no local meetings exist and members who struggle to feel apart of the local Fellowship where they live. Some newcomers feel safer attending their first meeting from the safety of their home. Our home group is healthy and inclusive. My perception is that we enjoy a rich blend of members who freely give of their time to support creating an atmosphere of recovery.

March 2023 Website Traffic for my Online Home Group

Repeated Success

I have returned to a stable job in a large urban centre of over a quarter of a million people north of where I live. I joined another noon meeting locally to try and support the Fellowship there. Many meetings have under twenty participants, but I see it as a starting point. I am still very passionate about doing Public Information and the group has been supportive. We now have a website and the traffic is rising steadily. We budget funds for Facebook boosts and have seen an increase in newcomers. I want to publish a meeting list with website information to support our efforts. I’m quite certain that a city of this size will support hundreds of members attending the daily noon meeting. I have a vision of multiple locations and three newcomers daily.  I cannot do it alone.

March 2023 Website traffic for my face to face local home group

Anonymi

“Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities”

Narcotics Anonymous, various publications, ‘Tradition Twelve’

I love the writing of a member who wrote Narcotics Anonymous IP #14, “One Addict’s Experience with Acceptance, Faith, and Commitment” and a personal book titled “A Matter of Principle”, available for free (Digital download copy at Nasalden, See this link) under the pen name of ‘Anonymi’.

Both these publications taught me a lot about anonymity.

  • The quality or state of being anonymous
  • One that is anonymous
“Anonymity.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/anonymity.
A well known entity within the Narcotics Anonymous Fellowship

It is very rewarding to be a part of but sometimes I find myself the lone voice of reality. There is a delicate balance in giving back and being a part of. Taking on the role of ‘trusted servant’ is difficult. For me what has been clear is that I understand the meaning of ‘trusted’ and ‘servant’. Open communication with home group members lays a solid foundation with the spiritual principles of Narcotics Anonymous.  

The real danger for me is when I sell my anonymity like a commodity.  It can start very subtilty when I mention I have twenty years clean. Suddenly my opinions and experiences carry weight at meetings.  No matter how much I try, sometimes my personality spills over the principles I try and convey. When I get involved in service, that danger increases but so do the returns on selling my anonymity. The community learns that I am a trusted figure in the Fellowship because I sell my anonymity to become a contact person for my group or efforts to serve.  Big personalities ahead of principles might prove to be entertaining at Narcotics Anonymous meetings and functions. I can even lie to myself and say ‘what I offer is attractive’ but dishonesty and self-deception prevents me from enjoying ‘complete recovery and acceptance within society’. I might hear and feel the love but miss out on a balanced perspective by shunning others. Being a part of a home group is the healthiest opportunity to fully experience anonymity.

Trusted Servants

Alcoholics Anonymous has done a good job with anonymity on a global scale. The World Board positions of the Alcoholic Corporations are a mix of alcoholics and non-alcoholic members.  They quietly perform their duties without prestige.

Narcotics Anonymous has not followed suit.  The NAWS Corporation world board members all identify as members and have prostituted their anonymity. They bear the full fruits of prestige. Each member enjoys a handsome financial return of travel and per diem expenses to participate in functions around the world. Selling this investment in personalities has become a business within the Fellowship and good convention speakers are much sought after.

Carrying the message has inherent dangers. All the trappings of success might not be evident to us, but a newcomer might be attracted or repulsed depending on their experiences. What we wear, the shapes of our bodies, and particularly our experiences can create an image that might be desirable to some but not all.  My sponsor told me once that I might be the whole world to a single addict in a single moment so be mindful.

What a Fellowship!

Fellowship

At almost every meeting I have ever attended I hear a reading called ‘What is the Narcotics Anonymous Program’ I feel like I’ve memorized some of the readings after hearing them so often. Early in my recovery, I thought I would get tired of hearing them. I understand now that we read them not just for me, but for people who are new. Sometimes I find a particular phrase from a reading is relevant to my life today. Recently, I heard the word Fellowship and I wondered what the word meant. Years ago, my sponsor had encouraged me to look up words in the dictionary rather than assume I understood the meaning. I’m surprised at how ignorant I am of the meaning of some words. This is my favorite use of ‘Fellowship’.  

Narcotics Anonymous is a non-profit fellowship or society of men and women for whom drugs had become a major problem. We are recovered addicts who meet regularly to help each other stay clean.

Narcotics Anonymous, Little White Book, published 1966.

Recovered Addict

The literature sold today by the NAWS Corporation says ‘recovering’ instead of recovered.  I prefer the older version that uses the word recovered. It doesn’t mean that I’m no longer an addict or that I’m better than anyone else. I found the idea of being recovered is about how I direct my actions and thoughts today. I like the word recovered and today I feel very much at peace with who I am and my place in the world. I know from the literature that ‘Dishonesty and self-deception’ can prevent me from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society. I remain vigilant about my honesty but it can be difficult some times. Self-deception seems to be much easier to spot when I am humble and invite people into my life. Narcotics Anonymous literature says that the wider the base, the higher the point of freedom.  I believe the freedom the Fellowship offers is from my own self-obsession. Ultimately the primary purpose of Narcotics Anonymous is to carry a message and that ensures my recovery is strong.

Early in my recovery I sought relationships in the true drug addict fashion by forcing myself into members’ lives. A using addict attracts addicts who are using and that was the case with many so-called friends. I have learned that not everyone continues to have a desire to stop using after they quit drugs. There are addicts in the Fellowship who continue to use. I learned about this when I was fourteen years clean and it resolved many deeply personal issues for me.  The disease goes much deeper than the use of drugs and those experiences have helped me a great deal.  The people in my life today offer an attractive lifestyle that invites me to be humble. The early days in recovery opened my mind to what kind of Fellowship is possible. What exactly does ‘Fellowship’ mean?

A Friendly Relationship Based in Traditions

My personal recovery depends on NA Unity.  The unity of the NA Fellowship has saved my life many times over the years I have been clean. True friends continue to be a source of joy but my relationships are not always with friends.

Britannica Dictionary definition of FELLOWSHIP

  • [noncount] : a friendly relationship among people

People came to the community dinner to share good food and good fellowship. [=company, companionship]

  • [noncount] : the relationship of people who share interests or feelings

traditions that bind us together in fellowship

  • [count] : a group of people who have similar interests

The Britannica Group Online Dictionary

Working with Other Addicts

Being a recovered addict means I can put all my energies into helping others. Ongoing awareness of my defects and the actions of those defects expressed in my shortcomings helps to keep me humble. When someone is recovering, I am sympathetic to their situation because I have been there myself and will be again. An early sponsor warned me that the most natural thing for an addict to do is use.

Some members are self-seekers and consumed with their own needs. Living clean can become a series of joyful events without much thought for the needs of others. I went through a lot of emotions when I understood how jealous I was and consumed with hatred for the self-seekers. When I finally was able to let go and see how I was powerless over others, I found acceptance and my own joy. Taking responsibility for my own happiness was critical to my recovery.

Members who are dishonest are difficult for me to deal with. I have finally learned that my contempt for others triggers self-loathing so I try and move past addicts who lie.  I also struggle with members ignorant of their own self-deception. Self-deception is a form of lying but lacks awareness of the actions.  I find that I am eager to believe the lies of another when it suits my own needs. I have believed many lies over the years because it suited my needs. My associations with other addicts can become exclusive rather than inclusive so I can become comfortable in the lies. My anonymity is lost as my personality takes over. Toxic cliques form and the Fellowship suffers.

There are endless possibilities as opinions and personalities all come together in the Narcotics Anonymous Groups when decisions are made. I like to see the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous as a plural, not singular noun. A struggling group might suffer from egos or perhaps I am the ego that prevents the group from growing. Each group is tasked with the primary purpose of carrying the message. The success of a Group’s efforts grows our Fellowship even if a newcomer joins another group. Each group survives based on the ‘group conscience’.

What is a ‘group conscience’?

“Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps,” Narcotics Anonymous’ Twelfth Step says, “we tried… to practice these principles in all our affairs.” When we collectively apply the insight received from that spiritual awakening to our group’s problems, we call that group conscience. Common sense, open minds, calm discussion, accurate information, mutual respect, and healthy personal recovery enables a group to deal effectively with almost anything that comes its way.”

Narcotics Anonymous, The Group booklet, page 11, Copyright © 1997

I like when the groups I have been a member of try to support the application of the Twelve Traditions as best they can. A group in a prison might not be able to pay rent, but maybe they can print and distribute Narcotics Anonymous literature or mop and clean the meeting space to be self supporting. How the Traditions are applied can affect my participation in a group, and changing groups is always an option.

Each group bears the responsibility of governing itself but can utilize service bodies to work with other groups to combine their efforts. Narcotics Anonymous is full of evidence of this. A very cheap and widely distributed Basic Text in Brazil became a very expensive and produced in small numbers when the NAWS Corporation imposed their copyrights on the distribution. Now the profits of that effort benefit a few members rather than the efforts of the groups to carry the message.

Tradition Four says that “Each Group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting other Groups, or N.A., as a whole.” My understanding of this is that each Group bears the responsibility of considering other Groups or NA, as a whole in their decision-making process. This ensures that the Group is truly autonomous.

Tradition Nine says that ‘N.A., as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.’ Service bodies bear the weight of responsibility to the groups they serve. Tradition Seven says that The Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous may never be organized, but what service body could function without structure and form? Groups are accountable to the collective spiritual awareness of the members who meet regularly.

The Narcotics Anonymous Literature Says

“We believe that the sooner we face our problems within our society, in everyday living, just that much faster do we become acceptable, responsible, and productive members of that society.”

Narcotics Anonymous Grey Book, Chapter 4, ‘How it Works’

When I arrived at Narcotics Anonymous I slowly came to believe that self-obsession is the core of the disease. It was evident in every aspect of my life. I am easily distracted from recovery back to self-obsession. The Fellowship of a group opened my mind to the possibilities of a life without using. I no longer see growth as something I choose for myself, but have accepted that growth of Fellowship is the greatest weapon against the disease of addiction.  The greatest weapon against self-obsession is ‘enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society’ (Narcotics Anonymous Literature quote). The tools that I learned in the Fellowship of a Narcotics Anonymous group made the life I live today a possibility.