Fellowship
At almost every meeting I have ever attended I hear a reading called ‘What is the Narcotics Anonymous Program’ I feel like I’ve memorized some of the readings after hearing them so often. Early in my recovery, I thought I would get tired of hearing them. I understand now that we read them not just for me, but for people who are new. Sometimes I find a particular phrase from a reading is relevant to my life today. Recently, I heard the word Fellowship and I wondered what the word meant. Years ago, my sponsor had encouraged me to look up words in the dictionary rather than assume I understood the meaning. I’m surprised at how ignorant I am of the meaning of some words. This is my favorite use of ‘Fellowship’.
Narcotics Anonymous is a non-profit fellowship or society of men and women for whom drugs had become a major problem. We are recovered addicts who meet regularly to help each other stay clean.
Narcotics Anonymous, Little White Book, published 1966.
Recovered Addict
The literature sold today by the NAWS Corporation says ‘recovering’ instead of recovered. I prefer the older version that uses the word recovered. It doesn’t mean that I’m no longer an addict or that I’m better than anyone else. I found the idea of being recovered is about how I direct my actions and thoughts today. I like the word recovered and today I feel very much at peace with who I am and my place in the world. I know from the literature that ‘Dishonesty and self-deception’ can prevent me from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society. I remain vigilant about my honesty but it can be difficult some times. Self-deception seems to be much easier to spot when I am humble and invite people into my life. Narcotics Anonymous literature says that the wider the base, the higher the point of freedom. I believe the freedom the Fellowship offers is from my own self-obsession. Ultimately the primary purpose of Narcotics Anonymous is to carry a message and that ensures my recovery is strong.
Early in my recovery I sought relationships in the true drug addict fashion by forcing myself into members’ lives. A using addict attracts addicts who are using and that was the case with many so-called friends. I have learned that not everyone continues to have a desire to stop using after they quit drugs. There are addicts in the Fellowship who continue to use. I learned about this when I was fourteen years clean and it resolved many deeply personal issues for me. The disease goes much deeper than the use of drugs and those experiences have helped me a great deal. The people in my life today offer an attractive lifestyle that invites me to be humble. The early days in recovery opened my mind to what kind of Fellowship is possible. What exactly does ‘Fellowship’ mean?
A Friendly Relationship Based in Traditions
My personal recovery depends on NA Unity. The unity of the NA Fellowship has saved my life many times over the years I have been clean. True friends continue to be a source of joy but my relationships are not always with friends.
Britannica Dictionary definition of FELLOWSHIP
- [noncount] : a friendly relationship among people
People came to the community dinner to share good food and good fellowship. [=company, companionship]
- [noncount] : the relationship of people who share interests or feelings
traditions that bind us together in fellowship
- [count] : a group of people who have similar interests
The Britannica Group Online Dictionary
Working with Other Addicts
Being a recovered addict means I can put all my energies into helping others. Ongoing awareness of my defects and the actions of those defects expressed in my shortcomings helps to keep me humble. When someone is recovering, I am sympathetic to their situation because I have been there myself and will be again. An early sponsor warned me that the most natural thing for an addict to do is use.
Some members are self-seekers and consumed with their own needs. Living clean can become a series of joyful events without much thought for the needs of others. I went through a lot of emotions when I understood how jealous I was and consumed with hatred for the self-seekers. When I finally was able to let go and see how I was powerless over others, I found acceptance and my own joy. Taking responsibility for my own happiness was critical to my recovery.
Members who are dishonest are difficult for me to deal with. I have finally learned that my contempt for others triggers self-loathing so I try and move past addicts who lie. I also struggle with members ignorant of their own self-deception. Self-deception is a form of lying but lacks awareness of the actions. I find that I am eager to believe the lies of another when it suits my own needs. I have believed many lies over the years because it suited my needs. My associations with other addicts can become exclusive rather than inclusive so I can become comfortable in the lies. My anonymity is lost as my personality takes over. Toxic cliques form and the Fellowship suffers.
There are endless possibilities as opinions and personalities all come together in the Narcotics Anonymous Groups when decisions are made. I like to see the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous as a plural, not singular noun. A struggling group might suffer from egos or perhaps I am the ego that prevents the group from growing. Each group is tasked with the primary purpose of carrying the message. The success of a Group’s efforts grows our Fellowship even if a newcomer joins another group. Each group survives based on the ‘group conscience’.
What is a ‘group conscience’?
“Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps,” Narcotics Anonymous’ Twelfth Step says, “we tried… to practice these principles in all our affairs.” When we collectively apply the insight received from that spiritual awakening to our group’s problems, we call that group conscience. Common sense, open minds, calm discussion, accurate information, mutual respect, and healthy personal recovery enables a group to deal effectively with almost anything that comes its way.”
Narcotics Anonymous, The Group booklet, page 11, Copyright © 1997
I like when the groups I have been a member of try to support the application of the Twelve Traditions as best they can. A group in a prison might not be able to pay rent, but maybe they can print and distribute Narcotics Anonymous literature or mop and clean the meeting space to be self supporting. How the Traditions are applied can affect my participation in a group, and changing groups is always an option.
Each group bears the responsibility of governing itself but can utilize service bodies to work with other groups to combine their efforts. Narcotics Anonymous is full of evidence of this. A very cheap and widely distributed Basic Text in Brazil became a very expensive and produced in small numbers when the NAWS Corporation imposed their copyrights on the distribution. Now the profits of that effort benefit a few members rather than the efforts of the groups to carry the message.
Tradition Four says that “Each Group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting other Groups, or N.A., as a whole.” My understanding of this is that each Group bears the responsibility of considering other Groups or NA, as a whole in their decision-making process. This ensures that the Group is truly autonomous.
Tradition Nine says that ‘N.A., as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.’ Service bodies bear the weight of responsibility to the groups they serve. Tradition Seven says that The Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous may never be organized, but what service body could function without structure and form? Groups are accountable to the collective spiritual awareness of the members who meet regularly.
The Narcotics Anonymous Literature Says
“We believe that the sooner we face our problems within our society, in everyday living, just that much faster do we become acceptable, responsible, and productive members of that society.”
Narcotics Anonymous Grey Book, Chapter 4, ‘How it Works’
When I arrived at Narcotics Anonymous I slowly came to believe that self-obsession is the core of the disease. It was evident in every aspect of my life. I am easily distracted from recovery back to self-obsession. The Fellowship of a group opened my mind to the possibilities of a life without using. I no longer see growth as something I choose for myself, but have accepted that growth of Fellowship is the greatest weapon against the disease of addiction. The greatest weapon against self-obsession is ‘enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society’ (Narcotics Anonymous Literature quote). The tools that I learned in the Fellowship of a Narcotics Anonymous group made the life I live today a possibility.