Tag: recovery

The Program of Narcotics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous continues to amaze me. I owe my life to the program. I found Narcotics Anonymous in 2002 when I was desperate. My perspective has changed but continued involvement still provides everything I need for my recovery. Defining what recovery means to me has become impossible. My program has become so deeply personal I wonder if anyone could understand. What I draw from the program and how I choose to contribute is so vastly different today than when I began. I hear from other members that diversity is our strength, but it is rarely tolerated. Apathy, complacency and intolerance are common. Like the mythical creature, Ouroboros, the snake that eats itself, members end up caught in a destructive loop.  

The symbol of a snake that circles about to eat its own tail is seen in many parts of our society. Ouroboros comes from Greek mythology, but the Hindus and Buddhists talked of a creature called Kirtimukha. In Asia it is called Batara Kala, and the Chinese have a creature known as Taotie.  Often these mythical creatures were created by the Gods or are Gods themselves and resulted from tales of pride, greed or other vices.  It seems that many addicts end up consumed by their own thoughts and manners of living. This is the philosophy of the monster that eats itself. I have seen this pattern in my own life many times.  The spiritual principles of Narcotics Anonymous help me break the cycle.

A Program of Contradictions

I find many addicts gladly adopt sound bites; repeating or emphasizing phrases that validate they are in recovery. I wonder if they are living a program of recovery. There is so much white noise about recovery repeated at meetings that I sometimes find attendance difficult. The behaviors of members who need to justify their recovery are the most difficult for me to accept.  Fake recovery nauseates me. Fortunately, all it takes is a single individual to share some genuine experience, strength or hope to snap my attention back to the moment and a sense of unity. I feel connected by a genuine message shared. All my resistance is gone, and I surrender again. That experience is powerful and draws me back like a moth to the light. Keeping what we have by giving it away sounds like a contradiction, but I believe it is true. Every addict has potential to contribute.

We are united by our common problem of addiction.  By meeting, talking with, and helping other addicts, we are able to stay clean. The newcomer is the most important person at any meeting because we can only keep what we have by giving it away.

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, 2ND Edition, Chapter 2, “WHAT IS THE N.A. PROGRAM?”

I live for the ‘firsts’ of NA. Hearing someone share; ‘first time at a meeting’, ‘first day clean’, ‘got my first sponsor’, ‘first Step completed’ and ‘joined my first home group’ are infinitely more interesting than dogma. Dogma is when the program is set out in an authoritative manner. It is how cults are created and NA is full of toxic cliques. ‘Do what we say or suffer the consequences.’ The consequences usually start with isolation. I gladly withdraw from the cult-like mentality of some members.   

There are no ‘Musts’…

The Second Edition of the Basic Text was written by addicts. It contains information that was supposed to help other addicts to understand this program of recovery.

There are no musts in N.A., but we suggest that you keep an open mind and give yourself a break. Our program is a set of principles, written so simply that we can follow them in our daily lives.

Chapter 2, “WHAT IS THE N.A. PROGRAM?”

Although there are no musts in N.A., there are three things that seem indispensable. These are, Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness to try.

Chapter 4, “HOW IT WORKS”

And

Because we hear about “suggested steps” and “no musts” so often, some of us make a mistake and assume that this applies to groups the way it applies to the individual. The Twelve Traditions of N.A. are not negotiable.

Chapter 6, “THE TWELVE TRADITIONS OF NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS”

The Musts of Narcotics Anonymous

Tradition Three states that there is only a single requirement for membership; The desire to stop using. There are many purported experts in NA that will help you define that to their satisfaction. Someone wrote a list (see link) of the forty eight ‘musts’ contained within the Basic Text. The longer I am clean, the more I learn about what works. I learn from watching other addicts and my own experiences. I liked this Google AI generated explanation of ‘Must versus Required’.

“Must” and “required” are largely synonymous, both indicating that something is necessary or mandatory, but they differ in formality and usage, with “must” being more forceful and direct, while “required” is often more formal. “Must” can also imply a strong personal or moral obligation, while “required” typically implies a rule, law, or external demand.

You are not required to complete the Twelve Steps to be part of Narcotics Anonymous. Many members will suggest, and some will emphasize that they are a ‘must’. The moral obligations I take on are of my choosing. I welcome my responsibilities, and ultimately my program grows stronger. I also believe we each walk our own path.

Do the Steps or Die!

That’s one of the phrases you hear at meetings. I do believe it should get repeated outside of NA. I do not think my doctor or pharmacist would understand. I love the steps, and I encourage anyone who attends to give them a try. I believe The Twelve Steps of NA will guide any addict to complete recovery. The Basic Text says I can enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society, so I do. There are many members of NA who feel like I do. There is an abundance of healthy, happy and generous members. I talk to them all the time.  I love to attend and participate in Narcotics Anonymous and will gladly offer my services to the structures the Groups create. Most of the time I find it easier to participate outside of the services that label themselves as Narcotics Anonymous Service Structures.

What I cannot tolerate is the mentality of members who carry the disease like a badge. I no longer accept the dishonesty and self-deception of others. My friends are as diverse as the fellowship I love. I serve the community with the same passion I serve my Home Group. That is the program I work today.

Enjoying Complete Recovery

When I research blog posts, I rely on the Second Edition of the Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text. The book was published by the World Service Office as an ‘official publication’ of Narcotics Anonymous in 1983. That was the same year that the First Edition was published. The Second Edition contains phrases that were removed from the First Edition. These publications resulted in a tremendous rift within the Fellowships that existed at the time. The rift has widened to a chasm today. Choosing sides has become more important to some addicts than the primary purpose. I prefer the Second Edition with the original language after studying the history. I love the language of recovery and believe in NA.  One of my favorite quotes has remained constant in all versions of the Basic Text.

Yet there are others, completely abstinent, whose dishonesties and self-deceits still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter Seven “Recovery and Relapse”, Line 6.

Complete recovery seems to involve the absence of deceit to oneself and others. When I achieve complete recovery, I will find acceptance within society. The book does reference that there is ‘no model for the recovering addict’ in Chapter eight (titled ‘We Do Recover’). What model exists for the recovered addict, I wonder?

 What is Narcotics Anonymous?

One of the first publications (the Little White Book) offered this definition of Narcotics Anonymous.

N.A. is a non-profit fellowship or society of men and women for whom drugs had become a major problem. We are recovered addicts who meet regularly to help each other to stay clean.

Narcotics Anonymous, Little White Book, 1966

This definition remained place for almost twenty years during tremendous growth. Recovered addicts did meet regularly to help the still suffering addicts. The literature was changed and the 1984 Third Edition of the Basic Text revised this from ‘recovered’ to ‘recovering’. The Third Edition still included a line that classified two types of addicts.

The outer circle denotes a universal and total program that has room within for all manifestations of the recovering and wholly recovered person.

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Third Edition, Published 1984, ‘Our Symbol’, pg ix.

By 1987, this changed and the Fourth Edition said ‘manifestations of the recovering person.’ References to recovered addicts were gone. The Basic Text, Chapter Eight title assured addicts that ‘they do recover’ but recovered addicts are no longer mentioned in the literature.

Why The Change?

I was told that literature was changed so that there would not be two classes of addicts; recovering and recovered. I have been told that the concept would confuse newcomers. I have never seen any evidence that, except in the addicts who proclaim their clean time loudly or boast of their accomplishments. There is a wide and blurry line between attraction and promotion within the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous. I think society gives examples we can learn from.

Marathon Runners

Two people meet at the finish line of a local marathon. One is clearly sweating, breathing heavy, and clearly recovering from the race today. The other person identifies as recovered marathoner who did not race today. The recovered marathoner has a willingness to help those who are recovering. Some may have helped during their last race. I doubt there is much discussion about who is recovering and who is recovered. One person has the capacity to help the other. It is a relationship based on love. Hopefully neither marathoner looks at the other with contempt. Both have experiences that they can share with each other.

Stigma of Being an Addict

Probably the last to be lost to freedom will be the stigma of being an addict.

Basic Text, ‘Our Symbol’, pg ix, Line 9.

Once I found acceptance in society and lost the stigma of being an addict, everything changed. My anxiety passes quickly. My defects have minimal impact on my relationships with others. I have purpose and embrace each day. I’m generally happy with life even when things do not go my way. Friendships are easier today and the challenges I face I do not need to face alone.

Service

I have found that my gratitude is best expressed as service to others. When I lose that connection to others, my gratitude quickly becomes hubris. I find myself slipping into a sense of entitlement and self-admiration. I surround myself with like-minded addicts who feel the same way that I do and lose the opportunity to spot self-deception. The recovery I fought so hard to obtain quietly slips away as I become complacent. Being part of a home group with lots of engagement and a stream of newcomers guarantees my best chances at success as a recovered addict. I feel complete today.

Narcotics Anonymous Promotion and Attraction

I started attending Narcotics Anonymous in 2002. I bought a Fifth Edition of the Basic Text. I bought a step-working guide (some call it ‘the flat book’) and found a sponsor. I have always had a home group since I was three months clean. I was involved in service for NA at many levels including regional and attended events. My whole life was work, family and NA. I tried to balance those things, and it was hard to achieve. I always wanted more. I hoped that Narcotics Anonymous would give me everything I wanted.

Complete Recovery

When I started studying the history of Narcotics Anonymous, I came to see terms like ‘recovering addict’, ‘recovered addict’ and ‘complete recovery.’ The Basic Text includes a chapter called ‘We Do Recover’ so I started to talk to other members about their experiences.   

Yet there are others, completely abstinent, whose dishonesties and self-deceits still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.

Narcotics Anonymous, Basic Text, Second Edition (published 1982), Chapter 7, ‘Relapse and Recovery’

About ten years ago I discovered how sick addicts can be. Complete abstinence is not a measure of health. How people act speaks more about who they are than what they share. I have learned to watch people more and keep my distance. I learned that I lack the ability to participate in social situations in a healthy manner.  That is fine with me. I surrender and accept that I have a role in the world today. I cannot define what complete recovery means for someone else, but I did learn what it means for me. My recovery includes service.  This helps me overcome self-obsession. Service gives me purpose but even that can be impacted by my disease.

Tradition Four

Tradition Four of Narcotics Anonymous provides a great deal of information about the function and purpose of an NA Group.

 Narcotics Anonymous is a Fellowship of men and women; addicts meeting in groups and using a given set of spiritual principles to find freedom from addiction and a new way to live. All else is not N.A. Those things we mentioned are the result of members caring enough to reach out and offer their help and experience so that our road might be easier. Whether we choose to utilize these services is up to the group…

A Narcotics Anonymous group is any meeting which meets regularly at a specified place and time for the purpose of recovery provided that it follows the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Narcotics Anonymous…

to provide a suitable and reliable environment for personal recovery and to promote such recovery.

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, 2nd Edition, Chapter 6, Tradition 4

Using and Service

The process of recovery for me has been to ‘stop using, lose the desire to use, and learn a new way to live’. I work with other addicts in my home group regularly. My defects come out in familiar and sometimes new patterns. When I act on my defects, I feel like I am using. I try to remain vigilant. When I am trying to ‘be of service’, I find I am open to suggestions. Working with others becomes easier as I practice spiritual principles in all areas of my life. My home group grows, and the Fellowship strengthens as we all share the burden of service. I have seen newcomers, attending regularly finding they could stop using drugs, even if it is just for an hour. I believe that stop is an action, and the action can be thought of as service. Gratitude is an action, and an expression of my love for the life I live today.

Outside of Narcotics Anonymous

I decided to enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society. I understand from literature that the barriers would be dishonesty and self-deception. I can accept those conditions. I will always maintain a relationship with Narcotics Anonymous. Helping home group members and working with newcomers brings joy to my life. I offer my time, my efforts and my experience to my home group. As I work with others in and out of NA, my experience grows. I do not know if I am a better version of myself today, but I can certainly contribute to society in a meaningful way.

Some believe that Narcotics Anonymous can evolve and have service structures. I am not convinced that is possible. Some see a lack of professionalism and a high level of disorganization as acceptable. I do not. I prefer the older literature and the principles it contains. I like to offer my help and experience to make the road easier. The lines are blurred between what is and what is not Narcotics Anonymous. My circle is wide today and many people do not know that recovery is possible or if Narcotics Anonymous is available. I remain committed to public information. I often find I work alone but I can promote my recovery in the rooms of NA. If someone finds my ideas attractive, then I can try to work together with another addict. ‘Me’ becomes ‘We’ and Fellowship grows.

Anonymity, Autonomy and a Place to Call Home.

Home Sweet Home

My Narcotics Anonymous Home Group is thriving. That isn’t just my opinion. Visitors and regulars alike talk about the amazing atmosphere of recovery.  We are doing more than a dozen meetings per week. We have a steady stream of newcomers, regulars and visitors. Our website attracts between one hundred and three hundred visitors per day. The freedom I have experienced in my life is unparalleled and I attribute that to the wide and diverse base of members. I have never experienced such joy.  I would say I have the perfect home group. I know we must have problems, but I am unsure of what they are. Each time I try to define one, a discussion with other members suggests otherwise. It is perplexing at the very least. I find it difficult to let go of my preconceived notions.

Our Literature reminds us that defects can drive us into a corner that we can’t come out of Clean. Fear, guilt and resentment often causes our motives to have motives. These defects of character can cloud our thinking and decisions. The disease of addiction often manifests its self – obsession and fantasy. What we really need is Spiritual Principles, which is the opposite of that. Spirituality is often described in Narcotics Anonymous, as having the Right Relationship with Reality.

Narcotics Anonymous, Grey Book Reflections, August 30th daily reading.

The worst manifestation of my disease today is manipulation and control. I believe I have found a solution.  

A Commitment to Service

Narcotics Anonymous literature says that we meet regularly to help each other. I have not found any rules or a framework that establishes what that looks like. My understanding today is that NA is not a self-help program. Some meetings are full of self-seekers but attendance does not constitute recovery.  I maintain healthy boundaries. I believe that Fellowship is the sum of our contributions. What you contribute might not be clear to anyone else. My contributions have benefited my recovery.  I try to be honest with myself about how I contribute. I see that there is a difference between a recovering and recovered addict that can only be defined by my actions. I do my own inventory.

Sometimes the only reason I go to an NA meeting is because I am lonely and using NA is safer than using alone. Even these actions contribute to the Fellowship.  My home group is always grateful that I show up. I feel safe at my home group, and I realize that it is the unconditional love of that Fellowship that helps me. Contributing to that love rather than using it has benefited me tremendously. I find that helping others is unparalleled. The sum of the contributions is much greater than anything I could do alone.  Sometimes we do work alone and like many others, I have ideas that I think would benefit our Fellowship. Many others have ideas. Oppression opposes unity so I try and remain open-minded. I need to have a clear idea of what autonomy and anonymity mean.

Anonymity

We rarely talk about anonymity at my home group. Learning about the meaning seems to come from shared experiences and surrender to new ideas.

TRADITION TWELVE

“Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.”

A dictionary definition of anonymity is “a state of bearing no name.” In keeping with this, the “I” becomes “we.” The spiritual foundation becomes more important than any one particular group or individual.

As we find ourselves growing closer together the awakening of humility occurs.

Narcotics Anonymous, 2nd Edition, Chapter 6, Tradition 12.

Step Eleven reminds us to ‘give thanks for God’s grace.’ I believe I am clean today by God’s grace, and the gratitude I express is in my actions. My actions should align with the spiritual principles I have learned.

By working together for our common welfare, we achieve the true spirit of anonymity.

 Narcotics Anonymous, 2nd Edition, Chapter 6, Tradition 12.

Common welfare and unity are tightly connected. My solutions to the problems of daily living become our solutions. When I tell you about my problems and how you can help, it opens the door to new ideas. When I work alone, in service to my home group, my actions should align with the principles of the group. I learn to be accountable, and I learn to communicate without fear of exposure. My survival is tied to the survival of the group.

Autonomy

Group autonomy is set forth in the Fourth Tradition of Narcotics Anonymous.

The autonomy of our groups is necessary for our survival. A dictionary defines autonomous as “having the right or power of self-government…undertaken or carried on without outside control.” This means our groups are self-governing and are not subject to outside control. Every group has had to stand and grow on its own.

One might ask, “Are we truly autonomous? What about our service committees, our offices, activities, and all the other things that go on in N.A.?” The answer is that these things are not N.A.

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, 2nd Edition, Chapter 6, Tradition 4

I used to believe that we came together regularly to hold a group conscience meeting. Members of the group were encouraged to attend and participate. I see things differently.  Our parking lot discussions are critical to our success. I talk regularly with home group members and share openly about the problems we experience.  Some members may never attend a business meeting but are able to fully participate in the direction of the group. When I am a servant of the group, the onus is on me to have a clear understanding of the needs of the group. Outside influences or my own opinions can become tools of oppression and cause disunity. I rely on the group to communicate. I try to act in the best interest of the common welfare of the group. My group continues to grow, and I have an idea for strengthening our ties.

Structure

The principles I have learned to apply from Narcotics Anonymous have given me tremendous abundance. I love to participate and work with others to benefit society. By working with others, I have experienced new ways of doing things. In British Columbia, Canada, you can form a member funded, non-profit society. I’m sure this is a common tool in other places.  Forming a society makes things like opening a bank account easier. Banking is becoming a challenge.  My home group has grown to a size where we might benefit from better financial tools.

Literature

Downloading literature for free is available on many websites even as the NAWS Corporation tries to prevent it. Support for the NAWS corporation has dwindled to a small minority of groups. Our group makes both current and historical literature available to anyone requesting an electronic copy.  Literature studies have strengthened our group. It would be easy for a non-profit society to create and sell literature at cost. Kindle ‘Print on Demand’ is relatively simple to set up. Some would prefer a physical book. A 2nd Edition Basic Text (first 10 chapters) would cost about seven dollars (USD), and a Grey Book Reflections about eleven dollars.

Moving forward

There is no other direction than to move forward. Some see a need to take on responsibilities and form a closer connection with the group. Each connection forged creates a stronger connection with reality. The Fellowship I experience daily strengthens my resolve to fully participate in the group. I know that any outside influence on my group is not NA, but everything needs to be considered and discussed with home group members. We forge ties that bind us together to strengthen our recovery and unite in service to the still suffering addict. The skills I learned, and the strength of the bonds, help me in forming relationships outside of NA. Just for today, I can enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society.

The Professional Addict

The Twelve Steps help members of Narcotics Anonymous take responsibility for their recovery and the Twelve Traditions ensure our efforts as members are directed towards mutual aid. Without the Twelve Traditions, our future as a Fellowship would be lost because the Traditions are ‘the ties that bind us together’. Is it a natural conclusion that if we became a ‘better’ fellowship, that would aid our cause? What would a ‘better’ fellowship look like? I imagine everyone would have an opinion about what could change to improve things. Thankfully, we have Tradition Eight to protect us.

Narcotics Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

Narcotics Anonymous, Twelve Traditions

There are a lot of ways of defining professional. I like to think in terms of responsible, respectable and reliable. The combination of all three would summarize my idea of professional conduct or someone who is professional. The program says we are ‘simply addicts of equal status helping each other’.  It is easy to admire the professional. Often, I find myself admiring someone for their skills in social interactions, health, self-awareness or financial expertise. I have found myself envious or jealous of someone’s abilities that are lacking in myself. Any form of professionalism can be attractive. Members who maintain abstinence often act in a professional manner but there is a danger. Staying clean is a miracle and not an accomplishment. Step Eleven reminds members to ‘give thanks for God’s Grace’. A member who is clean is no better or worse than any other member regardless of how professional they appear. Clean time can be a shell game. Members pick based on where they think the marble is, but a good magician can make anything seem like reality. We are warned that strong personalities can take charge ahead of principles. There is a great danger in the professional addict.

The longer I am clean, the more I am inclined to put opinions ahead of experience. It is difficult to separate opinions from facts. I have seen members who are illiterate struggle to complete a reading, week after week. It is a beautiful experience to watch an entire group of addicts patiently give witness to the transformation of individuals as they progress in their recovery.  My brain says that the readings should be done clearly to best serve the group, but my heart sees more than my brain ever will. Professionalism leaves little room for God’s will and the wonderful language of empathy that can only come from the heart. Structures and rules better serve the Fellowship outside a Home Group, outside of Narcotics Anonymous and in our Service Centres. Tradition Eight allows me to be flexible in all my affairs at work and in my personal life. Tradition Eight is what allows my heart to do what is right rather than what my brain is thinking.

Narcotics Anonymous Suffrage

Many of us relate “suffrage” to the women’s rights movement and the abolition of slavery. There are two meanings of the word suffrage; One is the right to vote or participate. The other meaning is a short prayer (or petition) in favor of another person. Abolitionist organizations fought for the rights of women, equal rights and the end of slavery. Anti-abolitionists opposed change and fought to maintain the status quo.  Critics on both sides were vocal. The 1911 California Proposition 4 would allow women the right to vote in elections in the state. More than a million men were eligible to vote. Almost a quarter of a million men did vote, and the rights for women were won by the narrowest of margins.  Divisions are a normal part of society and so are those individuals who speak out. Narcotics Anonymous has experienced many divisions since the inception of the Fellowship in 1953. Dividing points are a natural and normal part of living. Learning to deal with division is fundamental to my recovery.

Group Conscience

The Twelve Traditions of Narcotics Anonymous references the phrase “Group Conscience”.  A book titled ‘It Works How and Why’, published in 1993, offers what I think is the best definition of the phrase and how it works.

Group conscience can be thought of in much the same way as personal conscience. Group conscience reflects a collective awareness of, understanding of, and surrender to spiritual principles. The conscience of a group takes shape and is revealed when its members take the time to talk with each other about their personal needs, the needs of that group, and the needs of NA as a whole. Each member draws upon his or her relationship with a Higher Power when sharing with the group. As members listen carefully to each other and consult their personal understanding of a loving God, something happens: Solutions to problems become apparent, solutions that take into consideration the needs of everyone concerned. In developing a group conscience, a clear mutual understanding or consensus arises. Based upon the understanding gained by sharing group conscience, a group may move on to a vote in order to make decisions. In the best of circumstances, however, the group continues discussion until it reaches unanimity. The resulting solution may be so obvious that no vote is needed.

It Works How & Why. Published 1993, Tradition 2, Page 99

I find that communicating with others, connecting with the God of my own understanding and consider the needs of all of Narcotics Anonymous has given me skills that benefit all aspects of my life. Those skills allow me to enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society. I also need to accept that others see things differently from me. Being tolerant and compassionate are great skills to have in society. The idea of winning or losing is never spiritual.

Differences of Opinion

My home group signs verification papers for people who are court ordered to attend NA meetings. I have mixed feelings about this. We held a group conscience and voted in favor of signing. I do not feel so strongly that I need to leave the group and I fully support the group’s decision now despite my personal feelings. Other groups might see things differently and refuse to sign. That’s ok with me and their decision has no impact on my life.  My ability to put aside personal opinions helps me function in society. I can draw healthy boundaries. When asked by a newcomer, I try to understand both sides and offer an explanation without judgment.

Attraction and Promotion

Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Tradition 11.

I try to live an honest life and share about that at meetings. Some may find something attractive that helps them. Promoting a way of life or belief can be dishonest and deceptive. Who am I trying to convince and why are questions I need to ask myself. Sometimes I find it difficult to distinguish between what is attraction and promotion. The Basic Text of NA says that some members remain abstinent but cannot enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society because of their dishonesty and self-deception. The Basic Text also says that there are self-seekers who only focus on their own needs. Everyone is welcome to attend Narcotics Anonymous. This blend of personalities is the collective vision of Narcotics Anonymous that a newcomer experiences.  I believe that diversity is our strength, and no single vision of recovery exists.

Principles and Personalities

The first edition of the Basic Text (Published in March of 1983) was altered prior to publication because of fear of what the book contained. Despite all the group consciences that approved of the writing, some members were unable to surrender to new ideas. The approved version was finally published as the Second Edition in July of 1983. This division within the Fellowship was created by fear. Manipulation and control are powerful drugs but I find I turn to them when I am afraid of change. I have lived with dishonesty until I surrendered. Some ideas require time to process before I accept them. I hold on to old ideas because they are comfortable and predictable. Sometimes I speak out about my fear or I try and promote fear so I am not alone.

In the early 1900’s, anti-abolitionists included individuals who were outspoken critics of change. Some held on to the belief in slavery or a woman’s inability to participate in society as equals to men. Strong personalities were present on both sides. Strong personalities exist in the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous. Promulgators are people who proclaim rules or bring ideas into the public. Some of the ideas shared are fabrications and others are simply opinions. Those who promote falsehoods can become cult-like in their beliefs and behaviors. Fear is powerful and manipulation and control comes naturally to achieve a goal. Seeing both sides of an argument can be difficult for those who disagree and worse for those who do not understand. I often see people leave NA because of the divisions.

I like the Second Edition of the Basic Text. I believe that nothing outside of a home group can be called Narcotics Anonymous. Groups can choose whether to participate or support service bodies and events based on the Group’s conscience. The only authority I accept in NA rests with the group conscience. Somes members will create service boards or committees to put on events or accomplish tasks. It is confusing for me that they label them as Narcotics Anonymous.  The Basic Text says we have no fees, or dues, and no clean time requirements in Narcotics Anonymous. This is not always true with service efforts or events hosted by members of NA. I have a single vote on any issue that impacts Narcotics Anonymous in a home group. When I experience conflict within a group,  I have the freedom to join another home group, I can surrender or even start a new group.

I struggle with these lies presented as facts by members. A ‘global group conscience’ does not exist and would violate the Twelve Traditions but promulgators perpetuate the lie. There are many more lies shared. I ‘suffer the rage’ of hearing these lies at meetings. I also know that some perceive my opinions as lies. I do not like the divisions, but I remember that is a normal part of life on life’s terms. I can always choose to pray for another person, which is another aspect of suffrage. Prayer helps me find peace, surrender and acceptance. Participating in a home group gives me an opportunity to voice my opinions and hear from others. I try to share my experiences and not my opinions. When I focus on the  primary purpose of carrying a message to the still suffering addict, no divisions exist.

The Emancipation of Addicts

Many Alcoholics started experiencing new freedoms as Alcoholics Anonymous grew. The same was not true for addicts. The suffering of addicts seemed to be an inescapable cage. Some did attend AA meetings and a few found relief. Addicts who had found recovery believed that a new program might better suit the addicts who still suffered.  Narcotics Anonymous came from the creation of the first group in 1953. Those members believed that they could build on the success of Alcoholics Anonymous by adapting the AA Steps and Traditions.  There is a joke within Narcotics Anonymous that every new group started on a resentment. Members would disagree and leave to form new groups. Regardless of the reasons, new groups did and continue to form based on the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. There are tens of thousands of groups today.

Narcotics Anonymous Groups

Groups are the foundation of Narcotics Anonymous. Without groups, Narcotics Anonymous would not exist.  My early time attending NA was spent finding a home group that supported me, and I tried to support them. Joining a home group allowed me to develop intimate relationships. What worked for others was not always clear. Some addicts led very attractive and self-absorbed lives and others seemed to wear their defects like badges of honour. The literature says that there is no model for the recovering or recovered addict, depending on the NA literature you read.  

As members of an NA group, we have made a commitment to support one another in our recovery.  Our group’s commitment to become fully self-supporting reflects the group’s integrity, its faithfulness to its fundamental identity.  We support each other in recovery and, together, we fulfill our collective responsibilities as members of a self-supporting group.

Narcotics Anonymous, It Works How and Why, Tradition Seven, Spiritual Principles

Membership in a Fellowship

The literature says that anyone with a desire to stop using can be a member of Narcotics Anonymous. What constitutes membership is open to interpretation. Narcotics Anonymous literature warns of the ‘self-seekers’ and members who lack the honesty or self-awareness to enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society. Members who are clean can act on their addictions to people, places and things. I used to believe that members who fully participate in all that NA offers were role models. I no longer believe that.

I believe that manipulation and control is a powerful drug and that brings out the worst in people. I am careful with my words and actions because of this.  I am not a role model. I share my experiences, strengths and hopes. The disease of addiction is insidious and manifests in strange and unusual ways. I watch carefully and try to hold my opinions to myself. I always maintain healthy boundaries and rarely trust anyone. I take my own inventory.  My behaviors may constitute recovery to me but might appear as a manifestation of addiction to another.

We have found that most members who attend group meetings just aren’t interested in the “business” of N.A. As a result, a few dedicated members who are willing to do something for the group, usually have to do most of the work. It is at this point that the principle of the trusted servant comes into being. Although most addicts don’t want to help out with the work, they are at least willing to delegate this responsibility to someone else. This seems to be part of the nature of the addict.

Narcotics Anonymous, The Group Booklet, published 1976.

The Principle of the Trusted Servant

Prioritizing the needs of others, building trust, humility, empathy, listening and transparency are critical aspects of the trusted servant from my perspective. The combination is difficult to manage and requires a devotion to recovery that many might not seek. Some hear a call to serve. I have delegated my responsibilities to the care of others many times.

I have not found any solutions to the character defects that afflict me. No amount of time in recovery can lessen their impact when they are active. When I take on responsibilities, and I am entirely ready to have my Higher Power remove my defects, then I have started the process of working as a trusted servant. Complacency invites me to turn away from my responsibilities. Vigilance can bring out my ego, closing my mind to other ideas and new ways. Either way I am no longer serving, I have become entrenched in old behaviors and blind to the possibilities. My close relationships with others can be based on my defects and not spiritual principles.  I become enmeshed in cliques and cults then I lose sight of my responsibilities.  The greatest weapon in my recovery is the Home Group.

The Home Group

Our First Tradition concerns unity and our common welfare. One of the most important things about our new way of life is being a part of a group of addicts seeking recovery. Our survival is directly related to the survival of the group and of the Fellowship. To maintain unity within Narcotics Anonymous it is imperative that the group remain stable, or else the entire Fellowship perishes and the individual dies.

Narcotics Anonymous, Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Six, Tradition One.

I often wondered how the fate of a single group could jeopardize the entire Fellowship. I see things differently now. When I think of Fellowship, I only concern myself with my home group members, other addicts I associate with, and my sponsor.  I keep my world small. I see Narcotics Anonymous growing in numbers of groups. That is enough for me. I focus on the application of spiritual principles in all my affairs and creating an atmosphere of recovery within my home group.  

Narcotics Anonymous only has a single promise, A life of freedom from active addiction. Once free, there is enormous pressure to conform to certain beliefs and ideals. These toxic groups can quickly become cult-like and form cliques. Freedom from the stigma of being an addict is my greatest achievement. I try to not conform to any ideas or beliefs. I can enjoy complete recovery and acceptance within society. I am no longer chained to my past behaviors and can explore new connections in and out of NA. Freedom comes with a price and that is the responsibilities. For me it starts with a Home Group and The Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous. I can think of no greater place for a suffering addict to be than at my Home Group and I hope you feel the same.

The Gift of Desperation

Studying Narcotics Anonymous literature is a fundamental tool for any addict seeking a solution to their disease.  NA has a long history of powerful literature, written and tested by addicts. ‘Our Symbol’ is one of the most beautiful pieces of literature that I have read.  First published in ‘The NA Tree’ in 1975, it was written by a founding member of Narcotics Anonymous and included in the first section of the Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, published in 1981.    

Wholly or Fully Recovered

My favorite quote from ‘Our Symbol’ is – “the outer circle denotes a universal and total program that has room within for all manifestations of the recovering and wholly recovered person”.

Narcotics Anonymous, ‘Our Symbol’, First published in the NA Tree, 1975, Line 4.

In the Basic Text is another phrase that speaks about recovery – “We can never fully recover, no matter how long we stay clean”.

Narcotics Anonymous, Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter 7 ‘Recovery and Relapse’

I wondered at the difference between a “fully recovered addict” and a “wholly recovered addict”. Research shows that “wholly” is preferred when you want to emphasize the total and complete nature of something without reservations. “Wholly” offers a dedication to a particular idea or action more so than “fully”.  

Last House on the Block

Narcotics Anonymous was the last house on the block for me. I felt uncomfortable in Alcoholics Anonymous, I could not afford treatment, and I did not see a path forward in the life that I was living. In N.A., I was willing to try anything, talk about everything and experience any feeling. I was desperate for a solution. My companions were other addicts who shared their experiences and offered their support. I believe the ‘gift of desperation’ equates to the “wholly recovered addict”. In contrast, “fully recovered” is an unreachable destination.  Wholly recovered is a state of being. I was wholly committed to whatever was asked of me despite my fears.

Goodwill is best exemplified in service and proper service is “Doing the right thing for the right reason.” When this supports and motivates both the individual and the Fellowship, we are fully whole and wholly free.

‘Our Symbol’, 1975, last two lines.

Today, recovery has become a convenience store of products with a lot more choices available to suffering addicts. Narcotics Anonymous has become a commodity. I hear addicts sharing at NA meetings that they are ‘committed to trying a particular treatment center again’, ‘working the steps in therapy this time’, and ‘making sure they get to that wonderful AA meeting on Tuesday nights’. I am confused by experiences of others today. Parking lot discussions seem to be about distractions from life on life’s terms.  There used to be discussions focused on NA, on our primary purpose.  I want to talk about our primary purpose and the application of spiritual principles daily in all my affairs.

On the bright side, today many N.A. members have long terms of complete abstinence and are better able to help the newcomer. Their attitude, based in the spiritual values of our Steps and Traditions, is the dynamic force bringing increase and unity to our program. Now we know that the time has come when that tired old lie, “Once an addict always an addict,” will no longer be tolerated by either society or the addict himself. We do recover.

Narcotics Anonymous Little White Book, published in 1966

Desperation

The idea of “‘wholly recovered” was removed from our literature by the publishers.  I no longer feel as welcome as I used to be. The desperation is gone, and I find myself attracted to the complacency of many addicts. Maybe I should relax and have fun, but instead I feel a sense of sadness. The last house on the block is torn down, replaced with a convenience store that has me thinking about living off-grid again. Therein lies the problem.

A desperate addict will do anything for Narcotics Anonymous because they are out of options. Therein lies the solution.  

Did you exchange a walk-on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

Pink Floyd, ‘Wish You Were Here’ song

Embracing Narcotics Anonymous: Lessons for Lasting Recovery

Chapter five of the Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, titled “What Can I do?” has been critical to my recovery these last ten years. I had a significant shift in my beliefs about what it means to be in recovery. The Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text Chapter eight says ‘We Do Recover’, but what does that mean for me and what do I do when I recover? The drugs stopped being a problem a long time ago. I have learned from other members that addiction runs much deeper than the use of drugs. Tradition three asks us to have a desire to stop using. Not using comes first in my recovery. Some believe that Tradition Three only refers to drug use, but I see things differently. I am vigilant in my recovery and carefully look at all my behaviors. When I ‘need a meeting’ I am using Narcotics Anonymous like I used drugs. I believe there is a difference between using and active addiction.  Most of the time I go to meetings to ‘help others’. It is important to me know where I am, what brought me there and what I can do to be of service to others. NA helps me to shift my thinking away from using and self-obsession.

Stop Using.

Chapter five of the Second Edition of the Basic Text starts with the following line;

The first step to recovery is to stop using.

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Five, first sentence

My drug use brought me to Narcotics Anonymous. Other issues with my addiction have surfaced as the years have gone by. I did not realize the full extent of the problems when I first arrived.  My higher power unfolded awareness of how I used as I was able to handle reality.  Narcotics Anonymous has no opinions on outside issues, but I do. Today, I have opinions about what constitutes using and ideas about what recovery looks like.

I maintain healthy boundaries and I am careful with who I spend time with, particularly in recovery circles. I still struggle with wanting to use and with my character defects. I am fortunate to have a strong support group in and out of the fellowship.  I will work with anyone who wants to carry a message about NA regardless of my feelings about them by putting aside my defects.  

Lose the Desire to Use.

There is space between stopping using and learning a new way to live. Between the two is when we lose the desire to use according to the literature.

What is our message? That an addict, any addict, can stop using drugs, lose the desire to use, and find a new way to live.

Basic Text, Chapter Six, Tradition Five

This process has been repeated regularly in my recovery. I remember when I smoked cigarettes. I tried quitting for almost ten years. I would often come to NA to pick up tobacco again. I believe an addict who wants to use can easily find using addicts. We seem drawn to each other. Not everyone would agree that smoking is addictive or a problem. I need to carefully consider who I surround myself with. My relationships form the basis of my reality.

One of the problems is that we found it easier to change our perception of reality. We must give up this old concept and face the fact that reality and life go on whether we choose to accept them or not. We can only change the way we react and the way we see ourselves. This is necessary for us to accept that change is gradual and recovery is an ongoing process.

Basic Text, Chapter 5

I tried to be a part of the complex social and service structures that surround Narcotics Anonymous. I visited people I had no business associating with. I used people and the people I often used were using as well. I was desperate for connection and to feel loved.  I look back and feel like a parasite. I find it difficult to identify the behaviours associated with using. Step 10 helps me daily. Today I hear addicts who ‘need a meeting’ and it sounds like going is a fix from the dope dealer. I am glad they made it to a meeting. I have felt that way many times but less today. If they do not have a desire to stop, then my experiences are worthless. The sought after connections I craved came about after I surrendered. My life is incredibly rich and diverse with friends and support today.

Navigating the fellowships is challenging. I see hundreds of locals at a convention for the entire weekend, but a small percentage are willing to complete simple commitments to be of service. Some of those who are committed to service have problems with control. Manipulation and control are the most powerful drugs in my opinion.

Having a desire to stop using begins when I make that decision to attend a meeting to help others rather than help myself. Narcotics Anonymous is not a smorgasbord of options where I pick and choose my responsibilities. An ultimate authority governs my choices and I choose to the best of my ability. The time between when I stop using and losing the desire to use can be painful. Life does not always feel fair. I am painfully lonely at times but the cost of using is too high. Using holds no solutions for me today.

Learn a New Way to Live.

Practicing these principles in all my affairs is the best option for learning a new way to live. I enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society. The danger is dishonesty and self-deception because I am prone to poor thinking. I have a home group and participate freely with all members. It keeps me accountable and surrounds me with the unconditional love needed for my ongoing recovery and the recovery of others. I love to hike, so I join a hiking club because that is the club’s primary purpose. I practice principles when I participate. I am passionate about volunteering, so I join non-profit organizations. The experiences learned are what I bring to Narcotics Anonymous now. When things do not go well, I do not get high over it. I can share the lessons learned so that others do not have to make the same mistakes. I love to share my experience in Narcotics Anonymous with the people my Higher Power puts in my life.

The Two Faces of Anonymity 

‘Anonymity’ is often heard in NA. I hear a lot of opinion but not as much experience about anonymity. Some addicts jump on the ‘personal anonymity’ bandwagon and share their opinions. Others discuss their opinions on ‘anonymity at the level of press, radio and film’.  I do not hear as much on ‘anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions’. For me, anonymity has two faces; what I experience and what the world sees.  

Our Principles Ahead of My Personality 

I love that our Basic Text has a chapter titled, “We Do Recover”.  In the Basic Text, Chapter 7, Recovery and Relapse, it warns, ‘We have observed some members who remain abstinent for long periods of time whose dishonesty and self-deceit still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.’ 

I love to participate in recovery and talk with members. I stack chairs or co-host virtual meetings with a great deal of love for this new way of life. What I no longer do is hang out with people in recovery. I tried for a long time. I do not have good skills that make relationships easy.  I have difficulties seeing the dishonesty and deceptions maintained by some members. I also need to be wary of these within myself.  Addiction is not just about drugs and affects all aspects of my life.  I believe that is true for all addicts. I avoid the toxic cliques and cult behaviors of some members. Some people use Fellowship like they used drugs.  I am not here to use. I want to help others find what I have found.  

Local service to NA is difficult where I live. I have tried to stay involved with delivering meeting lists locally for about ten years with no success. My personality will not allow some members to put principles first. Today, I practice principles with people outside of NA, as well. Narcotics Anonymous communities can become a repository for the dishonest and deceptive. Where else can addicts feel comfortable using? I remain vigilant because I see that I can be guilty of this.   

My world has improved. Healthy practice of spiritual principles is not exclusive to NA. I am fortunate to enjoy a rich life of service away from the local fellowship. My teachers are now kind, compassionate and generous members of society. My anonymity means they treat me at face value without the judgement I sometimes experience in NA. Once people know me, I can talk about recovery. They often accept me as the person I am today, not what I was in the past.  

The Spiritual Foundation of NA 

Anonymity for Narcotics Anonymous is critical. NA is relatively unknown to most of society. Anonymity does not mean we remain unknown. Anonymity means that what people learn is not opinions but facts. We are a Fellowship who meet regularly to help each other. This is a ‘help others’ program, not a self-help program. This fact seems lost to some members.  
Anyone can be a part of NA if they have a desire to stop using.  Groups are autonomous and governed by the conscience of the members of that group. I believe if anyone shows up regularly, with a desire to stop using, and a willingness to be a part of, they will enjoy great success in this new way of life. This new way of life includes carrying the message to other suffering addicts.  

I do a lot of research in my writing about NA and volunteering in addictions and mental health organizations. I estimate that about five percent of the population is in recovery. Where I live the population of addicts in recovery is about eighteen thousand based on a population of four hundred thousand. Most addicts struggle alone. Very few attend NA.  They are simply unaware of what this simple program has to offer.  

NA could be doing a much better job of carrying the message, in my opinion. I believe that it would benefit my recovery and my freedom to have a wider base, so I am passionate about Public Information. This was proven to me by the explosion of online NA during the COVID Pandemic. I have found tremendous support and compassion online. I have a higher level of freedom today, as a result.  

Tradition Twelve in the Basic Text offers fifteen lines of text that are so important to our Fellowship.  I love this phrase, ‘The spiritual foundation becomes more important than any one particular group or individual’. 

My addict screams for attention. Every opportunity to be seen, heard or acknowledged feeds my disease. My experience is that by joining together with other addicts I stand the best chance of staying clean today.  I balance my needs against the needs of a home group, by putting the needs of the group first. Anonymity ensures ‘We’ becomes more important than me.