Tag: recovery

Subject to Revision

Everything we know is subject to revision, especially what we know about the truth.

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, All versions, Chapter 9, ‘Just For Today, Living The Program’

This is an interesting quote from the Basic Text. I wondered at first what else could there be but truth but realized that I can have opinions. I know some truths and I have opinions. I easily confuse the two, and voice opinions as truth. Sometimes I do not know the truth at all, but loudly proclaim an opinion to anyone who will listen. I believe this highlights the need for continuous involvement in a home group.  I think of my home group as a complete Fellowship. A home group protects me from myself. The Twelve Traditions make sense when I consider my Home Group as a complete Fellowship. I am aware that I have a disease called addiction and I have accepted Narcotics Anonymous as a solution. My personal recovery depends on the unity of the Fellowship.

Narcotics Anonymous is a spiritual, not religious program. Any clean addict is a miracle, and keeping the miracle alive is an ongoing process of awareness, surrender and growth. For an addict, not using is an abnormal state. We learn to live clean. We learn to be honest with ourselves and think of both sides of things. Decision-making is rough at first. Before we got clean, most of our actions were guided by impulse. Today, we are not locked into this type of thinking. We are free.

Basic Text, Chapter 8, ‘We Do Recover’

Dark Times

I understand now that Narcotics Anonymous is full of sick people.  Someone pointed that out to me at a very low point in my recovery. Chapter Three of the Basic Text talks about the fact we are all sick people. NA is not a cure, but the disease can be arrested at some point, and recovery becomes possible.  That tells me that recovery is not guaranteed and not everyone participates in recovery.  I found dark times.  The arrest of the disease is the miracle I had experienced. Recovery had become possible but elusive. I did not have the skills required to deal with the many personalities. I found sickness because I was fully immersed in Narcotics Anonymous without the skills to separate myself. I ended up in pretend friendships, fake service positions, and an unquenchable thirst to be accepted. Being accepted was just like a drug, and I was full engulfed with using despite not having picked up drugs. A using addict attracts addicts who are using.  Recovery is a shared experience and is limited by the size and involvement of the Fellowship. I believe that is why our literature says, ‘the wider the base, the higher the point of freedom’. I needed a strong, diverse home group with growth. In fact, growth needed to be the primary purpose for me to experience full recovery.

I left the sickness of others and found recovery. I found a home group and made a commitment to developing relationships with everyone regardless of my personal feelings or their commitment to recovery. I healed by participating in a healthy Fellowship. I developed healthy boundaries.  I learned spiritual principles by observation and practiced them in my life. I see now that members come in all kinds of packages. There are self-seekers (opportunists, who do not care about right or wrong).  There are members whose dishonesty and self-deception prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society. I no longer hang out with people in the program. It is difficult to watch people completely consumed with self-obsession. I find the benefits of living without ‘dishonesty and self-deception’ is that I can associate with anyone in society. I am free today. I am no longer tied to the unhealthy cliques so common in Narcotics Anonymous. I have a purpose today.

Anxiety Free

I avoid self-seeking by participating in giving back and volunteering. The greatest joy for me is being of service but I also accept others where they are at. Narcotics Anonymous has given me many skills that I did not have previously. I can participate in any situation. Healthy people answer the phone and return calls which is a rare thing to experience in the Fellowship where I live. Healthy people show up for their volunteer shifts and do the work willingly and completely. Healthy people are inclusive. I have intelligent and adult conversations about different approaches to problems. I get to participate in some unique solutions proposed by others. I learn different aspects about the truth from the perspective of another person by communicating in a healthy manner. All these unique experiences benefit my recovery. I now can be a part of anything, and as a result I have been anxiety free for almost a year. The death of a dear friend caused me to consider my relationship with the local fellowship of NA.  

Living without anxiety has opened new doors. I feel less pressure of the ‘disease of clean time’ and a need to manipulate or control others. Clean time does not seem to have any merit at all.  Life unfolds as it was meant to be. Having been around for some time means I am prone to suffer from complacency. I try and stay involved and active in local meetings.  I do love to deliver meeting lists and work on websites but accept that surrendering control is difficult for some. I wait patiently now for the opportunity to serve Narcotics Anonymous. There are many places to be of service and the COVID pandemic has opened so many doors to serve. I have less answers and more open-mindedness because of listening to newcomers. I have found writing a blog a good platform for my own ideas on truth and opinion. I connect with like minded individuals who want to work together.

Self-Seeking

Narcotics Anonymous has become a huge fellowship that has spread across the globe over the last seventy years. There are tens of thousands of Groups. Members are encouraged to support a Home Group. The exact number of groups is a mystery. Many groups do not participate in any service structures. Groups are only accountable to the members they serve. Most groups remain autonomous.  Only a small number of groups participate in service structures in North America. There was a time when participation was strong, literature was created by members, and approved by groups. A significant piece of literature is The Basic Text for Narcotics Anonymous which includes the following paragraphs;

Those of us who have been involved in service or in getting a group started sometimes have a hard time letting go. Egos and unfounded pride and self-will would destroy a group if given authority. We must instead remember that offices have been placed in trust, that we are trusted servants and that at no time do any of us govern. Narcotics Anonymous is a God-given Program, and we can maintain our group in dignity only with group conscience and God’s love.

Some will resist. However, many will become the role models for newcomers to follow while the self-seeking soon find they are on the outside, causing dissension and eventually disaster to themselves. Many of them change; they learn we can only be governed by a loving God as expressed in our group conscience.

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Third Edition, published 1984, Tradition 2, Page 59

The Basic Text went through a lot of revisions from the First Edition published in 1983 to the Fifth Edition in 1988. The Fifth Edition was the version I found when I came to the program in 2002. Versions Four, Five and Six changed the wording slightly by using ‘Self-seekers’ rather than ‘Self-seeking’.  The impact of that change was significant for me.

Some will resist. However, many will become the role models for the newcomers. The self-seekers soon find that they are on the outside, causing dissension and eventually disaster for themselves. Many of them change; they learn that we can only be governed by a loving God as expressed in our group conscience.

 Fourth Edition, published 1987, Page 59

Self-seeker

What is a self-seeker? The Merriam-Webster Dictionary provides this excellent definition.

Definition of self-seeker (noun)

as in opportunist

one who does things only for his own benefit and with little regard for right and wrong

‘he’s a self-seeker who is nice only to people who can do him favors’

Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary see this link.

It was not until I studied historical literature that I got a better understanding of Narcotics Anonymous. I reached out and connected to a global Fellowship. Today, I like to remain in a program of equals, where I take responsibility for my recovery. I am no more or less than any other member, including the self-seeker. I can identify my self-seeking behaviors when I am connected to the God of my understanding and by working with a home group. I attend my home group regularly. Members know me, know my habits, attitudes, and beliefs.  Regardless of my personality, I try and put that aside to work with others to carry a message to newcomers.  We might disagree about everything but our commitment to the primary purpose of Narcotics Anonymous ensures our success as a group which benefits our Fellowship.

Doing The Right Things for the Right Reasons

I find self-seekers care little about anything other than themselves. They have become role models for the newcomers as promised in the later versions of the Basic Text. I struggle with my interactions with the self-seekers. I am repulsed by the lack of concern for Narcotics Anonymous and the devotion to self. Sometimes I wonder if I am the self-seeker that literature speaks of. I find myself on the outside, causing dissention by delivering meeting lists locally. I’m fortunate to have good friends and a support group to talk about these things with. Maybe I am a self-seeker but doing the right things for the right reasons has been a part of my recovery for decades now. I often find myself in opposition to popular opinion.

Unity

Attendance at conventions and other events for the comradery is popular. It is easy to see hundreds attending a local event. Few members, if any, show up to distribute meeting lists. I feel like the label ‘Unity’ has become a weapon for the oppression of others by self-seekers.  I hear ‘it would be nice if you were part of’ from self-seekers. It is called ‘gaslighting’ and I no longer believe them. I am no longer influenced by popularity.   I’m happy to be delivering meeting lists, attending, facilitating workshops, and speaking in prisons as part of a global fellowship. I love working on websites and talking with professionals about my experiences in Narcotics Anonymous.  I do not feel like a self-seeker but ‘dishonesty and self-deception’ prevent members from wholly recovering so maybe I am. I might be living a lie. Perhaps I see unity differently than others.

Anonymi

‘Anonymi’ was a term coined by an early member.  The book ‘A Matter of Principle’ taught me a lot and was written by ‘Anonymi’. I am content with carrying a message alone. Today I have a connection to a global Fellowship who has struggled with the same issues. I love the idea of an ‘Anonymi Foundation’ named for the writer and supporting members worldwide.

A fascinating, semi autobiographical, deeply spiritual, first hand account of the writing of our Basic Text and the founding of modern NA.  A Matter of Principle accurately depicts the differences between true open participatory service structure and the concepts-driven, closed system at the world level today.

  “A Matter of Principle” by Anonymi, Copywrite 2004, available for free (Ecopy) here.

Self-seekers seem to take service positions for power and prestige.  Some self-seekers are so consumed with themselves that they can only find acceptance within peer groups made of the self-seekers themselves.  This causes tremendous difficulties in carrying the message. A Narcotics Anonymous Groups’ ability to work together is easily derailed by the self-obsession of a single member. Fortunately, things have changed with the growth of Internet based access to historical literature and the wide adoption of Narcotics Anonymous online during the COVID pandemic. I am finding more and more connections with people who attend and support groups listed on https://www.virtual-na.org. For years now I have given up on working within the cliques and toxic culture created by the self-seekers. I love to give back and distribute meeting lists. I am content to work alone even if that makes me a self-seeker.

The Self-seeker

With the changes to the literature, a new classification of member was created by labeling the ‘Self-seeker’. There is no drug more attractive to the newcomer than the success promoted by the self-seeker. ‘Look at me, look at me, I’m clean and free’ can easily become a mantra. The global success of Narcotics Anonymous has not translated to North America.  Domestic growth has been stagnant for over 30 years. I believe that attending one event after another will lose its appeal eventually. I no longer resent the self-seekers but maintain healthy boundaries. Healthy NA fellowships are inclusive so I learned to accept people where they are at.  I try and live by spiritual principles.  I welcome anyone who wants to distribute meeting lists.  I would love some help.

Narcotics Anonymous has given me a life beyond any of my dreams. I move about freely in society and have found the love and support of other members of society. Many people give back and freely donate their time and energy in helping others. These have become my role models. This has become my support group. I love to volunteer. The added benefit is that Narcotics Anonymous is not well known and meetings can be difficult to find for newcomers but I can work to change that.  I continue to attend regularly in person and virtual meetings. I rely on historical literature. I do believe that newcomers will eventually find us or die trying. I carry a message in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous and carry my recovery in society as well.

Attraction and Promotion

I remember when I was young, and I would party a lot. We would laugh about how intoxicated we got and how intoxicated we were going to get next time. Getting ‘messed up’, ‘baked’ or a dozen other euphemisms was what I thought was an attractive lifestyle. I had friends who dropped acid and called it ‘cutting tracks’ because it apparently scarred your brain and we thought that was cool.  I was too scared to try acid but I tried other things. Some people would talk about what a magical experience hard drugs were and try and convince me to try everything. Things changed when I decided to get clean and joined Narcotics Anonymous. I still think about what activities or lifestyles I consider attractive, and some people still promote their ideas about what they think is attractive.  Narcotics Anonymous Tradition Eleven says that ‘Our public relations policy is attraction rather than promotion, we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and film’. There are a couple things to consider when looking at the first part of this Tradition.  My public relations policy might not be the same as Narcotics Anonymous. I might be fine with promoting something that NA would not. I like wearing blue jeans, and I love gardening. You might find that an excellent experience too and seeing me in my jeans, working in the garden might be attractive. I could try and convince you that both are excellent choices by promoting them. Narcotics Anonymous would probably not have an opinion on either blue jeans or gardening but I can’t speak for what Narcotics Anonymous would say about either. As a member, when I do speak for NA, it would be as a servant, and my personal opinions should not influence what message I carry on behalf of NA and that can be difficult sometimes.  

The greater the base, as we grow in unity in numbers and in Fellowship, the broader the sides and the higher the point of freedom. Probably the last to be lost to freedom will be the stigma of being an addict. Goodwill is best exemplified in service and proper service is “Doing the right thing for the right reason.” When this supports and motivates both the individual and the Fellowship, we are fully whole and wholly free.

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, 2nd Edition, ‘Our Symbol’, page vii

Stacey Ruth, CPC wrote an excellent article about ‘Attraction vs Promotion’. Her article references a common misconception in 12 step programs about Tradition Eleven. I liked this quote from her article and found it really sorted out the difference between attraction and promotion.

Attraction leaves the opportunity for action in the hands of the audience, while promotion leads them into submission.

Stacey Ruth, CPC, Linkedin “The Big Lie About Marketing: Attraction vs. Promotion”

Fellowships, Cliques, and Passersby.

Attraction and promotion covers a wide range on the part of both the audience and the presenters. At one point I thought I was part of one of the many cliques that form in local recovery circles. I believe that cliques are formed to protect members from accountability for their actions.  United we stand and divided we fall. Cliques can ignore the traditions, or manipulate them to suit the needs of the clique. We would all sit together at meetings, and a privileged few would be invited to events. Phone calls from clique members were a sought-after reward for good behavior and formed part of the hierarchy. Being part of a clique can be precarious and the politics are well beyond my grasp to understand. I never function well in cliques even before I got clean and have given up on learning the etiquette of cliques. Cliques are dangerous because they detract from unity by promoting oppression. One danger is that the activities or events can truly be attractive, but promote disunity by oppressing other ideas.

I have found within myself repeatedly, a strong desire to promote my own ideas. I want to talk about who my sponsor is, how many sponsees I have, or my clean time. I will seek like-minded people who can appreciate me and help promote my ideas about what I think is attractive.  I am not the only one. People with clean time congregate with other people who have clean time.  Wildly crazy thoughts seem to make so much sense in the moment and even more sense when you have the support of a clique. Stupid loves company.

I have experienced how complacency is the enemy of members with clean time. It is very easy to develop uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one’s achievements. I hear addicts sharing about their lavish lifestyles and new connections with other cliques. Looking good and feeling good become a mantra. Members talk about The Grace of God’, and how they are miracles in a meeting, but spend the rest of the day completely self-consumed with activities that enhance their own experiences.  Hubris is a lack of gratitude. In the cliques, we used gaslighting to oppress others. Simply present a viewpoint as truth, and act like the victim is crazy when they question it. People say “I don’t know why you don’t want to be apart of”, assuming what they are doing is particularly attractive. I keep my world small and my Fellowship small today. I’m interested in delivering meeting lists and working on websites for NA. I love Public Information.

I avoid members who promote treatment centres in meetings. Some members are confused about what recovery means in NA by trying to blend the two worlds. Other members are only interested in lifestyle but not work. Even after decades clean, member will continue to act like a passersby, doing the minimal effort to maintain what they see as their status in NA. A small percentage are invested in having a good time at retreats, conventions and holidays with members of the cliques that have appointed themselves the governing body of NA. All these behaviors are very much like using and require promotion.

Help Others, not Self Help

“Meet regularly to help each other” (Basic text, 2nd Edition, ‘What is the Narcotics Anonymous Program’, Pg 7), has become the Program of Narcotics Anonymous for me. I believe the purist form of recovery is only found in a home group. I learned recovery skills by attraction, not promotion. The difficulty today is understanding the other person’s perspective and I can only do that by connecting with home group members in service, working with newcomers and continuing to attend meetings regularly. I love my life today and have found myself “enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.” (Basic text, 2nd Edition, ‘Recovery and Relapse’, Pg 71) I am not the judge of what is attractive to others, but my life is amazing and by enjoying my recovery and being a part of society, I have a greater impact on the future of Narcotics Anonymous.

A cured addict?

As a recovering addict who’s moved to a country where going to treatment is free, there seems to be more of a desire to live drug free lives free of an NA program than I’ve seen in other groups before. It appears to me that there’s an active culture of coming to meetings but never actually working a program, and moreover, many people stop going to Narcotics Anonymous or working a program once they start feeling good. Although it’s something that happens worldwide, I’ve personally never seen it affect the culture of meetings to this extent before.

I’ve struggled understanding the phenomena of stopping when it’s working. To gain understanding I’ve previously looked at it as a part of the self-destructive nature of our disease; “Any form of success was frightening and unfamiliar”, as cited from chapter three of our Basic Text. But I was just recently discussing this with another addict who gave me a new perspective on what I’d previously seen as just a self-defeating aspect of the nature of our disease. This addict suggested to me that it actually seems to be more of a reservation; the desire to live a ‘normal’ life. This ‘normal life’ free of needing what arrests our disease would let us go to work, study, have healthy relationships, a family, the car, without needing to put in work for it. In this reservation-shaped fantasy we wouldn’t need to surrender daily, to work on our recovery daily, but the good feelings would just naturally sustain themselves without effort. Although all reservations are self-defeating, this does look more like a reservation than just a manifestation of our self-defeating character. If we aren’t fully willing to accept what we need for our disease to be arrested, we’re not fully willing to accept our disease. We’re looking at the symptom of our disease – using drugs – as the problem, not us.

Treatment centers and the ‘cured’ addict

Now, knowing myself, to be fully honest about my defects of character; I’m resistant to treatment centers, and have my own preconceived notions and judgments. It’s hard for an addict not to. I’m sure it works for people and I’m really happy it does, it’s just not a part of my experience in recovery. Largely because it isn’t, I struggle with the idea of addicts coming to the Fellowship getting confused about institutions being necessary or even the way to get clean and find a new way of life, or getting confused about NA and institutions somehow being affiliated with each other, as our 6th tradition couldn’t speak against any stronger.

In my experience, reflecting on the addicts who stop coming to NA when they start feeling good, the ones I’ve seen go through this process are addicts who’ve gone to treatment centers. I do want to say I don’t believe this reservation only comes up for addicts who’ve gone to treatment, I’m solely basing this on my experience. But it does beg the question… Does the setup of treatment centers suggest addicts can be cured?

I don’t know what addicts are taught in treatment centers outside of what’s been told to me by some, but the natural setup of a closed institution where you spend a set amount of time sets you up to believe that your problems can be solved during your stay. I believe the natural setup of this brings about an attitude and belief around the symptom of our disease, using drugs, being our actual disease and actual problem. If addicts aren’t taught what the disease actually is, it also makes reservations about what being an addict actually entails more natural to lapse into. I do know that a lot of treatment centers make addicts refer to themselves not as addicts but in terms of the liquid drug or the narcotics, putting a lot of focus on the symptom instead of the real problem. The spiritual nature of our disease also seems to get lost in treatment center conversations. And if we don’t treat a spiritual disease on a spiritual level, the solution isn’t really the full solution, and surrender becomes more of a conditional, place-based act than an unconditional attitude.

An aspect of our spiritual condition as we’re taught in the program is also keeping what we have by giving it away. For those only acquainted with treatment, the spiritual practice of this principle isn’t integrated into any kind of daily program. Many stay in our Fellowship partially to give back what they’ve received; and if you don’t perceive you got what you needed from NA, you won’t see a need to give it back. The spiritual rewards of giving back will also remain foreign to those who are unable or unwilling to open their minds to a spiritual solution, which further causes one to believe that the solution is just to stop using, not changing our actions, attitudes and lives on a deeper level.

The solution?

We don’t want addicts leaving when they feel good. We offer a proven way to live a new way of life, and there’s no set amount of time on living. Addiction can never be cured because it’s not about the use of drugs, but it can be arrested on a daily basis if we have the willingness to live the program.

I don’t believe there’s a clear-cut solution to this problem. We can’t force an addict to recover and to stay in NA, as our experience and the program tells us. What we can do is make our message clear in meetings, and make sure to pay attention to the newcomer and make ourselves available; we can show them what it’s all about. We should love and cherish every addict as a spiritual extension of ourselves and look at carrying a clear Narcotics Anonymous message as an act of love. We don’t want to lose anyone to outside ideas or their own reservations. Our own experience of the program, shared, is effective. I’ve also found meetings focused on the 6th tradition to be effective in these scenarios.  

If we let our message become lost in the whirlwind of treatment center arrivals, we’re doing everyone a disservice. I don’t believe we’ll ever see the day a fully cured addict knocks on our door, but we can make sure to keep our program clear and available for those who are willing to join us. If we reach out our hands, God will do the rest; whatever that looks like.

The Grace of God

God

The concept of God is a difficult hurdle for many people who come to twelve step programs.  Narcotics Anonymous is a spiritual organization and the literature refers to the word God.  In AA, they expanded the concept by offering a ‘God of your understanding’ and most twelve step programs have adopted that concept for themselves. Narcotics Anonymous literature refers to a ‘Higher Power’. I believe that regardless of what beliefs you arrive with, you will need to come to terms with the idea of some power greater than yourself.  My personal beliefs when I arrived at my first twelve step meeting was that God, spiritual beliefs, mysticism, and the whole concept of a spiritual existence was for weak minded people who needed a crutch.  I did have some beliefs that I accepted as possible once I qualified my answers. I needed to have a lengthy explanation to justify my beliefs. I was willing to admit that some people might be psychic, and ghosts sounded plausible.  When I was sarcastic, I would say that prayer was an excellent way to spend time until your plane impacts the side of a mountain. At the time, I wouldn’t say I was cynical but looking back I believed that God had never done anything for me, hadn’t been a factor in my life and wasn’t likely to appear any time soon. When I hit bottom, I did have an awakening to the idea that my life was wildly out of control, and I was a mess. I went to my first meeting, expecting nothing, with little hope, and perhaps open to the possibility of some relief. I didn’t expect to find help for someone like me.  Even if God existed, there were many people who were more deserving of help.  I had heard the words, “God’s Grace” but never really given it much thought.

 Compassion

The ‘Grace of God’ is hard to define without the heavy religious overtones of our Christian based society.  For this article, I will use the definition of Grace as unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification. Both the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and the original manuscript for the Basic Text used in Narcotics Anonymous referenced the Grace of God. The latest version of the Basic Text published by the NAWS Corporation still mentions God’s Grace in the ‘How It Works’ section; Step Eleven.  It’s a touchy subject with many people but the concept of Grace from a higher power isn’t exclusive to Christianity.  In Buddhism, they have the idea of a bodhisattva. This is a person who has achieved the capacity to obtain enlightenment and become a buddha, but in an act of great compassion chooses to remain in this realm and work to end the suffering of the masses – the act itself is Grace. Hinduism refers to Kripa and Hellenism (Greek mysticism) refers to Kharis.  Grace is what I was offered when I arrived at the rooms, what I learned in doing the steps, and what I try and extend to all. IF you are uncomfortable with the idea of a God then think of Grace as nothing more than compassion offered regardless of the situation.  Think of how the world would be if compassion was at the front of each passing moment.

Eighty-Four Days

The most powerful story I have ever read in recovery was titled Eighty-Four Days. It was published in the Iranian Narcotics Anonymous journal called Payam Behboodi. It’s a letter from a prisoner in jail about his gratitude for eighty-four days clean and how we as recovering addicts should work together and help each other. His gratitude is also for the will of God. His death was by hanging the next morning as punishment for the crimes he had committed. I found a connection with the powerful message. I often feel as if I am in a self-imposed prison. My character defects and shortcomings have always prevented me from being a part of things. I am difficult to get to know, difficult to be around and have little interest in the world around me.  My struggles are with Self, as is the case for many in recovery. Having done a set of steps I also know I have assets and have provided for my family for many years. I also contribute in many ways to society.  I might never be rich or successful but I have always managed to provide for my family.  I have much in my life to be grateful for. I go to meetings and listen to one speaker after another share about their gratitude for what recovery has given them. They talk about their support group, or their vacations and possessions as if those are important.  My belief is that gratitude we share in recovery is reserved for our higher power, however you want to define that.  The vacations, new cars or luxuries might be nothing more than self-obsession and ultimately, that is  the core of the disease of addiction. My gratitude speaks with Grace that I extend to the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous and society at large.  Ultimately, the gratitude that carries the strongest message is selfless service. I like to promote unity by working with anyone and including everyone. The Twelve Traditions we study in twelve step programs gave us the tools to ensure our focus is not on our personal relationships with our friends but with all of society. I believe that gratitude grows as our Grace grows. The Grace of God isn’t easy, it is a desperate hand extended to another off a ledge that they find themselves hanging from. The key to Grace is the ‘unmerited’ aspect, the courtesy I extend beyond what I feel is warranted or deserved. It is a part of what makes my service so valuable. Grace is the action of gratitude.

A Bigger Picture

How well your twelve step support group functions, and the service structures they create to support the groups comes from the Grace of God in my belief. It’s very easy to fall into cliques and form micro groups of support around common interests or beliefs, and exclude those we disapprove of.  The twelve-step group is the core of my recovery. The relationships I form within my group, and how I treat others IS the basis of my recovery. It’s from these relationships that I can provide Grace to others. The gratitude that comes from that connection with my higher power is the only gratitude that matters in recovery. We are selling a new way of life that costs everything and nothing. Gratitude for what I have achieved in my recovery is not a magical elixir I can bottle and transfer to another.  Friendships, lifestyle and a dizzying array of choices await many of us as we get clean but it’s all meaningless to someone who’s new or someone who is on the verge of dying.  When my journey started, I was attracted to the message and the feeling of be a part of something.  What I keep for myself when I share my recovery is true gratitude and a belief in the process. 

There is a gratitude that arises from my relationship with the God of my understanding, who guides me and gives me strength. It might be the only gratitude some members will ever achieve. My support group do a daily group text by cellphone of 5 things we are grateful for and it has been a difficult process for me. I really want to focus on all the things that I am grateful for like relationships, sunny days and the smell of rain.  I have come to accept that in turning my life and my will over to God in Step Three, I need to focus on my gratitude for my higher power’s will for me, and the strength that comes to me. Compassion for another is a gift for myself and does more to restore my own worth than anything I could acquire on my own.

Disunity

Defects and Shortcomings.

I lacked a lot of self-awareness when I came to Narcotics Anonymous in 2002. I had a general sense of being less than, and I had behaved in ways that lowered my self-esteem. I felt some sort of deep sense of resentment for what I thought I was owed.  Some of the dark moments of my life played over and over in my mind. Despite all this evidence that I was less than, I tried to focus on what I deserved, and that was a long list. My list of entitlements was enormous.  Every time I failed to get what I deserved; it was evidence that I was less than others. Life was a series of disappointments and drugs dulled the pain of living. Once I joined the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous, things started to change. Feelings were no longer hidden under the cloud of drug use. I grappled with understanding feelings and learned new ways of processing them. What I learned came from other members who were going through similar experiences. A burden shared is a burden halved became my new reality, which encouraged me to connect with others. A joy shared is doubled, which has always struck me as odd but true. This confirmed to me the idea of sharing our experiences, strengths and hopes. By connecting with other members, our burdens are halved, and our joys are doubled.  There were other aspects of recovery that I struggled with.  Sometimes I found getting myself caught up in the endless arguments about how the program works. One example was the use of the terms, defects and shortcomings from Step Six and Step Seven of the Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous. This has been a constant source of disunity. I thought we had to agree on all these things to be a fellowship.

The Foundation of My Recovery

Connecting with other members became a foundation for my recovery. There are so many different personalities that connections were challenging. It was suggested to look at the similarities and that helped. Unfortunately, the differences are so glaring obvious and in my face that it was difficult to ignore. I did try and build relationships based on the similarities. I was passionate about helping and being of service. I like to meet for coffee and talk nonsense about nothing. I did not have a sense of who I was so what other people were doing was sometimes interesting and being included was powerful. The longer I remain in the Fellowship the less willing I am to take part in some discussions or activities. That discomfort is a rich source of information about my personality and I inventory my reservations, defects and shortcomings regularly.

Reservations

I was taught that reservations about my recovery are the things I put between myself and my higher power’s will. Reservations are about the choices I make. It was uncomfortable crying in front of people at first. I avoided crying because I was taught that crying was weakness. I did find acceptance and I gladly weep today. My life is deeply satisfying today, and I avoid the endless drama and cliques that form. I have a lot of reservations about the benefits of cliques and toxic relationships, so I tend to isolate myself. This causes me to not be apart and isolation is like a drug.   The reservations I want to hold on to today feel a lot like using drugs. I want to continue in this program I need to stop using. I work on not isolating myself.

Defects of Character

My defects of character I live with are about my personality. Patience and understanding allow me to start to see my defects clearly. Today I have a sense of those defects and with the help of my Higher Power, I can put aside those defects and work with others. My anger, shame, control, and other aspects of my personality no longer govern my behaviors but the feelings sometimes persist. I have contempt for other people and maintain healthy boundaries. My contempt is the source of my self-loathing. With the help of a higher power, I can put aside my contempt and work with others. I have begun to lose the desire to use my contempt.

Shortcomings

I was taught that shortcomings are where I come up short and they are the actions of my defects. Recovery for me today is about learning a new way to live. It takes practice to apply the principles in my life and I make mistakes.  I wrestle with my reservations still, and I do not always see my defects clearly. The actions I take to express my gratitude for the life I live today are critical to my success. My actions can also cause me to treat others poorly or react to situations that cause more harm than good.  The actions of my shortcomings is the source of my amends.

Unity

I take responsibility for my recovery today. I stay in the Fellowship and strive to be a part of. I believe that the wider the base, the higher the point of freedom for myself and others.  I seek out other addicts who want to practice principles and carry a message to the suffering addicts. I appreciate that some addicts see reservations, defects and shortcomings differently and that is ok with me. I have no need to try and promote my ideas about the program. I respect other peoples’ right to have an opinion and arrive at their own solutions. In a program of attraction rather than promotion, different opinions contribute to our growth. Adversity is healthy and learning to disagree promotes healthy relationships.

The Four Absolutes

Before Narcotics Anonymous was Alcoholics Anonymous. And before that was the Oxford Group who developed the ideas that became the foundation of the Twelve Step Program. The Oxford Group used ‘The Four Absolutes’ to define the spiritual direction of the Fellowship.

What are the Absolutes?

Purity

This asks the question. Is it right or is it wrong? I think we know….But practising the right decision is not as straightforward. Our fears can play a part in our decision making….even more so with the alcoholic.

Honesty

During our active addiction honesty can become a foreign concept and the ramifications of that dishonesty contributed to our sickness. We were unable to accept the dishonesty and the shame that accompanied it.

Unselfishness

We had become accustomed to putting ourselves (and our addiction) first. The final tenet of the Oxford group was ‘ continued work with others in need’ and this became the 12th step and the backbone of long term sobriety.

Love

This was a foreign concept to many of us in our addiction. Love had always been a trade-off. What do I get out of loving someone? Love is not a decision.

The Absolutes provide a decision-making formula that keeps my spirituality in check.

https://www.caminorecovery.com/blog/the-four-absolutes-a-beginners-guide-to-spirituality/#:~:text=The%20Four%20Absolutes%20can%20be,the%20early%2020th%20century.

The opposite of unity is oppression. When I promote my ideas about how things work or why we do certain things, I become a weapon of disease. Tradition One says our common welfare should come first and personal recovery depends on unity. I believe that disunity is the ultimate weapon of the disease of addiction. Some of our literature refers to the Grace of God as the reason I am clean. Others arrive at their own understanding of the miracle of recovery. Regardless of our path to this day clean, working together is our strength. Nothing is gained from promoting a certain idea or belief. I do find myself at odds with the Fellowship sometimes. I love to print and distribute meeting lists. I have been shunned and isolated for the practices I maintain for my recovery. It has taken a lot of work to get comfortable with the loneliness.

The Basic Text says, “Our spiritual condition is the basis for a successful recovery that offers unlimited growth.” There is nothing about ‘me’ in that statement. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions. I believe that anonymity is about personal sacrifice. I uphold spiritual principles as I understand them today. I am comfortable with adversity and draw strength from my higher power. I accept you as you are, not as I wish you would be.

Paper or Plastic, Narcotics Anonymous?

The Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous

Many using addicts find themselves in a state of hopelessness, having consumed more than a lifetime of resources from society, treatment centers, family and friends. The Fellowship meets regularly to help each other stay clean and carry a message to the still suffering addict. Narcotics Anonymous is not a self-help program, but a help others program. Giving back can start at any point in an addict’s recovery. A using addict with a desire to stop should continue to attend as this is giving back to other members. The way I learned to be self-supporting and give back to society was from joining a Narcotics Anonymous Group. Members of a Group will adopt the Twelve Traditions as a basis of their Fellowship. Addicts will call the group they regularly attend a ‘Home Group’.  The practical application of the spiritual principles learned in the Twelve Steps and the application of the Twelve Traditions benefited my recovery immensely. Some recovered addicts choose to give back in other ways once they are clean. There are many service opportunities that society has to offer. For example, you can volunteer with organizations that feed the homeless. Some members continue to support Narcotics Anonymous by giving back in service by becoming a trusted servant.

Growing Pains and Division

In the mid-1980’s, a split emerged within the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous.  The division was within the Fellowship over the contents of the Basic Text that were adopted by members but were altered by the trustees of the Fellowship. A few Trustees disagreed with the Groups. The Groups had reviewed and approved the Basic Text but the text was altered.

  • Tradition 4 (Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or N.A. as a whole.) was altered.

 “All else is not N.A.” was removed which was a reference that only Groups make up the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous.

(Narcotics Anonymous, 2ND Edition, published 1983, Tradition 4, page 61, Copyright 1982 by C.A.R.E.N.A. Publishing Co.)

The idea that service bodies were nothing more than trusted servants, and outside the Fellowship was suppressed by the Trustees. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all the traditions, so having any form of structure was considered counter to the Twelve Traditions by many members.

  • Tradition 9 (N.A., as such, ought never be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.) was altered.  “…The Ninth Tradition goes on to define the nature of the things that we can do to help N.A. It says that we may create service boards or committees to serve the needs of the Fellowship.”

“None of them has the power to rule, censor, decide, or dictate.” was removed and refers to the function of a service body.

(Basic Text, 2nd Edition, Tradition 9, page 68)

The above lines removed had specifically detailed that not only were the service bodies not part of N.A. but that the service body holds no power over groups.  By removing these details, the trustees had effectively given themselves the authority to govern. This has caused problems for decades in N.A. and has influenced the decision-making process to this day. Many addicts today do not question the authority of those who are supposed to be servants. Since this change the support of Narcotics Anonymous Groups for the World Service Conference (WSC) has eroded. The NAWS Corporation, who allegedly holds the copywrites in trust and the WSC no longer represent more than a small minority of Groups.  

Problem solving

Critical to the success of any service body is the ability to make decisions. Making decisions can be difficult without structure. Procedures that aid in decision making existed before Narcotics Anonymous.  

  • Robert’s Rules of Order (RRO).

Robert’s Rules is based on motions that are raised by participants, is considered adversarial, and is rigid in adapting to new ideas and information in the decision-making process since it requires considerable understanding of the rules and procedures. 

  • Consensus Based Decision Making (CBDM).

There are major differences between the two methods, far beyond what I could cover in this article.  CBDM is orientated to problem solving, easily adapts to changes but is prone to groupthink, whereby participants avoid conflict by putting aside their personal opinions and can result in dysfunctional decisions. 

RRO was quickly adopted by most service bodies within Narcotics Anonymous. Bob Stone (an executive, and non-addict) was hired to act as chair in some of the first World Service Conferences for NA and used RRO to make decisions. It was popular for many business people to adopt RRO. Bob Stone eventually became the first Executive Director of the Word Service Office (WSO) corporation that served the fellowship as the primary publisher of literature. The WSO morphed into the NAWS Corporation as it is known to addicts today.

Groups make decisions by applying the spiritual principles learned from members working the Twelve Steps and arriving at a decision by careful consideration of the Twelve Traditions.  They refer to this as a ‘group conscience’ and it governs all the decisions of a group. 

The World Service Conference.

The World Service Conference (WSC) is held every two years for Narcotics Anonymous and is the mechanism where decisions that affect Narcotics Anonymous globally are discussed and voted on. Many Groups have organized service bodies called an ‘Area’ and send a representative from the Groups to the Area. In turn, each Area elects a representative to attend a larger service body called a ‘Regional’, who then sends a representative to the WSC. In 2000, the WSC informed the Fellowship.

…the World Service Conference is moving toward a “consensus-based” and “issues oriented” conference meeting. While this change is not fully realized yet, the need is evident for a Conference Agenda Report (CAR) that contains issues highly relevant to members and groups. … This frees up our members and groups to devote their attention to holding meetings and carrying the message of recovery, without having to ratify every decision made on their behalf at every level of service.

(Narcotics Anonymous, Conference Agenda Report, published in 2000)

An example of a decision made by CBDM in the United Kingdom;

To be included on the UKNA meeting list, a group must only use conference approved NA literature. When a new edition of NA literature is approved, the previous edition loses its approval status. The UKNA RSC policy, dated May 2017, states that any meeting found to be using non-conference approved NA literature, will be removed from the meetings list.

(from an unpublished policy guide but confirmed from sources)

These types of decisions and the use of CBDM have caused further division within the Fellowship. CBDM and RRO are mechanisms that service structures use to function outside of the Groups that make up the Fellowship of NA and have no bearing on a group conscience.  Groups use group conscience to arrive at all the decisions that they feel best carries a message to the suffering addict, by whatever means they believe is best. Groups are taught that this conscience reflects our collective higher power’s will and at its core, Narcotics Anonymous is a spiritual organization.

One Solution

If the service structures were to reconsider their relationship with the Fellowship by seeing themselves as trusted servants, outside of the Groups, without the ability to govern, then other effective solutions could be sought.  There are good ideas being adopted by many organizations worldwide.  Spokes councils are becoming very popular. The following is excerpts about spokes councils drawn from the internet.

A spokes council is the larger organizing structure used in the affinity group model to coordinate a mass action. Each affinity group (or cluster) empowers a spoke (representative) to go to a spokes council meeting to decide on important issues for the action. For instance, affinity groups need to decide on a legal/jail strategy, possible tactical issues, meeting places, and many other logistics. A spokes council does not take away an individual affinity group’s autonomy within an action; affinity groups make their own decisions about what they want to do on the streets (as long as it fits in with any action guidelines.) All decisions in spokes councils are made by consensus, so that all affinity groups have agreed and are committed to the mass direct action.

Each group sends a delegate (or ‘spoke’) to the spokes council meeting, where all delegates present the breadth of ideas and concerns of their groups…..The remit [task] of the spoke needs to be clearly defined for a spokes council to work effectively. The task of the spoke is primarily to feedback information between the small group and the council. The spoke needs to act as a voice for everyone within the small group, communicating the breadth of collective thought rather than their own personal point of view.

See these two websites; https://organizingforpower.org/clusters-spokes-councils/and https://seedsforchange.org.uk/spokescouncil

Some Truths about Narcotics Anonymous

N.A. Groups worldwide can choose to participate in service structures, or simply function independently. They make decisions about the format of the meetings, what literature to present and/or sell, regardless of the opinion of the service structures who should only be accountable to the groups they serve.  Some groups use literature produced independently. New groups can and do translate, print, and distribute literature long before it’s approved. This was the case in Iran’s N.A. Fellowship with almost five thousand groups hosting more than twenty thousand meetings (Numbers are estimated based on reports prior to the COVID Pandemic). Iran had a catalog of translated literature available as early as 1998 long before the WSC and The NAWS corporation knew of the extent of NA in Iran.

The effectiveness and success of the Group seems to be based on two factors; The unity of those who are members (committed) and the ability to attract the suffering addicts who are new to the Group.  Groups are faced with the governance of from the service structures, which seem to come down to two choices, CBDM or RRO, like grocery stores asking if you want paper or plastic bags. Some groups might prefer to bring their own cloth bags.

I believe this is why so many Groups choose to do what they believe works best; Members with various experiences, strengths and hopes come together. They may prefer older literature, alternative literature and a multitude of other choices that allows them to effectively carry a message without outside influence. Spokes Councils would give direction without governance and improve the unity of the entire Fellowship.

A Successful Program of Recovery.

The success or failure of a group is in the hands of the members who are committed to the primary purpose and does not require outside influence from service bodies. Service structures need to understand that they have a responsibility to be directly accountable to the groups because they are outside enterprises, and the success of the service structure is in attracting groups, not dictating to them. Attraction rather than promotion has a proven success within the Fellowship.

We recover in an atmosphere of acceptance and respect for one another’s beliefs. We try to avoid the self-deception of arrogance and self-righteousness.

Basic Text, 2nd Edition, Chapter 9, “Living the Program” page 88.

Each person takes complete responsibility for their recovery. Each Group takes responsibility for carrying the message. The danger is that in my arrogance or self-righteousness I can endanger myself and other group members. Giving anyone authority over my recovery means I can blame them for what I see as a failure. Giving structures authority amplifies the worst of the defects of individual members who serve. This guarantees the failure of being either trusted or a servant.

Carrying the Message

Rebirth

I returned to the roots of my recovery at 14 years clean in British Columbia. My home group had a noon meeting that met daily, Monday to Friday. This was around 2016-17 after losing my job, and not being allowed to be of service in my old area to the north. I had very few friends and struggled to maintain a connection. The town where I attended the noon meeting is a city of about fifty thousand people. Our noon meeting had swollen to about forty people daily, with three newcomers a week. I was also a meeting list coordinator for the local area. I was amazed at how many meetings lists we used. We would require four hundred meeting lists distributed monthly to keep inventories up at all ninety locations where we stocked them. Some months I had nine people who helped. The Public Information Committee had a lot of members and were doing some presentations to various organizations.

I am an IT technician by trade. I have learned enough about websites to create simple designs. I did a website for the area and learned how to incorporate the BMLT (Basic Meeting List Toolbox – https:\\bmlt.app). I monitored our website traffic and we added our website to the meeting lists. Everything and everyone worked together. I was the ‘meeting list guy’ and the ‘website guy’ and with a strong fellowship I felt both trusted and a servant to the Fellowship. It was the most magical time in my recovery. I was surrounded with the love and enthusiasm of members. I was able to heal from several abusive relationships.

Public Information

I have always been fascinated by carrying the message. I was the briefly the website coordinator for the British Columbia Region over a decade ago. I talked to members and worked really hard on the website. We made a lot of improvements. Our website traffic went from fourteen hundred to fourteen thousand visitors every month. I was sad and angry when I was removed from the position. I understand now that the disease of addiction is always present. Some members lose the desire to stop using and return to old behaviors. There is lots of support for poor behaviors in any service structure where members come together. This results in disunity and a lack of support from the Fellowship.  I wish I had learned that lesson then, but I have often repeated behaviors before the lesson was learned.

By 2019, The area I attended had lost the momentum and the enthusiasm was gone. My experiences in service have taught me that support for the services to the Fellowship is like an ocean tide. The tides go in and out, sometimes washing addicts ashore and sometimes carrying them back out into addiction. When the tide is high, I am excited and when the tide is out, I am dejected.  I am powerless over everything that happens but I have choices about where I spend my energy and time. I try and stay involved but sometimes I find myself working alone.

Pandemic Unity

There was little service happening locally in 2019, and I was starting to participate in virtual Fellowship. I learned a lot about virtual meeting platforms and the application of the Twelve Traditions online. When the COVID Pandemic hit I felt well prepared, and it was as if my Higher Power had been preparing me for this. I started an online meeting and worked with anyone who joined our virtual home group. We had regular business meetings. Our group voted to create a website and do Facebook Boosts to carry the message to the public.  We peaked at nineteen meetings per week but today do about ten or twelve. Our website traffic has risen to seventy-five visitors per day, and over three hundred during a boost. We have members from isolated communities where no local meetings exist and members who struggle to feel apart of the local Fellowship where they live. Some newcomers feel safer attending their first meeting from the safety of their home. Our home group is healthy and inclusive. My perception is that we enjoy a rich blend of members who freely give of their time to support creating an atmosphere of recovery.

March 2023 Website Traffic for my Online Home Group

Repeated Success

I have returned to a stable job in a large urban centre of over a quarter of a million people north of where I live. I joined another noon meeting locally to try and support the Fellowship there. Many meetings have under twenty participants, but I see it as a starting point. I am still very passionate about doing Public Information and the group has been supportive. We now have a website and the traffic is rising steadily. We budget funds for Facebook boosts and have seen an increase in newcomers. I want to publish a meeting list with website information to support our efforts. I’m quite certain that a city of this size will support hundreds of members attending the daily noon meeting. I have a vision of multiple locations and three newcomers daily.  I cannot do it alone.

March 2023 Website traffic for my face to face local home group

Anonymi

“Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities”

Narcotics Anonymous, various publications, ‘Tradition Twelve’

I love the writing of a member who wrote Narcotics Anonymous IP #14, “One Addict’s Experience with Acceptance, Faith, and Commitment” and a personal book titled “A Matter of Principle”, available for free (Digital download copy at Nasalden, See this link) under the pen name of ‘Anonymi’.

Both these publications taught me a lot about anonymity.

  • The quality or state of being anonymous
  • One that is anonymous
“Anonymity.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/anonymity.
A well known entity within the Narcotics Anonymous Fellowship

It is very rewarding to be a part of but sometimes I find myself the lone voice of reality. There is a delicate balance in giving back and being a part of. Taking on the role of ‘trusted servant’ is difficult. For me what has been clear is that I understand the meaning of ‘trusted’ and ‘servant’. Open communication with home group members lays a solid foundation with the spiritual principles of Narcotics Anonymous.  

The real danger for me is when I sell my anonymity like a commodity.  It can start very subtilty when I mention I have twenty years clean. Suddenly my opinions and experiences carry weight at meetings.  No matter how much I try, sometimes my personality spills over the principles I try and convey. When I get involved in service, that danger increases but so do the returns on selling my anonymity. The community learns that I am a trusted figure in the Fellowship because I sell my anonymity to become a contact person for my group or efforts to serve.  Big personalities ahead of principles might prove to be entertaining at Narcotics Anonymous meetings and functions. I can even lie to myself and say ‘what I offer is attractive’ but dishonesty and self-deception prevents me from enjoying ‘complete recovery and acceptance within society’. I might hear and feel the love but miss out on a balanced perspective by shunning others. Being a part of a home group is the healthiest opportunity to fully experience anonymity.

Trusted Servants

Alcoholics Anonymous has done a good job with anonymity on a global scale. The World Board positions of the Alcoholic Corporations are a mix of alcoholics and non-alcoholic members.  They quietly perform their duties without prestige.

Narcotics Anonymous has not followed suit.  The NAWS Corporation world board members all identify as members and have prostituted their anonymity. They bear the full fruits of prestige. Each member enjoys a handsome financial return of travel and per diem expenses to participate in functions around the world. Selling this investment in personalities has become a business within the Fellowship and good convention speakers are much sought after.

Carrying the message has inherent dangers. All the trappings of success might not be evident to us, but a newcomer might be attracted or repulsed depending on their experiences. What we wear, the shapes of our bodies, and particularly our experiences can create an image that might be desirable to some but not all.  My sponsor told me once that I might be the whole world to a single addict in a single moment so be mindful.

What a Fellowship!

Fellowship

At almost every meeting I have ever attended I hear a reading called ‘What is the Narcotics Anonymous Program’ I feel like I’ve memorized some of the readings after hearing them so often. Early in my recovery, I thought I would get tired of hearing them. I understand now that we read them not just for me, but for people who are new. Sometimes I find a particular phrase from a reading is relevant to my life today. Recently, I heard the word Fellowship and I wondered what the word meant. Years ago, my sponsor had encouraged me to look up words in the dictionary rather than assume I understood the meaning. I’m surprised at how ignorant I am of the meaning of some words. This is my favorite use of ‘Fellowship’.  

Narcotics Anonymous is a non-profit fellowship or society of men and women for whom drugs had become a major problem. We are recovered addicts who meet regularly to help each other stay clean.

Narcotics Anonymous, Little White Book, published 1966.

Recovered Addict

The literature sold today by the NAWS Corporation says ‘recovering’ instead of recovered.  I prefer the older version that uses the word recovered. It doesn’t mean that I’m no longer an addict or that I’m better than anyone else. I found the idea of being recovered is about how I direct my actions and thoughts today. I like the word recovered and today I feel very much at peace with who I am and my place in the world. I know from the literature that ‘Dishonesty and self-deception’ can prevent me from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society. I remain vigilant about my honesty but it can be difficult some times. Self-deception seems to be much easier to spot when I am humble and invite people into my life. Narcotics Anonymous literature says that the wider the base, the higher the point of freedom.  I believe the freedom the Fellowship offers is from my own self-obsession. Ultimately the primary purpose of Narcotics Anonymous is to carry a message and that ensures my recovery is strong.

Early in my recovery I sought relationships in the true drug addict fashion by forcing myself into members’ lives. A using addict attracts addicts who are using and that was the case with many so-called friends. I have learned that not everyone continues to have a desire to stop using after they quit drugs. There are addicts in the Fellowship who continue to use. I learned about this when I was fourteen years clean and it resolved many deeply personal issues for me.  The disease goes much deeper than the use of drugs and those experiences have helped me a great deal.  The people in my life today offer an attractive lifestyle that invites me to be humble. The early days in recovery opened my mind to what kind of Fellowship is possible. What exactly does ‘Fellowship’ mean?

A Friendly Relationship Based in Traditions

My personal recovery depends on NA Unity.  The unity of the NA Fellowship has saved my life many times over the years I have been clean. True friends continue to be a source of joy but my relationships are not always with friends.

Britannica Dictionary definition of FELLOWSHIP

  • [noncount] : a friendly relationship among people

People came to the community dinner to share good food and good fellowship. [=company, companionship]

  • [noncount] : the relationship of people who share interests or feelings

traditions that bind us together in fellowship

  • [count] : a group of people who have similar interests

The Britannica Group Online Dictionary

Working with Other Addicts

Being a recovered addict means I can put all my energies into helping others. Ongoing awareness of my defects and the actions of those defects expressed in my shortcomings helps to keep me humble. When someone is recovering, I am sympathetic to their situation because I have been there myself and will be again. An early sponsor warned me that the most natural thing for an addict to do is use.

Some members are self-seekers and consumed with their own needs. Living clean can become a series of joyful events without much thought for the needs of others. I went through a lot of emotions when I understood how jealous I was and consumed with hatred for the self-seekers. When I finally was able to let go and see how I was powerless over others, I found acceptance and my own joy. Taking responsibility for my own happiness was critical to my recovery.

Members who are dishonest are difficult for me to deal with. I have finally learned that my contempt for others triggers self-loathing so I try and move past addicts who lie.  I also struggle with members ignorant of their own self-deception. Self-deception is a form of lying but lacks awareness of the actions.  I find that I am eager to believe the lies of another when it suits my own needs. I have believed many lies over the years because it suited my needs. My associations with other addicts can become exclusive rather than inclusive so I can become comfortable in the lies. My anonymity is lost as my personality takes over. Toxic cliques form and the Fellowship suffers.

There are endless possibilities as opinions and personalities all come together in the Narcotics Anonymous Groups when decisions are made. I like to see the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous as a plural, not singular noun. A struggling group might suffer from egos or perhaps I am the ego that prevents the group from growing. Each group is tasked with the primary purpose of carrying the message. The success of a Group’s efforts grows our Fellowship even if a newcomer joins another group. Each group survives based on the ‘group conscience’.

What is a ‘group conscience’?

“Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps,” Narcotics Anonymous’ Twelfth Step says, “we tried… to practice these principles in all our affairs.” When we collectively apply the insight received from that spiritual awakening to our group’s problems, we call that group conscience. Common sense, open minds, calm discussion, accurate information, mutual respect, and healthy personal recovery enables a group to deal effectively with almost anything that comes its way.”

Narcotics Anonymous, The Group booklet, page 11, Copyright © 1997

I like when the groups I have been a member of try to support the application of the Twelve Traditions as best they can. A group in a prison might not be able to pay rent, but maybe they can print and distribute Narcotics Anonymous literature or mop and clean the meeting space to be self supporting. How the Traditions are applied can affect my participation in a group, and changing groups is always an option.

Each group bears the responsibility of governing itself but can utilize service bodies to work with other groups to combine their efforts. Narcotics Anonymous is full of evidence of this. A very cheap and widely distributed Basic Text in Brazil became a very expensive and produced in small numbers when the NAWS Corporation imposed their copyrights on the distribution. Now the profits of that effort benefit a few members rather than the efforts of the groups to carry the message.

Tradition Four says that “Each Group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting other Groups, or N.A., as a whole.” My understanding of this is that each Group bears the responsibility of considering other Groups or NA, as a whole in their decision-making process. This ensures that the Group is truly autonomous.

Tradition Nine says that ‘N.A., as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.’ Service bodies bear the weight of responsibility to the groups they serve. Tradition Seven says that The Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous may never be organized, but what service body could function without structure and form? Groups are accountable to the collective spiritual awareness of the members who meet regularly.

The Narcotics Anonymous Literature Says

“We believe that the sooner we face our problems within our society, in everyday living, just that much faster do we become acceptable, responsible, and productive members of that society.”

Narcotics Anonymous Grey Book, Chapter 4, ‘How it Works’

When I arrived at Narcotics Anonymous I slowly came to believe that self-obsession is the core of the disease. It was evident in every aspect of my life. I am easily distracted from recovery back to self-obsession. The Fellowship of a group opened my mind to the possibilities of a life without using. I no longer see growth as something I choose for myself, but have accepted that growth of Fellowship is the greatest weapon against the disease of addiction.  The greatest weapon against self-obsession is ‘enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society’ (Narcotics Anonymous Literature quote). The tools that I learned in the Fellowship of a Narcotics Anonymous group made the life I live today a possibility.

Paper Empires

What is a Narcotics Anonymous Group?

I believe that the critical component of the success of a twelve-step program is the message heard in the rooms. The twelve steps, which originated in Alcoholics Anonymous, have been adopted and adapted by Narcotics Anonymous. Twelve step groups usually hold meetings regularly and publicly so new members can find them.  The support of group members is the basis of the recovery process.  This has improved the lives of millions of people. The messages that have affected me the most were very clear, and I believe I will remember them for the rest of my life. We all carry a message at meetings.  Members of a group work together to create the best environment to carry a message.  That atmosphere of recovery in a meeting could be the most important message for a newcomer.  Sometimes groups come together to create service structures that provide services and literature. The messages members commit to paper are powerful. Even a simple meeting list handed out by a local doctor can transform lives. A Narcotics Anonymous meeting list transformed my life and gave me access to the best of all the experience, strength and hope of a Fellowship. I found a group and supported that group as a part of my recovery. I have always had a group I called my home group. In Narcotics Anonymous I learned that self-obsession is the core of the disease, so working as part of a group, helping other addicts gave me a recovery path to follow. The Twelve Traditions protect each group and provide a simple structure for them to follow.

Service Structures

Both AA and NA are similar in structure since the groups are the top, and all the service bodies are directly responsible to the groups. While it is not a requirement to create service committees, there can be benefits. Tradition 9 in Narcotics Anonymous says “NA, as such, ought never be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.”  Twelve Step Groups apply the Twelve Traditions to their efforts to provide structure and unity to the group. Creating service structures has benefited groups. The funding of services has the potential to create problems as well.  At the bottom of the service structures are world service offices. Alcoholics Anonymous is comprised of three corporations, and Narcotics Anonymous has one. Here are some numbers from their respective websites, for comparison.  

  • Alcoholics Anonymous World Services (2015) 117,248 Groups registered, contributed $7,154,146.
  • Narcotics Anonymous World Services (2015) approximately 63,000 Groups contributed $1,038,626.

Iranian NA groups account for approximately 18,000 groups as of 2015. Iran has a huge fellowship that exploded into life in the 1990’s and was not well connected to the rest of the fellowship until after the millennium.  Due to sanctions, Iran cannot contribute financially.

To Be Incorporated or Not, that is the Question.

The relationship between spiritual organizations and the service structures created in both AA and NA have been discussed a great deal since the inception of the Twelve Step program. As Alcoholics Anonymous grew, the discussion about incorporating came up. These were the recommendations of an advisory group in 1953.

(CONFERENCE ADVISORY ACTIONS 1953 pg 32)

REPORT of the COMMITTEE on

CONGRESSIONAL INCORPORATION of AA

We have reviewed all of the arguments pro and con on this subject, have discussed it with many members of AA within the Conference and outside of it and have come to these conclusions:

  1. The evils which caused the question to arise have largely abated.
  2. It would create by law a power to govern which would be contrary to, and violative of, our Traditions.
  3. It would implement the spiritual force of AA with a legal power, which we believe would tend to weaken its spiritual strength.
  4. When we ask for legal rights, enforceable in Courts of Law, we by
    the same act subject ourselves to possible legal regulation.
  5. We might well become endlessly entangled in litigation which, together with the incident expense and publicity, could seriously threaten our very existence.
  6. Incorporation could conceivably become the opening wedge that might
    engender politics and a struggle for power within our own ranks.
  7. Continuously since its beginning and today, AA has been a fellowship and not an organization. Incorporation necessarily makes it an organization.
  8. We believe that “spiritual faith” and a “way of life” cannot be incorporated.
  9. AA can and will survive so long as it remains a spiritual faith and
    a way of life to all men and women who suffer from alcoholism.

Charles Bishop, Jr. full-time Antiquarian Bookseller-Appraiser specializing in the Literature of Alcoholics Anonymous and Alcoholism. He wrote an article on this subject and documented many of the abuses of incorporation over the history of AA. His comments in his article are poignant.

Those 9 points above are a wonderful spiritual precedent.  They stand in stark contrast to the current New York office service corporations and their legal actions…

It is important to remember the General Service Conference of A.A. is unincorporated, a service body and not a government for A.A.  The Charter is a voluntary compact and also unincorporated.   It is not a grant from a state or other jurisdiction.  Nor is it a legal contract document.  The World Service Meeting also is unincorporated.

The following are all CORPORATIONS: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.; the General Service Board of Alcoholics Anonymous, Inc.; and the Alcoholics Anonymous Grapevine, Inc.   They are NOT Alcoholics Anonymous.  They are service organizations and corporations whose purpose and existence is to serve the Fellowship.  In effect, they are temporary, albeit long-lived, committees that could all be thrown away and Alcoholics Anonymous would still exist.

Charles Bishop, “Spiritualty Versus Legalism in Alcoholics Anonymous”

You can read his article here where he documents some significant abuses of power by the corporations of AA.

“Spirituality Versus Legalism In Alcoholics Anonymous” By Charlie Bishop, Jr.

Narcotics Anonymous members had arrived at the same conclusions when creating the Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text. The first Basic Text included the following phrases.

Tradition 4         “Narcotics Anonymous is a Fellowship of men and women, addicts, meeting together in groups, and using a given set of spiritual principles to find freedom from addiction and a new way to live. All else is not N.A.”

Tradition 9         “This is the basis of our service structure, but keep in mind that although these entities are created to serve our Fellowship they are not, in fact, a part of Narcotics Anonymous.”

This was the language included in the Basic Text, and Fellowship Approved in 1981. Unfortunately, the Leadership felt differently and amended the text before publication. The phrases were inserted again after protest and were removed again. The World Service Conference and the World Service Office (eventually becoming the NAWS Corporation) never recovered the support of the fellowship. This is seen in the dismally low contributions from groups that exist today when compared to AA. NAWS Corporation is supported by heavily marking up the literature and producing a steady stream of new literature for consumption by a small loyal following of members. As both the AA and NA Corporations grow, so will the need to control literature production and profits. A significant difference between the AA Corporations and NAWS Corporation is that AA Groups are listed as members of the Corporations, but NA Groups are not listed in Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc (NAWS Inc) Articles of Incorporation.

Abuses of Power

Section Mexicana was created by 2000 AA Groups in Mexico in the 1980’s.  This service structure was independently tasked to produce and distribute literature at a low cost. Alcoholics Anonymous World Services quietly modified Article II of the Conference Charter, which then allowed them to control publishing rights and assigning publishing to the Central Mexican Service Structure. They raided the offices of Section Mexicana, seized literature, and jailed an organizer.

The NAWS Corporation has introduced changes to the Fellowship Intellectual Property Trust which will tighten their control on the production of profitable literature.  These changes will be approved by a very weak World Service Conference that represents a small segment of the existing Narcotics Anonymous Groups.  

A Solution

The NAWS Corporation has been plagued by independent service structures that ignore the corporation. These independent organizations are largely unrecognized by the NAWS Corporation. The Basic Meeting List Toolbox (BMLT) is an independent organization of volunteers who provide a method of registering and providing access to meetings worldwide. Virtual NA provides information on virtual meetings for over a decade and saved countless addicts during the recent COVID pandemic. Neither service structure is part of the larger Corporate structure and both organizations are accountable to the groups they serve. Independent action is critical to the success of healthy AA and NA Groups.

The Gideon’s is a Christian fellowship of three hundred thousand people worldwide (according to their website). They are dedicated to putting their literature into the hands of people in need of salvation, and every hotel room in the world seems to have a bible because of them. Their annual budget is about one hundred and fifteen million dollars, of which one hundred million is for literature that they give away. The cost works out to about $400 annually to each member.

Personally, I have spent a tremendous amount of money and time printing and distributing meeting lists. I’m not looking for a pat on the back or acknowledgement of any sort. I am happy to work independently of diseased service structures. Taking responsibility for my recovery and Tradition One (‘Personal Recovery depends on NA Unity) drives my passion for meeting list distribution. Often the worst examples of the Narcotics Anonymous Fellowship become parasites feeding on the manipulation and control that service structures seem to create. Power and corruption seem to walk hand in hand so my efforts to be a part of continue but so does my independent spirit. I am a member of Narcotics Anonymous and you will not silence me.