My purpose in coming to Narcotics Anonymous was to explore a solution to a problem that had presented itself in my life. My purpose in using drugs had been lost for many years. Using drugs was a solution that no longer had a problem. I came to realize that using created some of the problems in my life and likely played a role in all the problems. I can tell you how I got high to fit in, or sometimes it was to escape reality. There were a lot of reasons, but I could not figure out why I wanted to get high anymore. Using had become a compulsion. While my purpose in coming to NA was clear, my intent was not. Purpose is a direction and Intention is the idea and action I want carry out. I had no idea or plan. For all intents and purposes, I was lost.
Our primary purpose is to stay clean and to carry the message to the addict who still suffers.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter two, ‘What is the N.A. Program?’, third paragraph.
Purpose
I committed to the Narcotics Anonymous program of recovery. My intent was that I would fully embrace all that the program offered. I went to meetings, got involved in service, worked the Twelve Steps into my life and studied the Twelve Traditions. I got a sponsor and a home group. The actions I took formed my intent, but I would lose sight of the purpose. I struggled with purpose, finding a balance between staying clean and carrying the message. I found I could return to using by acting on my desires but remain clean. I also found that too much carrying the message brought me to resentment of others who lacked the level of commitment that I had. During all these episodes of my recovery, I could embrace my intentions and find purpose in the lessons. No matter how bad things felt, I could draw on the experiences of other addicts. I had found a new way to live. Each day I learned more about who I was and who I was intended to be. For all intents and purposes, I was no longer lost.
When we first come to the Program, we usually express a lot of things which seem to be important wants and needs. As we grow spiritually and find out about a Power greater than ourselves, we begin to realize that as long as our spiritual needs are truly met, our living problems are reduced to a point of comfort. When we forget where our real strength lies, we quickly become subject to the same patterns of thinking and action that got us to the Program in the first place. We eventually redefine our beliefs and understanding to the point where we see that our greatest need is for knowledge of God’s will for us and the strength to carry that out. We are able to set aside some of our personal preference, if necessary, to do this because we learn that God’s will consists of the very things we care most about. God’s will for us becomes our own true will for ourselves. This happens in an intuitive manner which cannot be adequately explained in words.
Basic Text, Chapter Four, Step Eleven, Sixteenth Paragraph
Intent
There is this idea of putting aside my personal preferences for the sake of my Higher Power’s will. In doing that, I come to learn that my Higher Power is concerned with the ‘very things we care most about.’ Sometimes I choose poorly but I only discover in hindsight. I know that if I continue to ignore business meetings for my home group, the group suffers and addicts perish. Narcotics Anonymous is not a convenience store, staffed, everything lined up in neat rows, waiting for me to choose what I want. I understand the purpose of NA and I can align my actions with that purpose. Intent becomes as critical as purpose.
Membership in Narcotics Anonymous is not automatic when someone walks in the door or when the newcomer decides to stop using. The decision to become a part of our Fellowship rests with the individual. Any addict who has a desire to stop using can become a member of N.A. We are addicts and our problem is addiction.
Basic Text, Chapter Six, Tradition Two, Second Paragraph
The Recovered Addict
I am learning to be a good friend today. I support those I love and develop the skills to have intimate relationships in and out of the Fellowship. I recognize the blessings in my life today. It is not enough to have gratitude for being clean but also express the actions of the recovered addict. I guard myself against dishonesty and self-deception. I no longer accept using or being used. For all intents and purposes, I choose to enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society.