Category: Traditions

The journey from self-obsession to God expression

Originally published on a website thefix.com in February 2020

Recently I was watching a TEDtalk titled “Fighting injustice with art and empathy” by Yana Buhrer Tavanier. She made a statement that profoundly altered my idea of unity. Her claim was that the opposite of unity is not uniformity but oppression.  I wrestled with this idea often over the next few weeks and discussed it with my friends and support group. How did this concept fit into my behaviors as a member of Narcotics Anonymous and what were my experiences with others?   I remember when I was first in the program I would get upset every time a member would identify themselves as ‘clean and sober.’ Early on I had been encouraged to identify myself as an ‘addict’, I was ‘clean’ and this simple idea would best carry a message to other addicts. I came to realize that there was a lot more to be gained by the application of spiritual principles in these matters than an angry finger poke to the chest of said members. My behaviors were about oppressing others even if my motives were pure. 

When we first come to the Program, we usually express a lot of things which seem to be important wants and needs.  As we grow spiritually and find out about a Power greater than ourselves, we begin to realize that as long as our spiritual needs are truly met, our living problems are reduced to a point of comfort. When we forget where our real strength lies, we quickly become subject to the same patterns of thinking and action that got us to the Program in the first place.

The Grey Book of Narcotics Anonymous (Step 11, Page 43)

In Narcotics Anonymous I’ve heard the saying ‘doing the right thing for the right reason is never wrong’.  I wonder if that includes this idea of enforcing the fundamental spiritual principles of the program. Do I have the right to impose my will on others?

Oppression

A few years ago, my job had ended in a wrongful termination and my support group had eroded. I was sitting in my addiction counsellor’s office rebuilding my fragile ego. We were talking about how I was being ordered to stop printing and distributing meeting lists for Narcotics Anonymous. I showed him the text from another member of NA and we both sat in silent reflection for a moment. He seemed puzzled by my confusion and I guess so was I. I was on the receiving end of oppression and I had no tools to deal with it.  He suggested that his office had four full time addiction counsellors and he had never had anyone ask if they could put meeting lists out.  I asked if he was willing and he looked even more puzzled then answered “of course”. I handed him a stack of a hundred that I printed and paid for myself.  It would seem to me that if addiction is self-obsession, then the natural path out is in thinking more of others than yourself. I was not working alone in this when I talked to other members worldwide. The application of the principles learned in the 12 traditions allowed me to work with other members in a home group, but they must be willing. As a member of NA, I have embraced the primary purpose of carrying a message to the still suffering addict and I personally see no better method than the distribution of accurate meeting lists to as many places as possible but that seemed to put me in opposition to others.  I was taught that my efforts to carry the message of hope to the still suffering addict was aligned with the primary purpose of Narcotics Anonymous groups.

Each group does have complete freedom, except when their actions affect other groups or N.A. as a whole. Like group conscience, autonomy can be a two-edged sword. Group autonomy has been used to justify the violation of the Traditions. If a contradiction exists, we have slipped away from our principles. If we check to make sure that our actions are clearly within the bounds of our Traditions; if we do not dictate to other groups, or force anything upon them; and if we consider the consequences of our action ahead of time, then all will be well.

(Grey book, tradition 4, page 100)

Groups vary in how they deliver the message of hope to the suffering addict. Some sign court attendance papers, and others refuse. One group might allow people on drug replacement therapies, like Suboxone to share, others ask them to sit quietly and listen. When my spiritual needs are not met, and I am not comfortable with the group, I can leave, start my own group or join another. My experience has shown me that groups dominated by oppressive members tend to stagnate or die out and close. Being inclusive is much more powerful in my experience.  When our intentions as a group are pure, the group seems to flourish and grow. I believe this is the idea of autonomy. In the same way that my spiritual needs are primary to my survival, then so is the spiritual needs of my group.  What happens when my group works with other groups and a conflict arises?

N.A. as such ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.”

Without this Tradition, our Fellowship would be in opposition to spiritual principles. A loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience is our ultimate authority.

(Grey book, tradition 9, page 110)

The Group

I have struggled many times in my journey. I have a new way to live thru the practical application of the spiritual principles learned in the 12 steps and 12 traditions of Narcotics Anonymous.  Sometimes there seemed to be dead ends when I practice spiritual principles in all my affairs. What I found is that the world unfolds with little concern for my desires. My wants can be just another layer of self-obsession I hold on to.  Perhaps the same can hold true for groups. That may be why Narcotics Anonymous is a Fellowship of members who meet regularly in groups. No individual is less than another.  The same holds true for groups it would seem. Organization of any sort may interfere with the expression of God. Service bodies clearly need to be organized to be effective and are not accountable to God, but to the groups they serve and therefore not part of NA.

Groups may choose to participate or not with any service structures according to tradition 4 and 9.  Some groups have operated independently and may form local service bodies that service the needs of the groups. In the 1990’s, The Narcotics Anonymous World Service corporation created the Fellowship Intellectual Property Trust on behalf of some groups with the intention of protecting the copywrites of Narcotics Anonymous. Other groups ignored the trust, the governance of the NAWS Corporation and continued to operate independently. The ability and right of the NAWS Corporation to manage the trust has been called into question by the Autonomous Region of Narcotics Anonymous who have launched a petition in the state of California where the trust is held. You can read more about the nature of the petition here. The oppression of others really does affect unity and this petition to the court will offer real hope to those groups who see service bodies in a different way.

Attraction and Promotion

I remember when I was young, and I would party a lot. We would laugh about how intoxicated we got and how intoxicated we were going to get next time. Getting ‘messed up’, ‘baked’ or a dozen other euphemisms was what I thought was an attractive lifestyle. I had friends who dropped acid and called it ‘cutting tracks’ because it apparently scarred your brain and we thought that was cool.  I was too scared to try acid but I tried other things. Some people would talk about what a magical experience hard drugs were and try and convince me to try everything. Things changed when I decided to get clean and joined Narcotics Anonymous. I still think about what activities or lifestyles I consider attractive, and some people still promote their ideas about what they think is attractive.  Narcotics Anonymous Tradition Eleven says that ‘Our public relations policy is attraction rather than promotion, we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and film’. There are a couple things to consider when looking at the first part of this Tradition.  My public relations policy might not be the same as Narcotics Anonymous. I might be fine with promoting something that NA would not. I like wearing blue jeans, and I love gardening. You might find that an excellent experience too and seeing me in my jeans, working in the garden might be attractive. I could try and convince you that both are excellent choices by promoting them. Narcotics Anonymous would probably not have an opinion on either blue jeans or gardening but I can’t speak for what Narcotics Anonymous would say about either. As a member, when I do speak for NA, it would be as a servant, and my personal opinions should not influence what message I carry on behalf of NA and that can be difficult sometimes.  

The greater the base, as we grow in unity in numbers and in Fellowship, the broader the sides and the higher the point of freedom. Probably the last to be lost to freedom will be the stigma of being an addict. Goodwill is best exemplified in service and proper service is “Doing the right thing for the right reason.” When this supports and motivates both the individual and the Fellowship, we are fully whole and wholly free.

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, 2nd Edition, ‘Our Symbol’, page vii

Stacey Ruth, CPC wrote an excellent article about ‘Attraction vs Promotion’. Her article references a common misconception in 12 step programs about Tradition Eleven. I liked this quote from her article and found it really sorted out the difference between attraction and promotion.

Attraction leaves the opportunity for action in the hands of the audience, while promotion leads them into submission.

Stacey Ruth, CPC, Linkedin “The Big Lie About Marketing: Attraction vs. Promotion”

Fellowships, Cliques, and Passersby.

Attraction and promotion covers a wide range on the part of both the audience and the presenters. At one point I thought I was part of one of the many cliques that form in local recovery circles. I believe that cliques are formed to protect members from accountability for their actions.  United we stand and divided we fall. Cliques can ignore the traditions, or manipulate them to suit the needs of the clique. We would all sit together at meetings, and a privileged few would be invited to events. Phone calls from clique members were a sought-after reward for good behavior and formed part of the hierarchy. Being part of a clique can be precarious and the politics are well beyond my grasp to understand. I never function well in cliques even before I got clean and have given up on learning the etiquette of cliques. Cliques are dangerous because they detract from unity by promoting oppression. One danger is that the activities or events can truly be attractive, but promote disunity by oppressing other ideas.

I have found within myself repeatedly, a strong desire to promote my own ideas. I want to talk about who my sponsor is, how many sponsees I have, or my clean time. I will seek like-minded people who can appreciate me and help promote my ideas about what I think is attractive.  I am not the only one. People with clean time congregate with other people who have clean time.  Wildly crazy thoughts seem to make so much sense in the moment and even more sense when you have the support of a clique. Stupid loves company.

I have experienced how complacency is the enemy of members with clean time. It is very easy to develop uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one’s achievements. I hear addicts sharing about their lavish lifestyles and new connections with other cliques. Looking good and feeling good become a mantra. Members talk about The Grace of God’, and how they are miracles in a meeting, but spend the rest of the day completely self-consumed with activities that enhance their own experiences.  Hubris is a lack of gratitude. In the cliques, we used gaslighting to oppress others. Simply present a viewpoint as truth, and act like the victim is crazy when they question it. People say “I don’t know why you don’t want to be apart of”, assuming what they are doing is particularly attractive. I keep my world small and my Fellowship small today. I’m interested in delivering meeting lists and working on websites for NA. I love Public Information.

I avoid members who promote treatment centres in meetings. Some members are confused about what recovery means in NA by trying to blend the two worlds. Other members are only interested in lifestyle but not work. Even after decades clean, member will continue to act like a passersby, doing the minimal effort to maintain what they see as their status in NA. A small percentage are invested in having a good time at retreats, conventions and holidays with members of the cliques that have appointed themselves the governing body of NA. All these behaviors are very much like using and require promotion.

Help Others, not Self Help

“Meet regularly to help each other” (Basic text, 2nd Edition, ‘What is the Narcotics Anonymous Program’, Pg 7), has become the Program of Narcotics Anonymous for me. I believe the purist form of recovery is only found in a home group. I learned recovery skills by attraction, not promotion. The difficulty today is understanding the other person’s perspective and I can only do that by connecting with home group members in service, working with newcomers and continuing to attend meetings regularly. I love my life today and have found myself “enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.” (Basic text, 2nd Edition, ‘Recovery and Relapse’, Pg 71) I am not the judge of what is attractive to others, but my life is amazing and by enjoying my recovery and being a part of society, I have a greater impact on the future of Narcotics Anonymous.

The Spiritual Foundation

Anonymity might be one of the most misunderstood words used regularly at meetings in Narcotics Anonymous. Two of the Twelve Traditions in NA specifically reference the word. At meeting after meeting, members recite the Twelve Traditions. People who are new sometimes struggle to pronounce the word and many members are patient as newcomers learn not only the pronunciation but the meaning. I liked this definition I found on the internet.

Anonymity, the basic definition of this term is “being without a name.” Simply understood someone is anonymous if his/her identity is not known. Psychologically speaking, being anonymous may be perceived as a reduction in the accountability for the actions performed by the person.

“Online Anonymity”, Sudhanshu Chauhan, Nutan Kumar Panda, in Hacking Web Intelligence, 2015

Tradition Eleven

Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films.

I believe when some addicts hear the term ‘personal anonymity’ they think it relates to themselves. Self-obsession is the core of the disease, so that would be a natural conclusion but that is not a correct interpretation, in my opinion. Traditions are the basis of our Fellowship and Tradition Eleven clearly says ‘we need always maintain personal anonymity’, not ‘I’.  My personal anonymity is my responsibility. I can choose to behave or act in any way I like, even if that might offend other members. I am proud of the person I am today and happy with my actions. Dictating beliefs or behaviors to other members is not a part of our Fellowship. The opposite of unity is oppression, so any attempts to enforce my personal beliefs on others affect the unity of the group. I was encouraged to join a Home Group and work out my differences with other members. Newcomers get to see regular members working through their differences.  The road to understanding anonymity in Tradition Eleven starts with joining a Group or as many call it, a Home Group. Home Groups take on the responsibility of carrying the message by holding regular meetings that addicts can attend. Some are closed meetings for addicts only and others are open to the public. Everyone can carry a message to the public at an open meeting.  

We, The Home Group

In my Home Group we learned about Tradition One, which asks us to put unity ahead of our personal recovery. We learn the value of ‘personal anonymity’ so that we protect other members which benefits Narcotics Anonymous. My actions on behalf of the Group reflect the desire to maintain anonymity. I try and put the needs of the Group ahead of my own. This is the nature of service. Rather than make assumptions about what the Group wants, I will seek direction by communicating with other members of the Group.  Tradition Two says we arrive at a Group Conscience in our decision-making processes. These were hard lessons for me to learn but have become valuable in working with others.

I learned to appreciate it when members started identifying themselves as addicts rather than alcoholic addicts. Anonymity says we are all the same. Other addicts’ efforts to change and fit in were equally welcome.  I never went to a treatment centre and I grow weary of hearing about what someone learned in a group workshop today. These simple steps towards anonymity by others helped me with the changes I needed to make. No amount of shaming, persecution or abuse seems to have much effect on my behaviors or the behavior of others. Anonymity ensures that a newcomer can identify with other group members. I strive to blend in, rather than stand out.  

Conflict Resolution

When there are problems, we discuss them without making the discussion personal. How I speak reflects my desire to respect the anonymity of others. My questions can easily become a distraction if I put personalities ahead of the issues I raise. I learned about anonymity with the support of a Home Group. These lessons help me outside of NA in my personal life. It is particularly important when I carry the NA message to those outside our group.  

Public Anonymity

This need for anonymity is important when dealing with the public. I learned the Traditions by having discussions with members and other groups. The wider the base of recovery, the higher the freedom from self-obsession.  Growing our Fellowship is our primary purpose, which is achieved by attraction of the group, and not the individual. Any aspect of my life, regardless of how beneficial I find it, might not be attractive to others. Our diversity is our strength and that becomes evident at our meetings. Strong personalities can be a distraction for newcomers. I carry my experience, strength, and hope to members but not to the public. The adversity faced and overcome by some members is beneficial to other members but can be a distraction from the goal of attracting new members in the public.  Governments, treatment centres, and organizations that promote recovery love to portrait individual success stories. A good story generates much needed attention and financial donations. Narcotics Anonymous recommends the opposite by simply attracting anyone who has a desire to stop using, regardless of their present circumstances or understanding of their disease.  We offer a simple solution to those seeking help. Showcasing members or portraying a lifestyle might detract from the message. I dislike the Fellowship’s fascination with ‘Narcotics Anonymous’ conventions and would prefer we did not lend our name to these events. Conventions have become a distraction from being of service and our primary purpose. Those who promote them often talk about the unity created but there is little evidence of that in our service structures who continue to flounder with low attendance and little support.  

Tradition Twelve

Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

It was an interesting thought when I read ‘Psychologically speaking, being anonymous may be perceived as a reduction in the accountability for the actions performed by the person.’ I wondered how this applied in my life and the definition fits for me today. I have tried very hard to reduce my will and replace it with my Higher Power’s will. When I take the Twelve Traditions into consideration in my life, then my actions as part of a Home Group become less about my personal desires and more about the Group. Someone who does not drink coffee might still make coffee for the group. It is these small acts of service that bring about unity and fellowship. With more than fifty or sixty thousand Narcotics Anonymous Groups worldwide, acting in unison, carrying a message to newcomers and supporting current members, the Fellowship continues to grow. A small number of groups support service structures but most Groups are predominately independent in carrying the message.

Tradition Four

Each Group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting other Groups, or N.A., as a whole.

The Narcotics Anonymous Fellowship becomes stronger as we put aside our personalities and adopt the principles contained within the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. Everyone learns the benefit of working together within a Group. When I struggle, I have learned the value of honest communication and listening with the intent to hear. As the years go by, my complacency increases, and I find I have to work hard to be a part of.  Within a Group, we are completely autonomous, but part of our Traditions asks us to take on the responsibility of considering how our decisions will affect other groups or the whole of NA. Anonymity means I try not to offer judgement on what other groups do. Just like diversity benefits our membership in Groups, so does diversity benefit our various Home Groups. Some Groups sign verification papers and others oppose the practice. Anonymity means I can have opinions, express those opinions within my group but I am not the voice of the whole of NA. Anonymity helps direct service bodies as Tradition Nine says they should never govern, and Tradition Four ensures that service bodies are not part of NA.  

Help Others, not Self Help

Service is the basis of my recovery in Narcotics Anonymous. ‘We meet regularly to help each other’ in our readings taught me that NA is not a self-help program but a help others program. My choices about lifestyle can detract from the message I carry. If I was to share about cancelling a much-needed vacation to Mexico because my sports car needs expensive repairs that might be upsetting to me but could detract from the unity. The same is true for the many blessings we find in recovery. When I share my experience, strength and hope, I need to be mindful of anonymity. How I deal with the day to day living better serves the Fellowship when I remember to put principles ahead of my personality.  

The Price of Complacency

What is Complacency?

Complacency is used seven times in the Gray Book of Narcotics Anonymous. In the Fifth Edition of the Basic Text (Published by the NAWS Corporation), the word is used five times, and ‘complacent’ is used twice. The literature in Narcotics Anonymous alludes to the dangers of complacency but never clearly defines the meaning. I associated complacency with being lazy until I researched this article. A sponsor of mine pointed out the importance of a good dictionary and how I should not make assumptions about the meaning of words.

Complacency – noun. a feeling of smug or uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one’s achievements.

Complacent – adjective. pleased, especially with oneself or one’s merits, advantages, situation, etc., often without awareness of some potential danger or defect; self-satisfied.

Oxford Languages. Oxford University Press.

As I approach my twenty-first-year celebration of recovery in Narcotics Anonymous and I cannot help but notice how complacent I can become.  ‘Complacency is the enemy of members with substantial clean time’ is a quote from the Narcotics Anonymous literature. The following quote was even more significant for me.

Complacency does not go with recovery. The deadly and insidious nature of our disease can disguise itself as boredom or superiority and generate the old “apart from” feelings. Separation from the atmosphere of recovery and the spirit of service to others slows our spiritual growth and can threaten relapse. This book is not the final answer to addiction. The Spirit of our Fellowship is constantly leading us into new awareness. Recovery is a journey, not a goal.

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, 2nd Edition, Chapter 10, “More Will Be Revealed”

Clean Time Complacency

My disease is the disease of isolation.  Addiction has wide, deep roots and vigilance is required.  Nothing seems to isolate me more than a feeling of superiority. Today I can find myself seeking relationships that mimic unity but really are a cloak that can obscure my vision and blind me to reality. I surround myself with like-minded people and avoid the conflict that true unity provides.  People with clean time greet others with time and sit together at meetings. We admire each other’s lifestyles and I see my recovery as attractive to newcomers.

Hubris and Oppression

Hubris is when I develop a sense of excessive pride, and self-importance. Oppression is a burden I place on others to conform. My disease tells me I have accomplished something by staying clean and I begin to deny the miracle. The literature says we meet regularly to ‘help each other’ but addiction offers ‘helping myself’. A little recovery has been good for me, so a lot of recovery becomes a drug. Tradition three says the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using. The desire to stop using ends for some members when they are clean. I find it very easy to return to using.  My defects and shortcomings become a distraction. Gatherings of members become a smorgasbord of distractions. You can spend weekends traveling to conventions, listening to powerful speakers.  Members gather and dine together, plan outings or vacations, talking about how fortunate they are. A select few newcomers are invited into the cliques if they pair well or contribute to the complacent atmosphere in some meaningful way. The disease of addiction will always find a way to create isolation. We stop acknowledging the miracle and I start promoting my new way of life. Gratitude becomes hubris and unity becomes oppression.

Common Welfare ahead of Personal Recovery

Tradition One of Narcotics Anonymous says that ‘Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on unity’. My complacency comes with a price. I sell my responsibilities and always spend the proceeds selfishly. Complacency offers judgement rather than inventory when my needs are ahead of the common welfare of the group. Other members step up and attend business meetings for the home group so I do not. I accept the lies that my voice is not needed, or that those members who do attend are doing a fine job. Addiction might suggest that Home Group business meetings are so toxic that I have no voice or I simply lose interest out of bordom.

Our Primary Purpose

The Twelfth Step of our personal program also says that we should carry the message to the addict who still suffers. This is no coincidence. Working with others is one of our most powerful tools. “The therapeutic value of one addict helping another is unparalleled.” For the newcomer this is how they find out about N.A. and how they stay clean; and for the members this reaffirms and clarifies what they have learned. The group is the most perfect vehicle we have for carrying the message to the addict who still suffers. When a member carries the message, he is somewhat bound by his interpretation and personality. The problem with literature is language; the feelings, the intensity, and the strengths are sometimes lost. In our groups, with all personalities, the message is a recurring theme; an underlying reality.

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, 2nd Edition, Tradition Five “Our primary purpose is to carry the message to the addict who still suffers.”

Service structures were once thought to be outside the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous, but complacency changed that. These outside entities can become dominated by members so entrenched in complacency that healthy members cannot breathe.  The same addicts return month after month, and year after year never considering that they are the source of the problem.  A pitiful minority of members support the World Service Conference, and the NAWS Corporation. Literature prices have become so inflated and support the complacency of those members addicted to manipulation, control, and prestige. Addicts who are actively using have no choice but to continue to use until they have a desire to stop. Such is the nature of the disease. Ultimately the anonymity of the individual and the Group is what carries the message when the primary purpose is put ahead of personal recovery.

The Grace of God

God

The concept of God is a difficult hurdle for many people who come to twelve step programs.  Narcotics Anonymous is a spiritual organization and the literature refers to the word God.  In AA, they expanded the concept by offering a ‘God of your understanding’ and most twelve step programs have adopted that concept for themselves. Narcotics Anonymous literature refers to a ‘Higher Power’. I believe that regardless of what beliefs you arrive with, you will need to come to terms with the idea of some power greater than yourself.  My personal beliefs when I arrived at my first twelve step meeting was that God, spiritual beliefs, mysticism, and the whole concept of a spiritual existence was for weak minded people who needed a crutch.  I did have some beliefs that I accepted as possible once I qualified my answers. I needed to have a lengthy explanation to justify my beliefs. I was willing to admit that some people might be psychic, and ghosts sounded plausible.  When I was sarcastic, I would say that prayer was an excellent way to spend time until your plane impacts the side of a mountain. At the time, I wouldn’t say I was cynical but looking back I believed that God had never done anything for me, hadn’t been a factor in my life and wasn’t likely to appear any time soon. When I hit bottom, I did have an awakening to the idea that my life was wildly out of control, and I was a mess. I went to my first meeting, expecting nothing, with little hope, and perhaps open to the possibility of some relief. I didn’t expect to find help for someone like me.  Even if God existed, there were many people who were more deserving of help.  I had heard the words, “God’s Grace” but never really given it much thought.

 Compassion

The ‘Grace of God’ is hard to define without the heavy religious overtones of our Christian based society.  For this article, I will use the definition of Grace as unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification. Both the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and the original manuscript for the Basic Text used in Narcotics Anonymous referenced the Grace of God. The latest version of the Basic Text published by the NAWS Corporation still mentions God’s Grace in the ‘How It Works’ section; Step Eleven.  It’s a touchy subject with many people but the concept of Grace from a higher power isn’t exclusive to Christianity.  In Buddhism, they have the idea of a bodhisattva. This is a person who has achieved the capacity to obtain enlightenment and become a buddha, but in an act of great compassion chooses to remain in this realm and work to end the suffering of the masses – the act itself is Grace. Hinduism refers to Kripa and Hellenism (Greek mysticism) refers to Kharis.  Grace is what I was offered when I arrived at the rooms, what I learned in doing the steps, and what I try and extend to all. IF you are uncomfortable with the idea of a God then think of Grace as nothing more than compassion offered regardless of the situation.  Think of how the world would be if compassion was at the front of each passing moment.

Eighty-Four Days

The most powerful story I have ever read in recovery was titled Eighty-Four Days. It was published in the Iranian Narcotics Anonymous journal called Payam Behboodi. It’s a letter from a prisoner in jail about his gratitude for eighty-four days clean and how we as recovering addicts should work together and help each other. His gratitude is also for the will of God. His death was by hanging the next morning as punishment for the crimes he had committed. I found a connection with the powerful message. I often feel as if I am in a self-imposed prison. My character defects and shortcomings have always prevented me from being a part of things. I am difficult to get to know, difficult to be around and have little interest in the world around me.  My struggles are with Self, as is the case for many in recovery. Having done a set of steps I also know I have assets and have provided for my family for many years. I also contribute in many ways to society.  I might never be rich or successful but I have always managed to provide for my family.  I have much in my life to be grateful for. I go to meetings and listen to one speaker after another share about their gratitude for what recovery has given them. They talk about their support group, or their vacations and possessions as if those are important.  My belief is that gratitude we share in recovery is reserved for our higher power, however you want to define that.  The vacations, new cars or luxuries might be nothing more than self-obsession and ultimately, that is  the core of the disease of addiction. My gratitude speaks with Grace that I extend to the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous and society at large.  Ultimately, the gratitude that carries the strongest message is selfless service. I like to promote unity by working with anyone and including everyone. The Twelve Traditions we study in twelve step programs gave us the tools to ensure our focus is not on our personal relationships with our friends but with all of society. I believe that gratitude grows as our Grace grows. The Grace of God isn’t easy, it is a desperate hand extended to another off a ledge that they find themselves hanging from. The key to Grace is the ‘unmerited’ aspect, the courtesy I extend beyond what I feel is warranted or deserved. It is a part of what makes my service so valuable. Grace is the action of gratitude.

A Bigger Picture

How well your twelve step support group functions, and the service structures they create to support the groups comes from the Grace of God in my belief. It’s very easy to fall into cliques and form micro groups of support around common interests or beliefs, and exclude those we disapprove of.  The twelve-step group is the core of my recovery. The relationships I form within my group, and how I treat others IS the basis of my recovery. It’s from these relationships that I can provide Grace to others. The gratitude that comes from that connection with my higher power is the only gratitude that matters in recovery. We are selling a new way of life that costs everything and nothing. Gratitude for what I have achieved in my recovery is not a magical elixir I can bottle and transfer to another.  Friendships, lifestyle and a dizzying array of choices await many of us as we get clean but it’s all meaningless to someone who’s new or someone who is on the verge of dying.  When my journey started, I was attracted to the message and the feeling of be a part of something.  What I keep for myself when I share my recovery is true gratitude and a belief in the process. 

There is a gratitude that arises from my relationship with the God of my understanding, who guides me and gives me strength. It might be the only gratitude some members will ever achieve. My support group do a daily group text by cellphone of 5 things we are grateful for and it has been a difficult process for me. I really want to focus on all the things that I am grateful for like relationships, sunny days and the smell of rain.  I have come to accept that in turning my life and my will over to God in Step Three, I need to focus on my gratitude for my higher power’s will for me, and the strength that comes to me. Compassion for another is a gift for myself and does more to restore my own worth than anything I could acquire on my own.

Disunity

Defects and Shortcomings.

I lacked a lot of self-awareness when I came to Narcotics Anonymous in 2002. I had a general sense of being less than, and I had behaved in ways that lowered my self-esteem. I felt some sort of deep sense of resentment for what I thought I was owed.  Some of the dark moments of my life played over and over in my mind. Despite all this evidence that I was less than, I tried to focus on what I deserved, and that was a long list. My list of entitlements was enormous.  Every time I failed to get what I deserved; it was evidence that I was less than others. Life was a series of disappointments and drugs dulled the pain of living. Once I joined the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous, things started to change. Feelings were no longer hidden under the cloud of drug use. I grappled with understanding feelings and learned new ways of processing them. What I learned came from other members who were going through similar experiences. A burden shared is a burden halved became my new reality, which encouraged me to connect with others. A joy shared is doubled, which has always struck me as odd but true. This confirmed to me the idea of sharing our experiences, strengths and hopes. By connecting with other members, our burdens are halved, and our joys are doubled.  There were other aspects of recovery that I struggled with.  Sometimes I found getting myself caught up in the endless arguments about how the program works. One example was the use of the terms, defects and shortcomings from Step Six and Step Seven of the Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous. This has been a constant source of disunity. I thought we had to agree on all these things to be a fellowship.

The Foundation of My Recovery

Connecting with other members became a foundation for my recovery. There are so many different personalities that connections were challenging. It was suggested to look at the similarities and that helped. Unfortunately, the differences are so glaring obvious and in my face that it was difficult to ignore. I did try and build relationships based on the similarities. I was passionate about helping and being of service. I like to meet for coffee and talk nonsense about nothing. I did not have a sense of who I was so what other people were doing was sometimes interesting and being included was powerful. The longer I remain in the Fellowship the less willing I am to take part in some discussions or activities. That discomfort is a rich source of information about my personality and I inventory my reservations, defects and shortcomings regularly.

Reservations

I was taught that reservations about my recovery are the things I put between myself and my higher power’s will. Reservations are about the choices I make. It was uncomfortable crying in front of people at first. I avoided crying because I was taught that crying was weakness. I did find acceptance and I gladly weep today. My life is deeply satisfying today, and I avoid the endless drama and cliques that form. I have a lot of reservations about the benefits of cliques and toxic relationships, so I tend to isolate myself. This causes me to not be apart and isolation is like a drug.   The reservations I want to hold on to today feel a lot like using drugs. I want to continue in this program I need to stop using. I work on not isolating myself.

Defects of Character

My defects of character I live with are about my personality. Patience and understanding allow me to start to see my defects clearly. Today I have a sense of those defects and with the help of my Higher Power, I can put aside those defects and work with others. My anger, shame, control, and other aspects of my personality no longer govern my behaviors but the feelings sometimes persist. I have contempt for other people and maintain healthy boundaries. My contempt is the source of my self-loathing. With the help of a higher power, I can put aside my contempt and work with others. I have begun to lose the desire to use my contempt.

Shortcomings

I was taught that shortcomings are where I come up short and they are the actions of my defects. Recovery for me today is about learning a new way to live. It takes practice to apply the principles in my life and I make mistakes.  I wrestle with my reservations still, and I do not always see my defects clearly. The actions I take to express my gratitude for the life I live today are critical to my success. My actions can also cause me to treat others poorly or react to situations that cause more harm than good.  The actions of my shortcomings is the source of my amends.

Unity

I take responsibility for my recovery today. I stay in the Fellowship and strive to be a part of. I believe that the wider the base, the higher the point of freedom for myself and others.  I seek out other addicts who want to practice principles and carry a message to the suffering addicts. I appreciate that some addicts see reservations, defects and shortcomings differently and that is ok with me. I have no need to try and promote my ideas about the program. I respect other peoples’ right to have an opinion and arrive at their own solutions. In a program of attraction rather than promotion, different opinions contribute to our growth. Adversity is healthy and learning to disagree promotes healthy relationships.

The Four Absolutes

Before Narcotics Anonymous was Alcoholics Anonymous. And before that was the Oxford Group who developed the ideas that became the foundation of the Twelve Step Program. The Oxford Group used ‘The Four Absolutes’ to define the spiritual direction of the Fellowship.

What are the Absolutes?

Purity

This asks the question. Is it right or is it wrong? I think we know….But practising the right decision is not as straightforward. Our fears can play a part in our decision making….even more so with the alcoholic.

Honesty

During our active addiction honesty can become a foreign concept and the ramifications of that dishonesty contributed to our sickness. We were unable to accept the dishonesty and the shame that accompanied it.

Unselfishness

We had become accustomed to putting ourselves (and our addiction) first. The final tenet of the Oxford group was ‘ continued work with others in need’ and this became the 12th step and the backbone of long term sobriety.

Love

This was a foreign concept to many of us in our addiction. Love had always been a trade-off. What do I get out of loving someone? Love is not a decision.

The Absolutes provide a decision-making formula that keeps my spirituality in check.

https://www.caminorecovery.com/blog/the-four-absolutes-a-beginners-guide-to-spirituality/#:~:text=The%20Four%20Absolutes%20can%20be,the%20early%2020th%20century.

The opposite of unity is oppression. When I promote my ideas about how things work or why we do certain things, I become a weapon of disease. Tradition One says our common welfare should come first and personal recovery depends on unity. I believe that disunity is the ultimate weapon of the disease of addiction. Some of our literature refers to the Grace of God as the reason I am clean. Others arrive at their own understanding of the miracle of recovery. Regardless of our path to this day clean, working together is our strength. Nothing is gained from promoting a certain idea or belief. I do find myself at odds with the Fellowship sometimes. I love to print and distribute meeting lists. I have been shunned and isolated for the practices I maintain for my recovery. It has taken a lot of work to get comfortable with the loneliness.

The Basic Text says, “Our spiritual condition is the basis for a successful recovery that offers unlimited growth.” There is nothing about ‘me’ in that statement. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions. I believe that anonymity is about personal sacrifice. I uphold spiritual principles as I understand them today. I am comfortable with adversity and draw strength from my higher power. I accept you as you are, not as I wish you would be.

Paper or Plastic, Narcotics Anonymous?

The Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous

Many using addicts find themselves in a state of hopelessness, having consumed more than a lifetime of resources from society, treatment centers, family and friends. The Fellowship meets regularly to help each other stay clean and carry a message to the still suffering addict. Narcotics Anonymous is not a self-help program, but a help others program. Giving back can start at any point in an addict’s recovery. A using addict with a desire to stop should continue to attend as this is giving back to other members. The way I learned to be self-supporting and give back to society was from joining a Narcotics Anonymous Group. Members of a Group will adopt the Twelve Traditions as a basis of their Fellowship. Addicts will call the group they regularly attend a ‘Home Group’.  The practical application of the spiritual principles learned in the Twelve Steps and the application of the Twelve Traditions benefited my recovery immensely. Some recovered addicts choose to give back in other ways once they are clean. There are many service opportunities that society has to offer. For example, you can volunteer with organizations that feed the homeless. Some members continue to support Narcotics Anonymous by giving back in service by becoming a trusted servant.

Growing Pains and Division

In the mid-1980’s, a split emerged within the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous.  The division was within the Fellowship over the contents of the Basic Text that were adopted by members but were altered by the trustees of the Fellowship. A few Trustees disagreed with the Groups. The Groups had reviewed and approved the Basic Text but the text was altered.

  • Tradition 4 (Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or N.A. as a whole.) was altered.

 “All else is not N.A.” was removed which was a reference that only Groups make up the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous.

(Narcotics Anonymous, 2ND Edition, published 1983, Tradition 4, page 61, Copyright 1982 by C.A.R.E.N.A. Publishing Co.)

The idea that service bodies were nothing more than trusted servants, and outside the Fellowship was suppressed by the Trustees. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all the traditions, so having any form of structure was considered counter to the Twelve Traditions by many members.

  • Tradition 9 (N.A., as such, ought never be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.) was altered.  “…The Ninth Tradition goes on to define the nature of the things that we can do to help N.A. It says that we may create service boards or committees to serve the needs of the Fellowship.”

“None of them has the power to rule, censor, decide, or dictate.” was removed and refers to the function of a service body.

(Basic Text, 2nd Edition, Tradition 9, page 68)

The above lines removed had specifically detailed that not only were the service bodies not part of N.A. but that the service body holds no power over groups.  By removing these details, the trustees had effectively given themselves the authority to govern. This has caused problems for decades in N.A. and has influenced the decision-making process to this day. Many addicts today do not question the authority of those who are supposed to be servants. Since this change the support of Narcotics Anonymous Groups for the World Service Conference (WSC) has eroded. The NAWS Corporation, who allegedly holds the copywrites in trust and the WSC no longer represent more than a small minority of Groups.  

Problem solving

Critical to the success of any service body is the ability to make decisions. Making decisions can be difficult without structure. Procedures that aid in decision making existed before Narcotics Anonymous.  

  • Robert’s Rules of Order (RRO).

Robert’s Rules is based on motions that are raised by participants, is considered adversarial, and is rigid in adapting to new ideas and information in the decision-making process since it requires considerable understanding of the rules and procedures. 

  • Consensus Based Decision Making (CBDM).

There are major differences between the two methods, far beyond what I could cover in this article.  CBDM is orientated to problem solving, easily adapts to changes but is prone to groupthink, whereby participants avoid conflict by putting aside their personal opinions and can result in dysfunctional decisions. 

RRO was quickly adopted by most service bodies within Narcotics Anonymous. Bob Stone (an executive, and non-addict) was hired to act as chair in some of the first World Service Conferences for NA and used RRO to make decisions. It was popular for many business people to adopt RRO. Bob Stone eventually became the first Executive Director of the Word Service Office (WSO) corporation that served the fellowship as the primary publisher of literature. The WSO morphed into the NAWS Corporation as it is known to addicts today.

Groups make decisions by applying the spiritual principles learned from members working the Twelve Steps and arriving at a decision by careful consideration of the Twelve Traditions.  They refer to this as a ‘group conscience’ and it governs all the decisions of a group. 

The World Service Conference.

The World Service Conference (WSC) is held every two years for Narcotics Anonymous and is the mechanism where decisions that affect Narcotics Anonymous globally are discussed and voted on. Many Groups have organized service bodies called an ‘Area’ and send a representative from the Groups to the Area. In turn, each Area elects a representative to attend a larger service body called a ‘Regional’, who then sends a representative to the WSC. In 2000, the WSC informed the Fellowship.

…the World Service Conference is moving toward a “consensus-based” and “issues oriented” conference meeting. While this change is not fully realized yet, the need is evident for a Conference Agenda Report (CAR) that contains issues highly relevant to members and groups. … This frees up our members and groups to devote their attention to holding meetings and carrying the message of recovery, without having to ratify every decision made on their behalf at every level of service.

(Narcotics Anonymous, Conference Agenda Report, published in 2000)

An example of a decision made by CBDM in the United Kingdom;

To be included on the UKNA meeting list, a group must only use conference approved NA literature. When a new edition of NA literature is approved, the previous edition loses its approval status. The UKNA RSC policy, dated May 2017, states that any meeting found to be using non-conference approved NA literature, will be removed from the meetings list.

(from an unpublished policy guide but confirmed from sources)

These types of decisions and the use of CBDM have caused further division within the Fellowship. CBDM and RRO are mechanisms that service structures use to function outside of the Groups that make up the Fellowship of NA and have no bearing on a group conscience.  Groups use group conscience to arrive at all the decisions that they feel best carries a message to the suffering addict, by whatever means they believe is best. Groups are taught that this conscience reflects our collective higher power’s will and at its core, Narcotics Anonymous is a spiritual organization.

One Solution

If the service structures were to reconsider their relationship with the Fellowship by seeing themselves as trusted servants, outside of the Groups, without the ability to govern, then other effective solutions could be sought.  There are good ideas being adopted by many organizations worldwide.  Spokes councils are becoming very popular. The following is excerpts about spokes councils drawn from the internet.

A spokes council is the larger organizing structure used in the affinity group model to coordinate a mass action. Each affinity group (or cluster) empowers a spoke (representative) to go to a spokes council meeting to decide on important issues for the action. For instance, affinity groups need to decide on a legal/jail strategy, possible tactical issues, meeting places, and many other logistics. A spokes council does not take away an individual affinity group’s autonomy within an action; affinity groups make their own decisions about what they want to do on the streets (as long as it fits in with any action guidelines.) All decisions in spokes councils are made by consensus, so that all affinity groups have agreed and are committed to the mass direct action.

Each group sends a delegate (or ‘spoke’) to the spokes council meeting, where all delegates present the breadth of ideas and concerns of their groups…..The remit [task] of the spoke needs to be clearly defined for a spokes council to work effectively. The task of the spoke is primarily to feedback information between the small group and the council. The spoke needs to act as a voice for everyone within the small group, communicating the breadth of collective thought rather than their own personal point of view.

See these two websites; https://organizingforpower.org/clusters-spokes-councils/and https://seedsforchange.org.uk/spokescouncil

Some Truths about Narcotics Anonymous

N.A. Groups worldwide can choose to participate in service structures, or simply function independently. They make decisions about the format of the meetings, what literature to present and/or sell, regardless of the opinion of the service structures who should only be accountable to the groups they serve.  Some groups use literature produced independently. New groups can and do translate, print, and distribute literature long before it’s approved. This was the case in Iran’s N.A. Fellowship with almost five thousand groups hosting more than twenty thousand meetings (Numbers are estimated based on reports prior to the COVID Pandemic). Iran had a catalog of translated literature available as early as 1998 long before the WSC and The NAWS corporation knew of the extent of NA in Iran.

The effectiveness and success of the Group seems to be based on two factors; The unity of those who are members (committed) and the ability to attract the suffering addicts who are new to the Group.  Groups are faced with the governance of from the service structures, which seem to come down to two choices, CBDM or RRO, like grocery stores asking if you want paper or plastic bags. Some groups might prefer to bring their own cloth bags.

I believe this is why so many Groups choose to do what they believe works best; Members with various experiences, strengths and hopes come together. They may prefer older literature, alternative literature and a multitude of other choices that allows them to effectively carry a message without outside influence. Spokes Councils would give direction without governance and improve the unity of the entire Fellowship.

A Successful Program of Recovery.

The success or failure of a group is in the hands of the members who are committed to the primary purpose and does not require outside influence from service bodies. Service structures need to understand that they have a responsibility to be directly accountable to the groups because they are outside enterprises, and the success of the service structure is in attracting groups, not dictating to them. Attraction rather than promotion has a proven success within the Fellowship.

We recover in an atmosphere of acceptance and respect for one another’s beliefs. We try to avoid the self-deception of arrogance and self-righteousness.

Basic Text, 2nd Edition, Chapter 9, “Living the Program” page 88.

Each person takes complete responsibility for their recovery. Each Group takes responsibility for carrying the message. The danger is that in my arrogance or self-righteousness I can endanger myself and other group members. Giving anyone authority over my recovery means I can blame them for what I see as a failure. Giving structures authority amplifies the worst of the defects of individual members who serve. This guarantees the failure of being either trusted or a servant.

What a Fellowship!

Fellowship

At almost every meeting I have ever attended I hear a reading called ‘What is the Narcotics Anonymous Program’ I feel like I’ve memorized some of the readings after hearing them so often. Early in my recovery, I thought I would get tired of hearing them. I understand now that we read them not just for me, but for people who are new. Sometimes I find a particular phrase from a reading is relevant to my life today. Recently, I heard the word Fellowship and I wondered what the word meant. Years ago, my sponsor had encouraged me to look up words in the dictionary rather than assume I understood the meaning. I’m surprised at how ignorant I am of the meaning of some words. This is my favorite use of ‘Fellowship’.  

Narcotics Anonymous is a non-profit fellowship or society of men and women for whom drugs had become a major problem. We are recovered addicts who meet regularly to help each other stay clean.

Narcotics Anonymous, Little White Book, published 1966.

Recovered Addict

The literature sold today by the NAWS Corporation says ‘recovering’ instead of recovered.  I prefer the older version that uses the word recovered. It doesn’t mean that I’m no longer an addict or that I’m better than anyone else. I found the idea of being recovered is about how I direct my actions and thoughts today. I like the word recovered and today I feel very much at peace with who I am and my place in the world. I know from the literature that ‘Dishonesty and self-deception’ can prevent me from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society. I remain vigilant about my honesty but it can be difficult some times. Self-deception seems to be much easier to spot when I am humble and invite people into my life. Narcotics Anonymous literature says that the wider the base, the higher the point of freedom.  I believe the freedom the Fellowship offers is from my own self-obsession. Ultimately the primary purpose of Narcotics Anonymous is to carry a message and that ensures my recovery is strong.

Early in my recovery I sought relationships in the true drug addict fashion by forcing myself into members’ lives. A using addict attracts addicts who are using and that was the case with many so-called friends. I have learned that not everyone continues to have a desire to stop using after they quit drugs. There are addicts in the Fellowship who continue to use. I learned about this when I was fourteen years clean and it resolved many deeply personal issues for me.  The disease goes much deeper than the use of drugs and those experiences have helped me a great deal.  The people in my life today offer an attractive lifestyle that invites me to be humble. The early days in recovery opened my mind to what kind of Fellowship is possible. What exactly does ‘Fellowship’ mean?

A Friendly Relationship Based in Traditions

My personal recovery depends on NA Unity.  The unity of the NA Fellowship has saved my life many times over the years I have been clean. True friends continue to be a source of joy but my relationships are not always with friends.

Britannica Dictionary definition of FELLOWSHIP

  • [noncount] : a friendly relationship among people

People came to the community dinner to share good food and good fellowship. [=company, companionship]

  • [noncount] : the relationship of people who share interests or feelings

traditions that bind us together in fellowship

  • [count] : a group of people who have similar interests

The Britannica Group Online Dictionary

Working with Other Addicts

Being a recovered addict means I can put all my energies into helping others. Ongoing awareness of my defects and the actions of those defects expressed in my shortcomings helps to keep me humble. When someone is recovering, I am sympathetic to their situation because I have been there myself and will be again. An early sponsor warned me that the most natural thing for an addict to do is use.

Some members are self-seekers and consumed with their own needs. Living clean can become a series of joyful events without much thought for the needs of others. I went through a lot of emotions when I understood how jealous I was and consumed with hatred for the self-seekers. When I finally was able to let go and see how I was powerless over others, I found acceptance and my own joy. Taking responsibility for my own happiness was critical to my recovery.

Members who are dishonest are difficult for me to deal with. I have finally learned that my contempt for others triggers self-loathing so I try and move past addicts who lie.  I also struggle with members ignorant of their own self-deception. Self-deception is a form of lying but lacks awareness of the actions.  I find that I am eager to believe the lies of another when it suits my own needs. I have believed many lies over the years because it suited my needs. My associations with other addicts can become exclusive rather than inclusive so I can become comfortable in the lies. My anonymity is lost as my personality takes over. Toxic cliques form and the Fellowship suffers.

There are endless possibilities as opinions and personalities all come together in the Narcotics Anonymous Groups when decisions are made. I like to see the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous as a plural, not singular noun. A struggling group might suffer from egos or perhaps I am the ego that prevents the group from growing. Each group is tasked with the primary purpose of carrying the message. The success of a Group’s efforts grows our Fellowship even if a newcomer joins another group. Each group survives based on the ‘group conscience’.

What is a ‘group conscience’?

“Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps,” Narcotics Anonymous’ Twelfth Step says, “we tried… to practice these principles in all our affairs.” When we collectively apply the insight received from that spiritual awakening to our group’s problems, we call that group conscience. Common sense, open minds, calm discussion, accurate information, mutual respect, and healthy personal recovery enables a group to deal effectively with almost anything that comes its way.”

Narcotics Anonymous, The Group booklet, page 11, Copyright © 1997

I like when the groups I have been a member of try to support the application of the Twelve Traditions as best they can. A group in a prison might not be able to pay rent, but maybe they can print and distribute Narcotics Anonymous literature or mop and clean the meeting space to be self supporting. How the Traditions are applied can affect my participation in a group, and changing groups is always an option.

Each group bears the responsibility of governing itself but can utilize service bodies to work with other groups to combine their efforts. Narcotics Anonymous is full of evidence of this. A very cheap and widely distributed Basic Text in Brazil became a very expensive and produced in small numbers when the NAWS Corporation imposed their copyrights on the distribution. Now the profits of that effort benefit a few members rather than the efforts of the groups to carry the message.

Tradition Four says that “Each Group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting other Groups, or N.A., as a whole.” My understanding of this is that each Group bears the responsibility of considering other Groups or NA, as a whole in their decision-making process. This ensures that the Group is truly autonomous.

Tradition Nine says that ‘N.A., as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.’ Service bodies bear the weight of responsibility to the groups they serve. Tradition Seven says that The Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous may never be organized, but what service body could function without structure and form? Groups are accountable to the collective spiritual awareness of the members who meet regularly.

The Narcotics Anonymous Literature Says

“We believe that the sooner we face our problems within our society, in everyday living, just that much faster do we become acceptable, responsible, and productive members of that society.”

Narcotics Anonymous Grey Book, Chapter 4, ‘How it Works’

When I arrived at Narcotics Anonymous I slowly came to believe that self-obsession is the core of the disease. It was evident in every aspect of my life. I am easily distracted from recovery back to self-obsession. The Fellowship of a group opened my mind to the possibilities of a life without using. I no longer see growth as something I choose for myself, but have accepted that growth of Fellowship is the greatest weapon against the disease of addiction.  The greatest weapon against self-obsession is ‘enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society’ (Narcotics Anonymous Literature quote). The tools that I learned in the Fellowship of a Narcotics Anonymous group made the life I live today a possibility.

“The 12 Corruptions Of Narcotics Anonymous”

Fellowship Approved

By the time the 1980’s arrived, Narcotics Anonymous was well established as a program of recovery for people who suffered with the disease of addiction.  Addicts were getting clean and staying clean by following this simple program of recovery. Even members of AA were starting NA meetings with the hope of addicts finding their own solution since AA was not working well for addicts.  In 1976 the first World Service Conference (WSC) was held with the intention of bringing together the groups to provide some cohesion to the growing worldwide Fellowship. The creation of literature was critically important to this Fellowship of recovering addicts because they wanted to share with others what was working for those who were staying clean.  The original literature that was created was formed in an open-participatory style, with anyone showing up being able to contribute at literature conferences. The literature created would be distributed by the burgeoning service structures to as many groups as possible, who would approve the literature for use as ‘Fellowship approved.’ The literature distributed was referred to as approval drafts before being ‘Fellowship approved’ by groups. World Service Conferences were being held annually to provide direction to the World Service Office and the board of Trustees.  

Conference Approved

By the early 1990’s, Narcotics Anonymous had grown to the point that the Fellowship had started to solidify a service structure. Addicts had created a critical text known as the Basic Text and other literature was widely approved and used by groups around the world. There were many strong personalities and differing opinions on the direction of our service efforts and the relationship between groups and service structures. The ways literature was produced also changed. Early attempts to define our service structure resulted in publications like “The NA Tree – First Service Manual” (1975) and  “Temporary Working Guide To The Service Structure” (1984). The World Service Office (WSO) started to implement professional writers and special interest groups were used to create and modify literature, including later versions of the Basic Text.  There was a great deal of literature that was available from early literature conferences that were unpublished and in approval drafts. some remain popular like “The Paths of Recovery” (1988, this link is to one of the versions available online) and others like an approval draft of “Living Clean” (1983) but never submitted to groups for approval.  The tremendous growth and power struggles resulted in a fragmented Fellowship.

In 1992, at the annual World Service Conference, a motion was passed;

Motion 3: To approve the booklet, “Twelve Concepts for NA Service” (Addendum 2).1

Intent: Adoption of this motion will place the booklet, Twelve Concepts for NA Service, in the WSO inventory as World Service Conference-approved literature.

Concepts Never Approved By Groups

This booklet was approved by the conference, but never submitted to the groups for approval and therefore not Fellowship approved literature under the existing rules (hence the term ‘Conference-approved’). It was meant to direct the efforts of the service structures in place of literature like “The Paths of Recovery”. During the next decade, the WSO (which became the current Narcotics Anonymous World Services Inc, or NAWS Inc in 1998) began to control the production and use of the Narcotics Anonymous name, literature and logos by implementing the Fellowship Intellectual Property Trust (FIPT) which was never group approved. The Guide to World Services(Conference Cycle 2016–2018 Edition published for the World Service Conference of Narcotics Anonymous by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc.) was created and included two sections;

C. WSC Approval

1. The conference shall not vote on any proposals to change existing Fellowship approved NA recovery literature unless such changes have appeared in the Conference Agenda Report.

2. All literature submitted to the conference for approval requires a two-thirds majority vote of regional delegates, and it also takes a two-thirds majority vote to withdraw current NA literature from the category of approved literature.

3. Literature approved under this process is marked as Fellowship-approved.

As well as;

Changes to NA’s Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions, Twelve Concepts or NA’s Name, Nature, or Purpose Any WSC proposal or action to change NA’s Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions, and Twelve Concepts for NA Service or NA’s name, nature, or purpose should be approved directly by the groups through a group tally process, administered according to the following guidelines:

NAWS Corporation Attempts to Control Literature

Now NAWS Inc. can produce new literature, modifies existing literature, and have the World Service Conference authorize it as ‘Fellowship Approved’ without involvement of the groups, further distancing itself.  It’s interesting to note that even NAWS Inc. and WSC recognize it would be dangerous to modify the twelve Steps and Traditions without group approval, but for some strange reason they also burdened the groups with the task of modifying the twelve Concepts that were never approved by groups in the first place. In fact, many of the changes to available literature, particularly the ones to the original Basic Text were never authorized by groups and have placed a burden on the very groups the service structures are meant to support.

 NAWS Inc. versus The Fellowship

Some of the literature created up to the 1990’s by the open-participatory method have been modified, professionally edited and released. The books “Living Clean”, and “It Works, How and Why” were done this way. It is an interesting study to look at the differences from the approval drafts to the finished products and see the problems created. Members, particularly those who are new are adopting the new literature and accepting it as “Fellowship Approved” while some prefer older literature, considered illegal by the NAWS Corporation further widening the rift.  In North America, Narcotics Anonymous has seen little growth in the last 20 years, which should be a dire warning to those members who are firmly in control of the NAWS corporation.  Some Groups are now adopting alternate literature and alternate literature sources, such as the Anonymi Foundation. The European Fellowship Service Conference recently released approval drafts of “Rings of Service” (an alternative to the 12 concepts) and a book titled “Grey Book Reflections” both available on Facebook. As Narcotics Anonymous spreads, many international Fellowships are translating existing or creating their own literature and may not seek the approval of NAWS.  The Iranian Region has flourished in the last 25 years using literature that was translated independently of NAWS Inc. They produce and sell all their own literature with minimal markup because of the overwhelming financial support of the groups, and this could become the model for other service structures as well.  The NAWS Corporation which relies on literature profits has failed to gain the support of the groups and will continue to struggle and could eventually decline. Internationally, further away from the influence of NAWS Inc, the Fellowship continues to grow.

See our page – https://pyetta.com/links-and-resources/ for additional information

Reservations and Relapse

Narcotics Anonymous talks about relapse in the literature. Relapse is not always about drugs. An early draft of the Basic Text of Narcotics Anonymous included this phrase.

In our daily lives, we are subject to emotional, environmental, intellectual, mental and spiritual relapses, causing us to become defenseless against the physical relapse of addiction.

Line numbered Grey Book, Review Copy, Printed February 1981, Memphis, Tenn., Page 125.

An approved version included this phrase;

In our daily lives we are subject to emotional and spiritual lapses, causing us to become defenseless against the physical relapse of drug use.

Basic Text, 2nd Edition, Line Numbered, Published 1982, Chapter 7, “Recovery and Relapse”, page 73

It was the experience of members who created our early literature. This shared experience of other members matched my experiences.  Relapses has been a source of conflict for me in my recovery. I have been fortunate to not pick up drugs since I found Narcotics Anonymous, but I appreciate today that relapse can take many forms. I struggled with internal conflict. I flipped back and forth between contempt those who were not able to maintain their abstinence and self-loathing for my own lapses in behaviors. For years I quietly judged those who relapsed. Over time I came to appreciate addicts who kept coming back but I struggled to find acceptance of my own lapses. I hear the gossip and have felt the results of toxic cliques sitting in judgement.  I don’t see things that way anymore.

Narcotics Anonymous Literature States That We Do Recover

Narcotics Anonymous literature tells me that relapse is a sign of a reservation. A sponsor of mine told me that reservations are anything that I put between me and my Higher Power’s will.  Understanding my Higher Power’s will can be a challenge by itself without even considering the reservations that I am willing to admit to. Self-obsession, which is the core of the disease of addiction fills me with a sense of entitlement. I find myself wanting to take credit for my continued abstinence.  I convince myself that I am doing the right things. On the other end of the pendulum, my struggle to accept my lapses in behaviors causes me to spiral downward into a path of self-obsessed behaviors. My ego tries to protect me from humility.

We are recovered addicts who meet regularly to help each other to stay clean.

Little White Book, 1966, Page 1

The original literature referred to recovering and recovered addicts. This was changed by the NAWS Corporation and later printings do not distinguish clearly between the two words. The literature today has gotten away from the differences by using ‘recovering addicts.’ There are other examples of ‘complete recovery’ that have not been edited in later versions.

Yet there are others completely abstinent, whose dishonesties and self-deceits still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.

Line numbered Grey Book, Review Copy, 1981, Chapter 7, ‘Recovery and Relapse, page 118.

By the same token we have observed some members who remain abstinent for long periods of time whose dishonesty and self-deceit still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.

Basic Text, 5th Edition, 1988, ‘Recovery and Relapse, Page 74

Complete Recovery

Members share that being clean is a miracle, and our literature talks about the ‘Grace of God’.  There is something about the disease of addiction that causes me to deny that recovery is a gift. It can be terrifying to accept that the only reason I am clean is because of the benevolence of some higher power. My ego screams for acknowledgment. I try to convince myself that my efforts are somehow the reason I have been clean this long. I cry “I did everything right and I’m clean today because of it!” Secretly, I would deny the existence of a higher power in my life and avoid the responsibility that gift brings. I do not see complete recovery as a path to using drugs again. Complete recovery does not imply I am cured.  I believe that complete recovery is simply a state of being where I am no longer using to change how I feel. I love hiking and often go but even hiking can become an obsession. If I surround myself with other addicts, our hiking endeavors could be a little clique where we maintain our lies and self-deception. I see today that it is important to understand the bigger picture.

Our Symbol

The outer circle denotes a universal and total program that has room within for all manifestations of the recovering and wholly recovered person.

Grey Book, 1981, Fellowship approved

The outer circle denotes a universal and total program that has room within it for all manifestations of the recovering person.

Basic Text, 5th Edition, 1988

These two lines, separated by 7 years highlight the division that we can create within our own fellowship. Members with decades of experience will take a stand on the inclusion or exclusion of the word recovered. Dividing points can create disunity. What has become important is that my personal recovery depends on NA unity; Tradition One.

Responsibility For My Recovery

When I can take responsibility for my recovery from the perspective of it being a gift, my perspective on the world changes. The decisions I make also change. I need to accept that I am worthy. That is hard because some days everything tells me that I am not worthy. I also see the reservations I hold differently as well. My reservations are no longer about my entitlement, but an acceptance of my higher power’s will.  My world becomes larger when I stop seeing recovery as a personal accomplishment and more from a sense of community.  Sacrifices that I make become easier because I am no longer plagued by self-obsession. My efforts in my recovery come from a place of abundance. My reservations fall away to ideas about unity and common welfare of others. I’m less directed by self and more directed by community. I am enough and I have enough.

Humility

Relapses in behaviors can be humbling and humility is the home of the recovered addict. Character defects and the accompanying actions, or shortcomings, are normal. I am not perfect. I might lapse in behaviors but with a desire to stop using, I can recover quickly. The awareness allows me to be a part of a community of other addicts. We meet regularly to help each other stay clean. That becomes part of my responsibility. I also take responsibility for the atmosphere of recovery found in the meetings I attend and the home group I support. It matters less and less with each passing day what circumstances I find in my life. Life brings many challenges but together with the support of a Fellowship, I can endure any hardship or share the abundance of any gift. Like a marathon runner, I can move between recovered and recovering. It has to do with my intentions, or perhaps a better perspective is that it is the intentions of my higher power. Some members get clean and enjoy all that life has to offer. They never completely recover. There are many distractions within the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous that prevent me from “enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.” It is easy to hide in our cliques and avoid the acceptance of society. I cannot allow my gratitude for my life to cloud my responsibilities to a greater good.  I can choose to be of service by working with others, carrying a message into the community, and carrying a message to the suffering addicts in and out of the rooms.