Fellowship

Rebirth

I returned to the roots of my recovery at 14 years clean in British Columbia. My home group had a noon meeting that met daily, Monday to Friday. This was around 2016-17 after losing my job, and not being allowed to be of service in my old area to the north. I had very few friends and struggled to maintain a connection. The town where I attended the noon meeting is a city of about fifty thousand people. Our noon meeting had swollen to about forty people daily, with three newcomers a week. I was also a meeting list coordinator for the local area. I was amazed at how many meetings lists we used. We would require four hundred meeting lists distributed monthly to keep inventories up at all ninety locations where we stocked them. Some months I had nine people who helped. The Public Information Committee had a lot of members and were doing some presentations to various organizations.

I am an IT technician by trade. I have learned enough about websites to create simple designs. I did a website for the area and learned how to incorporate the BMLT (Basic Meeting List Toolbox – https:\\bmlt.app). I monitored our website traffic and we added our website to the meeting lists. Everything and everyone worked together. I was the ‘meeting list guy’ and the ‘website guy’ and with a strong fellowship I felt both trusted and a servant to the Fellowship. It was the most magical time in my recovery. I was surrounded with the love and enthusiasm of members. I was able to heal from several abusive relationships.

Public Information

I have always been fascinated by carrying the message. I was the briefly the website coordinator for the British Columbia Region over a decade ago. I talked to members and worked really hard on the website. We made a lot of improvements. Our website traffic went from fourteen hundred to fourteen thousand visitors every month. I was sad and angry when I was removed from the position. I understand now that the disease of addiction is always present. Some members lose the desire to stop using and return to old behaviors. There is lots of support for poor behaviors in any service structure where members come together. This results in disunity and a lack of support from the Fellowship. I wish I had learned that lesson then, but I have often repeated behaviors before the lesson was learned.

By 2019, The area I attended had lost the momentum and the enthusiasm was gone. My experiences in service have taught me that support for the services to the Fellowship is like an ocean tide. The tides go in and out, sometimes washing addicts ashore and sometimes carrying them back out into addiction. When the tide is high, I am excited and when the tide is out, I am dejected. I am powerless over everything that happens but I have choices about where I spend my energy and time. I try and stay involved but sometimes I find myself working alone.

Pandemic Unity

There was little service happening locally in 2019, and I was starting to participate in virtual Fellowship. I learned a lot about virtual meeting platforms and the application of the Twelve Traditions online. When the COVID Pandemic hit I felt well prepared, and it was as if my Higher Power had been preparing me for this. I started an online meeting and worked with anyone who joined our virtual home group. We had regular business meetings. Our group voted to create a website and do Facebook Boosts to carry the message to the public. We peaked at nineteen meetings per week but today do about ten or twelve. Our website traffic has risen to seventy-five visitors per day, and over three hundred during a boost. We have members from isolated communities where no local meetings exist and members who struggle to feel apart of the local Fellowship where they live. Some newcomers feel safer attending their first meeting from the safety of their home. Our home group is healthy and inclusive. My perception is that we enjoy a rich blend of members who freely give of their time to support creating an atmosphere of recovery.

March 2023 Website Traffic for my Online Home Group

Repeated Success

I have returned to a stable job in a large urban centre of over a quarter of a million people north of where I live. I joined another noon meeting locally to try and support the Fellowship there. Many meetings have under twenty participants, but I see it as a starting point. I am still very passionate about doing Public Information and the group has been supportive. We now have a website and the traffic is rising steadily. We budget funds for Facebook boosts and have seen an increase in newcomers. I want to publish a meeting list with website information to support our efforts. I’m quite certain that a city of this size will support hundreds of members attending the daily noon meeting. I have a vision of multiple locations and three newcomers daily. I cannot do it alone.

March 2023 Website traffic for my face to face local home group

Anonymi

“Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities”
Narcotics Anonymous, various publications, ‘Tradition Twelve’

I love the writing of a member who wrote Narcotics Anonymous IP #14, “One Addict’s Experience with Acceptance, Faith, and Commitment” and a personal book titled “A Matter of Principle”, available for free (Digital download copy at Nasalden, See this link) under the pen name of ‘Anonymi’.

Both these publications taught me a lot about anonymity.

The quality or state of being anonymous

One that is anonymous

“Anonymity.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/anonymity.

A well known entity within the Narcotics Anonymous Fellowship

It is very rewarding to be a part of but sometimes I find myself the lone voice of reality. There is a delicate balance in giving back and being a part of. Taking on the role of ‘trusted servant’ is difficult. For me what has been clear is that I understand the meaning of ‘trusted’ and ‘servant’. Open communication with home group members lays a solid foundation with the spiritual principles of Narcotics Anonymous.

The real danger for me is when I sell my anonymity like a commodity. It can start very subtilty when I mention I have twenty years clean. Suddenly my opinions and experiences carry weight at meetings. No matter how much I try, sometimes my personality spills over the principles I try and convey. When I get involved in service, that danger increases but so do the returns on selling my anonymity. The community learns that I am a trusted figure in the Fellowship because I sell my anonymity to become a contact person for my group or efforts to serve. Big personalities ahead of principles might prove to be entertaining at Narcotics Anonymous meetings and functions. I can even lie to myself and say ‘what I offer is attractive’ but dishonesty and self-deception prevents me from enjoying ‘complete recovery and acceptance within society’. I might hear and feel the love but miss out on a balanced perspective by shunning others. Being a part of a home group is the healthiest opportunity to fully experience anonymity.

Trusted Servants

Alcoholics Anonymous has done a good job with anonymity on a global scale. The World Board positions of the Alcoholic Corporations are a mix of alcoholics and non-alcoholic members. They quietly perform their duties without prestige.

Narcotics Anonymous has not followed suit. The NAWS Corporation world board members all identify as members and have prostituted their anonymity. They bear the full fruits of prestige. Each member enjoys a handsome financial return of travel and per diem expenses to participate in functions around the world. Selling this investment in personalities has become a business within the Fellowship and good convention speakers are much sought after.

Carrying the message has inherent dangers. All the trappings of success might not be evident to us, but a newcomer might be attracted or repulsed depending on their experiences. What we wear, the shapes of our bodies, and particularly our experiences can create an image that might be desirable to some but not all. My sponsor told me once that I might be the whole world to a single addict in a single moment so be mindful.

At almost every meeting I have ever attended I hear a reading called ‘What is the Narcotics Anonymous Program’ I feel like I’ve memorized some of the readings after hearing them so often. Early in my recovery, I thought I would get tired of hearing them. I understand now that we read them not just for me, but for people who are new. Sometimes I find a particular phrase from a reading is relevant to my life today. Recently, I heard the word Fellowship and I wondered what the word meant. Years ago, my sponsor had encouraged me to look up words in the dictionary rather than assume I understood the meaning. I’m surprised at how ignorant I am of the meaning of some words. This is my favorite use of ‘Fellowship’.

Narcotics Anonymous is a non-profit fellowship or society of men and women for whom drugs had become a major problem. We are recovered addicts who meet regularly to help each other stay clean.
Narcotics Anonymous, Little White Book, published 1966.

Recovered Addict

The literature sold today by the NAWS Corporation says ‘recovering’ instead of recovered. I prefer the older version that uses the word recovered. It doesn’t mean that I’m no longer an addict or that I’m better than anyone else. I found the idea of being recovered is about how I direct my actions and thoughts today. I like the word recovered and today I feel very much at peace with who I am and my place in the world. I know from the literature that ‘Dishonesty and self-deception’ can prevent me from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society. I remain vigilant about my honesty but it can be difficult some times. Self-deception seems to be much easier to spot when I am humble and invite people into my life. Narcotics Anonymous literature says that the wider the base, the higher the point of freedom. I believe the freedom the Fellowship offers is from my own self-obsession. Ultimately the primary purpose of Narcotics Anonymous is to carry a message and that ensures my recovery is strong.

Early in my recovery I sought relationships in the true drug addict fashion by forcing myself into members’ lives. A using addict attracts addicts who are using and that was the case with many so-called friends. I have learned that not everyone continues to have a desire to stop using after they quit drugs. There are addicts in the Fellowship who continue to use. I learned about this when I was fourteen years clean and it resolved many deeply personal issues for me. The disease goes much deeper than the use of drugs and those experiences have helped me a great deal. The people in my life today offer an attractive lifestyle that invites me to be humble. The early days in recovery opened my mind to what kind of Fellowship is possible. What exactly does ‘Fellowship’ mean?

A Friendly Relationship Based in Traditions

My personal recovery depends on NA Unity. The unity of the NA Fellowship has saved my life many times over the years I have been clean. True friends continue to be a source of joy but my relationships are not always with friends.

Britannica Dictionary definition of FELLOWSHIP

[noncount] : a friendly relationship among people

People came to the community dinner to share good food and good fellowship. [=company, companionship]

[noncount] : the relationship of people who share interests or feelings

traditions that bind us together in fellowship

[count] : a group of people who have similar interests

The Britannica Group Online Dictionary

Working with Other Addicts

Being a recovered addict means I can put all my energies into helping others. Ongoing awareness of my defects and the actions of those defects expressed in my shortcomings helps to keep me humble. When someone is recovering, I am sympathetic to their situation because I have been there myself and will be again. An early sponsor warned me that the most natural thing for an addict to do is use.

Some members are self-seekers and consumed with their own needs. Living clean can become a series of joyful events without much thought for the needs of others. I went through a lot of emotions when I understood how jealous I was and consumed with hatred for the self-seekers. When I finally was able to let go and see how I was powerless over others, I found acceptance and my own joy. Taking responsibility for my own happiness was critical to my recovery.

Members who are dishonest are difficult for me to deal with. I have finally learned that my contempt for others triggers self-loathing so I try and move past addicts who lie. I also struggle with members ignorant of their own self-deception. Self-deception is a form of lying but lacks awareness of the actions. I find that I am eager to believe the lies of another when it suits my own needs. I have believed many lies over the years because it suited my needs. My associations with other addicts can become exclusive rather than inclusive so I can become comfortable in the lies. My anonymity is lost as my personality takes over. Toxic cliques form and the Fellowship suffers.

There are endless possibilities as opinions and personalities all come together in the Narcotics Anonymous Groups when decisions are made. I like to see the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous as a plural, not singular noun. A struggling group might suffer from egos or perhaps I am the ego that prevents the group from growing. Each group is tasked with the primary purpose of carrying the message. The success of a Group’s efforts grows our Fellowship even if a newcomer joins another group. Each group survives based on the ‘group conscience’.

What is a ‘group conscience’?

“Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps,” Narcotics Anonymous’ Twelfth Step says, “we tried… to practice these principles in all our affairs.” When we collectively apply the insight received from that spiritual awakening to our group’s problems, we call that group conscience. Common sense, open minds, calm discussion, accurate information, mutual respect, and healthy personal recovery enables a group to deal effectively with almost anything that comes its way.”
Narcotics Anonymous, The Group booklet, page 11, Copyright © 1997

I like when the groups I have been a member of try to support the application of the Twelve Traditions as best they can. A group in a prison might not be able to pay rent, but maybe they can print and distribute Narcotics Anonymous literature or mop and clean the meeting space to be self supporting. How the Traditions are applied can affect my participation in a group, and changing groups is always an option.

Each group bears the responsibility of governing itself but can utilize service bodies to work with other groups to combine their efforts. Narcotics Anonymous is full of evidence of this. A very cheap and widely distributed Basic Text in Brazil became a very expensive and produced in small numbers when the NAWS Corporation imposed their copyrights on the distribution. Now the profits of that effort benefit a few members rather than the efforts of the groups to carry the message.

Tradition Four says that “Each Group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting other Groups, or N.A., as a whole.” My understanding of this is that each Group bears the responsibility of considering other Groups or NA, as a whole in their decision-making process. This ensures that the Group is truly autonomous.

Tradition Nine says that ‘N.A., as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.’ Service bodies bear the weight of responsibility to the groups they serve. Tradition Seven says that The Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous may never be organized, but what service body could function without structure and form? Groups are accountable to the collective spiritual awareness of the members who meet regularly.

The Narcotics Anonymous Literature Says

“We believe that the sooner we face our problems within our society, in everyday living, just that much faster do we become acceptable, responsible, and productive members of that society.”
Narcotics Anonymous Grey Book, Chapter 4, ‘How it Works’

When I arrived at Narcotics Anonymous I slowly came to believe that self-obsession is the core of the disease. It was evident in every aspect of my life. I am easily distracted from recovery back to self-obsession. The Fellowship of a group opened my mind to the possibilities of a life without using. I no longer see growth as something I choose for myself, but have accepted that growth of Fellowship is the greatest weapon against the disease of addiction. The greatest weapon against self-obsession is ‘enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society’ (Narcotics Anonymous Literature quote). The tools that I learned in the Fellowship of a Narcotics Anonymous group made the life I live today a possibility.

Tag: Fellowship

Carrying the Message