When I first started attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings, I found a home group and hung on for dear life. Life in recovery felt strange compared to where I had come from. The lifestyle of active addiction was familiar, and I didn’t always have the tools to navigate this new way of living. Everything was new—the people, the structure, the expectations.
Despite the difficulties, many addicts shared that they were happy to be in recovery. Everyone had their own ideas about what recovery meant, and I often found myself confused by the conflicting viewpoints. Some members’ behaviors didn’t align with the principles they claimed to follow. The hardest members for me to understand were those who lied. I’ve never been good at spotting deception, and over time I’ve learned how accurate the literature is about dishonesty and self‑deception.
Many people think that recovery is simply a matter of not using drugs. They consider a relapse a sign of complete failure, and long periods of abstinence a sign of complete success. We in the recovery program of Narcotics Anonymous have found that this perception is too simplistic. After a member has had some involvement in our fellowship, a relapse may be the jarring experience that brings about a more rigorous application of the program. By the same token we have observed some members who remain abstinent for long periods of time whose dishonesty and self-deceit still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society. Complete and continuous abstinence, however, in close association and identification with others in NA groups, is still the best ground for growth.
Narcotics Anonymous, Little White Book, originally published in 1966, copyright; 1976, 1983, and 1986 held by the NAWS Corporation, today.
Growth
About a decade ago, it occurred to me that the phrase “is still the best ground for growth” might not be talking about me personally—it might be referring to the Fellowship itself. It turns out everything isn’t always about me. Self‑obsession is the core of the disease, after all.
The unconditional love we talk about in NA seems to foster the greatest growth, and I’ve experienced that in a home group. Regardless of my current state of being, I am loved by my NA home group.
Literature can confuse me at times. When members emphasize one phrase over another, it can lead to interpretations vastly different from my own. To complicate things further, some of the literature used today has been adapted to suit the needs of a minority of members. Interpretation can turn into philosophical arguments, sometimes causing dissension. One side can claim victory and justify its actions even if the majority turns away.
The principles of Group Autonomy and Group Conscience are fading in some places, but they’re not forgotten. Each group operates independently and decides what is best for itself. A solid foundation in the Twelve Traditions keeps a group’s actions from harming other groups or NA as a whole. Groups stagnate when they drift too far from the spiritual principles in the Traditions.
I knew I needed to take responsibility for my recovery, but nothing prepared me for the adversity I would face from other members. Balancing personal recovery with unity can be difficult. The literature says my recovery depends on unity, so I continue to show up and do my part.
Perspectives
Old‑timers often share their opinions and expectations along with their experience. Clients from treatment centers and recovery houses share what they were taught. I never went to treatment, so I relied heavily on NA literature and the experience of others. Over time, I noticed that members’ ideas didn’t always align with what I read in the literature.
I “grew up” in a Fellowship that relied on the Fifth Edition of the Basic Text because I didn’t know earlier editions existed. The Basic Text was approved for publication in early 1981, but the First Edition was quickly replaced by the Second Edition because it didn’t reflect the will of the Fellowship. The Second Edition stayed true to the original Fellowship‑approved text. That’s the version I follow today because it reflects the spirit of Narcotics Anonymous as I understand it.
Now I’m an old‑timer myself—full of opinions and experience.
The Strength of My Recovery
My recovery is fluid from day to day, month to month, and year to year. Today, I do find myself enjoying complete recovery and acceptance in society. For me, recovery means honesty, unity, and personal responsibility. Unity ebbs and flows. Maybe that’s part of NA’s evolution, or maybe it’s just part of my own.
Some members hold on to a version of NA that I see as fake—but that’s only my opinion. I’ve learned to rely less on individuals and more on principles. Secondary addictions—manipulation, control, ego—seem to show up most in those who struggle to enjoy “complete recovery and acceptance in society.” I can only take my own inventory.
I stay vigilant about my own behavior and rely on my home group more than ever. Dishonesty and self‑deception bind some groups together, but I choose to surround myself with people who practice spiritual principles. Choosing the right home group is critical to the Fellowship I want to experience and to the growth of NA.
Selfless service is a cornerstone of my recovery. My teachers are the healthy relationships I’ve built in society. I know that true recovery in NA requires commitment and connection, and today I am confident in the people I trust.