Unity – One Addicts Experience

The Program of Narcotics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous continues to amaze me. I owe my life to the program. I found Narcotics Anonymous in 2002 when I was desperate. My perspective has changed but continued involvement still provides everything I need for my recovery. Defining what recovery means to me has become impossible. My program has become so deeply personal I wonder if anyone could understand. What I draw from the program and how I choose to contribute is so vastly different today than when I began. I hear from other members that diversity is our strength, but it is rarely tolerated. Apathy, complacency and intolerance are common. Like the mythical creature, Ouroboros, the snake that eats itself, members end up caught in a destructive loop.

The symbol of a snake that circles about to eat its own tail is seen in many parts of our society. Ouroboros comes from Greek mythology, but the Hindus and Buddhists talked of a creature called Kirtimukha. In Asia it is called Batara Kala, and the Chinese have a creature known as Taotie. Often these mythical creatures were created by the Gods or are Gods themselves and resulted from tales of pride, greed or other vices. It seems that many addicts end up consumed by their own thoughts and manners of living. This is the philosophy of the monster that eats itself. I have seen this pattern in my own life many times. The spiritual principles of Narcotics Anonymous help me break the cycle.

A Program of Contradictions

I find many addicts gladly adopt sound bites; repeating or emphasizing phrases that validate they are in recovery. I wonder if they are living a program of recovery. There is so much white noise about recovery repeated at meetings that I sometimes find attendance difficult. The behaviors of members who need to justify their recovery are the most difficult for me to accept. Fake recovery nauseates me. Fortunately, all it takes is a single individual to share some genuine experience, strength or hope to snap my attention back to the moment and a sense of unity. I feel connected by a genuine message shared. All my resistance is gone, and I surrender again. That experience is powerful and draws me back like a moth to the light. Keeping what we have by giving it away sounds like a contradiction, but I believe it is true. Every addict has potential to contribute.

We are united by our common problem of addiction. By meeting, talking with, and helping other addicts, we are able to stay clean. The newcomer is the most important person at any meeting because we can only keep what we have by giving it away.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, 2^ND Edition, Chapter 2, “WHAT IS THE N.A. PROGRAM?”

I live for the ‘firsts’ of NA. Hearing someone share; ‘first time at a meeting’, ‘first day clean’, ‘got my first sponsor’, ‘first Step completed’ and ‘joined my first home group’ are infinitely more interesting than dogma. Dogma is when the program is set out in an authoritative manner. It is how cults are created and NA is full of toxic cliques. ‘Do what we say or suffer the consequences.’ The consequences usually start with isolation. I gladly withdraw from the cult-like mentality of some members.

There are no ‘Musts’…

The Second Edition of the Basic Text was written by addicts. It contains information that was supposed to help other addicts to understand this program of recovery.

There are no musts in N.A., but we suggest that you keep an open mind and give yourself a break. Our program is a set of principles, written so simply that we can follow them in our daily lives.
Chapter 2, “WHAT IS THE N.A. PROGRAM?”

Although there are no musts in N.A., there are three things that seem indispensable. These are, Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness to try.
Chapter 4, “HOW IT WORKS”

And

Because we hear about “suggested steps” and “no musts” so often, some of us make a mistake and assume that this applies to groups the way it applies to the individual. The Twelve Traditions of N.A. are not negotiable.
Chapter 6, “THE TWELVE TRADITIONS OF NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS”

The Musts of Narcotics Anonymous

Tradition Three states that there is only a single requirement for membership; The desire to stop using. There are many purported experts in NA that will help you define that to their satisfaction. Someone wrote a list (see link) of the forty eight ‘musts’ contained within the Basic Text. The longer I am clean, the more I learn about what works. I learn from watching other addicts and my own experiences. I liked this Google AI generated explanation of ‘Must versus Required’.

“Must” and “required” are largely synonymous, both indicating that something is necessary or mandatory, but they differ in formality and usage, with “must” being more forceful and direct, while “required” is often more formal. “Must” can also imply a strong personal or moral obligation, while “required” typically implies a rule, law, or external demand.

You are not required to complete the Twelve Steps to be part of Narcotics Anonymous. Many members will suggest, and some will emphasize that they are a ‘must’. The moral obligations I take on are of my choosing. I welcome my responsibilities, and ultimately my program grows stronger. I also believe we each walk our own path.

Do the Steps or Die!

That’s one of the phrases you hear at meetings. I do believe it should get repeated outside of NA. I do not think my doctor or pharmacist would understand. I love the steps, and I encourage anyone who attends to give them a try. I believe The Twelve Steps of NA will guide any addict to complete recovery. The Basic Text says I can enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society, so I do. There are many members of NA who feel like I do. There is an abundance of healthy, happy and generous members. I talk to them all the time. I love to attend and participate in Narcotics Anonymous and will gladly offer my services to the structures the Groups create. Most of the time I find it easier to participate outside of the services that label themselves as Narcotics Anonymous Service Structures.

What I cannot tolerate is the mentality of members who carry the disease like a badge. I no longer accept the dishonesty and self-deception of others. My friends are as diverse as the fellowship I love. I serve the community with the same passion I serve my Home Group. That is the program I work today.

Narcotics Anonymous Promotion and Attraction

I started attending Narcotics Anonymous in 2002. I bought a Fifth Edition of the Basic Text. I bought a step-working guide (some call it ‘the flat book’) and found a sponsor. I have always had a home group since I was three months clean. I was involved in service for NA at many levels including regional and attended events. My whole life was work, family and NA. I tried to balance those things, and it was hard to achieve. I always wanted more. I hoped that Narcotics Anonymous would give me everything I wanted.

Complete Recovery

When I started studying the history of Narcotics Anonymous, I came to see terms like ‘recovering addict’, ‘recovered addict’ and ‘complete recovery.’ The Basic Text includes a chapter called ‘We Do Recover’ so I started to talk to other members about their experiences.

Yet there are others, completely abstinent, whose dishonesties and self-deceits still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.
Narcotics Anonymous, Basic Text, Second Edition (published 1982), Chapter 7, ‘Relapse and Recovery’

About ten years ago I discovered how sick addicts can be. Complete abstinence is not a measure of health. How people act speaks more about who they are than what they share. I have learned to watch people more and keep my distance. I learned that I lack the ability to participate in social situations in a healthy manner. That is fine with me. I surrender and accept that I have a role in the world today. I cannot define what complete recovery means for someone else, but I did learn what it means for me. My recovery includes service. This helps me overcome self-obsession. Service gives me purpose but even that can be impacted by my disease.

Tradition Four

Tradition Four of Narcotics Anonymous provides a great deal of information about the function and purpose of an NA Group.

Narcotics Anonymous is a Fellowship of men and women; addicts meeting in groups and using a given set of spiritual principles to find freedom from addiction and a new way to live. All else is not N.A. Those things we mentioned are the result of members caring enough to reach out and offer their help and experience so that our road might be easier. Whether we choose to utilize these services is up to the group…

A Narcotics Anonymous group is any meeting which meets regularly at a specified place and time for the purpose of recovery provided that it follows the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Narcotics Anonymous…

to provide a suitable and reliable environment for personal recovery and to promote such recovery.

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, 2nd Edition, Chapter 6, Tradition 4

Using and Service

The process of recovery for me has been to ‘stop using, lose the desire to use, and learn a new way to live’. I work with other addicts in my home group regularly. My defects come out in familiar and sometimes new patterns. When I act on my defects, I feel like I am using. I try to remain vigilant. When I am trying to ‘be of service’, I find I am open to suggestions. Working with others becomes easier as I practice spiritual principles in all areas of my life. My home group grows, and the Fellowship strengthens as we all share the burden of service. I have seen newcomers, attending regularly finding they could stop using drugs, even if it is just for an hour. I believe that stop is an action, and the action can be thought of as service. Gratitude is an action, and an expression of my love for the life I live today.

Outside of Narcotics Anonymous

I decided to enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society. I understand from literature that the barriers would be dishonesty and self-deception. I can accept those conditions. I will always maintain a relationship with Narcotics Anonymous. Helping home group members and working with newcomers brings joy to my life. I offer my time, my efforts and my experience to my home group. As I work with others in and out of NA, my experience grows. I do not know if I am a better version of myself today, but I can certainly contribute to society in a meaningful way.

Some believe that Narcotics Anonymous can evolve and have service structures. I am not convinced that is possible. Some see a lack of professionalism and a high level of disorganization as acceptable. I do not. I prefer the older literature and the principles it contains. I like to offer my help and experience to make the road easier. The lines are blurred between what is and what is not Narcotics Anonymous. My circle is wide today and many people do not know that recovery is possible or if Narcotics Anonymous is available. I remain committed to public information. I often find I work alone but I can promote my recovery in the rooms of NA. If someone finds my ideas attractive, then I can try to work together with another addict. ‘Me’ becomes ‘We’ and Fellowship grows.

Anonymity, Autonomy and a Place to Call Home.

Home Sweet Home

My Narcotics Anonymous Home Group is thriving. That isn’t just my opinion. Visitors and regulars alike talk about the amazing atmosphere of recovery. We are doing more than a dozen meetings per week. We have a steady stream of newcomers, regulars and visitors. Our website attracts between one hundred and three hundred visitors per day. The freedom I have experienced in my life is unparalleled and I attribute that to the wide and diverse base of members. I have never experienced such joy. I would say I have the perfect home group. I know we must have problems, but I am unsure of what they are. Each time I try to define one, a discussion with other members suggests otherwise. It is perplexing at the very least. I find it difficult to let go of my preconceived notions.

Our Literature reminds us that defects can drive us into a corner that we can’t come out of Clean. Fear, guilt and resentment often causes our motives to have motives. These defects of character can cloud our thinking and decisions. The disease of addiction often manifests its self – obsession and fantasy. What we really need is Spiritual Principles, which is the opposite of that. Spirituality is often described in Narcotics Anonymous, as having the Right Relationship with Reality.
Narcotics Anonymous, Grey Book Reflections, August 30^th daily reading.

The worst manifestation of my disease today is manipulation and control. I believe I have found a solution.

A Commitment to Service

Narcotics Anonymous literature says that we meet regularly to help each other. I have not found any rules or a framework that establishes what that looks like. My understanding today is that NA is not a self-help program. Some meetings are full of self-seekers but attendance does not constitute recovery. I maintain healthy boundaries. I believe that Fellowship is the sum of our contributions. What you contribute might not be clear to anyone else. My contributions have benefited my recovery. I try to be honest with myself about how I contribute. I see that there is a difference between a recovering and recovered addict that can only be defined by my actions. I do my own inventory.

Sometimes the only reason I go to an NA meeting is because I am lonely and using NA is safer than using alone. Even these actions contribute to the Fellowship. My home group is always grateful that I show up. I feel safe at my home group, and I realize that it is the unconditional love of that Fellowship that helps me. Contributing to that love rather than using it has benefited me tremendously. I find that helping others is unparalleled. The sum of the contributions is much greater than anything I could do alone. Sometimes we do work alone and like many others, I have ideas that I think would benefit our Fellowship. Many others have ideas. Oppression opposes unity so I try and remain open-minded. I need to have a clear idea of what autonomy and anonymity mean.

Anonymity

We rarely talk about anonymity at my home group. Learning about the meaning seems to come from shared experiences and surrender to new ideas.

TRADITION TWELVE

“Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.”

A dictionary definition of anonymity is “a state of bearing no name.” In keeping with this, the “I” becomes “we.” The spiritual foundation becomes more important than any one particular group or individual.

As we find ourselves growing closer together the awakening of humility occurs.
Narcotics Anonymous, 2^nd Edition, Chapter 6, Tradition 12.

Step Eleven reminds us to ‘give thanks for God’s grace.’ I believe I am clean today by God’s grace, and the gratitude I express is in my actions. My actions should align with the spiritual principles I have learned.

By working together for our common welfare, we achieve the true spirit of anonymity.
Narcotics Anonymous, 2^nd Edition, Chapter 6, Tradition 12.

Common welfare and unity are tightly connected. My solutions to the problems of daily living become our solutions. When I tell you about my problems and how you can help, it opens the door to new ideas. When I work alone, in service to my home group, my actions should align with the principles of the group. I learn to be accountable, and I learn to communicate without fear of exposure. My survival is tied to the survival of the group.

Autonomy

Group autonomy is set forth in the Fourth Tradition of Narcotics Anonymous.

The autonomy of our groups is necessary for our survival. A dictionary defines autonomous as “having the right or power of self-government…undertaken or carried on without outside control.” This means our groups are self-governing and are not subject to outside control. Every group has had to stand and grow on its own.

One might ask, “Are we truly autonomous? What about our service committees, our offices, activities, and all the other things that go on in N.A.?” The answer is that these things are not N.A.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, 2^nd Edition, Chapter 6, Tradition 4

I used to believe that we came together regularly to hold a group conscience meeting. Members of the group were encouraged to attend and participate. I see things differently. Our parking lot discussions are critical to our success. I talk regularly with home group members and share openly about the problems we experience. Some members may never attend a business meeting but are able to fully participate in the direction of the group. When I am a servant of the group, the onus is on me to have a clear understanding of the needs of the group. Outside influences or my own opinions can become tools of oppression and cause disunity. I rely on the group to communicate. I try to act in the best interest of the common welfare of the group. My group continues to grow, and I have an idea for strengthening our ties.

Structure

The principles I have learned to apply from Narcotics Anonymous have given me tremendous abundance. I love to participate and work with others to benefit society. By working with others, I have experienced new ways of doing things. In British Columbia, Canada, you can form a member funded, non-profit society. I’m sure this is a common tool in other places. Forming a society makes things like opening a bank account easier. Banking is becoming a challenge. My home group has grown to a size where we might benefit from better financial tools.

Literature

Downloading literature for free is available on many websites even as the NAWS Corporation tries to prevent it. Support for the NAWS corporation has dwindled to a small minority of groups. Our group makes both current and historical literature available to anyone requesting an electronic copy. Literature studies have strengthened our group. It would be easy for a non-profit society to create and sell literature at cost. Kindle ‘Print on Demand’ is relatively simple to set up. Some would prefer a physical book. A 2^nd Edition Basic Text (first 10 chapters) would cost about seven dollars (USD), and a Grey Book Reflections about eleven dollars.

Moving forward

There is no other direction than to move forward. Some see a need to take on responsibilities and form a closer connection with the group. Each connection forged creates a stronger connection with reality. The Fellowship I experience daily strengthens my resolve to fully participate in the group. I know that any outside influence on my group is not NA, but everything needs to be considered and discussed with home group members. We forge ties that bind us together to strengthen our recovery and unite in service to the still suffering addict. The skills I learned, and the strength of the bonds, help me in forming relationships outside of NA. Just for today, I can enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society.

Addict 2.0

Addiction – History and Facts

The National Institutes of Health (NIH) which is part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, estimates that 10% of the population will experience drug use disorder in their lives. In Canada where I live, the number is estimated by the Canadian Government/Statistics Canada as much higher at 21.6%. Addiction is a serious condition that exists in our society today but it isn’t a new problem. A hundred years ago, most addicts primarily abused alcohol due to the wide availability and social acceptability of the substance, but many other drugs were also available. The Sears catalog offered heroin for sale during the 19^th century as an example of the ease with which you could find other drugs. Addiction, and the treatment of the disease looked very different a hundred years ago compared to today. Addiction was not seen as a disease but more as a moral failing, lack of character or weakness. Some addicts were put into institutions or jailed. The vast majority silently suffered in society until death took them. Many attempts have been made to help those who become addicted with the focus being on the worst cases. Some of the attempts have been misguided, like the development of heroin to treat morphine addiction in 1874. Today, treatment for addiction has mushroomed into a multi-billion-dollar industry. Are we further ahead or have we simply upgraded our addicts?

Alcoholics Anonymous Emerges

In the 1930’s a new movement offered real hope for those affected by alcohol addiction. Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith, long time alcoholics, found sobriety. They were instrumental in starting the program known as Alcoholics Anonymous. Before Alcoholics Anonymous was an organization called the Oxford Group that laid the foundation for their recovery. Members of AA were able to repeat their success by seeking out fellow alcoholics. AA struggled tremendously as a fellowship until the twelve traditions were created which allowed individuals to work together in groups with the purpose of helping other alcoholics. For the first time a complete solution presented itself that many agreed was both effective and repeatable. Alcoholics learned spiritual principles in the twelve steps and applied those principles in the twelve traditions adopted by their groups. AA groups sprang up across the United States and to other parts of the world.

Narcotics Anonymous Finds Success

Unfortunately, AA did not offer much hope to drug addicts, but some found benefits in attending. By 1953 a second fellowship emerged that built on the success of AA by adapting the steps and traditions into what is known as Narcotics Anonymous. Both organizations have since grown tremendously, span the globe and offer separate methods of recovery based on the twelve steps and twelve traditions. While AA focuses on alcohol and continued sobriety, NA focuses on addiction and selfless service. Using substances might bring the addict to NA but ongoing recovery keeps members attending. Paramount are the efforts to help others recover and is an important part of NA. Narcotics Anonymous literature says ‘We meet regularly to help each other’ and is clearly a help others program, not a self-help program. For me, I believe that my chronic self-obsession is best treated with dedication to a greater cause.

The Minnesota Model

The unrelenting storms of change continued in other areas of the treatment industry as well. Many saw the early successes of AA and sought to incorporate the guidance of healthcare professionals. The “Minnesota Model” addiction treatment emerged in the 1950’s, where professionals would employ a group setting, aspects of the twelve steps, counselling and peer-based support. More than 80% of the treatment options available today use this model. Many treatment centres mandate attendance at twelve-step meetings.

Pharmaceuticals

Modern healthcare was transformed by the successes in the pharmaceutical industry. Penicillin and Insulin were wildly successful. Pain management drugs and treatments of many diseases were improved. The development of Disulfram (Antabuse, 1948) for alcoholism, Methadone (1964) for heroin abuse and hundreds of other drugs emerged to treat a wide range of mental health issues. Some would argue that these new classes of drugs are open to the same abuses by addicts but the benefits to others are clearly noted.

Today’s Addict

Today’s addict has a vast assortment of options available and a variety of recovery outcomes. What works and what are the potential outcomes of each person’s choices is often unclear in the early stages of recovery. Participation in twelve-step programs remains a common thread in most addicts’ journeys and those who manage the care of addicts. With so many options available, it has become impossible to determine the most successful path. Many addicts will advocate for what they believe in and doing so adds to the confusion. Recovery has evolved but so has the addict.

The Basic Text of Narcotics Anonymous

I believe that an amazing accomplishment ‘for addicts and by addicts’ is the production of the Narcotics Anonymous ‘Basic Text’ in the late 70’s and early 80’s. You can read a long version of the story behind the creation of the book at the Upper Cumberland Area of Narcotics Anonymous website. Narcotics Anonymous experienced tremendous growth during this time. The text distilled the experiences of thousands of addicts who worked on the book.

“for the first time in man’s entire history, a simple way has been proving itself in the lives of many addicts.”
Basic Text, Chapter 8, ‘We Do Recover’

Narcotics Anonymous was making an impact like nothing else before. The passage below points to the spiritual nature of the program. While some may reject the word God, often the Basic Text will use ‘Higher Power’. I believe that the word God is used to convey the idea of a greater consciousness present in our lives. Agnostics and atheists have found a place in NA. Spiritualty does not equal religion.

As we become more God-reliant and gain more self-respect, we realize that we don’t need to feel superior or inferior to anyone. Our real value is in being ourselves. Our egos, once so large and dominant, now take a back seat because we are in harmony with a loving God. We find that we lead richer, happier and much fuller lives when we lose self-will.
Basic Text, Chapter 10, ‘More Will Be Revealed’

A Warning for Addicts

The Basic Text includes a warning for members of Narcotics Anonymous.

“Some will resist. However, many will become the role models for the newcomers. The self-seekers soon find that they are on the outside, causing dissension and eventually disaster for themselves.”
Basic Text, most versions, Chapter 6, ‘Tradition 2’

And another warning.

“By the same token we have observed some members who remain abstinent for long periods of time whose dishonesty and self-deceit still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.”
Basic Text, all versions, Chapter 7, ‘Recovery and relapse’

Diversity is the strength of NA, and no one model for recovering or recovered addicts exists.

The Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous

To maintain unity within Narcotics Anonymous it is imperative that the group remain stable, or else the entire Fellowship perishes and the individual dies.
Basic Text, Chapter 6, ‘Tradition 1’

The connection between myself and the Fellowship has been a priority in my recovery. During the best and worst moments of my recovery, I have always found time to connect with my home group. When I read literature and see the word ‘Fellowship’ I focus on my relationship with my home group. I can disagree with how a group functions, stop attending, and join a different group. No matter how much or how little a member has, what colour their skin, their religion, what their beliefs are or if they are clean, they can join any home group. The spiritual principles of being inclusive help me in all my affairs. It benefits my home group to have many different voices. I know other NA groups exist, and we are connected by our common purpose of carrying the message to the still suffering addict. This is all the Fellowship I need.

Addict 2.0

I was surprised by a letter written to the Fellowship on March 1^st, 1983 by Sally Evans, President of the Board of Trustees. The complete letter can be found here. Excerpts from the document are below.

March 1, 1983

To The Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous

Re: Changes/Deletions/Corrections in the Basic Text of Narcotics Anonymous

In November 1982 inacuracies were noted by the World Service Office of NA, in the basic text “Narcotics Anonymous” which was then scheduled for publication. At that time a special meeting of the Chairpersons of the three Service Branches of Narcotics Anonymous, WSC, WSB, and WSO was called. At that meeting the inaccuracies in chapter 6, involving traditions four (4) and nine (9) were corrected.

[several paragraphs not included]

We believe it was not the intention of those members of the Literature Committee who selflessly devoted 100’s of hours and $1,000’s of dollars to provide the fellowship with our book, nor those members of the Board of Trustees who personally worked on and reviewed the material, nor the fellowship who approved the book, to place the Service Structure outside the Traditions or the dictates of the fellowship.

We deeply regret the oversight and the controversy that has evolved around this material. We are, however thankful that WSO discovered these inaccuracies. To the best of our knowledge no other changes/deletions/corrections were made in the book.

In Loving Service,

Board of Trustees

Sally Evans

Chairperson, WSB

Thousands of members contributed, and tens of thousands of dollars were raised by the Literature Committee. The motion to adopt and publish the Basic Text has already been approved by the World Service Conference. I did not understand how disconnected these ‘authorities on NA’ were from the Fellowship. I learned an important lesson. Narcotics Anonymous has self-seekers who are only concerned with themselves. There are also members who remain dishonest or delusional, maintaining partial recovery and acceptance in toxic cliques. By creating a new class of addicts, the service structures have separated themselves from Fellowship. The division has invited others to take sides on what is or is not Narcotics Anonymous. Unity can only truly exist at the level of home group for me today.

What I learned has helped me personally, and I maintain healthy boundaries. No matter what my contribution or involvement with any project in or out of NA, I must always remain honest, open-minded, and willing to question everything. I welcome discussion with others. Regardless of my opinions, I maintain a connection with an NA home group. The principles I practice in society are the experiences I share at meetings. I remain vigilant as the disease of addiction is progressive.

We are people in the grip of a continuing and progressive illness whose ends are always the same: jails, institutions and death.
First published in the Narcotics Anonymous Little White Book, 1966, ‘Who is an Addict?’

Narcotics Anonymous Suffrage

Many of us relate “suffrage” to the women’s rights movement and the abolition of slavery. There are two meanings of the word suffrage; One is the right to vote or participate. The other meaning is a short prayer (or petition) in favor of another person. Abolitionist organizations fought for the rights of women, equal rights and the end of slavery. Anti-abolitionists opposed change and fought to maintain the status quo. Critics on both sides were vocal. The 1911 California Proposition 4 would allow women the right to vote in elections in the state. More than a million men were eligible to vote. Almost a quarter of a million men did vote, and the rights for women were won by the narrowest of margins. Divisions are a normal part of society and so are those individuals who speak out. Narcotics Anonymous has experienced many divisions since the inception of the Fellowship in 1953. Dividing points are a natural and normal part of living. Learning to deal with division is fundamental to my recovery.

Group Conscience

The Twelve Traditions of Narcotics Anonymous references the phrase “Group Conscience”. A book titled ‘It Works How and Why’, published in 1993, offers what I think is the best definition of the phrase and how it works.

Group conscience can be thought of in much the same way as personal conscience. Group conscience reflects a collective awareness of, understanding of, and surrender to spiritual principles. The conscience of a group takes shape and is revealed when its members take the time to talk with each other about their personal needs, the needs of that group, and the needs of NA as a whole. Each member draws upon his or her relationship with a Higher Power when sharing with the group. As members listen carefully to each other and consult their personal understanding of a loving God, something happens: Solutions to problems become apparent, solutions that take into consideration the needs of everyone concerned. In developing a group conscience, a clear mutual understanding or consensus arises. Based upon the understanding gained by sharing group conscience, a group may move on to a vote in order to make decisions. In the best of circumstances, however, the group continues discussion until it reaches unanimity. The resulting solution may be so obvious that no vote is needed.
It Works How & Why. Published 1993, Tradition 2, Page 99

I find that communicating with others, connecting with the God of my own understanding and consider the needs of all of Narcotics Anonymous has given me skills that benefit all aspects of my life. Those skills allow me to enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society. I also need to accept that others see things differently from me. Being tolerant and compassionate are great skills to have in society. The idea of winning or losing is never spiritual.

Differences of Opinion

My home group signs verification papers for people who are court ordered to attend NA meetings. I have mixed feelings about this. We held a group conscience and voted in favor of signing. I do not feel so strongly that I need to leave the group and I fully support the group’s decision now despite my personal feelings. Other groups might see things differently and refuse to sign. That’s ok with me and their decision has no impact on my life. My ability to put aside personal opinions helps me function in society. I can draw healthy boundaries. When asked by a newcomer, I try to understand both sides and offer an explanation without judgment.

Attraction and Promotion

Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Second Edition, Tradition 11.

I try to live an honest life and share about that at meetings. Some may find something attractive that helps them. Promoting a way of life or belief can be dishonest and deceptive. Who am I trying to convince and why are questions I need to ask myself. Sometimes I find it difficult to distinguish between what is attraction and promotion. The Basic Text of NA says that some members remain abstinent but cannot enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society because of their dishonesty and self-deception. The Basic Text also says that there are self-seekers who only focus on their own needs. Everyone is welcome to attend Narcotics Anonymous. This blend of personalities is the collective vision of Narcotics Anonymous that a newcomer experiences. I believe that diversity is our strength, and no single vision of recovery exists.

Principles and Personalities

The first edition of the Basic Text (Published in March of 1983) was altered prior to publication because of fear of what the book contained. Despite all the group consciences that approved of the writing, some members were unable to surrender to new ideas. The approved version was finally published as the Second Edition in July of 1983. This division within the Fellowship was created by fear. Manipulation and control are powerful drugs but I find I turn to them when I am afraid of change. I have lived with dishonesty until I surrendered. Some ideas require time to process before I accept them. I hold on to old ideas because they are comfortable and predictable. Sometimes I speak out about my fear or I try and promote fear so I am not alone.

In the early 1900’s, anti-abolitionists included individuals who were outspoken critics of change. Some held on to the belief in slavery or a woman’s inability to participate in society as equals to men. Strong personalities were present on both sides. Strong personalities exist in the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous. Promulgators are people who proclaim rules or bring ideas into the public. Some of the ideas shared are fabrications and others are simply opinions. Those who promote falsehoods can become cult-like in their beliefs and behaviors. Fear is powerful and manipulation and control comes naturally to achieve a goal. Seeing both sides of an argument can be difficult for those who disagree and worse for those who do not understand. I often see people leave NA because of the divisions.

I like the Second Edition of the Basic Text. I believe that nothing outside of a home group can be called Narcotics Anonymous. Groups can choose whether to participate or support service bodies and events based on the Group’s conscience. The only authority I accept in NA rests with the group conscience. Somes members will create service boards or committees to put on events or accomplish tasks. It is confusing for me that they label them as Narcotics Anonymous. The Basic Text says we have no fees, or dues, and no clean time requirements in Narcotics Anonymous. This is not always true with service efforts or events hosted by members of NA. I have a single vote on any issue that impacts Narcotics Anonymous in a home group. When I experience conflict within a group, I have the freedom to join another home group, I can surrender or even start a new group.

I struggle with these lies presented as facts by members. A ‘global group conscience’ does not exist and would violate the Twelve Traditions but promulgators perpetuate the lie. There are many more lies shared. I ‘suffer the rage’ of hearing these lies at meetings. I also know that some perceive my opinions as lies. I do not like the divisions, but I remember that is a normal part of life on life’s terms. I can always choose to pray for another person, which is another aspect of suffrage. Prayer helps me find peace, surrender and acceptance. Participating in a home group gives me an opportunity to voice my opinions and hear from others. I try to share my experiences and not my opinions. When I focus on the primary purpose of carrying a message to the still suffering addict, no divisions exist.

The Emancipation of Addicts

Many Alcoholics started experiencing new freedoms as Alcoholics Anonymous grew. The same was not true for addicts. The suffering of addicts seemed to be an inescapable cage. Some did attend AA meetings and a few found relief. Addicts who had found recovery believed that a new program might better suit the addicts who still suffered. Narcotics Anonymous came from the creation of the first group in 1953. Those members believed that they could build on the success of Alcoholics Anonymous by adapting the AA Steps and Traditions. There is a joke within Narcotics Anonymous that every new group started on a resentment. Members would disagree and leave to form new groups. Regardless of the reasons, new groups did and continue to form based on the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. There are tens of thousands of groups today.

Narcotics Anonymous Groups

Groups are the foundation of Narcotics Anonymous. Without groups, Narcotics Anonymous would not exist. My early time attending NA was spent finding a home group that supported me, and I tried to support them. Joining a home group allowed me to develop intimate relationships. What worked for others was not always clear. Some addicts led very attractive and self-absorbed lives and others seemed to wear their defects like badges of honour. The literature says that there is no model for the recovering or recovered addict, depending on the NA literature you read.

As members of an NA group, we have made a commitment to support one another in our recovery. Our group’s commitment to become fully self-supporting reflects the group’s integrity, its faithfulness to its fundamental identity. We support each other in recovery and, together, we fulfill our collective responsibilities as members of a self-supporting group.
Narcotics Anonymous, It Works How and Why, Tradition Seven, Spiritual Principles

Membership in a Fellowship

The literature says that anyone with a desire to stop using can be a member of Narcotics Anonymous. What constitutes membership is open to interpretation. Narcotics Anonymous literature warns of the ‘self-seekers’ and members who lack the honesty or self-awareness to enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society. Members who are clean can act on their addictions to people, places and things. I used to believe that members who fully participate in all that NA offers were role models. I no longer believe that.

I believe that manipulation and control is a powerful drug and that brings out the worst in people. I am careful with my words and actions because of this. I am not a role model. I share my experiences, strengths and hopes. The disease of addiction is insidious and manifests in strange and unusual ways. I watch carefully and try to hold my opinions to myself. I always maintain healthy boundaries and rarely trust anyone. I take my own inventory. My behaviors may constitute recovery to me but might appear as a manifestation of addiction to another.

We have found that most members who attend group meetings just aren’t interested in the “business” of N.A. As a result, a few dedicated members who are willing to do something for the group, usually have to do most of the work. It is at this point that the principle of the trusted servant comes into being. Although most addicts don’t want to help out with the work, they are at least willing to delegate this responsibility to someone else. This seems to be part of the nature of the addict.
Narcotics Anonymous, The Group Booklet, published 1976.

The Principle of the Trusted Servant

Prioritizing the needs of others, building trust, humility, empathy, listening and transparency are critical aspects of the trusted servant from my perspective. The combination is difficult to manage and requires a devotion to recovery that many might not seek. Some hear a call to serve. I have delegated my responsibilities to the care of others many times.

I have not found any solutions to the character defects that afflict me. No amount of time in recovery can lessen their impact when they are active. When I take on responsibilities, and I am entirely ready to have my Higher Power remove my defects, then I have started the process of working as a trusted servant. Complacency invites me to turn away from my responsibilities. Vigilance can bring out my ego, closing my mind to other ideas and new ways. Either way I am no longer serving, I have become entrenched in old behaviors and blind to the possibilities. My close relationships with others can be based on my defects and not spiritual principles. I become enmeshed in cliques and cults then I lose sight of my responsibilities. The greatest weapon in my recovery is the Home Group.

The Home Group

Our First Tradition concerns unity and our common welfare. One of the most important things about our new way of life is being a part of a group of addicts seeking recovery. Our survival is directly related to the survival of the group and of the Fellowship. To maintain unity within Narcotics Anonymous it is imperative that the group remain stable, or else the entire Fellowship perishes and the individual dies.
Narcotics Anonymous, Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter Six, Tradition One.

I often wondered how the fate of a single group could jeopardize the entire Fellowship. I see things differently now. When I think of Fellowship, I only concern myself with my home group members, other addicts I associate with, and my sponsor. I keep my world small. I see Narcotics Anonymous growing in numbers of groups. That is enough for me. I focus on the application of spiritual principles in all my affairs and creating an atmosphere of recovery within my home group.

Narcotics Anonymous only has a single promise, A life of freedom from active addiction. Once free, there is enormous pressure to conform to certain beliefs and ideals. These toxic groups can quickly become cult-like and form cliques. Freedom from the stigma of being an addict is my greatest achievement. I try to not conform to any ideas or beliefs. I can enjoy complete recovery and acceptance within society. I am no longer chained to my past behaviors and can explore new connections in and out of NA. Freedom comes with a price and that is the responsibilities. For me it starts with a Home Group and The Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous. I can think of no greater place for a suffering addict to be than at my Home Group and I hope you feel the same.

The Gift of Desperation

Studying Narcotics Anonymous literature is a fundamental tool for any addict seeking a solution to their disease. NA has a long history of powerful literature, written and tested by addicts. ‘Our Symbol’ is one of the most beautiful pieces of literature that I have read. First published in ‘The NA Tree’ in 1975, it was written by a founding member of Narcotics Anonymous and included in the first section of the Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, published in 1981.

Wholly or Fully Recovered

My favorite quote from ‘Our Symbol’ is – “the outer circle denotes a universal and total program that has room within for all manifestations of the recovering and wholly recovered person”.
Narcotics Anonymous, ‘Our Symbol’, First published in the NA Tree, 1975, Line 4.

In the Basic Text is another phrase that speaks about recovery – “We can never fully recover, no matter how long we stay clean”.
Narcotics Anonymous, Basic Text, Second Edition, Chapter 7 ‘Recovery and Relapse’

I wondered at the difference between a “fully recovered addict” and a “wholly recovered addict”. Research shows that “wholly” is preferred when you want to emphasize the total and complete nature of something without reservations. “Wholly” offers a dedication to a particular idea or action more so than “fully”.

Last House on the Block

Narcotics Anonymous was the last house on the block for me. I felt uncomfortable in Alcoholics Anonymous, I could not afford treatment, and I did not see a path forward in the life that I was living. In N.A., I was willing to try anything, talk about everything and experience any feeling. I was desperate for a solution. My companions were other addicts who shared their experiences and offered their support. I believe the ‘gift of desperation’ equates to the “wholly recovered addict”. In contrast, “fully recovered” is an unreachable destination. Wholly recovered is a state of being. I was wholly committed to whatever was asked of me despite my fears.

Goodwill is best exemplified in service and proper service is “Doing the right thing for the right reason.” When this supports and motivates both the individual and the Fellowship, we are fully whole and wholly free.
‘Our Symbol’, 1975, last two lines.

Today, recovery has become a convenience store of products with a lot more choices available to suffering addicts. Narcotics Anonymous has become a commodity. I hear addicts sharing at NA meetings that they are ‘committed to trying a particular treatment center again’, ‘working the steps in therapy this time’, and ‘making sure they get to that wonderful AA meeting on Tuesday nights’. I am confused by experiences of others today. Parking lot discussions seem to be about distractions from life on life’s terms. There used to be discussions focused on NA, on our primary purpose. I want to talk about our primary purpose and the application of spiritual principles daily in all my affairs.

On the bright side, today many N.A. members have long terms of complete abstinence and are better able to help the newcomer. Their attitude, based in the spiritual values of our Steps and Traditions, is the dynamic force bringing increase and unity to our program. Now we know that the time has come when that tired old lie, “Once an addict always an addict,” will no longer be tolerated by either society or the addict himself. We do recover.
Narcotics Anonymous Little White Book, published in 1966

Desperation

The idea of “‘wholly recovered” was removed from our literature by the publishers. I no longer feel as welcome as I used to be. The desperation is gone, and I find myself attracted to the complacency of many addicts. Maybe I should relax and have fun, but instead I feel a sense of sadness. The last house on the block is torn down, replaced with a convenience store that has me thinking about living off-grid again. Therein lies the problem.

A desperate addict will do anything for Narcotics Anonymous because they are out of options. Therein lies the solution.

Did you exchange a walk-on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

Pink Floyd, ‘Wish You Were Here’ song

Home Group Devotional

Narcotics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous has no pledges to sign and no promises to make. Some members may not find relief from using drugs immediately, but I have seen that happen countless times at my home group. There are no membership fees, and I am free to come and go as I please. I have learned that my personal recovery depends on unity with others, like me, who have struggled with drug addiction. I accept that I have a desire to stop using, and I seek a new way to live. This motivates me daily. That way includes the support of others and a commitment to helping other addicts who struggle with their addiction. My experience is that it is best done within a Home Group. This Fellowship is all encompassing, and anyone can join my Home Group. My commitment to my Home Group is a devotion; a loyalty and love that knows no bounds.

Meet Regularly to Help Each Other

The Narcotics Anonymous literature says we meet regularly to help each other. This is a Fellowship that provides the unconditional love and experiences of other members like myself. We meet often enough to serve my needs and the needs of others. I am neither too big nor too small to find a place here. Everything in Narcotics Anonymous that occurs outside of my Home Group is not of my concern. I have learned to trust my higher power care for my life and the lives of others. My ideas, big and small, have a home here in my home group. With the support of a Group Conscience, I can achieve great things. Good ideas that have not found their right time and bad ideas too, will fall away. It helps me put everything in perspective outside of Narcotics Anonymous when I am in society. The practical application of spiritual principles within a group allows me to function outside the group.

Powerful Addictions

I believe today that the most powerful addiction affecting me is manipulation and control. I participate in a Narcotics Anonymous Home Group for help and to help. I learn to balance my recovery with the recovery of others. I learn the importance of having a secretary record our decisions accurately so that the will of the Group stays ahead of the will of an individual. I see how important it is to have a treasurer who manages our funds carefully to sustain the group and carry a message to the still suffering addict. My group lives or dies by the decisions we make, and how we support ourselves. No one will pay our bills if we are frivolous, and addicts will die if they do not know we are here. Sometimes my home group will try and work with others. We send a trusted servant who can carry our collective will to achieve some goal. We are also able to walk away from any situation that jeopardizes our unity, our autonomy and our collective freedom. Strong personalities do not fare well within a group and sometimes a group struggles to grow because of this. These lessons help me when I am outside the group participating in society or working with other groups.

WCNA#38

I recently attended an event known as the World Convention of NA #38 because of the generosity of others. It was a powerful display. I heard many members with powerful experiences and strong opinions speak either at the podium or in private conversations. I was overwhelmed with emotion to meet up with home group members who were able to attend. I hugged each of them and wept openly. My life depends on these people more than Narcotics Anonymous will ever understand. The joy was indescribable.

I was saddened to hear the Executive Director of the NAWS corporation speak of willfully using Narcotics Anonymous funds to pursue his personal agenda. Theft should never be taken lightly. It was upsetting to hear him speak of being pushed to the point of violence when confronted with words. Violence is the language of the ignorant. I hope he returns to his home group and finds acceptance and unconditional love.

Apparently, the convention will lose money. My hope is that those groups who supported this event will learn an important lesson. It is unfortunate that such a small number of groups support the World Service Conference, and the NAWS corporation because they bear full responsibility for the loss. The worst part for me is the lending of the ‘Narcotics Anonymous’ name to these outside enterprises. Overdue bills and the behaviors of those outside of Narcotics Anonymous damages our reputation when associated with NA. Better care should be the lesson learned when assigning a Home Group’s responsibilities to a service structure. Fortunately, Narcotics Anonymous has become so large that the loss of the World Service Conference, The NAWS corporation, any service structure or groups will not affect Narcotics Anonymous as a whole.

Groups May Create Service Boards and Committees

When a group gives authority to an outside enterprise, they create the perfect opportunity for our sickest members to govern. Great care should be taken when assigning any responsibilities and accountabilities. The actions of our trusted servants should always be taken with great humility.

The Cabals of Narcotics Anonymous

Cabals

When I first came to Narcotics Anonymous, I smoked tobacco cigarettes. I started when I was twelve years old. Using tobacco was more rebellion than a serious commitment at that age. Addiction developed progressively as I grew older and by eighteen, I was a full-time cigarette smoker. I tried to quit several times. I continued to smoke for about ten years after coming to NA. I loved the social aspects of smoking especially when I stood outside of a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. I was so lonely, and socializing became a drug. Often my relapse from trying to quit smoking was at an NA meeting. There were a lot of members willing to help me relapse. Talking to members who continued to smoke was insightful. I have a better understanding today of my obsession and compulsion to use, and I am grateful I was able to quit smoking. A cabal is a group of individuals with a vested interest in promoting an idea. When I got clean it was very popular to stop for a smoke break at the halfway point in the meeting. Some members fought very hard to keep this practice alive. There was nothing spiritual about their desire from my perspective. Some meetings continue the practice today. What other groups do is none of my business. It is also not the business of my home group, or of NA, as a whole.

Our Way of Life

I was taught early in recovery is what unites us as a Fellowship is the desire to stop using. I try and keep an awareness of that desire by looking at my thoughts and behaviors daily. I am happy to be free of cigarettes and understand that not everyone makes that choice. Addition takes many forms. Early attempts at writing literature must have been full of conflicting viewpoints. I love to study the rich history of Narcotics Anonymous and the evolution of literature. Everyone has opinions about what is or is not recovery and what constitutes using. My understanding of Narcotics Anonymous is expressed in early literature.

Banded together in groups, or sometimes alone, we aim to help fellow users recover health. Not being reformers, we offer our experience only to those who want it. There are no fees – N.A. is a vocation. Each member squares his debt of gratitude by helping other addicts to recover. In so doing he maintains his own freedom from the habit.
Our Way of Life, An introduction to NA, Cleveland Narcotics Anonymous, 1963.

Reformers

Reformers want to make changes. I find it difficult to not form opinions about what works or does not work. Complacency is the enemy of members with clean time and I believe that the progression is natural. My opinions can be destructive to unity, but I may persist in expressing a viewpoint. I try to deny people the experiences that they may need. Shared opinions help to create a cult-like environment. I find that some members are willing to promote opinions about Narcotics Anonymous. One definition of a cult is when cabals promote imaginary rules about the treatment of a disease. Narcotics Anonymous is not a cult despite the efforts of some members. NA has no opinion about smoking tobacco, but it has clear ideas about using, dishonesty and self-deception.

We operate in an atmosphere of complete acceptance and respect for one another’s beliefs. We try to avoid the arrogance of self-righteousness, because it is one of the deadliest forms of self-deception. Even though we avoid pushing any ideas on anyone, we do suggest, strongly, that each person make an honest attempt to find a Power greater than themselves.
Grey Book, Memphis Tennessee Draft, dated February 15^th, 1981. Chapter 4 – “Step 12”.

The Narcotics Anonymous literature says that there are self-seekers (people who put their own needs ahead of Fellowship). The literature says we meet regularly to help each other but the truth is that some only meet to help themselves. We also have members who remain abstinent but continue to act on old behaviors.

Yet there are others completely abstinent, whose dishonesties and self-deceits still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.
Grey Book, Memphis Tennessee Draft, Chapter 7 “Recovery and Relapse”, preamble.

Cabals seem to form from the self-seekers, dishonest and self-deception of members. I’m ok with having my own ideas about recovery but acting with other members to manipulate the truth is a whole different level of addiction.

The Home Group

Critical to my recovery is a commitment to a Home Group. I can pick my friends, but I try not to control who joins my home group. The diversity of a home group benefits my recovery. The unconditional love we offer each other is the foundation of any home group I have ever supported. The worst examples of recovery also have a place in my Home Group. I benefit from being inclusive and so does my group. Some days I am the worst example of recovery. Hearing a shared experience is what wakes me up to reality. Connecting with reality shows how I have been using behaviors or holding on to old ideas. Those awakenings can occur slowly as I continue to attend. I find that a newcomer will add a better perspective than someone who has been attending regularly. I can become blind to the disease and my perspective is altered by the company I keep. Newcomers refresh our Fellowship with new ideas.

The Traditions make sense

My experience is that sometimes I need to change home groups. This can be a win win situation when the dynamics become intolerable. My personality ahead of the principles of a group or cabal. I can take my opinions and experiences and move on to another group. A healthy group is not dictated by the demands of a single member or cabal. Narcotics Anonymous Tradition Two; “For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience.” There are no rules and no governing bodies. Groups, like individuals, vary greatly. I do not recognize any version of Narcotics Anonymous beyond the Group level. The Traditions make sense to me when I only consider Groups as NA. I see a Fellowship that is structure free. Groups only benefit from trusted servants when the servants do not govern. Lending the NA name to conventions, service bodies and any enterprise promotes the self interest of the enterprise and as such, a cabal is created. A group trying a new idea can result in other groups benefiting from the experience. We ought not be organized as organizations require rules and can be corrupted by the cabals of NA.

The Promulgator of Narcotics Anonymous

My wife and I discussed cults when I first started attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings. One of her coworkers had attended the NA Fellowship and assured my wife that NA was not a cult and the people I was connecting with were good people. I used to live with a lot of social anxiety and fear dominated my world. I tentatively started to explore Narcotics Anonymous and all that was available. I noticed that suggestions seemed to be presented as facts. ‘Do the Steps or Die!!’ sounded like a rule when I was new. I have found that expressing opinions has become a natural progression of both the disease and my recovery. Sometimes I share ideas about ‘how things are done’, and sometimes I simply like the sound of my own voice. A promulgator is someone who announces a code of law. It gets easier as the years go by to have opinions and express them. I no longer find it helpful. One of my favorite definitions of a cult and source of the word promulgator;

‘Cult – a system for the cure of disease based on dogma set forth by its promulgator’
Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary

Experienced Members

I have ideas about what works and what does not. Sometimes my ideas are helpful and accurate, but I have learned that I cannot deny other people the same lessons I learned. Doing the wrong thing for the wrong reasons has opened my eyes to new solutions and a better understanding of honesty, open mindedness, and willingness. Our literature talks about this subject.

Sharing with fellow addicts is a basic tool in our Program. This help can only come from another addict. It is help that says, “I have had something like that happen to me, and I did this….” For anyone who wants our way of life, we share experience, strength and hope instead of preaching and judging. If sharing the experience of our pain helps just one person, it will have been worth the suffering. We strengthen our own recovery when we share it with others who ask for help. If we keep what we have to share, we lose it. Words mean nothing until we put them into action.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter Five, ‘What Can I Do’

The critical ideas that I take from this paragraph are that we avoid ‘preaching and judging’. I also need to understand when someone is asking for help. The most important part of recovery for me today is humility and that requires that I share experiences rather than opinions. My opinions are based on complacency, the enemy of members with clean time. My actions are critical to my success.

Narcotics Anonymous is a spiritual, not religious program. Any clean addict is a miracle, and keeping the miracle alive is an ongoing process of awareness, surrender and growth. For an addict, not using is an abnormal state. We learn to live clean. We learn to be honest with ourselves and think of both sides of things. Decision-making is rough at first. Before we got clean, most of our actions were guided by impulse. Today, we are not locked into this type of thinking. We are free.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter Eight, ‘We Do Recover’

Living in an Abnormal State

It is uncomfortable being in an abnormal state of not using but today I have adjusted. I am approaching twenty-two years in the program. I do have experiences to share but I also have a lot of unnecessary dogma. Separating the two is challenging. I ‘use’ my clean time to try to enforce rules rather than explaining the experiences that brought me to my understanding. Listening to both sides of the same argument over and over can be boring and frustrating. I cannot be the whole program to any individual. Doing the work means I participate in service and talk with members. I cannot take responsibility for your recovery. The things that I find attractive about recovery you might find repulsive. I find recovery is about helping others but for some, it is simply helping themselves.

I am free today and I want you to be free as well. Narcotics Anonymous is a spiritual program. Sometimes I behave like NA is a religion or a cult. I believe in the dogma and surround myself with like-minded members. Little cliques of experienced members were scary in the beginning but now I understand that many are self-seekers with little concern for others. Some days I pretend I am in recovery and create my own little cliques to protect myself from reality. I feel safe when I am a part of even if it’s for the wrong reasons. I am always seeking a balance between taking responsibility and participating for my recovery.

Events and Conventions

I feel the urge to go to events and conventions and pretend I am carrying the message rather than participate in carrying the message. The reality is that the world is full of people I neither like nor agree with. The best place for me to find recovery is in the diversity of my Home Group. I have friends and enemies in a healthy home group. This is the best representation of Fellowship that I can experience and a source of strength. The strength of those relationships is what I take into the world that exists outside of NA. I learn to take responsibility for my actions. I also participate in group consciousness at every business meeting for my home group. I participate in the atmosphere of recovery when I attend meetings regularly at my home group. What I learn I can carry to other groups I attend and in all my relationships.

Home Group

I will make sure that my Home Group is available to any addict seeking recovery. I distribute meeting lists and monitor how many newcomers attend each meeting. A count of the number of newcomers and people coming back are the only attendance records my group keeps. Actions form the basis of my recovery and are the actions I take with me in my relationships outside of NA. Today, I enjoy complete recovery and acceptance in society, exactly as our literature promises.