The word surrender is frequently discussed by members of Narcotics Anonymous at meetings organized by a home group. The word appears twenty-seven times in the Second Edition of the Basic Text, and over sixty times in the Sixth Edition. I like ‘cease resistance’ as a definition of surrender. I can stop the action or resist the impulse to act or behave in a certain way. Today, I find it difficult to let go of any ideas I have about controlling outcomes, but I try to surrender those as well. I believe that acceptance follows surrender. I used to think that surrender was about winning or losing, but today it is about aligning with reality. I have learned that surrender comes with conditions. My vigilance is the action of my surrender.
However, we cannot recover on surrender alone. We must build on our surrender by taking action, just as we have in the previous steps.
Narcotics Anonymous, It Works How and Why, Step Eleven, Page 78, first paragraph.
Stop Using
Surrender came after I stopped using drugs. I found that I was able to stop using, and I started attending NA. I came to see other aspects of my disease. I heard other addicts who struggled share their experiences, strengths and hopes. Attending NA made staying clean easier as I started to deal with the other aspects of the disease. The weight of unconditional love I found in a Home Group helped me believe that any addict can stop using. The NA literature refers to this as the Grace of God. Grace is an important principle in Narcotics Anonymous. Step 11 in the Basic Text (All versions) makes this clear to me.
We begin to pray only for God’s will for us. This way we are getting only what we are capable of handling. We are able to respond to it and handle it, because God helps us prepare for it. Some of us simply use our words to give thanks for God’s grace.
Basic Text (All Versions), Chapter 4, Step 11, second to last paragraph
I see a link between Grace and compassion. The compassion of other addicts opens the door to the Grace of God. Tradition Three says any addict with a desire to stop using can attend. The concept of Grace exists in many faiths and belief systems. I am no longer hung up on ideologies. Grace is often described as an unmerited favor or gift. Who am I to decide what is merited? I see that Grace could be the gift of a ‘We’ program. The wider the base, the higher the point of freedom for myself and others who suffer from the disease.
Lose the Desire to Use
I gained clarity as I remained clean and participated in the Fellowship of NA. Being involved in a home group helped me understand the Twelve Traditions. The Traditions provided a framework for my ongoing recovery. I could see how my behaviors and beliefs allowed my home group to grow or caused it to shrink. Addiction impacted all areas of my life, and using became evident in other areas.
When I have contempt, and use, the impact is felt in keeping my Fellowship small. When I am selfish, I choose to surround myself with like-minded addicts and ignore the suffering of others. NA can come a clique or cult of personalities. When I lack in ability, I shun my responsibilities and ignore conflict. Humility involves the ability to ask for help.
Manipulation and control are some of the most powerful drugs. Surrendering plays an important part of both sides of a conflict. A lack of conflict can be a sign of deeper issues for one or both parties. Developing the ability to resolve conflict comes from a desire to stop using. I practice surrendering daily by taking responsibility for my recovery.
Learn a New Way to Live
Each defect in my arsenal requires an action of surrender to overcome. I see humility as the natural state of the recovered addict.
Yet there are others, completely abstinent, whose dishonesties and self-deceits still prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter Seven “Recovery and Relapse”, Line 6.
I am aware of my dishonesty, but I cannot spot self-deception alone. Participating in a Home Group regularly allows me to interact with other addicts. We meet regularly to help each other. I try to support other addicts and ensure newcomers feel welcome. I want everyone attending the meeting to have a positive experience. The skills that come from the application of spiritual principles benefit me in all areas of my life. I have the resources of a healthy home group which gives me a place to come regularly.
When we discovered that we cannot live with or without drugs, we sought help through N.A. rather than prolong our suffering. The Program works a miracle in our lives. We become different people. The steps and abstinence give us a daily reprieve from our self-imposed life sentences. We become free to live.
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, 2nd Edition, Chapter 2, ‘What is the N.A. Program?”, Page 9
I want to contribute to the health of NA and participate in a home group fully.